for cherie
i'd just like cherie to know, even though she dosen't often read this, that still i'd like to be there for her first public performance tomorrow. but i can't. and i know you understand the other commitments that i have, but i just wanna dedicate a 'lil post to you. to let you know you already have a fan here in this heart as you share a lil part of yourself to a strange audience. mebbe i won't get to hear the first song you wrote in its glorious debut, but you've been singing a sweet song since we've been friends. so while i told you sad songs were good songs, i guess our happy songs are just as good. remember, close your eyes when you sing =)

cell
wouldn't it be something, if amongst your peers, with all our national service training, we worked as independent military cells rather than having to report to the higher-ups. wow, imagine your whole defence force was actually organised like that.

we're pieces of protoplasmic trash
i don't think i'm in a very contemplative mood. but neither am i feeling very narrative. don't feel bitchy either. so, i've got nothing to blog about? actually, i guess i do, i'm just not too bothered to really go into detail with anything that's been going on. i mean, i'm finally back in spore, most people are back in spore. not unless i have much of an international audience (i know there are a few select few, but you're probably sporean).

well, it felt good to play in the worship team again. guess i'm really out of touch, but then again you never really forget. haha, was skipping chord changes all over, and had to keep looking back at the song sheet.

and all the familiarity. which is kinda.. unfamiliar. all the cds i left behind, don't sound so familiar anymore. its like i bought a whole library of new music again. haha! well, i guess that's just good and dandy ain't it? *grin*

i dunno, i just got back, but it kinda feels like i've been here forever already.

sometimes you just know
wow, back in spore. lots to see and do. haha, yeah right. i saw my sister's trek snaps, and i so wanna follow her one day! she's the coolest and the best, and i'm glad she's free enough to chill with me for now.

harmless?bananas! revisited
aight. i've done my stint in perth. i'm going back to spore. well, i've learnt alot, and also learnt nothing. i don't know how i'm supposed to apply all this to my daily living, because my idiosynchrasies are not marketable. well, not unless im a rockstar, only then could i sell my flaws to earn a living (and an end year bonus).

do you remember when the blog first came up? it was all in good jest with morgan's nuvo music news and napkin man's crazy banter. we pioneered it didn't we guys? to get off our sorry asses and start blogging. *grin*

this namesake, came from an intense night of counter-strike gaming with my camp friends. and yeah, i still enjoy it. i don't think i could ever regret calling it what it is. and i'm still not taking off the subtitle, because one day, i believe i'll resurrect my website.

so yeah, wow. 5 months in perth. has it been that long already? army seems like eons away, and no way am i itching to go back. much has changed i spose. am i dreading it? to plunge hedfirst into all that change? but i guess its all in my head. roots run deep, change is the only constant. live and let be, i am not afraid.

so yeah, thanks everyone, back in spore and here in perth. i won't be absent from anything, but i just wanted to close a certain chapter.

resigned
well, i guess even as friends, we can't make you smile all the time. =) it's gotten to me, i guess paranoia has struck once more. *grin* i don't really know why i'm smiling to myself as i think about certain things. yeah, i know i can't always say the right things, or things you may wanna hear. i can't always do the right thing to make it any better. there're alotta things that i'd probably muck up. and yeah, good intentions may never be enough to save a friendship or make it grow. there are so many random ways you can react that make my efforts meaningless. and that's you alone. and infinite amount of random factors surrounding our lives, and the lives of others makes it even more of a lost cause to try.

but hope weighs you down and faith sustains you. i guess there's so much i can do to make it wrong, but i can still pray. for the best for you. this is my prayer for all in my life.

driving test #3
( ^_^)/U*U\(^_^ ) !!!KANPAI!!!

driving test #2
ippon! V (^_^) V victory!!!

driving test #1
yatade! i did it!!!

apathy
i always scored 100% on the ninja academy exams. i memorised over 100 shinobi sayings... i always wrote the correct answers. on one day's test, this question appeared: "write down shinobi saying #25". i wrote down the answer as usual... "no matter what situation, a shinobi must keep emotions on the inside. you must make the mission your top priority... and you must possess a heart that never shows tears..."
- haruno sakura, naruto

shoot to yield, hey man slow down
when your friend gets to check radiohead in about two hours, you can't help but feel envy sometimes.

but i''m happy for anyone who gets to watch radiohead. except people who say i'm like someone, or something i dislike.

