i made more silly clips

emo anthem

barry gibb's garden

impersonations

stacy's mom

incarceration

i made 3 short clips about tigers and spooning
if you guys remembered fanta shokta, you'll love these. if you can, leave a comment to tell me which one you guys prefered!

tiger tamer

cigarettes fetish

an ode to napkin man

darkness as in the absence of light
walking in God's will. that's kind of how i would sum up what i'm trying to do with my life. but it really looks alot easier in writing or when you're listening to a pastor preach about it, or have your friends tell you about it.

however, one reason why i can attribute to its difficulty, is when we are trying to do it on our own strength. why do we do it on our own even when its mentioned so many times in the bible, to let go and let God? i think one of those reasons is pride.

pride not in a conscious sense, but a subconscious pride that tries to justify being a christian through good works. it usually manifests with all good intention.. we all want to be better christians, we want the victory, the blessings, the approval of all that is from heaven and our family in christ. but alas, such intentions without the right method can just end up being an earthly method of doing seemingly heavenly things.

and pride creeps in because, we are basically telling God that we're good, we're alright, we can sort it out on our own. we can draw closer to you, in fact we will draw closer to you because we are doing x amount of correct things.

and when you find yourself along those lines, you dig deeper into the lie by trying to rectify your mistakes. by trying on your own strength to let God take over, to have a seemingly surrendered heart. but has the pride been addressed? have we truly apologised for our mistakes, and told God that we really cannot fucntion whatsoever without him? and that every good things comes from him and his grace, and not by our own merit?

perhaps i read too much into my own struggle, heaven forbid that i try to instil some sense of guilt or 'how to' in your own walk with christ. no, this is not meant for that, it is not my place as to say whether your walk or mine is deeper in the Lord's. this is only meant to be ab exposition, if you have perhaps felt the same way as i have. and i can merely share what has been impressed on my heart.

i have yet to come to a place where i can tell various people, this is what i'm struggling with, unsure of whether they will understand or not, or just quote me some cliched christian advice. but i think another part of the key also comes from the family of christ. we have to be accountable and supportive of one another in love, and not in pharisitical judgement. regardless of the gravity of the situation perhaps? we can be firm, but not condemming.

trying to sort things out on my own has been this - worrying about things, such as:

should i go back to singapore or seek life elsewhere?
what ministry should i join or will God put me into?
will i buy an lc-a?
will i buy a mac?
will that mac be a powerbook or powermac?
should i be getting a satalite PC instead?
what about portable music, an iriver or an ipod?
what sorta music will i be playing when i go back to singapore?
do i start any new projects?
what sort of job will i hold in the future?
what sort of position will i get?
will i be respected by society and my peers?
will i ever have a relationship with anyone?
will whatever job i find myself into pave the way for something else, something greater?
how can i be a better musician?
how can i be a better christian?
how can i be a better friend?
how can i be a better son?
will i have enough for the future?
what sort of hobbies will see me past my prime?
how will i age or grow old?
how will i bring up my kids?
what sort of values will i learn today that will serve me well into my years?
will i ever direct my own production?
will i be a leading expert in my field?
will all these things matter if i surrender everything to God?
should i even be concerned about these things?
etc..

the list can go on.. but i've probably typed out most of the concerns that can enter my mind at any time. pride is to hold on to these things and try to master them on your own. thinking that God isn't concerned with these things.

as a two edged sword, christian maturity is when you know God is God above all and all these concerns and that his grace is sufficient for you. and you just have to trust God and seek him as to the responsibilities he has given you.

and the other side of that sword is when you have these concerns, but you're not a bad christian by having certain desires. i don't think God's told us to shut things out of our lives just to be better chrisitians, but rather.. i think he loves us so much that he wants to know what's bothering us, what's keeping us up late at night.. trivial as they are to say perhaps the second coming and his glory and eternal majesty. i believe he wants to know these things, so that he can show you.. that even the creator of the universe is concerned about what car i can drive tomorrow.

just because he loves you. and it's our pride that tells us that God is not concerned about these things.

what do you make of all this chatter?
theories of 4th and 6th dimensions have been finding their way to my notice of late. what can i make of all this? we can percieve 3 dimemsional space, which is lenghth, width and depth. the 4th dimension being time, and well.. if you read up on this thing called 'string theory', things get even more complicated and you start thinking in terms of 5 or 6 dimensional spaces.

