thursday on the radio
while we're waiting for the eggs to boil, i'll just pop a little good-will note onto this blog for the faithful. hey, that could be another band name, the faithful. wot immediately springs to mind are band names like the thrills. i'd like to play music like that sometime.

oh kay, apart from this being completely random, it's been a good day, a long day, but one fraught with wot sundays are made out to be.

our church here finally finished the purpose driven life campaign, and with a bang! was playing bass for extended worship, and man.. was it extended. the worship leader shared a little about how you can't really see the effects of your service by just availing yourself when you're on the worship roster, but so many people are touched by the presence of God during a worship session. God deserves all the glory and praise, and it's somewhat encouraging knowing you were perhaps a tool used in that purpose, by just being available.

to close things, lemme just share one of my favourite pictures of all time. i think one of the elements of cool photographs, is accidentally capturing the muse when she visits, to invoke that magic that makes a picture come alive. when it's not just colours anymore, but there's a swirling energy that flows within the trickery of light bouncing off surfaces:



this is james dean, a fine form of masculinity, circia 1955 along the streets of new york. everytime i look at this picture, it invites me and it's as if someone's holding my hand and taking me along those same streets, telling me wot life was like then.

the burden of hope
i've always said that hope weighs us down. i'm kinda glad that somewhere in portland, a band known as grails actually feel the same way as i do. you can read a review of their debut ep here. sorry i've been holding out, but i just popped in all these old mp3s which i downloaded eons ago, listen to them if you can. also, i'm pretty much convinced that radiohead's polyethylene is one of their best b-sides ever!

re-enacting scenes from a ressurected grave robber
just yesterday, i spent one internet session downloading music off pitchforkmedia. you can say i'm a happy bunny, because i've been on a shortage of music lately. it all started out with a slowly filling up hard-drive, so i figured i could use a short break from music. to prove to myself that it's not the biggest thing in my life. well, i stand convinced it's not the biggest thing in my life, but it's defintely a part of my life. in the space of four hours, i've discovered the joys of the dears, frausdots, tv on the radio, panda bear, the rosemount family reunion, grizzely bear... just to name a few. it's fuelled a bit of casual songwriting in me as well, but i'll keep it as that, casual and a bit.

in other news, i might be making my way back to spore on the 24th of november, before going to japan on the 29th. the may fled calander looks like two more gig dates before my departure, and that also means meeting up with long-gay for the busking project, leeson for our future, as well as putting out the annual brian morgan year end compilation. exciting things are being planned for the festival of our prodigal returnees!

wot do y'all think of houses as a band name. think it sounds pretty indie-rockish. much my influence of late since yesterday.

shoryuken!
crazy random things you find while surfing around the global forums:

say something else
something else. alright, may fled didn't make it through the semi-finals last night, so our hopes of winning small time competitions are dashed. should've joined a skater-emo punk band, they're more with it. or bring more friends. it's not that i'm sour, but the elimination process of this competition is hopelessly flawed. audience voting, which means, bring your friends, which also means this club is struggling, so we'll give you a shitty decent prize, but the real prize is that "we" manage to keep this club open! in fact, i'm convinced that its not the votes that mattered, but how many beers each band bought over the bar.

strangely enough, one of the blokes i met was adam of ex-pug jelly. he was playing guitar for his band four piece feed, and suprises of suprises, they are a four piece band! *rolls eyes* to sum the night up, there were two skater-emo-punk bands, a spacey rock and roll band slim pickin', and us. a nice varied night of music, i stand convinced that a lot of this sk8ter punk crap sounds the same. but it's the bread and butter of some juviniles, so i'll leave it as that. don't get me wrong, i love punk, just not the crap that some under-18s and get rich 30 year olds play. slim pickin' were good, but arrogant as heck. quite a turn off in the long run, but oh well, there are just some people you don't need to know.

as for may fled, i think we played one of our tighter sets last night, we got a few positive comments last night, dunno if they were just being courteous. but yeah, think we're all loosening up to the stage a bit, taking things as they come, growing the band through stage experience. sometimes you have a grand masterplan, but somethings, you just need to get out there and do.

if any leeson members are reading this, lets just get out there and play the circuit, lets even do freaking baybeats next year. a band has to work just as hard as it plays hard. keep rockin' kiddos.

