could there be? really?

hello. i'm back, from a long while.. haven't personally updated this blog for quite a while despite the intermittent moblogs from my trust k800i.

well, it actually feels very foreign typing in here because i haven't logged in since who knows when.. in fact, the very act of jotting my thoughts down here makes no sense to me. how did i do it for more than three years?

the reasons for my absence can be perhaps due to just not spending time at home for the past two weeks. something suffers, content suffers.. i could talk to you more about social media, or some other cool theories and practices that have been developing from within the blogosphere, but the links on the right probably do a much better job than this blog ever does

but i suppose one thing, no one else can do on their blogs, is to share about my life.. this is the only blog there is out there, and it is an extension of me saying "hello" to you. so for all it's worth, hello

it's been a good and busy two weeks, i've played gigs, for worship, been doing some good work in the office, meeting both new and old people.. it's tremendous seeing how everyone's growing up, being a part of life. not actually watching on the outside, but really living

and after our gig today, i'm really so thankful that i've had the opportunity to play with great great friends and fellow musicians.. i mean, wow.. i could have had a hobby collecting stamps, but God gave me the insane opportunity to actually play music with dear friends, to people who actually like our stuff! WOW, i'm really counting my blessings for this one, it's the things that make me believe that this life wasn't an accident, and that He really has a great plan for all of us. yet, we've all abandoned it for something that we think suits us better.

the funny thing about faith, is that you don't just charge into it blindly with guns blazing hoping to hit something. that's as good as the vending machine god, or the talisman god that you hope for to prosper and protect your life.

though nothing wrong with that, those aren't the reasons why we believe. if they were, then.. well.. we might as well just be waiting for the next best thing. i realised that in the past few months of my living, i've been like a reed in the water, just going with the tide, and while the "come what may" approach to life usually is a comfort zone, i think there needs to be some discomforting, to hit the next level, to truly see as He sees, the good things He has in store for us.

i don't know why i'm veering into this direction for this post, i guess things have been weighing on my heart, things that need fixing, things that need healing, things that need celebrating. i just want to go through this life, living it for Him, for that one purpose, the only thing that makes sense and matters. because it touches you deeper than any of your five senses, past your physical entity, past your emotions, your perceptions, something that shakes you at the very core of your being. and it's more than just a good feeling. i challenge you, just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.

have you ever been in a place, that is the very core of who you are, your existence, your identity, that makes you who you are. the 'person' you were born with, not what you've become over the years. yes, back to that place, back to where it all started, perhaps the moment you were conceived, or even back to the plan eons ago.. He knew you by name, knows the number of hairs on your head.

i could keep ranting, but i don't know if it would make any more sense.. i've shoveled so much of myself away since coming back to singapore, and yet i know.. who i am is in there somewhere, amidst all the crap and junk that fills my heart. i think it needs a scraping of the inside till there's nothing left.. just like i prayed years ago, just so that it can be filled the way it was meant to be filled

i guess, if it means something to you.. your journey begins when you want it to