one more for the road
'lest i forget, have a good new year's celebration folks! i know i will -) cheers to whatever the world throws at us!

only time will tell

well.. sometimes i feel like i'm blogging just to make up for the times i didn't blog. which is something we usually do with our lives anyway.. we do things to make up for the things we didn't get to do before. in that sense, all we're doing is filling up the gaps we envision in our lives. so does that mean that life comes like a children's puzzle book?

kid, you're really starting to tick me off


so this gimp decides to run me over with his car.

i have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about. i've just come back from a session of paintballing, and this time it hurt less because the only place i was shot was on the side of my kneecap. interestingly enough, i was the last man standing in one of the games we played. nice!

also, i'm pretty tired right now, thinking of lying down on my bed for awhile before dinner, but i'm also thinking abit about the social dynamics of singapore and wondering why people do the things they do. i just don't want things to turn into an all out bitch-fest because then it wouldn't be harmless anymore.

tomorrow's the last day of 2006 and i don't feel particularly reflective yet.. it just feels rather passive for the moment. but maybe things will change in the coming days.

explaining string theory with beans and potatoes
perhaps my lack of entries can be explained by me not coming back home before 2 am for the past 4 days. or, the bad internet connection i've been having due to the taiwan earthquakes.

charitable organisations



this the season to be giving, but i suppose some people exploit the goodwill of people and ask for money for personal reasons under the guise of charitable ones. i'm just a bit disillusioned with the whole thing because when you start becoming cynical about whether your money is actually helping someone else, i just can't understand why this wouldn't be on your conscience or not. but if anything, i suppose for those of us with money that we can donate, this should serve as a challenge that we should actually be actively involved in volunteerism and not just giving some dollars away each year and pretending that the world is a better place.

ordinary lives, you want a better tomorrow

well, i think there's nothing better than watching an old gangster movie every now and then. yh and i both agree that a better tomorrow is one of the best out there, that its got emotion, heart and most importantly, lots of blood.

before you glorify this as ultra-violence, let me just say that the more blood on screen the better because for me it just celebrates the medium of film as an illusion. i liken this movie to a jack neo film with guns but that is also an insult to a craft. i don't know, sometimes i like mr neo, and sometimes i hate his stuff. and dammit, chow yun fatt is absolutely sick in this movie. the air, the fire in his eyes, that psychotic grin, the unrelenting spirit, and perhaps.. really, it's all just about the cool. hell, i wanna smoke and take shots like he does. while pulling out dual berettas just because.

so as i sit here in front of my computer once again, i'm starting to wonder, why exactly am i typing all this to tell you this? the truth is, i don't know.. i don't really know what i'm doing here.

my mission trip is over, my degree is done.. y'know, for once in a long while, this chapter actually does feel sort of closed. i don't really know what lies around the bend, but it sure feels that way. that feeling of expectation of not really knowing, sweat glistens across your brow as you slowly pace your way across that lonely corridor, each step a startling echo. and then you take a peak, and you still can't see the end in sight. don't know what sorta job i'll be getting, what sorta gear i'll be acquiring, what sorta music i'll be creating, what sorta friends i'll be keeping, everything seems like an open book right now. and i must say its a rather exciting albeit cautious feeling. well, one thing for sure, if i can drag a smoke like mr chow in the above picture, i can take on all things.

and its exactly with such pride that i'll fall flat on my face.

haha, as cool as a better tomorrow is, it really detracts one from life in that are we really the masters of our own fate? well, i don't really have an idea of what i'm typing anymore.. it's gotten a tad convulated. there are so many things that i want to say, but i don't want to make an academia, but i'm afraid that people only take academia seriously, or when you speak from a voice of authority. what happened to the voice of the people?

why didnt they create flying giraffes?
so i'm just sorta sitting in front of my computer screen wondering just what i should type this post-christmas entry. christmas kind of came and went for me, i didnt attend a christmas service because i was really tired, and i don't know if that's even a sort of excuse or not, but it does kind of make christmas sort of different.

i saw a coupla pictures my friends took on the christmas eve service, and it really does feel somewhat different that i wasn't there. but i chose to spend it with family instead, and i suppose that's commendable in its own right.

and now.. its come to randomly sifting thru the internet, looking for signs of life.

where have you been all this while?
i've just come back from hong kong, and i may or may not decide to post my thoughts on this space. but rest assured that it was a worthwhile and tremendous experience.

tales males and scales
pretty full on day, we had 4 performances and was pretty intense. but it's all good, because it's work for the Lord. really don't know what else to say except to ask anyone reading this to keep praying! we just need more of Jesus no matter what we do. this mission trip don't end here, it starts in whatever next phase of life God has in store for us -)

HK is a very interesting place, and i'm really glad i got to see a part of it that isn't so shiney on the surface, but that i have met the heart and soul of some of the people here in HK who have a heavy burden as God does for the people of HK. it's also gotten me thinking and inspired about what i should be doing for my own countrymen.

live from the field
i'm so tired, but still i find time to tell you that i'm tired from the activities we're doing on the mission trip. haha! well, keep us in your prayers, and pray for a zeal and fervor in the things we do, i think we're really being stretched, and also that the people of Hong Kong will be blessed by God's love.

biting the nape of your neck
well.. i'm finally in hong kong. today was the end of the second day and we have yet to do our first public performance. but today was good in that we really rehearsed and were allowed to consolidate all the equipment we'd need for our street and public performances. tomorrow is sunday, so we're visiting two churches and giving them slices of our items, but it's also gonna be good warm-ups to the what we're gonna do in public places.

continue to keep us in prayer.. finding an internet connection is bittersweet, because now i can check my results online, which come out on monday. my faith is saying one thing, but my fear is saying another. gahhh! why so double minded. forgive me, this should not be..

tragic careless times with no end in sight
maybe when i write, the words don't really come out..?

let's see what i've done with my time today. i woke up, had brekkie with my mom at 11. then i dropped her by church and then i came home to settle a bit of administration. I wrote emails to my university and my cell group explaining what was happening, and i also made sure they i was cleared to leave singapore for hong kong because my mission trip is tomorrow. after that, i've been staring at my computer screen from three to four pm because i have absolutely no idea what to do now.

and so now, none of my friends are around, they're either working, studying, at a camp or i dont know what else. guess its just one of them days when i just wanna get stoned at watch the hours fly. but it's not really happening..

anyhows, HK missions tomorrow! gonna be away from then till dec24th! so keep us in your prayers -)

its so heavy from the weight of the world
i wish someone could explain to me this weariness that i feel on a daily basis. perhaps it has something to do with coming home at 3am the past two nights.

singapore's always like that, land of the never sleeping. well, or something.. haha. glad i could be with a few of my friends before the mission trip, visited the australia high commission to settle my visa status. still kinda pretty much at square one, and now they want me to apply for a student visa all over again. *sigh* paperwork upon paperwork.. it really got me thinking about the importance of being a citizen somewhere, your rights of a citizen and how no matter how you try, sometimes you never really belong in a place that doesn't see you as one of them. i was breaking the law by being in australia the past 4 months, but i can never be breaking the law with merely existing in singapore. i'm not saying one's more special than the other, but just stressing how important it is that a sense of belonging extends to more than just an emotional attachment, but also rather political.

also, i watched concave scream perform again. awesome as always, with a tremendous cover of radiohead's climbing up the walls. sweeeeeeeeet.. blew my mind away.

run that by me again?
hmmmmm.. apparently when i applied for a visa extension, i was supposed to have been the one to go get my visa application done at the immigration office in my own time. but nobody told me! GAHHHHHHHH. this sucks on so many levels because it was my fault and i can't start to blame anyone else. so about 75% of what i said in the prior post is negated, and i'll be doing a lot more negotiating and passing the blame.

okay guys, if you're reading this and you think brian deserves to go back to australia between february and march 2007, then pray that immigration grants him the request to attend his graduation ceremony. or better yet, have more faith and pray that despite his mistake, that the embargo will be lifted so that he can freely travel to australia anytime he wants for the next three years and beyond.

this is a rather humbling experience.

smitten bitten
did i hold out long enough?