this just in
one final thing:

i'd really hate it, but if someone tells me i'm behaving like something/someone i dislike, i'd really feel shattered. but i guess i really shouldn't be too suprised either.

forcing you off a cliff
certain things that may have gone thru my mind today:

patriot. i think it's a cool word. a patriot missile, intercepts scuds. national blackmail. patriotism is probably rubbish to me most of the time. i don't think my medisave's enough to support me if i sacrifice any limbs for home. if you even call that home, more like a house. sneer.

i am not my music. i'm not a rockstar yet. and i have'n't written that perfect song. i don't think there's one, but i wanna write it. the one where everything i can emotionally feel in a day, rewritten in beautiful poetry and vulnerability. and bad spelling too.

why does music need words init. it doesn't. i think not having words expands the vocabulary of 26 alphabets.

my heart still skips a beat sometimes. i guess i'm only human.

insecurities show. always. but i thought i'd say it again.

must not forget to buy sunsilk.

am i too harsh?

why am i not a rockstar yet?

you havent done anything vaguely related to achieveing anything.

don't be a washout.

i hope you're not patronising me, but then again i'm probably too lazy to care.

i should be more pro-active shouldn't i?

but i'll just get hurt.

so why choose sides?

i'm not supposed to be lukewarm.

i'm going back, i guess it beats staying here to a certain extent.

make something of yourself.

i really should stop right now, or i'm gonna sound really stupid.

naysayers
in a bid to aid everyone a step closer to grasp their personal truths, i will only tell the truth from now on.

useless useless useless
i really hope that by the time i'm 27, the music i/we make is gonna take over some part of the world. 27's figurative, because some great musicians passed away at 27. so its like a prime time. and then, when im thirty, life should truely have begun. so lemme live my rockstar fantasies before im 27, and make it good by the time i'm thirty.

i guess i'll live as long as i'm supposed to.

death and rebirth
happy 21st to two very special and important mates in my life!


vinz aka napkin man. we've just about done everything together haven't we? thanks for sticking by me and being the fantastic chill out mate. i guess every superhero needs a sidekick, and that's the special bond that we share aye? hope you're gonna have the best birthday, that'll only get better each year! take care loads, and i hope you find wot you're lookin' for. or mebbe it'll find you *grin*


thoms "jack" funk soul longay. you are my number one music aficianado. everything musically, you have thought me. and more than that, we're not just bandmates, it's all just a cover for wot goes deeper. you have and will always be the funk soul brother that reminds me to put my rockstar feet back on earth. not saying that you're afraid to soar, but you just don't like seeing your friends go *splat*. and i thank you from the bottem of my heart for all that you are. live out your unlimited potential, just like all our favourite anime heros.

truly truly truthfully
day three of ultima-über bum fest. i'm getting used to this, if i keep my training up, i'll hopefully be able to take part in the state wide championship.

so i've been getting a visitor in the form of wen who drops by my house to play three corridors. can't say i'm complaining, at least im not bored out of my skull. and we had ipoh hor fun at applecross. that's always good enough! ipoh hor fun's the best. it's a light, fragrant prawn stock filled with two of the freshest prawns and sliced chicken. with hor fun of course. it really is a taste of heaven.

i wish i could post tastes on the internet.

apocolypse now
if you have free time, you absolutely have to check this out! thanks to timothy for sending me the link. oh man, i think this shite is really the epitome of "too much time on one's hands, but wot the hell?" its a flash animation about how this world ends.

chekkit!

bad assed bass balls
i caught a gig with jon, mitts and mardy last night at mojo's. jon's new band imprint was slated to play, and they're a mean funk/aggro-metal band that boasts two bass players with some trippy hopps and good melodies to boot. i like. next up was munky punch, these guys are just sweeeeeeet. navarro-ish guitars and hybrid funk/rock bass lines that were all over the place. drummer always held a steady beat, with many a good suprise in his pockets.

so i don't know that many bands, but i found two i'd love to check out on a regular bassis.

kill me again, with love
aight, so i havent been uploading of late. i would if i could, but lately blogger's been very tempremental. and i don't know why. wot soured in the relationship? did it find more hopeful junkies to milk of their thoughts?

but i'm gonna quit wondering the unwonderable. the unavoidable. oh well, lately i've just been bumming around, watching zoids and reading naruto. really thankful for the break i'm getting, and will probably start my revision starting next monday. 7 days, a driving test on the 24th, my paper on the 25th and i'm back in spore on the 26th.

