what does the preacher say?
what is the fear that grips you sometimes? for me right now is that my shoot on saturday won't go well. i've given it some thought and all, but somehow i'm just afraid it isn't enough, and that it won't mean much in the end. it's funny how that paralyses you because sometimes you won't know till you try, but in my case.. when something grips me like this, i find it really hard to give my best shot. it's like i'm not in control or something, and don't deserve some sort of intervention.
fear can propel you or paralyse you i suppose. maybe i don't take well to stress, i don't know. it is kind of funny living my life with this sort of apprehensivness as i'm growing up, into an adult no less. but yeahh, will i ever measure up to what it is i'm supposed to be? or will we always be fumbling toward ecstacy. maybe i need all my answers and know how it's all going to turn out. maybe this obsession with the grand scheme of things gives me the much needed perspective, and without it, i'm just stumbling in the dark.
if i could blame it all on something, i think i should. but i can't.
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