i'm back in singapore! man, everytime i come back, there are so many changes. there's a new shopping centre near home and it's considered the biggest shopping centre in singapore right now.. and man, is it huge! i could probably spend a whole day there and not even walk the entire complex.

well, i think singapore's really great at the moment, i mean, i think i did miss it somewhat, and plus.. for the moment, a door has been closed to australia. let me elaborate:

if you didn't know, i had to do one more semester in murdoch, and so my original student visa would have expired on july 31st 2006. so i applied for a visa extension somewhere in the middle of july, extending it till february 28th 2007 at the international students department of my university, and they in turn would be in contact with Australia immigration to grant me a new visa status. electronically of course, i was meant to exist as a student till february next year in the electronic realm.

however, shock shock, horrors upon horrors, as i went through perth customs, the officer told me that my visa had expired in july and that i had overstayed my welcome for 4 months, and they had no choice but to put me on a THREE YEAR EMBARGO from entering Australia again, with the exception of attending a graduation ceremony if my university writes a letter explaining that i am merely attending the ceremony.

obviously i am going to fight this to the bitter end, because i absolutely do not deserve a three year embargo for anything. in fact, ive contributed heaps to the australian economy and culture, and this is how immigration plays me out? well, immigration may have betted high, but i'm not folding, i'm going ALL IN! so yeap, gonna get in touch with my university pretty soon and see what's going on.. i'm pretty sure and trusting God that my name will be cleared, and it gives me an oppurtunity to fight a little private way with beareaucracy again.

i also kind of see this as a confirmation that God wants me in singapore for the next phase of my life. good for some, sad for others (i hope)

the chemistry
i've done a fair bit of cleaning today, and if you think that means clean things.. it really means inhaling vast amounts of noxious abrasive fumes from aerosol cans. it also means scrubbing your hands with cleaning chemicals of the strong sort, so that the palms feel a bit tender as opposed to 'clean'. such is the way with all these chemicals, that i don't know if i can even make myself any 'cleaner' with regular bath soaps. if i put any more soap on me, i'm afraid my skin will begin to burn and then fall off the bone.

it's funny, the soapier something is, the cleaner we think it is. but how clean is clean? really?

fare thee well
just in case i don't have time to tell anyone. i'm leaving perth in about 24hours time and won't be back here till february 3rd 2007. see you on the other side.

no rest for the weary
i never thought i was doing a lot till this last week in perth. i guess i latch on to activity after a whole bout of doing nothing, thinking one can compensate for something, but maybe you just can't.

anyway, yesterday went pretty well, had a few hiccups but God showed up and had his way. it's always good like that.. i guess i learnt a few lessons, realigning my priorities and also, being inspired working with the fervor and zeal of young people. i can only so it was my pleasure indeed.

another rather crazy day today, but i guess we'll be trusting God with the time on all that as well..

where the people hope and find rest
wow.. it's been a rather crazy week. was editing the whole day yesterday, but i had a really good dinner with a coupla good friends of mine, making burgers from scratch and just having mountain loads of beef, chips, beetroot, gerkins, onions, facon bat, lemon bitters, ice cream.. good lord.. haha, if only all men could cook like this and still have enough chest hair to assert the masculinity!

anyway, its back to the editing suites later in the arvo, deadlines deadlines for people's wedding videos!! also, am on for electric guitar on friday night.. was spending the entire morning today learning the songs.. making pretty good progress, i'll work on the rest tomorrow at worship practice. also, missions training at 5pm, but that's going pretty alright.. just gotta remember to bring all the correct CDs this time round.. haha. whole day's taken up tomorrow, i have a fairly free saturday where i need to pack all my stuff so that by sunday i'm good to go to fly back to singapore.

man!

soulmates
she must be from another galaxy.

flesh out the stays, they don't shine as brightly as you
i'm getting rather bored with blogging, but yet i know i'll always love to type my thoughts down, share a little part of me before i go to bed. y'know? also feeling a little bored now that i'm waiting for my results to be released. i watched a fair bit of jungle wa itsumo hale nochi guu, practiced my dance steps and cantonese songs for my missions training, and now i'm gonna go for practice. it sounds like alot, and i'll say it is.. but i think i wanna jam *sigh*

that doesn't particularly sound like art
hmmmm, it's one of those days where you just stay home and appreciate the laziness around you. i cleaned my room yesterday, and today i already have random artifacts strewn over my floor and desk. not that it really matters, but it would be nice to be a bit more organised for just a few more days.

anyway, a coupla things on my mind. i really should be getting into my lc-a a lot more. so far, i've taken about 7 rolls of film, but i have yet to x-process any of them. it's rather expensive in perth, and a bit of a drive. something i tend to avoid when i really wanna get my car in for a service. i've sent 3 rolls in for developing, and the prints aren't much to rave about. there are a few nice ones, but none specifically with that lomo magic. and speaking of cameras, i think soon would be a good time to acquire the sony ericsson k800i.


being a slight photo-enthusiast, one might be thinking why? well, for starters, i don't think a phone could ever be a camera, but i'm seeing this more from a casual and communications point of view. i really think my next camera will actually be a digital SLR, for seriously getting into photography. the k800i is probably one of the best camera phones out in the market now, and it meets my requirements of being a fun, easy to use consumer camera just for taking those candid shots and then sharing them onto the online community. for those moments where you don't have to lug extra techno-artifacts in an urban setting. so thus, this goes in line with hopefully simplifying my life. just slightly.

plus i just hope this isn't one of those material pursuits just so i can feel better about myself. hmmmm.. there were a coupla other things on my mind, but i can't remember them after reviewing a camera phone. technology doesn't help memory in particular, or reminding us why we're human.

oh yes, how does art sound? i suppose there's a reason why i typed today's title they way i did.

if you wanna stay sane
read a blog with a pinch of salt

they told me the letter wasn't a lemon
yumin burnt me some anime and the unit. i like the unit because it's just like a video game with all the guns and combat manoeuvres. i recognise some of the combat stuff from my own training during NS, but i'm no crack delta force unit, so i won't pretend to know much. but i think i did recognise a few individual combat weapon systems from when i used to play rainbow six. very cool. makes you wonder what the future of warfare's gonna be like.

and i've also grown from being a pacifist anti-war youth to being a young adult, that actually believes some things are worth fighting for. i still have a pretty steep anti-war stance, but idealistic hippies piss me off a lot more than under-educated grunts. at least grunts seem more earnest, and maybe it's because i was drafted, and i know i don't really have much of a choice to not take part in a war should my country be attacked by some external force.

repeating, they just keep repeating
where are all the heroes? where are all the tragic stories? perhaps they'll be here tonight, if i could remember tonight, if today was tomorrow and everyday was bathed in light.

sometimes i feel as if i know you
erm.. hello.

we started talking about U2
yh and i always amuse ourselves with jokes nobody gets..

masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
i think he spent half his fortune on delay systems
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
i forgot what brand. but its fucking ex
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d (me)says:
haha
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
you mean its not a dd-3?
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
..
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
haha
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that has to be the best joke ive said all week
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
HAHAHA
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
ya balls
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
HAHAHAHAHAH
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
haha, damn happy
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
HHAHAHA
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
its the best thing to go into some U2 Guitar forum
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
hahahahhahahahahahahahahaha
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
and they are all taking about his delay system
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
ya i can imagine
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
"u mean he doesnt use dd-3?"
masamania didn't watch U2. U2 watched masamania says:
HHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
f e e l i n g l o b o t o m i s e d says:
HAHAHAHAHA

milestones


it's been ten years since beyond performed this song, and eight years since i first saw it with thomas and we all tried desperately to play it on our guitars. the song was in F and we didn't know how to play barre chords then, but we learnt.. at least i learnt to play barre chords because i wanted to be able to play this song. i never learnt the solo though. this is the song which thomas told me the sad story of wong ka-kui because i was wondering why the man playing the bass was crying. in the end, i would become a bass player as well.

i can't explain it, but this song is so emotional on so many levels, in a time where i'm so cynical about the market forces that drive the music industry, i'm just glad that a performance like this was captured, that an imperfect singer could sing a song his brother wrote but died before he could perform it, cry midway during the performance and have his band members and fans back him up. because this was not perfect makes it one of the most important moments in my music history. it's also the reason why it's one of the best guitar solos out there, because it's one that i can actually hear some sort of emotion in the playing. and if they can do this for a dead guy, what more can we do for a King above all kings?