my questions to all this is.. is it possible to actually percieve these extra dimensions? the interesting thing about a dimension just next to me outside of all physical law is just a.. well, far fetched though albeit one of the more interesting things i have come across. a whole universe, that exists within the singularity of a photon. mindblowing, and the stuff science fiction is made of. well, i'm no scientist, but i admire their inquisitiveness, i hope they find the meaning to life, existence and all that. many people are, and we all pour ourselves into one thing or another.

i think there's an absolute God, some people believe absolutely that there is no absolute God. things could get rather confusing, but i'm glad i don't need to unlock the mysteries of this universe to have a God to love me.

that which has cost me nothing
wouldn't it be nice to just snap out of things? wouldn't it be just great to will things to happen, when you're dissatisfied you just go about the right steps to right all wrongs. and then you wonder, even if it weren't truely living, what would you give just to numb it all now?

i'm talking like a cop out, i'm tired, really i am.. i know i'm relying on my own strength, and yet, why am i not relying on him to lift me up? why is there something in me, some kind of lie or guilt, that it's not supposed to be that easy? and why does that something seek validation, validation and more validation? when we've been through the drill, and still it comes back to haunt you?

it's especially disheartening when you start comparing, or when you start being self-conscious. you just want someone to hold you and tell you that everything's gonna be alright.

slowly finding the time
why do i bother to stay up when there isn't anything worth staying up for? well.. i've just bidded on a lomo smena 8m camera whose shipping costs will probably cost more than the camera itself, and just looking slightly further into the feasibility of owning a lomo lc-a. been comparing the 2nd hand option vs. getting it direct from www.lomography.com

lomography lc-a standard package:
lc-a
hipshot bag
2 rolls 35mm film
through a plastic lens book
2 standard AA batteries
= USD200
---------------------------------
standard package with
tunnelvission lens
coloursplash
= USD275

.VS.

lc-a 2nd hand : USD90
hipshot bag : USD35
coloursplash : USD35
= USD160
---------------------------------
tunnelvision lens : USD75
= USD235
---------------------------------

that leaves a buffer of USD40 for the film, batteries and book (USD20). i suppose everything kind of adds up sort of. the good thing about going the 2nd hand way, is that i can buy things in phases. thus giving me the illusion of affordibilty. but it also gives me the option of getting or not getting the tunnelvision lens. i know for sure that i want the camera itself and the hipshot.. the coloursplash will probably be essential as well, so that will be my starting kit.

lomography here i come?

there are no more pictures here, no more things left to tell
i'm spying through this looking glass, straight into the recesses of your soul. and apart from any other creepy business, there's nothing more i'd rather do.

ah! there you are, my dear readers. i've just had a glimpse at the weekly report at the traffic to this blog. a measely average of 18 hits per day only! what am i doing wrong i wonder? is my life of no more interest to you? haha, oh well.. i guess there are times when you're just not the flavour of the day anymore. it doesn't really matter i suppose, at least there are still people reading. maybe my posts have been too lengthy of sorts, or of no real significance to anyone's cognition.

but oh well, i sat for a graduate skills test today, and i don't think i might have done it very well. you see, out of the 83 multiple choice questions, i might have missed out 15 questions! that's not very good for those of you bound by the laws of fractions and statistics. geepers creepers.. this is just like how my sister said when you're afraid to test yourself because sometimes you find out that you just suck.

i also attended an introduction to the new panasonic hvx200 because my university just acquired 6 of these new babies. we're the first university in australia to invest in the new true high definition cameras, and it should prove exciting save the least. but with new cameras comes a whole boatload of other problems. sure it's great to have all these new features, but only our current final cut pro 5 suites are compatible to edit these babies, and even the variable frame rates has some trouble loading onto our current systems. but we're here to learn, and weave our way around it. so.. these are exciting times indeed. i feel as if, that if i don't upgrade my skills, i'll just get lost within all this new technology. and the technological spike is another story for another day.



