get off my case
funny how life seems to be radiohead lyrics lately. gahhhh.. my sister was showing me some chao-bin or smelly face last night, and even now my mom is asking me wot i did to the computer. mannn.. i'm working on it, at least i'm trying to fix it. i'm trying as hard as i can, but everybody just wants results, or it just feels that way. pffffft.

a heart that's filled like a landfill
don't be too suprised if you find me convulsing on the floor with the laptop flashing brightly and angrily at me. i've more or less been staring at either the desktop or laptop this entire day, trying to figure out wot's wrong with the browser on my desktops. it just takes forever to load a page, but runs fine when i don't open it! i mean.. wot the heck?!? i scanned for viruses, spyware and everything i could ever think of (not much), but still.. i'm resorting to my laptop at last. and then i checked out grand theft auto walkthroughs because i'm stuck. in fact i'm always stuck, i can't even play a game right! my brain hurts, too much electronic information, and distressed. will my laptop betray me one fine day, will my faithful companion turn heels on me? i think so, nothing lasts forever...

scremadelica
ever been afraid to step into a lift, or wait for it to open.. or enter a darkened room of sorts? i mean, all those childhood fears from bad b-grade horror movies, or aliens bursting thru the door, dripping from ceilings, psycho axe/hook/chainsaw weilding emotional disfigured loonies barging into your house, as you're watching tv. or better yet, in this scene from white noise, this ghostly phantom just thumps itself onto your telly from WITHIN. ok, sometimes you're just a scaredy cat..

i've been afraid to log onto the internet because my desktop has been hit by some kinda stubong virus, this is the laptop speaking..

mothership blues
my sis just came home to use the computer, and i can't help but feel slightly irritable. it's not her, it's me.. but as we all know, a line like that just doesn't work. but yeah, i mean, im fine with her using the computer and all, and while she took longer than expected, it shouldn't even bother me, but i think it did. gahhh, sometimes when your body has run out of endorphines, it's difficult to stay smiley all the time. but yeah, i probably had a more pissed look than i'd hope for.. *sigh* the guilt and joy of being a younger brother who's never home.

well yeah, then there was this small teeny weeeny bit about the proper way to use the house computer.. and yeah lah, when you're outta happy juice, it doesn't help the situation. but at least we weren't shouting at each other, so it's all cool. oh mothership blues, take me home..

crowd control
quite a massive day, it may not seem like much but i think it's taken its toll on me. it's nice to come back before twelve, soak in the twilight, take a leisurely shower and just bask in the night's moonshine.

my mind's a bit of a blank right now, reckon it's just spent too long awake or perhaps being around too many people over the past week. sometimes it really drains you, i've spent two straight days walking around far east plaza.. and it's somehow lost it's appeal. probably due to the fact that my flip flops have been knawing away at the soles of my feet. however, i kinda made aquaintences with the dude from afterlife whose shop is opposite the incredibly famous ambush. he's a nice chap, i bought a t-shirt from him and he bought an EP from us. perhaps now more people will hear of both our products? hahaha, perhaps.

so i just finished drinking a tiny cup of milk. some nights, milk just does wonders to your system. like a rich creamy texture coating the insides of your throat, strangely therapeutic, don't know if there's any real way of explaining the epiphany. so my room's still pretty much a mess, but i kinda like it that way, because i wanna feel messy, as if i were terribly busy. however, my wardrobe is abit too messy for my liking, perhaps i will clean that one up first. perhaps. i'm sorry im taking you thru this, sometimes i wonder if anyone really bothers to read thru all this stuff, or rather, why would anyone bother to read thru all this stuff. it's not frightfully amusing, and it scares me.. my so-called mediocrity.

however, mediocre lives don't eat "la mian" and "xiao long bau" from crystal jade, or so i'd like to think. i think i found a new favourite place to eat!

otafuku
only in spore can one person chuckle to oneself over a stupid inane brand known as otafuku. incase you haven't realised, i otafuku. geddit? hurhurhur, nevermind if you don't, let me just wallow in this moment, the same way pork wallows in mud.

so today gt, thomas and i began distroing the new leeson to the shops. it's a new experience, very DIY and as usual, the bigger shops aren't as willing to take our stuff onboard as much as the smaller shops. well, i'm not sulking, it's purely buisness i guess, and i suppose when you've come this far, buisness plays a part. it's a lot of work to just make enough to break even and then gig and record the next evolution. some people should be glad they can do this for a living.

i really think the new material is inaccesible. it was a violent contrast to the radio-friendly vibe of wot one of the shop uncles was playing in his shop earlier. the moment he put our cd on and the as the first few notes to travels with lizbeth chime over the speakers.. you're imediately thrown into the deep end. however, as off-putting as our initial stuff sounds, i do feel there are a lot of common sense pop sensibilities in the record. shure it sounds weird, but more often than not, the sense of melody is really just done in a weirder way. i think with the leeson EP, you're thrown in the deep end, but you end up swimming to shore, and more importantly: you learn how to swim.

