artificial lights

the sun is setting, and i was just staring out my window. i don't get a view of the sunset, but if i turn my head to the right, i can make out its brief shape as it sets over the highway that sits outside my room.

in the distance, there are children playing, and they remind me of my childhood, when i used to play with my cousins and parents.

we don't do that much these days.

we're all grown up. my cousins, my parents and myself. i don't know if i miss it. i have my toys, i have my friends, but they're such brief moments of respite because i know the responsibility of adulthood is still out there, out of my room, out of the gate that protects my apartment. it's out there.

and as the sun starts to set and i finish looking out the window, i crawl back into my room filled with artificial light, music playing from the iPod. a momentary reminder of a band that recorded some brilliant music in a studio somewhere in the world, yet i've never seen them perform live.

i do wonder what this world holds in store for me, and i do wonder if i'll ever grow up to be what i was supposed to be.

supposed to be. that's a bit of a conundrum isn't it? it reveals that i don't think i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing. perhaps so, but life is getting shorter and shorter for second chances, and society isn't too forgiving of people who haven't really found their place in life.

i suspect a lot of us feel this way, yet we give in to what present society expects of us. but what do we expect of ourselves? for some of us, there is a higher calling, or some of us are our own gods. but at the end of the day, we tend to give in to self-preservation.. but i'm beginning to wonder if there's something in sacrifice.

if we were to sacrifice the safety and predictability of those that have gone before us, and best practices, and all the things that made our societies great and followed our own path.. where would we end up? how far does this rabbit hole go?

oh, and if i fall asleep, never wake me up..