variable frame rates (a first in this level of non-professional video cameras), true 16:9 progressive scanning and high definition recording at 1080i are the main features of this camera. which means more bang for buck, the amount of information recorded in phenomenal for a semi-professional camcorder, plus with the new P2 technology, we can say goodbye to tape and record direct to hard disk. our current P2 cards record 4gig worth of information (about 4 mins of 1080i footage), which are then downloaded into a firewire hard drive (40gig). this is still a pain, but it also means that when editing, one only needs to upload the data files (raw .mov or .avi) into the machine, thus totally bypassing the current tape deck step. it can mean faster work flow, but more risk of data loss if your hard drive decides to crash on you. however, imagine a future with endless amounts of data storage, this is only a taste of things to come.

everything is slowly becoming 1's and 0's.. and we're losing the fight.

my head spins
for various reasons, but for all that it's worth, it's because i just got home, i'm waiting for my hair to dry and i'm rather tired. but still, it was a good day.. prayer meeting, worship practice, lighting job and hang out with jo and watching silly movies with scarlet johanson in them.

reading things in the news
"i try not to be too intellectual about film." Czapsky maintains, "For me, film is simply an emotional and visual experience."

he was the director of photography on batman returns, and despite tha, he so achingly voices out and puts into perspective what i want in life.

i think the path of university has distracted me from what was originally within me. i don't regret coming here, heaven forbid, tertiary education is a wonderful privillege. i just want to say that, somewhere in my quest for finding myself in the folds of intellect, i forgot what it was like to feel, to have a passion for the things that i love.

i know i sometimes exude a waify air that i might be a smart kid, you know that i love bemusement and i muse about so many things in this life, but sometimes intellect becomes a trap for us. it confines us into only thinking of those things which appeal to a 'higher' cognition.. in our open-mindedness, we have become myopic to that which we deem closed.

reading and re-reading Czapsky's statement, it redirected my vision back toward the things closer to my heart, the stuff that gets birthed there, impregnated from glory up high. you don't know God from intellect, he's shown us that he first met us, came to us, appealed to us in love. why seduce us with intellect when his wisdom and wonders far outweigh anything our feeble minds can comprehend? not that there's anything wrong with knowing his word, and being proficient in it, but rather, it's not just about that. all the things we thought we knew, are just one drop in the ocean, unfathomable the glory of God.

and passion, emotion, these are things where i will learn to devote my attention to. things that remind us of humanity, of God, of the potential he's resided in all of us.. i can't help but feel as if those words were deliberately cast in my direction.

coda

JFold Wallets found here


JFold Thunderbird Black with Green Trim


JFold V Twelve Black with Orange Trim

aren't these just some of the yummiest looking wallets? i sure would like something along these lines. maybe even give one to my dad!

i also have a rather small crush for nicki clyne



hehehe.. it's been awhile since i last posted pictures

last name crane, first name danny, beyond reasonable doubt, you know what to do
william shatner had the coolest line in the last watched episode of boston legal. every now and then i like to watch the flippantly slick american drama seriel, because no matter what, their production value is so much more than anything i've ever done so far.

maybe i'm a victim of a lack of resources, but that has never detered me. in fact, i see a lack of resources as a challenge, to maximise what is at your plate and do your utmost. got a 3-stringed guitar? play the hell out of it and augment it with vocal talent and some interesting percussion, keep making music despite what's been stopping you.

perhaps i should carry that forward into my spiritual life, where i have an abundence of resources, and yet i still slack off, or don't maintain my relationship with God. it hit me yesterday (or was it this morning?) that so many times i push God away, it's because of personal pride, pride that i can do things on my own, and even pride that he can never truely wipe my sins away.

some will argue that this concept of sin and guilt are all religious nonsense that're meant to make us feel bad about ourselves so as to make religion work. whatever, if i really knew that, i could also go on about how we're born from primodial soup or that we evolved from bacteria. some even go as far as to call it the miracle of evolution, that's one evolution short of saying God.

well, maybe now that i've gotten that off my chest, i can address something else. i'm really worried about returning home. it's home, and yet i wonder if there'll be any oppurtunity to lead a comfortable life. but actually, what do i want? a comfortable life or a fulfiled life. now, my thoughts are always racing about the material posessions that i want to own. house, car, money, credibility, artistic glory, wife, family, kids.. the whole list goes on. and you can probably put my relationship with God and doing his work somewhere in the mix. im being honest here, im losing sight of my priorities, i'm trying to wrestle my life into my hands, mould it to what i deem to be what life should be about.