worse for wear and hard to stare
well, getting shingles has sort of made me re-examine the way i take care of myself. because one of the causes of shingles is stress, i suppose i was very stressed the week before completing all my procrastinated work. and now i'm supposed to be studying for a paper tomorrow. and then i have insurance woes and mission trip responsibilities, wedding videos to edit and a future uncertain, it's easy to see there's a lot on my plate. funny thing is, i don't even know where it all came from.

im being medicated by famvir and drinking a vitamin c supplement daily just to boost my immune system up. you can have everything but good health and it wouldn't be worth it. or you could have health but nothing, and maybe life wouldn't be worth living. i think only God fits in that equation where he makes everything worth it. cool huh?

i've been listening to copeland lately because there's something about the timbre of his voice that soothes my soul, and the music isn't as heavny as the other bands, even benton falls is a little to heavy for me at this point in time.

lists help to organise our lives
1. visit nurse/doctor
2. get prescription
3. settle flight itinenary
4. call up insurance claims
5. call up about job vacancy in murdoch

forgotten but not gone
shingles is not funny. i reccomend you don't get it, but it really is unavoidable when you've already had chicken pox. the school nurse tells you that once you've had chicken pox, you'll never get it again, but the flip side is that the relapse known as chicken pox is known as shingles. and while its localised, and you don't normally get fevers, the rash is not just itchy, but can feel like lacerations on your skin that no matter how you treat, just seem to be a nagging pain on your body.

it's a funny ailment where it's viral, so the root in within your body, but the symptons manifest on the surface, but you feel fine on the inside. if you treat the symptoms through topical solutions you feel better, but when you ingest the treatment it takes about one week for any results to take effect. and the treatment is a financial drain, one weeks treatment of famvir cost me $195, and my insurance policy conveniently does not cover treatment of the shingles sort. i feel rather cheated that the policy i spent $150 - $300 on is useless when i need it.

but in the good news section of brian-land, today are the birthdays of two of my closest pals, who are the brothers i never had, and we're all the youngest in our families.. so, do the math.. haha


napkin man god-brother, beer buddy, emotional confidant, travelling companion, lets me copy homework partner, brekkie lunch dinner friend, bros before hoes pal..


funk soul thom - spiritual emotional confidant, melody maker, fanatic collaborator, jurong hokkien mee buddy, leeson leet guitarist, teach me wrong chinese words friend, hai guo tien kong friend, love-solo partner, bio sciencer going to international relations, concert dvd to music appreciation club founder

hello from the past


i think ive got shingles, but before you think its some weird topical sexually transmitted disease.. look here

anyhow, had a play with photoshop and was being narccissistic. so sue me, i'm tired, and i don't know what to do next. except perhaps, shower, study and/or sleep.

too many bright ideas, don't get any


that was beck's reworking of his odelay! classic, where it's at. there's this other version where it sounds more 80's hip hop synth fever, but this version sounds like the mutant spawn of country blues, and hip hop from the 80s. the samples he uses at the end coupled with his bad scratching and out of tune harmonies.. easily make this a clear favourite in my books.

but yeah, ive got so many ideas swimming in my head now, about the sort of music i wanna do. there's the noise experimentation side, the country-acoustic side, the organic electronic side, and now.. the whole beck side. not many people in perth appreciate the kinda music that i'm talkin about down here, i sorta miss thomas my guitarist from spore, whom i know is on the same wavelength as i am most of the time. but i have faith that good things will come from here.. i'm sort of trusting God to open a door for me to stay here for another 6-12 months with a job i'm gonna apply with the university down here.. we'll see what happens.. if so, i can finally concentrate on something without needing to study.. well, hopefully.. haha -)

sitting around waiting for the air to change
i was in fremantle with my mum this afternoon, and it was a majestic feeling to have finally completed all my assignments! but while we were sitting at gloria jeans complaining about the bad flavoured coffee, i know i'll never have a place like fremantle in singapore. places like fremantle are reserved for people in perth. which is why i hope i'll find my own little magical place in singapore, to help take me away from singapore when singapore becomes too much for me every once in awhile. perth's always a plane ride away, but i think singapore's home for now, and home's where i wanna be. but perth's sorta an adopted home too, and i hope never to forget it. well, not unless it's cutting me too deep.. but then again, that's for everything else init?

brian's dark side
i love sniggering to myself when yuppie-wannabes think that the image quality of a camera is dependent on the mega-pixel count. no you dolts, all the mega-pixel count does is that it increases the resolution of what you can work with in post-production, and how big you can blow an image up before it starts to distort. 3.2 mega-pixels is enough to blow a print up to A4 size. While having a higher mega-pixel count is of course good, and more is still more, as a consumer, you need to ask yourself, do you need that much resolution if you don't do much image manipulation or blow-up pictures?

if you're looking for a consumer camera, its the sensor and the lens that make up the beauty of the image. and chances are, in a consumer camera, both are just pretty bad. but at least you know what you should be looking for in the first place for good pictures. but then again, yuppie-wannabes just want the prettiest looking camera they can find. am i right or am i right? *evil cackle*

sort of silent rejection
the funny thing about emo kids (whether you deny yourself or not), is that they wear their hearts on their sleeves. i go to someone's myspace page, and the new blurb read, "i hate liars." and at that instant i just knew she had broken up with her boyfriend. and true enough, i scroll down and her status has been changed to single. are we so easy to decipher? well, depends on how much we wear on our sleeve i suppose. she always professed her love for her then boyfriend, that when the slightest change of heart happens, the air changes. or maybe i'm just too damned good when it comes to reading people. but i still suck at texas hold'em.. or maybe i just think i suck.

my electric dreams


i know its almost four in the morning, but i can't seem to get to sleep nor do i want to. but trust me, once i get this out of the way, i'll plonk myself on a couch and go right to bed.

i've been rather intrigued with the work of guy sigsworth of late. some of you may recognise him from being the other half of froufrou, but i never knew that. i only became when i saw him play a pipe organ with bjork, and then i realised he was also a composer, producer and arranger. i've always tried to stay clear of froufrou, because i've tried to stay clear of garden state. don't ask me why, i can only give you a stupid excuse where it's one of those movies that everybody seems to go on and on about which makes me naturally averse to it. and yes, "let go" by froufrou, beautiful song as it is falls under my bigoted taste for the arts.

anyway, more on mr sigsworth. i think its amazing he's embraced technology and yet arranges and sequences some of the most organic and sparse sounds at a live bjork show. i'm inspired save the least, about how much work gets done on the computer and it may well be an avenue worth looking into if i wanna do more performance art. i think sequencing is definitely one of the ideas worth exploring because it gives you more autonomy to be an artist without bothering too many of your friends. unfortunately i've been investing alot of my time and money on things that aren't geared toward digital recording. i do have a bunch of guitar pedals though.. haha but i'm glad technology is getting better. i'm looking at either an old powerbook G4 or the newer macbooks (ibook replacements) to be more main digital workstation. i'm rather tempted to get the G4 even though its obsolete, but if it was working fine for so many people and i'm only an amateur in the music production gig, i think i can get a cheap G4 and start my sequencing dreams.

broken down houses
maybe i should just type in here to get it out of the way. my little electronic message to you, just like a regular pulse so that you know i'm still alive. i wonder if i'll keep this same blog to chronicle my entire life's story.. so that maybe when i'm 75 on my death bed, people can still read about me as i slowly fade away from this reality. and did you ever stop to wonder, that perhaps if everyone's collective blogging memories could somehow be understood by an artificial intelligence, would it gain a sort of sentiency because it experiences so much more than all of us? what we experience in a lifetime, is multiplied a billion-fold for the AI capable of sampling every memory and experience on this earth. it wouldn't just be sentiency.. it would almost be omnipotency..

knowledge is power, but it also comes with sadness


i was a cafe today where i was doing abit of reading with a gourmet travel magazine. i remember reading an article about a three star chef (apparently that's a very good rank) who is known to be a paradox because he is the chef that is a businessman, and a businessman who is a chef. he says he doesn't work, but that he walks, travelling around the globe to taste, experience, observe, to make sure that all his restraunts are up to standard. he doesn't sleep because he does all his sleeping on the plane.

