christmas and the looking back

hello to those of you who still read my blog.

i say so because i see my technorati ranking dropping every time i check this blog, and i know the sporadic bursts of blogging just isn't helping much.

plus the content really is more like a penny for your thoughts than exciting developments in the new media space. but at least i know, i'm not blogging for readership, and i'm not the least bit interesting to the masses, just the ones that count. -)

i don't know if that makes this blog statistically unappetising, and therefore cannot be worth its weight in digital influence, but i guess everything that i've ever done with this blog, are my thoughts straight to you, whoever you may be -) and if you take something away from it, then i'm glad, and hope you can do the same for someone else, one step at a time -)

and so, as a brief glimpse into my current state of being, i think Ryan Adams says it best with this little number

i thought myself how to grow old


Poor little rose, beaten by the rain
In the wind in the gale, thunder and the hail
Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane
Without the numbness or the pain so intense to feel
Especially now it added up through the years
And I, I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
Now I'm crooked on the outside, and the inside's broke

Most of the time I got nothing to say
When I do it's nothing and nobody's there to listen anyway
I know I'm probably better off this way
I just listen to the voices on the TV 'til I'm tired
My eyes grow heavy and I fade away

'Cause I, I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
'Til I was crooked on the outside
I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
'Til I was crooked on the outside, inside's caved
Crooked on the outside, inside's caved
Crooked on the outside, inside's caved
I taught myself how to grow old

yeah, just feeling a bit old at the end of this year, i've done so much, and i'm thankful for every opportunity, both good and bad things that have come my way. i feel like i've grown so much that somehow, while turning 25 felt old for awhile, 25 feels like such a young age, because i feel as if i've just hit 30. my musical tastes have matured, my responsibilities have grown a lot larger, i've played a number of shows and recorded at least 5 recording sessions. leeson has just been invited to audition for Baybeats'08 and we're starting the year off with Stasis 10 amidst some very respectable peers such as vertical rush, you and whose army? and b quartet, plus i've met a lot of great and wonderful people this year, and it doesn't look like it's gonna let up anytime soon either -) don't get me wrong, i'm very thankful.. and i'm welcoming my break this week.

i think if there's anything i'm looking for next year, it's direction, and where to channel my efforts