i wonder what my savior thinks of that. now that i'm saved, do i just want to live comfortably and then die off? or am i going to trust that his grace is sufficient for me, that everything will be added unto me, and we should just put him first in our lives, and do his will.. whatever that may be. there are some questions i haven't really been asking, because i am so afraid of what the answer might be.

it always starts with good intentions
thomas and i both agree on this. so many things we want to do, we want to achieve in life, we want to help others, help the community, make the world a better place, and yet.. despite it all, everything just seems to backfire in our faces all the time. and there we have it, it always starts off with good intentions. ethnic cleansing, nuclear explosions, world wars, epidemics, genetically modified foods.. the whole shbang.

we talked before about a ray gun that could make anything disappear, an anti-matter theory if you will. i was so proud of wanting to create something like that, but thomas brough me back down to earth by reminding me, with no faith in the human species whatsoever that someone would use this black technology for evil's purpose and start incinerating anything in sight, anything that would stand as a symbol of social good, gone in a flash. and we in turn would tear down the strongholds of the evil empire, and then all hope would be lost.

insert
if you've noticed at the top, last.fm have finally come out with the code for displaying my winamp or itunes recently played tracks. this is probably the flickr of music players. so yes, i can share my music tastes with you guys finally. also, if you download the player, you can subscribe to their internet radio which is a wonderful way to listen to new music, artists similar to what you might like to listen to. well, go check it out, its the beauty of last.fm apart from it's utterly cool url.

the proof is in the pickel
i half apologise for the lack of pictorial updates on this space, but i'm not so sorry that i lost my digital camera, a wonderful cannon A75, and with it my 512mb CF card and four energizer AA rechargable batteries. somehow, losing the tech specs hurts me more than losing the ability to grab moments in everyday life. it's money stupidly lost and the reproach goes beyond and sense, i'm not a good steward of the things entrusted to me.

also, interestingly enough, i've been watching dick wolf's law and order: criminal intnent everytime it comes on tv.. because i think it has some of the tightest script writing going on, and the execution of a well oiled machine. it's old skool police goodness and makes me wonder what it's like to hold a badge.

and then you remember it's all a dream behind the lens.

speaking of lenses, instead of going into the digital domain, i've been seriously contemplating investing in the lomo lc-a instead. 35mm prints are still readily available, so the film won't be too expensive and neither will the processing (as i learnt with my holga). well, it could still be costly in the long run, but i think it's better to preserve moments on this particular format now before it really becomes lost to us. will probably look online on ebay for this venture.. and then by the hipshot bag from the lomo homepage.

why i love my nostalgia

good habits
well, i don't really have anything good to say, and that begs the question of whether i should be wasting an entry like this as well. and that's really how i feel, like i'm wasting entries. of course that makes no sense, because there is no limit to how much i can write on blogger, but it just seems a waste because there's nothing that i really wanna say, or tell you.

but also for some other reason, i do feel like telling you various things that you may or may not find interesting. this only happens after the ball started rolling, once the fingers find their familiar places on the 26 or more symbols on my keypad. you might see it as a thing of beauty or not.. but as of right now, it's just from me to you -)

and yes, i still feel rather similar to a few days before, that feeling of flatness, of hitting a brick wall, of cruising, wading or just floating on a river. in my younger days, i'd have all that energy to swim against the current or be different, but as you grow older, the power you gain from responsibility actually starts to weigh you down because of responsibility. the independence that i gained is slowly being converted into obligation to be a responsible citizen, christian, son, brother, friend, worker, leader.. anything you could think of. perhaps i talk this way because i'm reading about power relations for the time being. and even so, it's not gonna change this feeling, a sense of dread perhaps? of not knowing what lies after the bend, that fear of driving down a dark road with only your headlights throwing up the ground slightly before you.

you'd think you'd have learnt all these things in christianity 101, but i think when you're finally of age, you somehow go through a sort of refresher course, and this really does feel like mine now. and let me be straight, one of my internal struggles right now is to actually trust God, because i think a part in me, a proud part in me wants to accomplish certain things for myself.

you see, i'd like to think it's got something to do with me never really accomplishing for myself since i was sixteen. for some reason, after then i started not striving for a place in society, when i went out of course from ocs i didn't think it was the end of the world, i knew who i was in God and that sustained me. but the thing is that, i'm running out of lease on my pre-adult status.. once i enter the workforce, i will be looked on differently, and people will want to see what i've accomplished. i suppose it's foolhardy that people would give me any credibility just because i'm a "nice guy".