i don't know about the rest of the band, but i don't want reviews of our EP to be mind-blowing and exploding in the stars. the last time i read a review that did that, i ended up buying a vARnish record. no, i'd hope that whoever reviews our stuff contain that excitement, and put it as it is. if you're reaching a massive audience, great really should just be written as mediocre. because while we know its great, you can't deny it, there's a reason why accesible things aren't extreme things. don't get me wrong, i'm not going on some "emporer's new clothes" fiasco here, but we didn't set out to make a pop record, so our perspectives differ. however, those pop sensibilities show, we do enjoy accesibility, we still want to get heard as well.

and was just talking to gt about regional plans, because lets face it, singapore is small. how many venues can you play, how many times can you play the same setlist over and over again and the same fans come gig after gig and the setlist remains the same? and having said that, how often can we as a band write new material? do you understand tghe mathematics of this? singapore is small. we playing jurong, bishan, marina and changi and that's it.. you've covered singapore. now, say your loyal fans go for three of those gigs, you play the same set, they're not gonna keep coming, you're gonna lose your appeal really really fast. shure we can write new material, but new material does not get written well if you're writing it for the sake of writing it. no, we wanna play our set to a bigger and wider audience. that's why bands tour, to keep it fresh. we may play the same set, but we're reaching out to different audiences, that's wot keeps it refreshing. so yeah, globally might be too massive an outlook, though most dream of plans like that. but having regional plans, tours to malaysia, indonesia, thailand.. more collaborations between the asian/asean artistes/artists can be encouraged. well, mainly for singapore.. because our creative pool is too darned small. i'm not saying it's bad, i'm saying it's small. and that's just my rough analysis of rockstardom in spore.

well, the EPs are out, please get them! and we're also playing another gig on the 26th of January. tell all your friends, it might be our last gig for the next four to five months with me going back to perth and gerald studying in melbourne. but yeahhh, hopefully new material is in the works, jamie's solo project should begin to take flight, and leeson will be back before you know it!

a bundle of irritable nerves
another day that's just come and gone. can we live like this forever, because life will ultimately catch up with us. wot is this life i speak of that chases me like the karma police? actually, at any point in our lives, the past might catch up with us, things we're ashamed of, things we wished never happened, the older we get, the more our mistakes are.

but no, i'm not particularly thinking of any one event, not now anyways. wot's been on mind recently has been the constant lack of nothing. an idle mind is prone to attack, i think that's true to a certain degree. i started on two books and i still haven't completed them, sometimes i just mull around the house waiting for something to happen. and hauntingly i don't want to make my life end up life radiohead lyrics.

a couple of things that have been on my mind though, is trying to understand the way my parents think. if you've been here before, i mentioned that they like to nag, ask me where im going, who i'm going out with, even last sunday, my mom was telling me not to play soccer with my mates because i wasn't getting enough sleep. c'mon.. i'm twenty two already, i'll play soccer if i want to. and i guess they're also trying to understand that, that we've grown up as well.. but at least there's still a mutual respect. i mean, i could've slammed a door on them or shouted or something, but even i had to remind myself that i was twenty two.

but see here.. i guess i'll never really understand until i have kids of my own. kids who will one day find me uncool, backdated for listening to silly old bands like radiohead or playing in a band like leeson. already i had a rough taste of it when i was caught breathless playing with the younger ones and tempted to save my unfit pride by railing off a "when i was your age..."

the thing is, we're all trying to save the validity of our pasts, that we weren't washouts, that right now we aren't washouts. i may be middle-aged as it is, i may or may not have had my glory years, my kids may or may not be interested, but we have to stop living in the past. like i said, i may not understand my parents till i have kids of my own, till one day they're forever seven in my eyes and will never know better. my parents could well have been like me when they were my age, and i will grow up to be like them as well. the glory of the past? all we have is now, and all we'll ever have is now.

when i start my own family, will i still be friends with all of you? will i have time away from my own family to meet with all of you every weekend for a coffee? i can't tell the future, i don't want to tell the future. i wanna live life as it is right now, that the next second is a gift, another time to savour the richness of being alive in a time like this. in our generation we have our portion of suffering, we have our portion of joy, and we make the most of wot we have as set aside by God. in trying to understand my parents a little better, it would serve to reflect just how human they are, just how much feelings they have, no matter how much they nag or they scold or do silly things, we are so much alike because we were all created to behave like human beings, not something holier than thou.