wow, that does seem rather impressive, to be able to exist as a concept and be at the top of society, having your food eaten by the elites of modern life. it was rather enlightening to read about how some high society people conduct their lives, in the glossy magazines that tell us about the secret lives of others. we're all magazine articles, because we consume the information they tell us, sometimes we just wanna be like what we read.

sometimes i think we take too much pride in what we know, that we forget that there's a whole lot we don't know, and then we don't become teachable. i mean, success is probably the hallmark of past methods that somehow worked and we turned out alright. but sometimes, just sometimes, i think it causes us to turn a blind eye to the realith of mistakes, that they have equal value in teaching us what we don't know. plus, sometimes, the more i think i know, the sadder that knowledge brings to my being.

the chunk is not in the steak
don't you just hate buying chunky steak pies, but there aren't any chunks in there and just chewy bits of some synthetic rubber tyre? anyway, the purpose of this post isn't to talk about the sad state of australian frozen food. it's about

videos!

i scour the ends of youtube for great song and dance so that you don't have to! i've been on a bit of bjork fever lately, but i absolutely love the massive attack video that's coming up. hypnotic bassline and sub-par video quality work but maximised to make an interesting video than the rest of the polished shite floating around MTV.



this is bjork performing big time sensuality with talvin singh on tablas and guy sigsworth on a pipe organ. if you've heard the original, this will blow your fragile little mind.



finally, this is an awesome live version of bjork's pagan poetry. it's rather long, but it seduces you into her performance, which all i can say is nothing short of mindblowing.



so instead of stills, i offer you moving pictures on my blog!

clubs and cattleprods
we're herding all the sheep into the pen, just listen to the pain and the sack over your heads. don't ask why, don't ask how, don't ask when. you're mine now and we'll bring you over just one last time.

man, it's been a full on weekend for me. cell group on friday night, i spent the whole day shooting my friends' wedding and enjoying a dinner on saturday, and then by sunday i had already spent the whole day in church and just came back home after missions training. at 8, i'm gonna on set to finish up a scene for swifty's production and then hopefully back home at 930pm to have a cuppa coffee and then finish up my report with a thousand two hundred words to go.

caffinated and ready to take on the suburbs
i wanted to write take on the world, but i don't feel that ready yet. i wonder if i'll ever feel that way.. but today seems like a good day. another thousand words on my report, a shoot for a project that is hopefully my last, cell group in the evening and basically the sun is just up and it is a lovely lovely looking day. plus mom's here, and it's great we're bonding and talking, praying and just well, doing life. it's a great comfort that she's here, and i can't wait to go back to singapore as well. just to see how everyone's doing and also to rekindle old music flames.

with marionettes we'll take the world over
increasingly, i think i'm losing my way, but then i have faith that the light i see will be the end of the tunnel. keep following the light, don't look back, there's nothing to see behind, and let's hope we find the world the right side up when we come back out.

i wished i had copies of myself to do the things i needed to do.

i learn a new word
mahai

doing it with fire
wah shite, i feel damn emo because i'm procrastinating so much. but how much more can i run the race when the finish line seems like an eternity away?

farewell all you sinners and saints
i'm roused from my slumber with worship practice in 25 minutes but i'm still nursing a lazy saturday afternoon. i slept at 330 the night before, and got up at 930 and then 1015 again today before heading down to fremantle to do a bit of shopping.

bought an awesome rec checked shirt from an opshop for 17 dollars, three classical records by various orchestras at 50 cents for the lot and the snowman self-titled debut.

and now, i'm finishing a cup of coffee as i blog this, before practice and a farewell bbq where i bought some ultra cheap rolls of film to take pictures at.

flamethrowers try their best to burn
they say a good idea goes on the long way, but when it's the main currency in the creative field, over-inflated egos and undue praise and rewards on purely abstract notions just seems a tad contrived to the somewhat practical me. and i don't think its about sour grapes, there's a reason why most powerful people think that they're better than everybody else.

monsters
do we become students to do great things or to learn how to do great things?

myspace girls are the prettiest
but they're also too young.

coping with distress
"what has love become?
it's not like we used to hear in those old songs."
- love is a fast song, copeland

such a poetic image. it reminds me of love is my velocity. just the pictures in connotes and suggests.. love, something so fleeting, let it take you up into the whirlwind of imagination. i'll tell you things you never knew.

i've always wanted to love someone, to tell them things, to share life. so while i may not have a romantic love for anyone, anyone whom i love as a brother, sister, friend gets to hear me talk on end about the beautiful things in life and why it's worth living. you'll hear about the heartache and the pains and what makes this life real, and how we're all struggling to find our place within.

there's a breaking point when soon, everything will come bursting out.

ancient death scimitar
if that's not a cool band name, i don't know what is.

well, apart from it sounding incredibly goofy, it does have experimental joke properties.

i wish i could update you all on fantastic things that are developing in my life like finished new songs or projects that break the creative barrier or of gigs that could potentially change my life, or revelations to bring the gospel to uncreached people groups..

but i'm pleased to report that nothing of that sort is happening and i'm stuck here in the bowels of my own mediocrity. damn, i hate this feeling.

miniature hearts
i'm sitting here a bit fazed, because well.. i'm supposed to know what i wanna say by the time i get here. but the thing is, i don't really know what i wanna say, or if anything needs saying at all.

i've just come back from church camp, and it was every bit as good as the ones prior to it. i've learnt many different things, and in different ways too. it wasn't just about being hit full on by the spirit of God, but this time it was more about careful timing, perfect placement, strong steady arms and firm grounding instead of great emotional heights.

from earlier posts, you may have realised that i was not staying with my peers, but rather people from the worship team, some of which i knew, some more like acquaintences. but i'm glad to say, that it didnt matter, God made sure i was never short of company, blessing me with this group of people, having meals together, talking together, joking or laughing and basically, just enjoying God through the friendship of others.

but that was not the real reward for not asking to be changed to a different group. i think since the arragnments were proposed, it was a lesson from God about living things his way instead of what our desires tell us so.

it's alright to have desires, but we have to be careful to live them out in the context of what God desires more of us, becuase his ways should be our ways.

the speaker for camp was a Ps. Dennis Balcombe who was a US missionary to China for more than 30 years of his life. he's what you might call fanatical.. the disciplines he put himself thru, the principles he lived by all to bring delight to God. basically, i think he's might almost be the fire and brimestone guy on the streets telling you to repent. but that is the conviction that God put in his heart, that without knowing Jesus as our saviour, we are undoubtedly going to hell when we pass away. and for him, there's no time to waste. me? maybe my heart's not in that place yet, because this whole camp has showed me how much i hold back, wanting to control my life of fear that when God controls my life it's gonna spiral out of control.

on the last night of camp, Ps. Dennis gave the altar call to allow the Holy Spirit to fill us and renew us. i was on acoustic guitar duties, but when a young man asked if i would like to be prayed for, i agreed and left my guitar with him to play. as i stood there, my mentor came and prayed for me, reminding me to go back to the word of God which is a very timely reminder. after that, i waited, but no Ps. Balcombe.. i thought i would give myself a few more moments, but he didn't seem to be walking in my direction.

well.. no big deal i reckon, i already have been baptised with the holy spirit, and there's no denying that the spirit works in my life as well. so, i guess i just decided to going back to what i was doing earlier, and that was playing the guitar.

however, when i walked back to the worship line, another Ps. David asked if i had been prayed for by Ps. Balcombe. i thought this was rather intriguing because i had just returned from the altar call, and even if no one was watching, i would feel rather silly fluttering between two zones so often. but i sensed God was wanting to tell me something, so i agreed and stood at somewhere slightly more prominent hoping he would see me this time.

well, i waited and waited, feeling a bit uneasy.. opening and closing my eyes wondering when it was my turn. perhaps if i was really in the zone, i would have just been lost in experiencing God. but i was fluctuating between worship and 'what am i doing here' thoughts.

finally, Ps. Balcombe laid his hands on me. he didn't say anything, but was just praying for me in tongues, not loud or anything, just how someone would if he was praying for you, and then he moved on.

well, that was rather strange i thought, but i allowed it to soak within me. it wasn't that i didn't understand it, on the contrary, i was glad that he finally came to me, and prayed for me even if it was in no intelligible words. because i was determined to stand my ground and not let God pass me by, just a touch from him was enough to fill my spirit. the short pause really did lift me up, and i was feeling much better about my circumstances. as i was about to leave, my cell leader walks up to me and reads a word into my heart.