so in the meantime, you just gotta live it. oh yeah, my new glasses came in.

byugen eyes!


which naruto character are you?
quiz by orangeday.net

hey, if you like the manga and anime, give it a whirl. if you not, you wont know how spiffy your character traits are.

finally
at long last, it does seem like i can finally post on blogger. argh!! *shakes fist at ceiling* i pledge allegiance to this hunk of php and java codes? (i'm probably wrong.)

anyhows, wots been happening is that monday was a scorcher! even in the evening, it was still 31 degrees. wot's wrong with this daymn country!? whoops, don't wanna offend my youth pastor. =p but seriously, is it because spore and perth share the same timezone, that's why both weathers are equally screwed? hey, it may look dumb now, but i'm shure it plays a part.

so yeah, i'm just bumming till my paper on the 25th. again, wot's wrong with this country!? actually, apart from these two reasons, there are a myriad of reasons to like it here, which i shall not go into because my fingers are stiff.

yesterday and this morning were much better, it wasn't so hot. yeah, i'm a weather-man, it turns me on or off.

hunter
oh yay. back to my neandethral (sp) days. neandethrals probably can't spell neandethral, like me. oh yeah, so this is wot happened. i woke up at 0455 (insane!!!), only to start catching abalones at some inane hour of seven i think. i was broken apart by waves as the banged me against coral, how i struggled to keep a grip on things. and getting abalones off rocks is a mean feat! these suckers literally suck onto the rocks for dear life as you jam a screwdriver thru their suction cups hoping to pry them free off the rocks. that's brutal. its like someone pulling you apart as you're snoggin' a girl by jamming a crowbar between your lips.

kinda like hunting for your own food, its agonising stuff. humbled by nature once again. nature is also having myopia. see how much control we have over the things in life? its the little things that kill us.

but i made new glasses, they should arrive shortly.

thinking about it
y'know.. i've just got this break till the 25th. i have no idea how im gonna pass my time really. i mean, apart from studying, some other folk have exams to study for, or they can make their own fun. me? i can't seem to make my own fun at times. but that's not depending on people for your happiness.

dependency. you really can't depend on people too much. i mean, you and i have the capacity to let one another down. yet strangely, we all need someone, something, some God. me? i realise how dependent i am on my glasses. it really sucks to not see clearly. im borrowing my housemate's pair for now, but its not gonna be forever. and then i gotta spend more money on a new frame and lenses. im thinking red tints. it'd be spiffy.

and then, when there dosen't seem to be anything to do, wot then? how alone do you feel? i'm only glad i can pray, play guitar, write in a journal, mebbe call some friends up, mebbe just sulk. oh yeah, i intend to read alot to pass time. the magic word is "intend". we all know from experiences, good intentions just aren't enough.

and so, when i finally go back to spore on the 26th. and see long unseen friends, spending more time in church, especially the mission trips and christmas, and festivities.. you know, it sounds like im gonna have a blast when i go back. but if its all a state of mind, everything else could just be a farce. i dont want that to happen.

i guess i'll admit, it seems everybody in perth has some chill out buddy except me. yeah, someone you can depend on. you shouldnt be depending, but it really gets to you at times. i guess thats one reason why i seek solace in the online community. namely friends i know that are somehow connected via the internet. this blog? i dinnae, sometimes it feels like its updates of my life, sometimes.. just fun things ive come across. but alotta times, i dunno, mebbe its a longing to just seem more real. i know im real to my folks, and some really good friends. its not about keeping up with appearances, its about being real. insecurities and all. secrets and lies. dreams that dont come true, jadedness, and yes.. when i feel it, happiness and joy. security, comfort, confidence.