frank the terrifying truely anarchic jumping bunny
there were a coupla things i forgot to mention. from the last post. this is kinda disgusting, but if you've been stuck in a studio with kerosene lamps burning for almost seven hours, your mucus becomes black! i startled myself when i happened to sneeze into the sink. it's horrid, and scaring to my breathing tracts. i'm shure if my body had a mind of its own in every cell, i'd basically seperate into a zillion pieces. funny, wot's keeping us together?

i'm shure there's more stuff i forgot, but i think im gonna make dinner and watch a dvd.

some kind of blank appeal
oh kay, i don't really have much time to say this because my dial-up session is going to time-out in about eighteen minutes time.

it's funny, how as that countdown draws closer, things get a little more hurried, a little more rushed, a little more urgent. about three and a half hours ago, it didn't seem this way. it was about 15 past nine, and i had a whole morning on my hands.

i wanted to nap, read a little, listen to music, play some guitar. in the end, i spent all my time online, doing absolutely nothing. i don't like it when i procrastinate like this. how i don't use my time wisely, and ultimately i'm just spending my father's money down here. sometimes i truely wonder if i'll ever make good. as you can see, i'm not the most dependable person around.

but as all this is happening, i managed to squeeze a refreshing shower in between. it is in showers, where i feel as if i have absolute time to myself sometimes. that's why sometimes i'm worried of showers, that i might never come out, i might not want to come out. but i always do, for some strange reason, i'm called out of my safety zone, to live, to just keep breathing.

i listen to interpol as i'm writing this, as well as a blur article in another window. when i listen to certain kinds of music, i think of my own bands. for now, i'm thinking of may fled, about being a three piece, about the direction, the style, the music. right now, i'm kind of appealed toward the raw, edgy dark sound that has not been playing lately, yet is at the same time being more and more rampant in certain sub-circles. as of right now, this present instant, i wanna embrace the punk's carefree attitude to music, to plug and play, unbridle, unbashed and full of energy. or to also just stand still and lay down that hypno-foundation. to not just play music, but to just play bass. then again, how inward looking is that. because it is in direct opposition of how i view music as a whole. just sometimes we feel this way.

and a thought burst into my skull just now. that if i can acknowledge that i feel for someone other than myself, that someone else's happiness is more important than my own, that i can become self-sacrificial, and in some way, prove the existence of love for a fellow human being. then it is insummountable truth that we are not supposed to live for ourselves alone. that we will never find those answers within ourselves but in other.s.

daymn knn funny
http://www.livejournal.com/~tedbasser/6734.html

seriously, sorry i couldnt get the picture up here, tinypic doesn't host pictures larger than 250K. they should do something about that.

look at me
nah, don't look at me.. you won't always find wot you're looking for. time seems to have just flown by over the past week, good and bad, some days you just wanna go by faster, some days you wished you had more time to make sense of it all.

i was just looking at a friend's livejournal, and i saw one of the replies i got for one of my own replies. sometimes, it really seems as if Christians and Non-Christians are living in totally different worlds. and it's funny how just some random sharing of personal experience can be seen as bible pushing.

if im just relating a personal account to you, it will probably involve God, because hey.. he's a massive part of my life. so if you have a better idea other than putting down the Christian faith, please share with your friend who's in need. cuz i think that when we're at our downest, we don't just want the truth, we wanna be shown and demonstarted that truth. so don't place your attention on my testimony, help your friend who's in need.

sometimes, there are so many people to help. and i get selfish at times.. because i fear as if i have no time for myself, no time to make sense of it all. but i reckon i'll never make sense of it all in this lifetime, perhaps that's why i have all eternity to find out. -) i could live with that. so, even Christians question their existence on earth, and apart from doing God's will on earth, i don't know wot else it could be. can we truely live for ourselves? it depends on our school of thought. if you believe that there is no heaven or hell, then.. i guess it makes sense that we can do wotever we like. but if we acknowledge the existence of a God that judges in the final days, how can we continue living for ourselves anymore? he's God for cryin' out loud!

so yeah, wotever your school of thought, you've put yourself in a situation where you actually believe something. even if you believe in nothing, it's still something. catch my drift? our mind's will never be able to comprehend nothingness. we have a pre-conceived notion of 'nothingness', but in essence, that is already something, you believe it is absent of something, or however you wanna paint it. see? it is something.

if i were to say to you, choose now? how would you choose? sometimes you ask me (or i ask myself), how do i know if God exists. it's everywhere, and it's also faith. faith, doubt, following blindly, being able to see invisible things.

