Sunday, February 29, 2004

a title for the moment
there can't be anything worth reposting. life felt real, too real. and i can't post about that. such things cannot escape my fingers, because that would destroy the fabric of imagination. been dealing with certain things, i guess we want different things. do things change? tomorrow will tell i reckon.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

the appointment
tell me your problems. i don't want to play the game. wot is the game? it's the one where fate deals you cards. do you have cards? i can't tell if they're shitty or not. it's poker, the other guy might muck up if you can bluff him. that's the thing, this could go a million ways, and i can't even see past the first two possibilities. this is making you very anxious? i could be doing better things, stop playing the game. have a smoke, a sharp drink to calm the nerves. but don't you think you can't leave unless you're try the table. if there's a table there, isn't that the reason, the purpose you're alive and well? you have to play the game. i don't want to lose. you cannot lose, if your concept of victory lies beyond the table. aren't i deluding myself then? no, a little birrd told me so, and now i'm telling you. you see the table, the people bluffing, but you don't see outside the window. imagine wot lies beyond the dark walls. i've never been out, how can i imagine? i could tell you. i don't believe you. that's the only thing that's stopping you from realising. i'm looking at my cards now. i want to win at the table. i want those chips. wot can those chips do for you? im going to win them and be rich. nothing lies beyond the table. you just said that there was something beyond the walls. wot will you spend those chips on, if there is nothing to buy? i don't know, i just want to win. winning is everything. getting those chips, that is the purpose of the game isn't it? the purpose of sitting down at the table, is to get as many chips. thats why there's only one table, it is the reason i woke up in this room. and getting chips is the aim of the game. i want chips. you will sit at the table forever, will you be happy doing that? even after you keep winning? if i can constantly tell myself that i'm better than the rest, because i have more chips, then yes. i will rise above the rest based on my superiority. even when the chips are meaningless? they mean that im a winner. when i essence, there is no value to the chips? i have given it value, who're you to tell me otherwise. a little bird told me. there is no bird. there is nothing beyond the dark walls. you're screwing me up. isn't there something inside yourself that sings a tune you've never heard before? yet it's so mysteriously familiar? how did that get in my body? you've cast a spell on me, and evil spell. you have no idea who, or wot you're dealing with. wotever it is, you know something i don't. you have cast a doubt onto my shadow. and that doubt, will allow you to sit at that table and wonder if its all worth playing your guts out. will you ever tell me if i made the right decision and believing your little bird? you'll see it when you leave the dark walls. but i can always have the little bird whisper things to you when you're frightened. the moments when you're losing all your chips, or deciding wot you should do for the next round. that little bird will whisper stories of the outside into your ear. and that soothing chirp of a nightengale's song will give you strength. so then, why am i stressing myself out so much as to whether i have many or no chips then? well, like you said, this is the table, those are the rules. you have to play by those rules. but i know these things about the outside! you havent seen them yet, the rules will keep you safe here. but wot do the chips mean? they're chips, whether you have more or less, it does not matter does it? if you trust wot ive said, the chips have in essence no meaning. yet the game itself has a meaning, a purpose. because its the only thing in this room. but if and when you see the outside, you might be able to compare and derive wot reason you played poker for. will you tell me once we get outside? perhaps, but this is food for thought. there is nothing in infinity. absolutely nothing.

Friday, February 27, 2004

do you realise?? - the flaming lips
i want to sing this for someone

do you realise - that you have the most beautiful face
do you realise - that we're floating in space
do you realise - that happiness makes you cry
do you realise - that everyone you know someday will do

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realise
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realise the sun dosen't go down
it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

do you realise - oh oh oh
do you realise - that happiness makes you cry
do you realise - that everyone you know someday will die

and instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know you realise
that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realise the sun dosen't go down
it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

do you realise - that you have the most beautiful face
do you realise

one more peaceful moment
ahhhh.. i'm finally going for my first paying gig today, tonight! gonna catch a perfect circle at the perth clearmont showgrounds. woot! man, i can't wait to see those guys in action. gormless mentioned to me wot a wonderful time he had at their set. i can only hope they are gracious tonight, good weather, excellent sound and very hopefully no moshing for me. to be absorbed in music once again. and if they sing "but i don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility", i might just shed a tear.

