wishes do come true
i found my kick in the nuts here and here

caution, outright racisim.

taking the time to find out why
somehow i find that i have nothing left to say. i really feel dry, and i also feel that this will become very ironic. because while i said that i have nothing left to say, i know i will spend the next thirty words (or more) trying to understand why i have nothing new to say. is it times up yet? i can't help but feel i'm supposed to be living up to something, but i don't know wot it is. am i too slack, am i too immature? sometimes i wish someone would just kick me in the nuts so that i'd know there are repercussions to the real world.

...

and for all your tards out there, i meant the nut-kicking in a metaphorical way.

wendy the panged
my folks just arrived in towne. it shure is fun having someone to show around.. i think they really like it here, i mean who wouldn't? so my updates may not be as frequent, but hey.. we all learn to get along.. -)

the mindless drone of a heat fan
yes, i do wonder if the more i exercise, the more it seems i'm allowed to binge, thus gaining more weight thru exercise as opposed to losing it.

in the presence stands a tree
the high lives are pretty people without a care in the world. subjected to torturous amounts of vindication, everybody loves you. i want in as much as you want out, i'll find more so long as you give less.

just finished writing an article and i can't help but feel so different about it. its different knowing that there's an actual circulation around your work, and one wonders just how far one should take an idea. alas, writing like this humbles me to cultivate more than just relishing a gift.

it's a healthy inadequecy, i don't know how the audience will recieve to the text, i can only hope it does what it's supposed to do, wotever that is.

who will call me home?
as i sit here typing and listening to the rough tracklisting for this year's compilation, waiting for hot water to boil so that i can have a pot of green tea to accompany me, it just begs the question of just what is important to me. not that i have not been asking that question a lot. i think about it from time to time, but i tend to take things as they come, because i don't want to live a life bound by the chains of the uncertain future. still, it is good and healthy to think about it every once in awhile. gives you focus i'd say.

ahhh.. the pot of tea is now in my room. i hope it helps, i seem to have a case of heartburn. i don't like heartburn, it makes me feel uncomfortable. i'm hoping that by losing some weight it'll ease the heartburn. you know how that belly of yours seems to push your internal organs upwards? don't know if you'll agree with me, maybe i have an eating disorder. not that i would joke about these things. no.

and back to what's important to me.
God's important to me, where would i be without him? a constant source of direction, support and comfort. and still i know i take all his grace for granted sometimes, how i even put various things above him. we're not perfect, i wish i were, but then i wouldn't be in need of salvation then.

family and friends are important to me. sometimes i think i strive for certain things just for their approval. i don't particularly buy into the make yourself happy scheme of doing things. i don't see how i can validate myself with my achievements, how that makes me a better person in anyway. i think God validates us, and people can sort of pseudo validate us. it may be a false sense of sercurity sometimes, but learning to live not for yourself is also one of the first steps.

and perhaps after that everything falls along behind. creativity, music, health, material posessions.. making your mark in society or community. the next phase in life is coming soon, and i never imagined that it would actually come so soon. so many years of growing up, wanting to be grown up, and now that you're here, you just wished you had more time to prepare yourself.

a little glimpse into the sort of romantic future i've envisioned for myself is to be an accomplished musician, in an accomplished band, constantly pushing the boundaries on good music and revisiting the grand nostalgia of good music. to be in the company of good family and friends, to have community and relationships with them under the umbrella of good music and food. we don't have to accomplish the world, just our lives.

sun lying in the sand
and it has come to my attention that things will not always go the way you planned it to. gee, im not doing much now, just working on the tracklisting for this year's compilation. the autobahn and me are working to give you guys a quality product this year, full of sensational music from around the world (i lie) to bring festive cheer on rainy days. the future seems uncertain.

and there's something for everyone
an early post because i didn't post on saturday. not that it really matters, but since i woke up early this sunday morning, i thought it'd be convenient to type something out for those who check this before noon everyday.

it's a lovely day this sunday morning, one of those days where you can't see anything bad happening, where everything's gonna unfold as if it were planned. i realise that's how much faith i put in the everyday things when one is at peace, where you're not constantly thinking of wot's ahead, but being given the gift of today itself. to enjoy it and be at peace with it for wot it is. it's almost surreal to think about it, and this is wot i hope for everyone.

sometimes, i think deep down im still an idealist, however i know that all my other cognitive senses tell me to be a cynical bastard. it's a pretty interesting life i'd say.

things have finally slowed down for me with the academic workload, i hope to pursue more creative projects and also start living a life not about academics but experiences. feels as if i took a sabbatical from feeling things and.. i feel dangerously apathetic now. i leave that to the future.

by the way, not many people know, but i wrote this article for agingyouth productions.

Overmade Viking Plan

Overmade Viking Plan


a fine snap by folkstar.

funny how now when there's time to give away, you wonder how it's going to be spent. the doors of oppurtunity are slowly being opened and all i have to offer is an overmade viking plan.

sing songs of hope, hope that brings..
oh wot do i care? oh what do i know? well, i'll admit that yesterday's posts were somewhat emo, had to let off some steam lah.. was prepping for my presentation today and attempting to get an essay done. well, i kind of got an extension on that essay, and after that its a journal and then i'll be done for the semester. done! i still can't believe it. if you know how close i've come to dropping out, i still can't believe it. it's beyond words, it's beyond words to have someone believe that you could do it, that credibility, that acknowledgement. *sigh* and yet i know i don't live for these things alone, but through it all, i've been learning the difference between walking the path and knowing the path. to all my dear friends somehow stuck in a rut, take heart, take great joy that your Lord Jesus cares for you, and wants to help you fight those battles you can't win. for his glory.. amen

when it decends upon you, weep
eat your children, back in a corner, don't leave room for me, everything is spinning around. i don't think this will last, i don't think this will hurt, but nothing comes close to experiencing this, nothing comes closer to death and the end than this. or so we imagine, or so we lie, that this is wot we believe in, this is wot propels us, she couldn't really take it, so she left, left us for dead, left us to fend ourselves and find something else. don't treat me for something i don't have, everything comes apart as it comes together. this isn't really happening.

falsettos are notes i'll never reach
that's not true, i do wanna reach them someday. but that's not enough is it? sometimes you wonder if its the best thing that you've ever had, whether its the best you could have done or could you have done more. just what are the limits to us human beings? i'm down to my last few assignments and i feel like throwing in the towel. some you fear are lost causes, and yet.. and yet.. so much has been invested. so many more years of life ahead of me. i can't fail now can i?

it begs the thought though, that if i don't come home with a degree, just what does it say of me? funny how people remember you more for your shortcomings than your achievements, funny how much easier it is to fall from greatbess than to attain greatness. the world we live in can be pretty unforgiving at times, so much so it twists my perception of the grace that died for me sometimes.

may the Lord constantly remind me how free flowing his grace is, while not to be taken for granted (but lets face it, we've treated God like a doormat so many times), it is incomprehensibly freely given. it makes no sense, and it blows my mind everytime i think about it. you're still willing to forgive me even now?? after all i've done to hurt you, you're finding it in your heart again to forgive me and give me another chance?

gee, pretty emo post. i attribute to my listening of pedro the lion

sometimes i wonder how much longer this will last, when will i wake up to reality and and be free of all the crowns that society places on a pedestal. and yet, and yet.. i fear wot they will think of me.

when they keep telling me, of how strong i'm supposed to be.

What Strange Friend You Have II

What Strange Friend You Have II


a fine snap by folkstar.

*sigh*