fell back on black days
haven't had much time to blog, which sometimes is a good thing -) just been a tad distracted in the swing of things, bass services are needed here and there.. sometimes dunno if it's a curse or blessing. .. ... of course it's a blessing! nah, sometimes its not just about me liking to play or not, but when it's service to God, one does so out of a joyful heart. i gotta scoot soon, worship practice as well as scott's engagement party! we'll see you soon!

guns blazing
there's no time to shut up, there's so much time for repeated mistakes. i think i'm supposed to feel anxious about something, but i don't.. and sometimes i think as if i need some sort of constant re-affirmation. wheeeee.. but have i weathered thru the storm, or is it the calm before the storm. is nothing going to tear you away from me, except for my turning of the face?

may fled is playing this saturday evening.

guns blazing
i'm kinda blogging to let you guys know i'm still alive. hahaha, been a tad busy since the night i stayed up. truth be told, i slept at four that night/morning, and actually managed to wake up a bundle of joy to go for class. only i didn't go to class because when i met friends, we just chatted away.. quite sick really. they were screening mars attacks! at the lecture. i always did like tim burton movies.

well, thing us, right now i don't really have anything in my brain. i just haven't gone online at home the last coupla days, so i just wanted to see wot this realm looks like. if i responded to comments, it was done in uni. yay! we finished another video for church, but this one was easier.. cuz.. it wasn't really a video? just images words and music. but i think by God's grace, it looks like something, we were all tired anyhow. but don't use that as an excuse to do shoddy work for the Lord though, having said that.

so here we are, i'm just chilling out to a bit of jamiroquai, and planning my next game plan for the final push in terms of my studies for this semester, as well as new equipment!!! *roar* i do look forward to seeing my folks and all my old friends soon, yet there are so many things that i have left to do here as well. the end really isn't in sight.. it's amazing wot one year can do to you *grin*

dead air
just got out of the shower, and that was the phrase that hit me. the silence that isn't really silence, it's the sound of air not moving. it's a phrase that breathes a sensation of extreme aloneness, that you're the only one around. of course it isn't the case, i've got another housemate mulling around the house, but it's just the surrealism of it all. my senses are so sharp right now, i'm actually awake, in the dead of the night. but we know that the night isn't dead. thousands of insects and nocturnal creatures are scurrying around in the dark relying on their senses to do their nightly routine, vampire are travelling from home to home, feeding on the blood of humans, or rats if they can't bring themselves to kill humans. to them it's day, another time of day. what is day and night then?

we're in another world, my side of the world is resting, is still. on yourside of the world, the sun is shining and you're doing the things i would have done in the daytime. the world is round, but we have different times. am i from the future, or are you from the past. we have a set of rules saying who experiences daylight first, but i stress to you again, the world is round. there are man-made rules, and a man-made sense of time, and everything we've been brought up to learn is man-made, except the revelations of God that aren't taught by men.

let's scurry around while our senses are sharp -)

the second most screwed feeling
next to a magpie knawing thru your skull is napping at five in the afternoon and waking up at ten thirty in the evening! this is insanity, pure madness, unreal! and over-exaggerating. but you can guess my bubbling displeasure..

it's bubbling thru my ears so much that, i think i might not be able to get back to sleep. i will dream sleepless dreams and of wild horses dragging me thru the streets of calcutta..

i muse, for there is not much else to do.

well, shooting for the film is done! very glad, very glad! mad props to all the crew if any of you are reading this. and if you see any of the crew members along the streets of WA, just give'em a nice hearty pat on the back! this i might add, is not a screwed feeling.

so there we go, up at midnight. i think there's a song about this out there..

the hour of reckoning
if you've checked back here after the week, i thank you for you continued readership, of making this inane blog just a little fraction of wot your life usually is. it's my pleasure to share in your life a little in mine, as i share in yours.

when i last left, i mentioned that i had lost sight of certain things. i'm not exactly shure if i've found my tracks again, but the last week has been one of focus. on continued and undivided attention to editing a video that was meant for church. seriously, all that glamorous talk by media students before me about the joys of editing till dawn came true over the last week, and i dare say.. there was defintely a rise in experience. sometimes, one just has to expose oneself to the field he's in to just apply wot he's learnt and appreciate the strange fragile situation one can be in. fading in and out of reality and the subconcious.

it was a good break from blogging, i feel glad that after this exercise, i don't feel as if i'm blogging to gain you, the reader's approval on my life. that i'm confident of the things i tell you, not aiming to impress, but to inform. yeah, it does feel as if some inner blogging demons have been exorcised. i'm now a happy blogger.

my dear cell! i'm very short..