this is how your son turned out in the end

as snapped by amazing amelia

peace and rocks! tell your folks you appreciate them!

gaping mouth and background girl
once again leonard can come up with some of the best one liners. these words i believe can be used for a movie title, superhero/villan alteregos or perhaps just a pretentious post-core song title. either way, it's our title for today.

so wot can i say besides : thank you everyone who came down for the gig last night! for all those who stayed to say hi, and all who didn't get a chance to say hi! really really, thank you from the bottem of my heart for making the time to come down and catch an amateur band play their first gig! thanks for sharing and being a part of the stage experience and there's no such thing as a performance art if there's no audience to perform to. in some way or another, each of you that came down plays a deeper meaning in art then you might not even know *grin*

thanks to the organisers and stage crew who made such a night happen and most of all

thanks to the good Lord for clearing the weather, feeding the band's energy, and basically being the inspiration behind everything and the provider of everything. a little lesson of faith that i learnt yesterday was from haiks. i had been praying for the weather to be clear, and the thought just kept popping into nmy head, alright, i'd better pray again. then haiks texted me, and i texted him back to help pray that God would clear the weather. and he said something like "it won't rain". and y'know wot? that's faith.. faith that God heard you right the first time, faith that He's a good God and the author and finisher of our race, faith that it will not rain, something as simple as that. to not question further, to not dig deeper and intellectualise the way God could work. it will not rain. faith. it did not rain. *smile*

the set went smoothly, and the sound was great! enough space to move and such a magnificent crowd! i didn't know if i was jumping around too much.. hahaha! once the media comes in, we'll post pictures to remember the night. plus the EPs should be coming in soon, check this space for more details.

once again, a big thank you to all who made it happened, to all who share in this life of mine. tell us how we can make catching leeson more worthwhile of your time!

the setlist
travels with lizbeth
killing spree
the fast
there is a light that never goes out (the smiths)
great giver
untitled
master of ceremonies
heroes (bowie)

the frail state of mind
today is gig night! has it already come to this? i can barely contain my excitement as it is, and yes, there are fears of mucking some songs up, or forgetting certain things, the weather, the general atmopsphere. just generally anything that can go wrong, probably will go wrong.

gigging is about preperation. well, it's a part of it. but yeah, if you wanna rock, it's a mixture of spontanianity and preperation. rockstar 101? this is just the begining! *grin* as thomas would say: all those years of preperation, of jamming, being friends, appreciating music, all those ups and downs, your spiritual highs and lows, the good and terrible songs you've written before, those girls that warmed your ice cold heart, those nights when you were terribly alone, those nights when your best mates were by your side, especially those nights when you were alone with your maker, frankly just the past twenty two years of existence.. all culminated in just one set for one rocked out night. that's a taste of wot we're offering tonight, life on a platter, everything that we have learnt into one performance art, everything that meant something or nothing will be drawn upon and exhibited out on one stage in one place in one time. and then the world will start spinning again.

debut gigs are a strange thing.. have fun before it all catches up with you. as i sip my teh tarik, i replay the future that is going to become past. all we have is now. i wanna thank each and everyone of you in advance.

the twenty-first century is breathing down my neck
Frankly, Mr. Shankly by The Smiths


Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position Ive held
it pays my way, but it corrodes my soul
I want to leave you will not miss me
I want to go down in musical history

Frankly, Mr Shankly, Im a sickening wreck
Ive got the 21st Century breathing down my neck
I must move fast, you understand me
I want to go down in celluloid history

Fame, Fame, fatal Fame
it can play hideous tricks on the brain
but still I rather be Famous
than righteous or holy, any day

but sometimes Id feel more fulfilled
making Christmas cards with the mentally ill
I want to Live and I want to Love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of

Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position I've held
it pays my way and it corrodes my soul
oh, I didnt realise that you wrote poetry
(I didnt realise you wrote such bloody awful poetry)

Frankly, Mr Shankly, since you ask
you are a flatulent pain the arse
I do not mean to be so rude
but still, I must speak frankly, Mr Shankly

could you ask for better lyrics? thanks to yuanheng who loaned me his cd, i'm a new convert to the smiths's the queen is dead album. sometimes simple, usually funny, very honest songwriting.. at it's best.

and we're gonna give you a taste of all that tomorrow at the esplanade gig.

don't think there's anything exceptional that i wanna share about, but you'll know if something pops out.