*grin* i guess, yeah.. maybe this blog truely has the capacity to be a soap opera. and i've got a rockin' soundtrack.

you know it's left you
when you wake up the next day half blind and a terrible neck ache. i'm too old for mosh pits. i can't bang the hed like i used to. and then i lost my glasses. haha, its funny how it all doesnt matter there and then. but it does now. all in all, triple crown saved itself because of good company. i'm still trying to see the logic in that by squinting through my eyes.

striking a pose that paralyses
now this is a rockstar pose:


for the uninitiated (i'm guessing a vast majority of this audience), above we have tony levin of king crimson, his namesake band, peter gabriel's band and the new sarah record fame. wot's that he's playing? a chapman stick. and this is how you work it. warning, it is so uber cool! (plus that chicks dig me pose too).

we had sushi for dinner. jon, han and me. starting to feel hungry again.

bless me with righteous groove
yay! i managed to get that pair of bermudas that i had my eye set on. but those are just material posessions. still, it made me somewhat glad. it was also a 25% discount. so i gottit for 60AUD. not too shabby.

been blessed with a massive download of shoegaze music. bathing myself in melancholy now. i wonder if i should start a shoegaze band here in perth. but then, the other dreampop band gentlyfall has disappeared from perth. my shoegaze project should not fade into nothingness.

i realise i havent been letting my mind wander alot. no wait, i take that back. is it, that the older you get, it just dosen't matter to you anymore? or mebbe it is still in me, i just dont see why this blog needs to have that sorta info. =) yeah, so wot if the world knows who you are. you don't know yourself sometimes. guess i'm just as clueless about me, as you are about, well.. me.

oh kay, screw this identity crap, its really the farthest thing from my mind. im just counting the days till i go back to spore. mainly becaus its gonna get terribly broing here, waiting 18 days for ONE exam paper. i guess i have only the best reasons to get a High Distinction for this paper. crap. i think i'll make it thru my first semester, and then.. work at being more hardworking again. well, we all have certain wishes.

and just a side note. i'm really trying to find reason to update. i think i should finally get my ass cracking on coming up with a real website.

death by durian
wow, two deaths reported on the ST interactive. in spore wots more. two deaths.. i mean, things are happening in spore! but it all just sounds wrong.. i mean, its not something you hear very often. mebbe sporeans are really comin' outta the closet by smacking each other.

triple crown morrows. the uni bash apparently. haha, wot a fine time to frolick in the grass and spew over the bush court. i heard it gets rowdy. i'll chekkit. its been awhile.

cheap
words are cheap
wot can i say that you haven't already heard
wot can i do, that hasn't already been done
wot's new when you're better than me
wot's true when it's all been copied

you know the drill. everything moves in circles dosen't it? well, it feels like that sometimes, or alotta times. our lives, sometimes just following our heros of past. truely unique? it's a rut, learning from everybody's mistakes.

lo-fi
playing my tracklist just thru my laptop's speakers is such a refreshing change from listening to it over good speakers.

spiffy!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking along the candy store, attacking with gilded boxing gloves, cometh Gideon's Ephod! And he gives a low roar: "In the name of malice, I look forward to hearing the lamentations of thy women!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

comments: i don't know about you, but that dosent sound very scary in a real battle.

sound bleached bed linen
SLOWDIVE. quiet, pensive. you don't like to cause a
scene and you've been known to even drone
people to sleep.


what shoegazer band are you?
brought to you by quizilla

delight
she didn't disappear after taking my heart to speak to it personally. she has returned, as i always knew she would. like a thief in the night, the day and hour was unknown. of course i don't expect to still be typing this if i was 19 days late for the rapture. yes, a sweet surrender as we fumble towards ecstacy. the wait is over.

i only hope, for those who didn't know better and want to comment that she sounds like Dido, keep their vile comments to themselves.

Sarah McLachlan's new studio album in six years: afterglow.

bold
i didn't know wot else to type for a title, so i had the unimagniative choice of stating the obvious, that yes, the title is highlighted in bold. a brief rundown of things that happened on monday. uni, test (sucked), home, well-deserved bumming around. dinner at nando's, home, caught australian idol, it was a suprise of sorts. this sunday's the grand finals. or is it next week? napped at nine. woken up at eleven thirty. thankfully, i should be studying for a test in roughly 13 hours time. resolve.

aye yeah, can't really find anything interesting to happen. hmmmm. im shure if i looked hard enough, something should have happened. i got my media research paper back. it was good. the test wasnt. i think i'll get a pretty average average for my units this semester.

=) life isn't all that exciting, even for a rockstar.

we are standing on the edge
the sun rose at 0530 this morning.
i had a dream, that was good in a dream
but i knew it wasn't real
and it did not sit too well with me
when i finally woke up.

"it's gonna be, a glorious day
i feel my luck could change"
- lucky, radiohead

hmph
arghhh! test morrows!! and tuesday!! and draft in on wednesday!! don't need to sleep anymore beautiful people.