"he trusts in the Lord; let the Lord rescue him. Let him deliver him since he delights in him." Psalms 22:8

wow, the Lord delights in me! and it was just like it said, waiting on the Lord is trusting in him, over circumstances, over our comfort zones, over what we think is the right thing to do, over justification.. regardless of where we stand, whether we're in a good place or a bad place.. we just need to trust in the Lord, and he will deliever us.

another cell member came up to pray with me, and share about how we should always ask the Lord to stay a little bit longer, which i can say is something i need to learn. without knowing it, i know i compartmentalise God in various areas of my life.. he has some control of my life, but not everything. things deep down inside, the stuff i know i have to deal with, i'm learning to let God instead.

overall, the challenge presented to me at camp, was that we get so comfortable with our own lives sometimes, that we have no more desire to see God perform miracles and revivals in our lives. Ps. Balcombe showed us a lot of footage of the revival sweeping through china. most of them were simple folk, with very little going for them in life, but they had such fire in their eyes. they were hungry for the word of God, hungry for miracles, for healings and teachings. one might look at it and think that it was more a simplistic faith rather than a simple faith. i mean, i don't know if they understood the doctrine of calvinism or the differences in denominations or various creationist arguments supporting christianity..

to these folk, it didnt matter.. all that did was that God gave his son to die for their sins, rose again and conqured death, and now he is extending his gift of eternal life into their lives. and they had fire.. something fanatical as opposed to the rest of us civilised folk.

i began to wonder about the more developed places like beijing. would a successful business man or government official want to be seen with these simple folk, in their poverty acting like stark raving lunatics for God? and i began to wonder about myself.. would i be able to 'act' like that in public, or rather would i allow the Holy Spirit to use me in such a way? i mean, am i more concerned in societal rules and keeping up with appearances rather than being concerned about how God thinks, how God wants to do things.

this was my challenge, and i'm in the process of understanding more about it. but the more i think and pray about it, the more i realise what an absolute farce so many things in this world is, and yet.. i also know that there is nothing guilty with being born into the income group God placed you in when you were born.

Paul taught that to the greeks we become greeks, and to become all things to all men so that some might be saved. wherever we are called to serve, we should not need to feel guilty about our circumstance, because it's all God, what he called us to be and do. the only difference is that, where we are, are we actually fulfilling the work of God. are we investing ten talents for another ten or just burying them in the ground?

open arms
will be gone on saturday. but i'm just wondering just how much of open arms will singapore accept me when i return?

review: my life as a process
ack, only because i'm gonna leave my seat in fifteen minutes time for a class in half an hour. between now and then, i am photoshopping an image to illustrate my future plans for world domination.

it is done!



well, i'm doing this because i cannot afford a US made Lakland Joe Osborn, so i was thinking of getting a much cheaper Fender bass and just modding the electronics. sure it might sound different with the woods and all, but that's the exciting thing as well! having your own mutant beast and not feeling guilty for changing it!

don't know love
saw a man eating alone today. he was the kinda guy that didn't look very fashionable, very plain, in his thirties, and well.. my first thought was that gee.. he's looks awfully alone or lonely, and my secondary thought was, gee, i hope i don't end up like that..

well, for that split second my fear of being alone in my thirties crept up again.

but this time instead of entertaining the thought or lies about self worth, what was brought to my attention by the holy spirit was that there was such an unecessary emphasis of a man's virility by the companion or companionship he has by his side.

i mean, think about it. usually our first conclusion about seeing a person doing 'community' actions alone, we tend to think that they are such lonely people. meals, movies, at a club, at a gig, having a coffee (but not doing anything else).

sure sometimes its true, but my argument is that usually it is our own self-righteousness that judges them that way.

if we are so bound by what the status quo tells us to be, then well.. thoughts of dying alone will forever plague us. but if we can accept that singlehood, or even alone time is exactly another part/phase of life, and that a person is no less than the company he/she keeps by his/her side, then i think we could learn a thing or two about our own perceptions of our self-worth.

am i sorry for this man? no more than i am sorry for myself.

make love, not warcraft


because only the good stuff belong here. one of the latest southpark episodes utilising warcraft iii machinma to animate various scenes. hella funny even if you don't know l337 speak. please watch it r-tards!

my secret lovechild
i've been nursing the ghost of Anna Karina for eleven posts now, and in case you don't know how irregularly i update that space, i'm telling you here. -)

just uploaded a short demo of the chorus to a yet-to-be completed song. you can download it and hopefully listen to it, but it's not imperitive, except for napkin man

the (red) army
so it helps to be socially aware right?

well, i got to know more about project (red) from bruce's blog and according to their manifesto, (red)red seems to be rewriting the business models of the world. buy our products, we give $10 from every product bought to buy medicine to fight AIDS in Africa.

as usual, when i was reading the article and the what nots about how this product is launched, my cynical radar lept at all the tasty breadcrumbs that corporate america had left behind to lead me to its gingerbread house. but i hope to be as objective as humanly impossible, but i'm sure some of my personal bias will leak through.

for starters, what the model is perpetuating is that if you buy our product, you can make a difference. make no mistake, this is a wonderfully innovative idea to generate funds to manufacture medicines for the people who need it. i guess no matter what i say, i can't defeat this bottom line, that these companies will give more money to the AIDS benefit in a day than i ever will in my lifetime.

but this is where i say it merely addresses the symptons.

been longin' for that new ipod, get it in (red), want a new armani watch? get it in (red), wanna get a new GAP t-shirt? get it in (red). want the new U2 album or Oprah Winfrey's panties? get'em in (red). they've basically made it cool to be socially aware, helping the people who need help and cool to be charitable.

maybe they done for the masses what no scrappy social worker has ever been able to inspire the yuppies of the first world, and that is to get people interested. the products that (red) sells is the nice shiney carrot, because everybody wants the cool new (red) ipod. (iriver already had a red mp3 player with the H320)

but where i wonder are the deeper undercurrents. so if i buy my branded product, i've done my part to save the world? more insidious than this, you're not just buying a trendy (red) product, but you're buying a right to be able to sleep a peaceful, socially aware sleep. once i spend $199 (listed on the apple website), my $10 goes to a kid who needs it. well, the challenge i present is that if you forgo that apple product, you help 19.9 kids who could use it.

and what has apple or any company really done about anything? put a shiny new coat of (red) paint on all existing products, and suddenly you create massive cult items that everybody wants and you only give $10 to an African third world nation whilst your revenue reaches unprecedented hights because of the sheer branding power of a colour.

so what now? red is synonymous with helping AIDS victims in Africa? last i remember, i don't think there ever was a patent on a primary colour before.

as you can tell by now, my problem is not with the actions of (red), its with the attitudes that it perpetuates in the masses. if we choose not to break it down, we'll just find everything in our house a bright red colour, or until some other business model decides to sell (blue) products to help slave children in china. and we in our riches start stocking up on different coloured products, and as long as the hurt is elsewhere, our little difference in monetary alleviation means that we don't have to concern what the other causes out there. once we've spent more of our disposable income on products that help, we'll have less to give for problems closer to home, or those that you feel more for.

bottem line from me, don't buy a (red) product because you wanna help some kid in Africa, buy it because you enjoy the design and aesthetic of the product you bought, or the branding that has gone into making it a product with an inflated price tag. there should be no shame in that, but we should be ashamed of ourseleves if we think the only way we help people is by only by buying a product

don't get me wrong, i am conceeding that its great that money goes to where its needed, but if my symptom analogy is anything to go by, medicine getting delivered is the symptom cured, than our apathetic hearts is one of the root causes of any diseases.

a new coat of paint - that's what it looks like to me.