and the other thing is that, perhaps there's just not enough faith in God to provide for me despite my apparent inadequecy. y'see, it's different when i don't feel inadequate, and when others percieve me as inadequete.

bottem line? am i fully trusting God with this next phase in life? i think the phase is what's really doing it for me, this.. book is actually running out and i'm having to buy another one, not just start a new chapter. imagine you've been writing in only one sort of journal your entire life, and they just discontinued it, and now you have to use a new brand. i kind of liken my emotions to that..

but the thing, is that i must trust God's goodness, his providence over my life, over what the world percieves and that he overcomes, and provides in abudnence. and whatever he provides is good, not just good, it is excellent and well with my soul. is my walk with him such that i can say that without any reproach? alas, much to learn young padawan, much to learn indeed..

gullible days of our shorn lives
what can rouse me out of my slumber?
or who can rouse me from my slumber?
i'm just feeling rather blergh lately. everyday i reach uni before seven to do my shift, and i'm usually done about 830 which gives me an hour before my 930 classes on wednesday, thursday and friday. on monday i have an 1130 class, and tuesday an optional 1030 lecture. indeed, i should be glad, and i am for a muck laxer time time table compared to last semester's. but everything just seems so slow for the time being. not that i should be complaining too much now should i?

its just that maybe i want more out of life, or am i chasing the wind?

i haven't started recording, or i don't really know what i want to record. it's also a bit scary because i'm just going to find out that i'm not a very creative person. and a lot of it probably stems from me being afraid of what God thinks of me. geee.. i know this all seems very haphazard of sorts. it's just that, i know i haven't really been writing in here, and i don't really particularly have anything to say, and even if i do.. i'm not shure if i should say it or not.

of late, i've been reading a bit on john maeda's work, and it's rather inspiring reading into the philosophy and artistic vision of this chap. and in a bid to actually feel better about myself, i wonder if its too far fetched to do a media research course in MIT in the future. but in the future, all that's left will be our regrets.. so one day at a time. one small step at a time..

funny quote for the day
james was sitting on a wheelchair and suddenly exclaimed, "can i drift on this?"

much afraid - jars of clay

Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
I might not get up again

So I lay at your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to you

All of these things
I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me go

So happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before

probably my favourite jars of clay song ever. used to be able to play it, so i've got good reason to re-learn it.

for what gain my motherland?
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=202606

interesting, this is my response to all the hoo ha to this little fiasco. i'm doing it on my blog because i don't wanna sign up with a forum and argue around in circles, usually with people too myopic to see a bigger picture or admit defeat. hey, if someone makes a point better than mine, i'd totally respect that.

anyway.

the straits times published pictures of bloggers without their consent when they did an article on blogging. folk are exclaiming that infringes copyright laws of the owner of the photos.

sorry folks, but if you post them on a PUBLIC DOMAIN, like blogger or whatever, it's always good to check to see if those providers actually do protect your "creative endeavours" and for starters, your blog, is not your journal, its not your property and it definitely isn't private, so get that in your thick little skulls because hey! the internet is like a wild west frontier, we make our own laws because it was designed for the people, by the people but the powers that be try to grasp it all away from us.

did we waver our rights when we posted on a public domain? i'll have to check with the terms of conditions from blogger, livejournal, xanga, wordpress or whatever public service you decided to upload your photos to.

y'see.. you don't own those bits of 1's and 0's once they exist on the net, not unless you make special mention of your ownership. which is where the whole concept of creative commons comes into play. if you wanna protect yourself, you're entitled to. not very net ettiquete like, but hey, we respect your decision. but if you like to take everything for granted, then welcome to public communication 101. *sigh*

maybe it is true, we are being more narcissistic on the web, nobody knows how to take everything with a pinch of salt anymore. or if the slightest hint of negativity gets portrayed, everyone starts rising out of their seats with pitchforks and clubs.

tag: Straits Times Breaks Copyright Law

it's not really a tag, i just want folk to see my reply if they search for this predicamemt. and feel free to use my comments box and call me a government lapping dog or fag or whatever your free minds tell you to because, you're obviously entitled to your opinion and i know mine.