1 more day till tomorrow!

why does it always oon me?
travis are just such a great band to watch. thomas lent me their live at the castle dvd, and i'm having such a ball just being immersed in their performance. they're witty, showy and just write some of the most memorable tunes of our times. rockstars don't get made, they're born.

well, i think i've got some sort of attention deficit disorder, but it seems that everytime i come online, i start yakking away with my friends (you), and then i forgot to do all the chores i planned to do. right now, i'm contemplating going out to getting my holga snaps printed and just bumming. but i think the moral thing to do is to actually go out.

sorry for the lack of updates, not really finding a mood to write. like, there's nothing really worth commenting on. most people have something to say about the tsunamis, i guess i do too, but i haven't thought it out properly yet. meet me on the streets and i'll go stark raving mad on you.

leeson has been practicing hard the last three nights in the studios to give all of you a quality performance. if you're reading this, please try to make it down, give spore music a shot, but not just to support local, but really something that's worth your time. this band was not birthed on alcohol and rockstardom, though we roleplay that at times.


tokyo bicycle parking lots

so i guess right now i'm in post-landing mood. when life's starting to settle down, and the dust is clearing. i still haven't made an effort to look for a job, so i won't whinge on that. right now, i guess i'm just concentrating on preparing for the next semester, prepping my laptop for music recording and design and do something about my interests. of course i could always pack my room.


kids being kids at tokyo disneyland

so these are just a few snapshots i snapped whilst i was in japan, i've got a few more that can probably only be posted in febuary because the pictures aren't with me. it's just a tiny glimpse of life in claustrophobic japan, the cuteness of the kids to the eventual compact lives they will live when they grow up.


elementary school where some action songs were going on

the magnitude of the cities probably reflect the emptiness in the hearts of many people living in japan. as the cities enlarge to feed the hungry souls of the starving hearts, it's a grim reflection at the state of human condition. in fact, none of us are exempt. we all try to find ways to fill our lives up, we're never content, we keep going for the next big thing, or the next alternative thing, we try to be different by being alike. we want to be accepted by rebelling. even we don't know the true state of our heart, sometimes we don't even know the true extent of damage we have inflicted on ourselves. where we think we have been healed, the undercurrents are much more turbulant. Jesus said he was the water of life, and that whoever drinks of His well will never go thirsty, He is the bread of life, whoever eats of him will never grow hungry. and it's true, the most peace i have ever felt, always comes from Him alone. not from good friends or music, but something which comes from heaven, and heaven alone.


a vast sea of people in shibuya

3 more days till your magic carpet ride

new text document
it's early in the day, and i'm not sleeping yet because we're just waiting to digest food. i may feel my senses slowly fading, numbing my brain to the surrounding conciousness, but at least tomorrow i'll feel better, no more constant burping.

so then, morgan c.hoax and i met up today to purchase our materials to bring you the annual brian morgan compilation, this one hastily entitled white noise. offering you another two shee-dees of unbridled mind-blowing sonic displeasure that will get your toes tapping, lips humming and your brain asking itself wot the heck was that? this is music not to be trifled with, and we're glad, always glad to share it with you.

another rich busy rehearsal with the band, this time reunited with jamie who has been missing in action the past two weeks, but making up for lost time, he really rocked out on the vocal takes. he's got a great voice, and is really an integral piece of the leeson identity. we're practicing hard to put up a quality show, something to inject some hope back into our decaying lives. to have not just our music speak to you, but our relationships with you. on and off the stage, we're just like you.. we just rock harder *grin*

peace and rocks folks!

5 before we rock your socks!

just to feel
2005! these wheels keep on turning and the world keeps spinning. nothing has waited for me to get it all right before everything else carried on. nope, it's not about me and everything about me.

looking back
as i sit here musing, or panicking about finding something intelligent, something tangible to report about the year that has past us to preach to the world, self-recognition only gets us this far.

you in spore might have noticed that i've been away for almost an entire year, i almost wanted to see how long i could spend away from my/a comfort zone. it was a tremendous experience, and it's easy to see how this is such a comfort zone when i so easily lapse back into the things of singapore that irk me and put a smile on my face. perhaps this is home, shurely?

whilst in perth, where i spent a big part of my life.. God's thought me so much with church, cell group, dumb mistakes (purely behavioural), the worship ministry and band that i joined, old friends from faraway sydney stopping for a visit, making two video projects with some of the most amazing people i could have worked with, having a great house to stay in, a chance to zip around in an easily identifiable car, catching sarah mclachlan!

and then i had a immense life-saving adventure with napkin man in melbourne

the mission trip to Japan to just spend time with God and His people.

and just being back for the holidays to spend with my folks and friends, to just have leeson come this far thru the sheer persevearance of my friends/bandmates and the divine grace of God.

i know it's been a blessed year, yet almost everytime when i looked at myself on a single day, i never felt lucky, almost joyous from self-moping and mistakes which could have been avoided. lift your eyes of the ground! and see the cross that has saved you! not by your own efforts! Amen, thanks for everyone who has and still is a part of my life to this point. thank you Lord for just even bothering about me -)

6 more days to the esplanade gig!