spur of the moment
gonna take a short break from blogging to collect some thoughts. i think i've lost sight of certain things, and yes.. this is a spur of the moment decision. but i'll stick to it till next saturday, the 16th of october. check back then, we'll see you later!

i could've told you that
y'know how it is when you perhaps see a friend come to a certain realisation, and you think to yourself i could've told you that. dunno if you're guilty of that or not, but i think when we start feeling that way, we start putting ourselves over them, we start controlling our friends to become like us. and perhaps we do it, because we're not confident of the paths and realisations we have about ourselves, and thru some twisted way, that's how we solidify our identities even while we're trying to be unique. we become alike. it makes us feel wanted, and accepted on a very surface level.

so yeah, before we start blabbering on about all our revelations to our friends, or feel slighted when they stumble upon a revelation that you had long ago stumbled upon yourself, instead of feeling the above mentioned way, it's a celebration that they've found out certain things themselves. and it had nothing to do with you, because sometimes our friends just have to lead their own lives.

devestator vs superion!

quite possibly my favourite out of those that have been circulating around the internet. it strikes a chord in me, having been at the recieving end of this poster's closing clincher. wot a winner!

wot do you really want to hear?
you know how when a fever is just looming, your whole body goes into this sensitive premonition. every stretch of your muscle is strained and breaking tensile deficit. it doesn't help when a sore throat rips your vocal tract everytime you swallow air. air bloody hurts. and daymn lozenges! where the hell are they!?! i'm shouting all i can now, simply because i can't do it in real life. plus it didn't help that i was laughing till my guts exploded after eating beef rendang. unholy combination. all i can do now is to sip on honeyed water. and perhaps catch twenty seven winks.

tomorrow. tomorrow will be better. today i just bask in the thought of knowing that our film crew is still on that right track.

wot i wished for you
sipping tea with the kiat-ster and musing about the illogical led to this beautiful moment, where we mused that at this very instant, this very moment, all over the world, all over every tangible thing that existed, in the physical realm and the realm of our minds. the people, the trees, the wind, the sun, the rain, the snow, the heat, the birds, the insects.. every single thing was in its right place.

remembering tomorrow, blaming it on a black star
dreamlights:
*sigh*
aiyah.. my mind's not exactly in the right frame now lah.. kinda phasing inbetween pissed off and laughing it off

even now.. mannn.. i can't seem to tell if my friend's joking or serious

electric cowboy:
nah you'll be alright tomorrow morning

electric cowboy:
ur not the sort who harps on things...

dreamlights:
hahhahaaha.. gee man, i dunno
it seems very fashionable to be a brooder

and people get all concerned and go,, heyyy.. are you oh kay??? need a cookie??

electric cowboy:
hahaah brooder

electric cowboy:
hahahahhahaaha

this is me now i guess, phasing in and out. caught between the past and present. seeing just how a friend now, sees me against a friend who's from the past. he's right, i don't exactly harp on things anymore. usually, i think harping gets us no where, and we wallow in self pity thinking about why the world still goes round and round and round.

because of silly thinking like that, i stopped musing openly.. weighing other people down with my own burdens. and slowly also, i took on the persona of someone who laughed at the folk knocking themselves against the dead end. slowly, everything is harmless came into play, and the more i thought of that, the more it made sense. in the end everything is harmless. wot can touch you? wot can phase you? if God is for you, who can be against you?

it's not that i'm against brooders, sometimes i get jealous of brooders. at the ripe age of twenty two and beyond, people like to write nice comments, philosophise with each other about these things, it's celebrated somewhat. and then, my insecurity is that i get treated as some kind of simpleton (but no way did electric cowboy mean that, he kinda knows where i come from). but it's just an insecurity, its silly too. but it's just kinda sian sometimes, where was that support back in the hey days?

but in the end, everything is harmless.. and i just had to get it out somewhat. and mebbe the more i type, the more i want to solidify that, the more i hope to get over that silly insecurity. that people will misunderstand me. it also gets in the way, because then i start building up all this pride about my own identity, which shouldn't be happening, we all gotta learn to surrender and let go. free ourselves from our own self-inflicted shackles.

for my hope is not in the things of flesh, but in the Lord.

children
if and when we do complete our film and manage to pull it off, you'll be able to see one of the prettiest little girls there are out there acting in our little fiasco. right now, we don't just owe it to ourselves to do a good project, but to the actors and talents who are setting aside their time to act in a lousy uni production. yeah, we owe them that much, and we hope that our humble offering does them justice for the perfect piece which they cast into their characters. i wish i could show you a pic of 'lil beverly, but i think we ought to respect her privacy. soon! when the film is done!

