tracing out the lines of your destruction

i consume. music, rss feeds, blog posts, instant messages, smses, video, newspapers, conversations, everything that appeals to my stimulus.

without my five senses, i am nothing. and i've clogged my arteries with my consumption. trying to fill those nerve endings with something to do, to keep my brain sharp. although sometimes i wonder, just how sharp my brain would be if i wasn't thinking about something else half the time.

today, i made a conscious effort to slow down, and to also consume less, or only when necessary. i had a slower saturday by far. i bothered to have breakfast with my mom today. it's come to this, that if i spend any time other than sunday dinner with a member of my family, i would subconsciously think that i was wasting my time. not today though, we walked to a nearby coffee shop and just ordered a cup of iced milk tea and kaya toast, and just relished the moment. drove her to the market to get some last minute ingredients for her afternoon tea party with her friends and came home.

one thing that struck me, was that it was spontaneous, not time set aside, just go with the flow. don't try to control your life too much.

then, i came home and did the one thing i've been putting off the entire week. rework my pedalbaord for my bass. for the gear initiated, i now run a smaller power board, my bass signal goes through an a/b splitter, one to the tuner, and the other to my mxr dynacomp -> effector 13 torn's speaker -> DNA Logic bass dragger and finally -> mxr m80 bass distortion DI.

i've found that putting the bass dragger after the torn's speaker and before the m-80 to have the best results. and the bass dragger really sounds like shite on it's own. it is fuzz heaven when coupled with the torn's speaker. the bass dragger acts as a very decent boost for the fuzz, and the m-80 distortion channel acts as a very decent boost for the bass dragger's distortion as well. all in all, i'm very happy. once i get a power brick, i'll fit the filter model and other modulation effects, and finally transport them to a pedaltrain 2.

- end gear rant -

and then, i had lunch with a good pal, yh. always good meeting him and talking about misadventures that were and never were.

came home to sleep. by conscious effort too. for someone who needs constant stimulation, sleep is your greatest enemy when you see it as an evil vice that takes you away from doing more productive things. but today, sleep itself was good, to rest when rest is needed. to save some energy for the coming week, and in that sense, maximise your weekend.

dinner later. it was grace's birthday, and saw some more old uni friends. i decided to come home after dinner to chill the rest of saturday away. watched some videos, read my comics, and finding the best time to blog, which is now. when my brain is waning slightly, but also brimming with something to say. to just let that stream of consciousness flow and let loose one final broadcast to the world before bedtime.

What Book Are You?

You're Moby-Dick!

by Herman Melville

You've spent your whole life seeking something grand and elusive. What
this is seems clear to you, but is hopelessly confusing to everyone else. You see it as
a simple hunt, but others have called it a metaphor for just about everything in the
world. Weary of metaphors, you are quite concerned that this quest will be your undoing.
Make sure any ship you board is well-built. Pursuant to your request, people call you
Ishmael.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

brian : i'm actually rather surprised as to how much this pertains to me. the allure of a grand quest, to make good in this life. the elusiveness if it all. maybe i'm just rambling..

Restlessness

Listening to the Deftones really puts me in a jamming sort of mood

why i believe

just a reminder to why i believe, in something that cannot be seen, but rests well within my soul. -)))

keep on writing, you're the only one who can

write! keep writing!

i'm just drawn to the temptation that this blog will one day be turned into my autobiography. or at least a piece of fiction, of the man that was. as such, i'm immensely proud of the words that have been stored on this blog, because perhaps one day they will serve a purpose other than what they are serving now.

if your blog were going to be compiled into a book, what would it be made of? i think that's one ideal i've unknowingly adhered to, one thing that keeps that self-reflexive and not just a record of the daily happenings around the world, but rather, the world through my eyes. and it's reflection of that.

i've done no wrong, and yet i am not without sin.

Speak Cryptic

Saw this piece of awesome street art in Orchard on tuesday night. There's also a story about the street artist on www.culturepush.com

The Stars Align

We spend all our lives apart but just once in our lives, maybe the stars align.

some lunchtime fun

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

i took a quiz! everbody should do one too.