went to catch this jazz outfit play at thellama bar at subiaco yesternight. was just mentioning to mitts that when a group of musicians enter that moment and feed off their soul and each other like vampires, when they take their audience to a certain place. it's hard to forget you're in perth, or spore. in other words, you're just here. and in the words of wayne coyne, "all we have is now." wise words for a fragile time.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

strange news from another star II
i used this title before, so i reckoned it deserved a part two. remind me when i have to use part three. oh kay, don't hold your horses just yet. my internet connection's still not up, i'm at my friend funky chicken's house leeching off his ADSL. so yeah, uni started on monday, and it's been good. so far. i really wonder wot grades hold in store for me this semester. those of exellence, nerdism, or party party people it's friday night. who'm i gonna meet? there are new faces everywhere, everytime you turn your head. where will i go musically, will i find good writing partners and record. or will it be the pub scene? i don't know, there are things you just don't know. and you can't hope for too much if you're disappointed by unrealised dreams. i don't like dreams, they stay that way. but sometimes you can't help how your mind wonders, as it gazes into the future of wot the future might hold in store for you. you can't hold on to that too tightly sometimes, because it can just be taken away. and sometimes you fight, but even if it wasn't meant to be.. some of us keep fighting. and wot then, when it's finally yours? sometimes, you're so tired.. you only manage a glimpse of the promised land, only to have yourself relinquish your own life. nothing is certain, yet the end is certain.

if you need me in school:
0830 - 0930 MED107 lecture
0930 - 1130 MED107 workshop
1330 - 1430 MUL101 lecture
1430 - 1530 MSC134 lecture

0930 - 1030 JPN 171 tute

1200 - 1330 MSC134 tute
1330 - 1430 JPN 171 tute

0930 - 1030 JPN 171 tute

0930 - 1030 JPN 171 tute
1400 - 1530 MUL101 workshop/lab

Sunday, February 22, 2004

once again
the first thing that pops into my head, goes straight here. it's been what.. six days since i've been in perth? awhile since i last blogged though. my apologies, but our connection has been down, and i'm borrowing someone else's one now. anyhow, the past few days have been good. we had a heatwave from monday to wednesday, but it cleared up o n thursday. so now, i'm burnt to a crisp having gone to the beach, twitching from a lack of online satisfaction. but glad that i'll have a tan after this and mebbe not be so addicted to the internet. yeah, i guess i could start looking at the brighter things in life, but where's the fun in that? i want to love again

Friday, February 13, 2004

running like a blade, straight into the hollow, scream and feed me
hey, this one's for you. it's not much, how could something like this ever make up for it? *grin* but i really wanna wish you a happy birthday on my lil personal space. you're indeed special and fantastic, spiffy and always too cute. a princess who never ages and grows more intelligent with the years, but dosen't push it down your throat. yeah, just wanna wish you and spur you on for this year, and let you know you'll always have a friend in me. forgive me for sleeping thru, and i do hope i'm still harmless. a princess dosent deserve this sorta insubordination. so my dear muffin, let's not drift too far during my absence, we still have a good thing. always, live on.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

twice, bus drivers in spore from 2300 - 0000 just can't wait for the coffee that awaits them at the interchange. in the process, terrorising even the bravest of souls as the fling all the have learnt from 'driver courtesy'school out the air-con duct. irritates the heck outta me..

till the end
the chorus of death sung in my ear, dropping like flys. the nameless ones, incognitos and strangers. a pained tortoured mask over the peace that descended upon them in the final throes.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

looking into a crevice
i think it's a somewhat amazing thing that when we open our eyes, the heat from the sun dosen't burn thru our eyes. just the right distance away from our star. or that we're not overwhelmed by the flood of colours when we're first born, it's like we were made to enjoy these things.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

osaka beach bunnies
i know these things. it is the third day now, desolation and potholes everywhere. east i look in smoken ruin, south of the beach we're cut off and north is the domineering forces of coalition. to the west lies prosperity and death. mizekins is lying delirious, spitting thick goops of arteral blood onto my knee as i cradle his pale face on my lap. jack and white watch alert over the hole we were dug in, cracking the rifle every few seconds. further in the distance, i envisioned similar fates amognst the scattered greens.

the hole is littered with spent cartidges, each one with a name written on it. an unknown life within a single metal canister, we could be next. it didn't matter.

white saw jackreel back, gel from his dense eyeball squeezing out as the catarects puncture and atmosphere sucks sight away. writhes and spasms follow, more would come, the future didn't matter anymore.

i stepped up.

find some pearls
hey y'all, lots of stuff needs to be sold at clikbang!. it's some really awesome buys, so go take a looksee and place your orders aight?

Monday, February 9, 2004

seiving the flour
i keep screaming but i can't get it out of my head. i can watch it till my retinas start to bleed. and then they'll keep watching, asking their questions, making their comments, wondering, knowing wot they know, pretending wot they don't know. it looks that mary didn't struggle, philip just stared limply at the flickering images. their vocal chords twisted in passionate embrace, knots ripping through the passages. i can hear them everynight, quietly fighting and singing their hurtful ballads. the madness beneath the perfect virturosity, and the seemingly blinded sanity in the spasms.