pinch recovery
things are heating up in perth, for a change i'm actually switching on the fan to a power of one for the first time in months. if i were in singapore, the fan would always be at three, no second guessing, just automatic. once i'd come home from anywhere, it's straight to the room and switch the fan on to three. it's probably so routine there must be some sort of comfort and security in doing it so often.

speaking of heating up, has it finally come down to this. for once in a very long time, i'm finally actually having something of a little temper tantrum toward the powers that be in my church here in perth.

for starters, forgive any attitudes that might sound rather seething, because.. in my bid to just lay it all down, i'm just gonna tell it like i see it or feel it.

it's been awhile, but i feel rather under-appreciated. don't know why, don't know if i can put any specifics init. but maybe it's got something to do with my paranoia of finally leaving this place and well, i can't help but feel that sometimes i'm being treated like i've come to the end of the line and that well, various ministries are just not investing anything into my life anymore.

now this might sound terribly selfish, and perhaps i shall be the first to admit that it is.. but i guess it is also a good gauge as to how much i've done things for myself, opposed to maybe how much i've been thinking of what i was doing for God. recognising this flaw is one thing, accepting it and learning from it is something else.

and then i have to shoot someone's wedding tomorrow, gonna be a whole day affair and i need to skip mission trip training. telling my group leader/pastor, i dunno if she was joking or not, but it just looked like she expected that i would have managed my time better or something. the thing is i didnt realise was that the wedding was on a sunday (most are held on saturdays), and well.. perhaps its my fault this happened. but one thing that gets to me is that people in general like to focus on your present mistakes rather than any contributions you made in the past. well, in this event, i just felt as if everything i did in the church for the past three years didnt mean anything to anyone. and again i recognise the selfish agenda that has crept up, but likewise.. i'm laying it down now before it's allowed to slowly eat away at my soul. i suppose the enemy uses anything he has at his disposal to bring us down..

and finally, i guess i just found out about the living arrangements for church camp this coming sunday. basically the campsite will be divided into two seperate areas with a space of about 1 km in between. people in my age group will be in this area called CYC and the other area is for the family cells in an area called FREEWAY or something. and guess what? i've been assigned to FREEWAY with the families instead of CYC with the majority of my peers.

in a way i feel betrayed, i mean, surely the organisers know that i have no family here, why're they taking me away from the only family i got down here? and paranoia creeps around here and there.

and this just in. having been prompted by the holy spirit that i might be being tested or under some sort of spiritual attack to lose my trust in God, or a servant's ability to sumbit to authority or sowing the seeds of dischord within my life and church, i think God reminded me of something quite important.

i'm supposed to be doing a media study with one of the kids in the family district, so perhaps me being in the FREEWAY area is more beneficial than it is detrimental. there might be a whole other host of other things being where i am, and if anything.. let's believe that God will show all of us the way..

don't talk cock in parliament!


i don't really care what you think about my country, but this is really funny and tongue in cheek -) for me everything was summed up with don't talk cock in parliament!

clout one's judgement
the da vinci code has sown its seeds among our human intellect. possibilities, theories and endless what-ifs. this world is not a black and white one, we have in our superiority over all things claimed the massive grey in between and would prefer to live in the encompassing subjectivity rather than bear responsibility for ever crossing a line.

am i too hardline in my approach?

i always thought good and evil should be absolute, that the nature of the universe are is empiricals, that we had our binaries and its opposites. that anything that does not stand of holiness is unholy, anything that is not of God surely is of something else. hell is not just a place, it is a seperation from all that is God. it's not just physical, mental or spiritual suffering. it is the emptiness of not being around God, the disenchantment, the rut, the staring off into the edge of space and nothing more. nothing more. and that scares the absolute crap out of me.

sure a part of me has doubted the authenticity of the bible. in fact it would make tremendous sense that the books were chosen by either human intellect or someone with a personal agenda. sure that over the years, meanings could be lost in translation. sure, it makes perfect logical sense.

but i refuse to believe that my God will be bound by the same linear laws that he effected in the first place. despite my human understanding of this word of god, when you believe the words that he says his words will endure forever, that nothing will be changed in his own word.. you'd better believe it. not in human systems, but in the Word Of God, and if he says that it doesn't change. then it hasn't.. despite what the critics tell us.

is it just a simple faith? if you can't believe the authenticity of the bible, can you believe the immaculate birth and the foundation of his cruxifiction for our salvation?

hollow uprisings
it's funny when you meet someone whom you know is kinda like you. sometimes you automatically dislke this person, because you might see the same flaws within him/her, or you acknowledge the similarities, but when any differences arise you wonder why he/she could possibly make such 'mistakes' because.. well, you wouldn't.

it's funny how we're all perfect in our own eyes.

self-portrait


guess i haven't done these in awhile. a photo from about three months back and gone thru the digital lomo process as best as i could remember it.

maybe i'm putting it up just so i can remember what i look like twenty years down the road and perhaps this domain still exists somewhere in the digital eternal.

sometimes i think we only recognise our flaws whenever we look at ourselves in the mirror. would we be leading much more blessed lives if we weren't so self reflexive?

no more tears to run dry


watching videos.
crazy plan to go to japan and do JET and after that do actual art and production there.
a nonsense project band called pi.

why am doing all this as opposed to what i'm supposed to do?

true freedom means no fake guilt
we've always wanted to be free, but everybody imposes their own set of rules on us. naturally i think we're bound by rules, for example, as a natural order of things, humans can't fly on their own strength, or interstellar cosmic aparitions don't escape blackholes. so my theory goes that there is a true set of rules and a whole buncha other false ones. if you live by the true set of rules, you find freedom becauses realistically speaking, those rules aren't meant to make you feel bad for living by them.

i'm also listening to last year's mix cd, and i'm really glad that it's still good after all this time. i'm happy that this year's one will be so different from last years because i've included a whole set of other indulgences.. so look forward to it aight peeps?

i hate bureaucracy
*sigh* called up their insurance company today, was tossed around 3 times before they found me the right department. doesn't matter, tried to negotiate the the amount asking my such minor damage should cost so much since they were replacing the other party's whole bumper instead of simply knocking it back out. don't know if i should go directly to the person and talk this out or whether i should just contact my insurance company and pay the $550 excess.. i don't feel like talking to the women because i just feel somewhat betrayed for my honesty and pointing out the dent i made and all when she didn't notice it at first. but i guess that's what you get when you let your good heart lead you home. i don't regret what i've done which was to do the right thing, i just feel this immense sense of betrayal and being left to take the fall.

life isn't all about slackin' off


project i'm helping to cinematograph. i think it looks pretty decent! so enjoy.

estimate is subject to any unseen damage
about a month back, i accidentally knocked someone's car from behind (this is not the one driving my friend's car from my misadventures with napkin man and beatmastermark). it was a red light and i was already braking but some mofo on my right was trying to say something to me. being the gullible idiot, i was kinda deciphering what he was saying and somehow my car just allowed itself to roll into the car in front of me. it was a jolt save the least.

we drove to the side of the road to exchange details and also when i looked at damage on her car, it was really just a nick and a slight dent. i immediately thought.. crap.. probably bumper replacement, but i didn't expect it to go as high as when they just sent me the letter today.

$$1128.88

i'm abit flabbergasted that such a small amount of damage can result in so much cost. looking at the breakdown, labour cost almost $500 and her new parts cost almost $580. i suppose my own insurance company will pay off most of it (they start paying after an excess of $550), but it's still a pretty rough lesson. i used to think i was a safe driver, but perhaps you learn lessons this way. you can always be safer, no matter how safe you are in the first place.

i feel the pinch more because it has over-exceeded my budget not because of the expense. but yeah, i suppose at the end of the day its the amount of money i have to fork out as well.

blast no offence desu
i love this guy!

not without equal
if you can explain it, the power balance and relations are balanced.

the scary thing about blogging as long and as regularly as i have, is that if for any reason you break the routine, you become paranoid that something is going wrong in your life. this familiarity of my typing has made all of us, producer and reader all rather stagnant in that the wheels keep on turning and the machine keeps on moving. sometimes it's hard to tell when the machine is slightly broken in places.

sometimes i jolt us back into the original joy of starting the blog, the sheer randomness or the expression behind each word and alphabet to the dot. but, things inherent become things apparent.

when options fail democracy
boo. i like the new yahoo mail interface.

not much time left now...


perhaps the thing that draws me to cyborg text is that man has seemingly wrested control of the synthetic and replaced his own natural physique. the tower of babel if you wish, but there is a subtle frailty in seeing a man struggling to attain some sort of trancendence in his life when really, we are just mere mortals.

perfect beings
you know you're beautiful and you know how to get the things you want. that scares me as it makes my blood boil. you're building the world in your image, but it doesn't leave much room for the rest of us. society built upon the broken backs of lesser people, it would be better if there was nothing to reign over us, nothing to subjugate over us and just let it all crawling back down the surface of the walls.

i say things in electric warbles, you look intently into this purple facade and find everything not according to your liking, but this will only serve to convey a vague sense of hope and loss. me? i've crossed over to the other side, where my imperfections lay perfect with the rest of us.

the bleak future has its hope in life support machinary, but what of life supported machines?

mediocrity
seems i'm a rather moderate person. here.