Love. Peace. Joy

I don't know. It's the little things that remind us of what our souls are craving for. How it shouldnt be seen as week to believe in what we desire the most. I'm stuck in a traffic jam, writing in my journal and blogging on the go. You can see what i want to express, but you dont see all that i could truly want to say.

Saturday Afternoons Take A Turn

Nothing like a bit of retail therapy and sitting and marble tables to help pass the time

through a red and green lens

right then. girls. attack wombs to the ready. this is about the journalism of attachment.

monstering is ultimately, about giving a shit. it's about giving something back to these bastards. these people whom we somehow let run our goddam lives for us. giving them a taste of what it means to be us.

every law that curbs my basic human freedoms; every lie about the things i care for; every crime committed against me by their politics -- that's what makes me get up and hound these fuckers, and i'll do that until the day i die, or my brain dries up or something.

that's what we achieve. we show them they're accountable. we show them that just as they try to herd us back into cages of quiet mediocrity, we can chase them back to fucking hell with the truth.

it's the journalism of attachment. it's caring about the world you report on. some people say that's bad journalism, that there should be a detached, cold, unbiased view of the world in our news media. and if that's what you want, there are security tapes everywhere that you could watch tapes of.

i want to see humans talking about human life, personally. i want to see people who give a shit about the world. i want... i want to see possessed journalists. yes!

i want to see people like me, rising up with hate, laying about them with fiery eyes and steaming genitalia --

possessed by ancient volcano gods from the polynesian islands, waving vast breasts and impossible penises at the secret chiefs of the world --

-- naked glowing god-journalists brown-trousering the naughty twenty-four hours a day, a new planet earth --

waiter! fresh underwear, seven blankets and a bucket of moist towelettes!
- spider jerusalem #27 pg.15 - 18



and maybe our greatest short-coming is being apathetic. to life, culture, history, love and toward ourselves.

go where you want but i won't be too far

go where you want but i won't be too far
Originally uploaded by folkstar.

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where you want and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you, oh
You oh
You oh
You

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you, oh
You oh
You oh
You
- copeland, hold nothing back

human 2.0, where do you stand?

our world is changing fast. the act of sex and the concept of love, relationship and marriage seem to be seen as separate topics altogether in today's fragmented, post modern, please yourself generation/society.

and maybe this is where i can't seem to join the dots. is the act of sex merely physical as scientists claim, and are we just victims of the hormones secreted by our pituitary glands? and if this is as science claims it to be, then the whole institution of love, marriage and emotions should have no place in our current, forward-looking society.

and yet, for many of us who choose this liberal lifestyle, we still place a value, or even an emphasis on the whole institution of 'being together' or 'being exclusive' to each other.

are these the vestiges of the old guard with respect to our institutions about love, or have we in accordance to our expanding intelligence, or did we actually short-change ourselves to be fully human by quantifying the myriad of emotions, spirit and soul into mere hormonal imbalances?

this is where i see some food for thought. to the scientist, seeing is believing. he has seen hormones being secreted, he records and publishes his findings in scientific journals. however, we don't see our own hormones, and we don't particularly see which hormones are released when we 'feel a certain way'. so aren't we believing the religion of science the same way we've always been believing religion? the evolution, is that in some scientific circles, man has become god himself.

in our quest to quantify ourselves as humans, or mere living things, a bunch of cells that reacts to external stimuli and internal hormonal systems.. we've lost sight of the 'soul factor', the consciousness that sort of makes us human, the one thing we haven't been able to replicate in artificial intelligence just yet. that innate, self-reflexive, self-awareness.

and so to round it all off, is the act of sex, merely just an act, if not, why has it been tied in to a concept of marriage in so many different cultures? cultures so diverse and far apart, all have some form of marriage/union, and also some form of adultery.

and if our cravings for love, acceptance, validation and relationships are really just much ado about hormones, then why do we, even more so in our current 'live-for-yourself' generation, place so much value and emphasis on relationships of any kind? why do we still feed that constant desire to be loved, to make meaning of our emotions, and yet.. we devalue the very shards of our soul that keep us human?

the future is the age of the androgynous cyborg, where we are unlearning our own human condition. where the conservative are the confused, and the current confused, are seen as the enlightened messiahs.

i don't know how much longer i'll last, because it fucken scares me more than anything else.