Sunday, February 8, 2004

red and blue, mixed in with gold
today as i was walking around, i've been noticing a purplish hue around everything. on some things it was more prominent, on others a dull shade. i wondered to myself, why is it that there are different shades to everything and everyone? was it some divine grading system, that something was more saturated than another.. or that nothing ever really was equal. and then, i realised everything was purple. even the green filler, i saw it was purple around the edges. and i could not understand why i saw things in a purple light. i broke down and cried, as i could not understand the mysteries of nature. why this and not that. even if i hit my head against the wall, i'd bleed a strange luminous purple blood. and when i closed my eyes in desperation, i noticed purple trimmings in the black thought of my inner eye. like streaks of lightning they tore thru the walls. a robust violet flame, spreading its hue and casting it's shadow on all around. the strange thing about this fire, was that instead of burning things, you could feel a biting frost as it licked your skin. and whenyouputyourhandthruthefire, the purple flame would freeze your palm, compacting it into a chunk of ice. it didn't hurt, but it was cold, and the ice didn't seem to melt or drip any water at all. once it was frozen, it stayed that way. astounded by this alien experience, i was drawn to learn more about the phenomena, but i could not crack the mysteries of a fallen nature, so i sat down under a large oak tree to observe my frozen palm.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

round around the edges
when you finally have to go out and face the world, admist the bullets whizzing by. not knowing which one is going to hit you in the knee shattering your knee cap, crippling you for life. these are the days where you may just find safe passage in someone elses' home. a relative maybe. even being at my aunt's place, i think the ties of sisterhood between my mom and her sis trancend to the children. call me asian, piety is a value i hold dear to my heart. and it's great to experience the surface, first hand warmth of everybody. shure there's the awkward wot do we do now between cousins, but hey.. that dosen't discount the nice-ness extended to one another in the first place. and everything looked so smiling. it's tough to forget that we all have wear our masks sometimes. but i don't think it's a mask. it was like a sort of inate joy that manifested itself and covered us. even if they are masks, they come from a certain part of us.

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

there are moments when time seems to just stand still, and by not stepping out, nothing is going to harm you. if you could just make an hour seem like a moment, then you can trick yourself that you've lost nothing. and that perhaps nobody noticed your absence.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

discard dischord
i wonder wot life will be like again once i'm done with serve program. already planning my last day to be this friday. back to the routine of waking after nine? i dunno, i think there's definitely stuff to think about and get in order once i'm out of it. being in this setting for the most part, has made me feel very safe, and protected. and while i can take comfort in that, i just feel it in my heart, that this isn't where the battleground is. we're arming ourselves, recuperating, who knows wot tomorrow will bring. can we face wot's outside this impenetrable fortress? while it would be good if the world was this safe, it's not the world we live in, and i don't think it's the world we're called to live in. i've got the whole year ahead of me. perth looms in the distance, friends whom i havent really called friends. friends whom i may drift farther from. families that i have limited control over. with this much uncertainty, i guess i can only look heavenwards. you're drawing my gaze.

lim peh kah li kong
mebbe it's not so bad, local productions. it has it's flaws, but i quite liked the ah beng satire of police and thief

sgt dollah : i know you are from a secret society last time
ah seng : not "a" secret society, two ah! 135 and 246!
sgt dollah : 135 i never hear before!
ah seng : of course ah! secret mah!

it's kinda refreshing to have singlish on teevee.

there's talk of the future
if i don't like the locally produced shows now, and then i meet harsh criticism from friends about wots on lcoal teevee now, if i work for the gahmen, then die. the work i do will just be utter bollocks and unappreciated right? wot if all those producers out there don't suck, and we're the ones who just don't gettit? oh kay, i won't work for the gahmen. even if they pay me 3500SGD a month when i'm 35.

lose the fear
and then some things just come and go. hey, recording went pretty well today. we managed to find a new singer, and hopefully he can commit to the ep recording. it's going slow, but i think that it's gonna be a pretty good concept as a whole. in other news, im super glad that the blogout system is finally up and running, i can now respond to all your comments in case you havent realised! "so leave a message, and i'll call you back" *does best gwen stefani vocal take* tomorrow's a new day, i'm gonna be very busy this week, so don't stay up too long!

Sunday, February 1, 2004

is this really happening?
tomorrow, or today is recording day. back into the studios after two weeks, at first i was dreading it. i was afraid of dryness, zero contribution, being useless. and after it all, i still dont think i have any real talent to the band. but its not about wanting sympathy, or running away. i think, that since i'm in the project, the only thing i can offer is myself. not my ideas, technical skills, or expertise. just myself, and everything else follows. you see, we're just in this together, nobody really planned it that way. it's not just about wot i can offer, but where i can be, who i am, and ultimately, who we are as a singular entity. a band.