workin with children is defintely an experience. we're so blessed to have found someone like her. working with children is not just about telling them wot to do, its so much of accomadating them, and coaxing them into releasing their childlike splendor. in fact, i feel almost evil exposing them to the evils of film making, to the evils of life at such a tender age. it's sad, when children slowly lose their innocence. just working with them, as derel put, made us realise how much we had given up. all the beauty you possess, could be found in the eyes of a child. i'm sorry, there's just this melancholic air when i think about it, about having children of my own one day. we can only pray, that our children grow in the footsteps of the Lord. and if you can't understand the concept of guilt and sin, just perhaps look at a child, any child.. and perhaps that was wot it was meant to be? we're too intelligent for our own goods sometimes.

hevaen in a cupcake part ii
i forgot to mention why i titled this entry as above.

it's because at dru's party, his sister jade made these awesome gooey chocolate cupcakes. they've got a fancy name for it, but i can't remember. anyhow, it got my saliva glands secreting non-stop that i had to go home at eat nutella. and i still can't get enough!! i'm full, my my mouth wants to taste that sticky goo-ey feeling all over again!

if you haven't figured out by now, i love dense sticky chocolaty things.

and they just showed taxi driver on channal ten. now i know why yuanheng likes it, i kinda like it too. an alternate look on everyday society, mebbe it set some kind of stage for glamourised anarchy? or offered another view i think i'll stick with the latter. and i had no idea cybil sheperd acted in it? always thought she was really pretty back in her younger days. and darkling jodie foster was in it too. great to see all these actors still around today, and wot they were like back in those years. i think temporal distance adds some some sort of contrived realism in movies. that people do grow old. they age. they don't stay 35 forever like they do onscreen -)

oh yeah, and jade also made a most awesome baby spinach and rockket salad, baked chicken with chili and chocolate plus pasta salad. i think eating such good food, re-sparkled some sort of culinary interest once again. lately i think i've been cooking far too practically. been trying to cook with as little utensils as possible. cooking is fun, cleaning up isn't. but i think i ought to take more pride in my preperation. we're supposed to have a massive cookout when i get back to spore at the end of the year!

heaven in a cupcake
it's nice when people praise you for your playing, and you know that when people in church encourage you for your playing, they don't mean it for you to be swell-headed. and i don't play because i'm good or i'm at a certain level, i just play because i can. i serve because i can, and God has given me something, am i'm just giving back as worship. we don't have to feel that we need to be of a certain level, we just should serve in any form, just because he called us to. when Jesus washed His diciples feet, it wasn't because he was qualified to, but that should be the nature of our hearts when it comes to God.

well then, after church peivn and i went to freo and had lunch with jo, walked the markets abit and just basically caught up. well, it was all good fun, a nice lazy afternoon, sunday's before holiday mondays are like that. it's nice to relak once in awhile. while it's arguable that i'm always too relak.

and then got home, napped for almost 3.5 hours! goodness.. slept until i got a headache. crap, it's still in my brain, but my eyes aren't that tired. and then we popped by dru's place to celebrate his 20th birthday. suprised him from behind the kitchen counter because we missed the initial suprise, and he got a shower curtain as a present from peivn and me. when in doubt, get practically useless gifts. because it's not useless, and it'll come as a unique suprise. betcha no magazine or lifestyle infotainment tv program ever thaught you that. hah!

goodnight everybody!

finally, coffee and tea
perth is boring, that is one of the reasons why i write. it didn't use to be boring, it got boring today. i could be doing homework. no i should be doing homework. but i've been idling so much thinking that nothing touches me. but it touches me and it hurts when i don't get anything done. i always start off on the right foot, and end up tripping because i've got two right feet.

then i eat scones with rasberry jam. hey.. it's the least one could do at times like these. oh, and don't forget a cuppa coffee. it's nice to drink half a cuppa and half a cup of milk. as if perfection existed in a brew. sometimes, maybe, perhaps.

last night i dreamt
that somebody loved me
no hope no harm
just another false alarm

last night i felt
real arms arounds me
no hope no harm
just another false alarm

- the smiths, last night i dreamt that somebody loved me (mp3 supplied my leodi)

been listening to a lot of interpol's latest album, antics, kindly burnt by paul. hypnotic eye closing music. speaking of music, download music at audikt.com. very spiffy space, even features two sporean artists in the international slew. chekkit to chekkout!