Survey Complete.

Thank you for completing the survey.

The Desirability of Control (DC) Scale identifies the extent to which people are motivated for control. People who score high on the scale are described as decisive, assertive, and active. They generally seek to influence others when such influence is advantageous. High DC people have high aspiration levels and select harder tasks than low DC people. High DC people are more likely to attribute success to their own efforts and abilities than low DC people, and attribute their failures to external sources. Your DC score is 100. This suggests your desire for control is moderate.

The Novelty Seeking Scale measures two dimensions; cognitive novelty seeking and sensory novelty seeking. Sensory novelty seeking refers to a person’s tendency to enjoy stimulating or risky activities. Your score is 12, suggesting that you are moderate on sensory novelty seeking.Cognitive novelty seeking refers to a person’s tendency to enjoy new experiences that stimulate thinking. Your score is 17, indicating that you are moderate on cognitive novelty seeking.

wishing upon wished stars


neat song and music video. plus its only a minute and a half, so you know you won't be wasting too much of your time. hehehe. but the reason why i like it is that its such a good deconstruction of music. so there, i'm sounding more intelligent than i really am, but hey.. you didn't know that did you?

friday night and i believe. i'll believe in all the things that skip a tune to the beat.

i've been listening to dark forrest by buddhistson a lot today, because i like the guitar riff so much.

when i got home at five today, i played guitar and bass till eight thirty and then i went out to burger king to get dinner. guess i really miss jamming with folk, i tried a few more riffs that i'd been working on, and man.. i'm just itching to go back and play with my friends. i also watched a tv show on agustus the guy who succeded julius ceasar. it was interesting, but not terrbly interesting.

and then i find myself staring at this blank screen, contemplating what to tell you but then i already did.

and oh, check out the latest production report in this production i'm involved in here.

when you realise all your cliches
i've read hi-fidelity and seen half the movie, and i guess its no real surprise i compare myself to the story's hero. with his record collecting and list making quirks, and how one by one he chased each girl from his past down so that he could have some sort of closure with them. i'm like that, with the list making, the rankings, the once in awhile indie snobbishness, and also probably more importantly, the whole thing about closure. i've had closure before, i know how good it feels like. i've had closure with girls i've liked before, and maybe i'm glad they have closure with me as well. it really wraps things up and just so you know the emotional hithers aren't so much in play as well. don't distance yourself from your emotions, rather, i think they should be interpretated with a fine finesse as well.

and we have reached the end of a crisis!
thirty thousand visitors! hurrah! hurrah indeed! i reckon this is like hitting thirty in real life, only that i'm six years premature.

six more years till i'm thirty! i wonder what that will be like.. what would i have accomplished by the time i hit that number? i suppose i would have graduated by then, but haha.. it's been a long time coming.

i'm just chomping on an apple now, typing shite before i head off to class, which is two and a half apples down. there've been a lack of updates because i've just been busy procrastinating to get all my work done, and also the student production i'm working on. but it hasn't all been in vain.. i've more or less compiled a list for this year's mix CD and also, entertaining thoughts of starting a new music project. the ghost has been kind of stagnant of late. but today i worked a few riffs that seem to be in the vein of alternative country.. we'll see how that progresses

worse for wear
i have a proposal due friday, so i'm trying to get started today. unfortunately i'm the easily distracted type. i don't know why, i don't know how. i wished people would sympathise when i say it's hard. sharing is caring, and i wan't you to care. we might hit 30000 visitors by the end of this week. what a milestone! words coming out non-stop since 2003 and in the third quarter of the forth year, we hit thirty thousand passer-bys. maybe it will make me feel slightly better.

in other news, this anti-pornography movement seems to be an interesting cause in the right direction. i won't exactly agree with their "Jesus loves pornstars" tagline because taken the wrong way, it could become just another cultural shbang like Fonzie's "i fucked your girlfriend." however, it is a very powerful statement, and hopefully it does more good than harm. if we don't become apathetic to such a statement, it really is a powerful one. i've always wondered how we could try sharing the gospel to people to an industry in say porn, or drugs, or organised crime. i mean, christians tend to be so prim and proper that sometimes, even being associated with the people from such walks of life takes so much out of us. i for one can attest to how hard it is to being a good testimony.. because it really is hard on our pride. i don't think i could do anything if it wasn't for God's compassion for others, if he loves them, then so must i. it's a little mix of obedience and well, maybe being open to what God can put in our hearts. our pride and fear of the unknown are usually our first defence against doing anything radical for God.

well, i think this guy has a pretty unique ministry. i may not understand it all, but we pray no matter what. we pray no matter what, whether we understand or not.. because what else can we do? we can't know everything, but we can pray for everything as the spirit leads. we don't always have to be right, we just need to have the right attitude to let the spirit work and let God work in whatever situation.

find some health


churned out this rubbish in five minutes after having an overload of stereo sushi the last day or so.

compassion for reason
today, someone was just sharing about the compassion he shared toward the people in hongkong when he went there for missions the past three times. (i'm going to hongkong at the end of the year for a mission trip) he said something that really spoke to me, which was that the compassion he felt, toward the poor or the homeless, if a man needed food, he'd get him food, or if the person was cold and needed a jacket, he'd give him his jacket.

now, i have a schwipe jacket that costs over 200 dollars, and when i heard of such an action, i just naturally thought of my own worldly possesion. if this was me in hongkong, wearing my jacket, would i give it to someone who needed it more than me at the time? forget about buying the guy some other jacket or giving him something else to keep warm with. i'm just proposing that right here right now, someone needed the jacket off my shoulders and it happened to be my expensive jacket, would i have given it to him?

it's rather crippling, this price of compassion i can put on material things. i know i'm no saint, but.. man, i was confronted today by the holy spirit. it really caused me to ponder and re-inspect the things which i place value on in life. if so, material possesions probably ranks quite highly up there then. i dont know if i could have given a homeless man my jacket. the brand, or the quality or even the way it looks should actually not amount to anything should it? i mean, when push comes to shove. but i think i was shoved, and i took a second guess, and i didn't like what i saw.. didn't like how i valued my own things more than i valued the things of God.

and so, i take a step back, and review the things that i buy, things that i desire.. and have to realise that all things come from God, and things which we place before God ultimately become our stumbling blocks.

hiding things and finding things
watching tv today kind of made me just want to pack it all in and fast forward my life.

miscommunication
what happens when you finally talk to a girl you've always been meaning to talk to? it was rather surreal, i don't even know if i was making coherent conversation.. but let's hope we made sense.

how to be a better person
i guess there has to first be an inherent dissatisfaction in your life, that you think "things could be better." nothing wrong with that, in fact it's a good tool to strive, or rather not lapse into stagnancy. combating stagnancy and being contented are not polar opposites, in fact i think they go together. one has to first learn to be content, so that he/she does not chase after fleeting things, and well.. combatting stagnancy is a natural part of our lives when we see that the world is always changing around us. if one chooses to live within society, one has to change with it or be left behind, but if one chooses to live on the periphery of society, then well.. nothing that society dictates should affect this person very much. so where has God called you to be today?

i do wish i was a better person, i do wished i made less mistake. the funny thing about this world, is that we bear so much weight on our mistakes. we can't lie and say they don't matter, but we can't lie and hold an unecessary grudge against ourselves for a mistake. hevaen knows the times we remember someone for more bad than good, and that translates into our own lives so much more. we can forgive others, but can we forgive ourselves? you don't need to have done something bad to want forgiveness.. the need for forgiveness is probably something so inherent and deep within us, that sometimes we just don't see it.

and sometimes only one God sees it, and the gift has already been given. so why not accept it? *cue sentimental music* -)

the world according to wikipedia
information takes the world by storm, and when in doubt we consult the body of knowledge. today, there is a great database known as www.wikipedia.org. an online encyclopedia run by netizens you and me, from various topics of popular culture and unchanging history.

perhaps in the future, this resource will have risen into a rank of authority on various subjects. truly, if you can find almost anything online then perhaps all this world is run on an information monopoly, and that is a rather scary thought.

i also just got my first roll of lomo snaps back. not as spectacular as i thought it would be, but it's firming my resolve to get better at this.

friend of a friend
you're a friend of friends.
wow, i can think of a personal lord and saviour that fits that description. -) and also my faithful breathren who've just been the most wonderful being yourselves and not anyone else.

chau is a fuck-tard
Great Swifty (Edmund) : director
le plastiq fantastiq : me

Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
yoo
le plastiq fatastiq says:
hey man
le plastiq fatastiq says:
any news?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
chau
le plastiq fatastiq says:
out?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
not
le plastiq fatastiq says:
oh
le plastiq fatastiq says:
so how now?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
argh
le plastiq fatastiq says:
can we shoot everything in these 1.5 weeks?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
my god
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
the guy's leaving on Tue
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
it's difficult
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he doesn't want to drop out
le plastiq fatastiq says:
of course he doesn't want to lah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
but what's best for us?
le plastiq fatastiq says:
which tuesday?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
3rd of oct lar
le plastiq fatastiq says:
when exactly is he leaving?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
THIRD OF OCT!!
le plastiq fatastiq says:
its not his choice
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
omfg!!!
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
It's like, i was on the phone wiht him
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
and he said that he wanted to talk to Sarah
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
see what she can do
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
like in the end, if everything really doesn't work, then he'll drop out
le plastiq fatastiq says:
that's like freaking 9 more days
le plastiq fatastiq says:
7 days actually
le plastiq fatastiq says:
one more week
le plastiq fatastiq says:
ONE MORE WEEK
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i know
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
but since it was so hard to convince him
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
we went into a shouting match
le plastiq fatastiq says:
so he's talking to Sarah now?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
no, he wants to go for the shoot tomorrow and talk to sarah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
okay, so we are shooting tomorrow
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
yeah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
what time?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
but if things don't work, then he'll drop out himself
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
11 for us
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he's damn selfish lah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
okay
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he's like "come on, man, i've put so much into it"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
11.. we'll see what happens then
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"i was the one who like, devised everything for the character, etc etc."
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"i'm disappointed man."
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
me: how about doing the voice for Jaric?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
him: no man!
le plastiq fatastiq says:
ah.. nmind lah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
dont need to tell me
le plastiq fatastiq says:
i got no sympathy at all
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
it's like, in the end i got so pissed off that
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i started shouting
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"you think this is easy for me?"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he wants to come down tomorrow and waste everybody's time.. we come lah
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he was saying that he compromised so much, take the whole week off for this
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
how come sarah cannot take wor
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
that's why i was like "dammit, do you KNOW how much this is KILLING me too?"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
*sigh*
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"do you have any idea how much i was trying to keep everything from falling apart? do you think that i'm so fucking stupid that I don't even know that you've been contributing?"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i even tried to placate him, say that no matter what happens, his name will be in the credits
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
but he was like 'oh, but we wasted two weeks of not doing anything"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"how about getting a new maya"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he's an ass lah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
'sif we were not doing anything
le plastiq fatastiq says:
'sif i take my own time out to have meetings with Mel
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exaclt
le plastiq fatastiq says:
meet with you and everythinhg
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exactly
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he thinks he's doing everything?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
fucking hell
le plastiq fatastiq says:
you have been keepingf everythingtogether
le plastiq fatastiq says:
calling everybody
le plastiq fatastiq says:
getting the props, settling locations
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
yeah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he's LEAVING IN 7 FUCKING DAYS!!!
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i mean, even though justin was kinda reluctant, but he did say yes
le plastiq fatastiq says:
what does he want to do man? convince Sarah to take the whole week off
le plastiq fatastiq says:
settle all the locations?
le plastiq fatastiq says:
shoot everything himself>?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exactly
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
what the fuck, man
le plastiq fatastiq says:
he do my essays i will shoot for him damn sui sui lah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
no problem
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he was like
le plastiq fatastiq says:
man.. he just sounds so ego--istical
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"ask Sarah to bring her stuff onset to study!"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"If her exam is on the 2nd!"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
primma donna
le plastiq fatastiq says:
wait.. so everybody is going down tomorrow just to placate him?
le plastiq fatastiq says:
haha.. sounds like he's gonna go down with a bang
le plastiq fatastiq says:
i don't mind coming just to give support to you man
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i'm asking justin to go there to standby.
le plastiq fatastiq says:
in fact
le plastiq fatastiq says:
i will come down to give you support
le plastiq fatastiq says:
and whoever decides that he's being a jack-ass for calling down an entire cast and crew
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
yeah
le plastiq fatastiq says:
just so we can have a crack at it, and so that he can convince sarah to do everything within these 7 days
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
yeah, like tomorrow, when he tries to speak to sarah
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
we'll be subtly disapproving
le plastiq fatastiq says:
so does Sarah know she's coming down just for Chau?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
No.
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
sigh
le plastiq fatastiq says:
okayy
le plastiq fatastiq says:
but realistically, do you think we can finish all of his scenes by the 2nd?
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
no
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
not at all
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
even i myself need like a day off
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
not just for me
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
but for you guys
le plastiq fatastiq says:
totally
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
I was like, "do you THINK that this is EASY for me?"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
*hai* i didnt expect him to be so difficult
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"do you think that i would fucking call you and do this if this is NOT an emergency situation?"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
me neither
le plastiq fatastiq says:
i actually thought he'd understand
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i mean
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
at first
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i thought he understand
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he was like "what do you want to do?"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"what do you think you can do?"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i was like "fuck, man, i don't know, shit, i have to get a new wiler?"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he was like "yeah"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
and i was like "fuck man, i don't want that, you know. like, you're supposed to be the real wiler!"

Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"even if i get another fucking wiler, i'll put you in as casting consultant."
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"acting consultant"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
then all of a sudden, he went 'you know, i'm very disappointed,"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"i've put so much into it, and i have to go through this"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
*hai*
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
and more and more, he started pissing me off
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
until i lashed back lor
le plastiq fatastiq says:
yeah lah.. we can give him that.. that yes.. he put in effort and all that, but its also not just about him
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he was like "come on, after all i've done, i even showed you East Perth!"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
yeah man, like you said.. you're not stupid, you kknow he's contributed
le plastiq fatastiq says:
everyone know's he took it seriously
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exactly, that's what pissed me off
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
he made it seem as if i was HAPPY doing this
le plastiq fatastiq says:
well, let's try not to aggrevate it tomorrow
le plastiq fatastiq says:
whatever it is, if we have to drop him, its out of neccesity and not bad feelings
le plastiq fatastiq says:
tempting as it may be
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exactly
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
it's like
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
when on the phone
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i felt
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"damn, you're making me feel less guilty"
le plastiq fatastiq says:
haha
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
"for dropping you."
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i mean, if he were like "yeah, i understand, you do what you have to do"
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i would've been devastated
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
and wrecked with guilt
le plastiq fatastiq says:
yeahh, kinda know what you mean
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
... i mean, he even asked me to get a new Maya instead.
le plastiq fatastiq says:
train a new maya in 7 days
le plastiq fatastiq says:
or rather
le plastiq fatastiq says:
BY TOMORROW!
le plastiq fatastiq says:
and what we shot last week GAM LAN!
le plastiq fatastiq says:
haha, he's damn funny sial
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
exactly
Great Swifty (Edmund) ??? says:
i was telling him