Monday, January 31, 2005

stuck in a pensive mood, the day started out with certain new outlooks, positive ones at that. and then maybe its the time of day, and emotions are now run dry. running out of the endorphins that make me smile.

leeson is going to play an acoustic set tomorrow at nus's munchie monkey @ 8pm. come down if you can! it's gonna be slightly more intimate we hope, less electronic effects, and closer to the heart. have good vibes about the gig tomorrow and on friday, perhaps it's because of wot's on my mind that makes the burden a fuel to the "fabled angst machine" if i may quote electrico.

if you need someone to pray for, pray for me.. need to see the light.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

i've got thoughts repeating themselves in my brain, perhaps over the most inane things perhaps the most important pivots in my life if it were to be be a balanced scale. i shant devulge too much, but i am wondering how my life is gonna turn out as much as i take one day at a time, one step at a time. as much as my philosophies in life are concerned, today i almost feel like taking a cheeky grin into the future and romanticise how it's all gonna work out in the end.

i've never felt so much life, huddled in the trenches
first and foremost, i would like to dedicate this post to leodi, whom quite frankly if it wasn't for him who introduced radiohead to me, my musical journey might not have come this far, and had it not been for this musical journey, perhaps my own personal journey. the immense pivot of ok computer tipped the scales, and you can imagine the way out of all infinite possibilities, this path was chosen, helped by a friend such as leodi. and it didn't stop there, because he has introduced watchmen to me, which i believe is going to be another of those seminal moments in my future history. continents apart, yet.. good things ought to be shared.

well, the other thing that's been on my mind is this whole love thing. the more i love you, the closer i get, the easier it is to hurt you. sound familiar? i don't know.. perhaps i have unrealistic view, or standard of unconditional love. a friend asked me today where i stood on perhaps marriage. is it safe to say that we get married to get divorced, that we have rules so we can break them? that we have good so that evil may exist? it's abit of the paradox that is imbedded in almost all things human.

love will end. will it stop one day? after 10 years? 20 years? wot gurantee can i give that the way i feel about you now, will be the same, will be better after all those years. how many years does it take for the flame of love to be extingusihed? very cynical, very pessimistic, very morbid. perhaps a human cannot love unconditionally, perhaps that is the condition of our fallen nature? only perfect love can love unconditionally, how are we made perfect? and if nothing lasts forever, its only wots in this mortal realm, wots in this mortal love.

it has driven me to this conclusion. i cannot love like God, i can't change my own heart. how can i change it? i can't. imbued with perfection? how can i even grasp one shard of wot perfection is? God is perfect. be it black or white, one or zero, infinte subjectivities forming a singular objective. i don't claim to know how the omnicient mind percieves or concieves, give us faith, trust, hope and love. and of all these, love remains. God is love.

and so, can i love you till the day i die without hurting you? or is hurt a part of love, an integral faction in understanding another piece to the perfect puzzle. like we said before, we cannot even grasp perfection. perhaps perfection means certain imperfections here and there. i'd like to think we'll never know till we actually see it. we won't know if we could love, until we have.

Friday, January 28, 2005

perfect day, perfect beings
and it's such a perfect day
you just keep me hangin' on
~lou reed

how do i express the way it's touching me, choking me? the news go on, i'm sitting here on a chair as if the world doesn't spin. they say an idle mind is the breeding ground for something, i can't even remember wot. but i am reading a very good graphic novel now: watchmen by alan moore and dave gibbings. it's filling up my time well, but it'll end soon, and then like a plague of angry locusts, i must once again seek out new crop to devour, to feel like a locust. to feel useful perhaps. i suppose there are other things at the back of my head, things you don't need to know about, things i could tell you about. but not here, not in this vile place of melodramatics and swimming information, doomed to be lost as everyone elses. y'see.. it'd have lost that personal touch, the one thing that keeps me, and us human. physical beings connected by a virtual bridge? more like physical beings blocked by a virtual wall. funny how it doesn't suprise you when people prefer to communicate with each other through sms. we're such shallow indecent people.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

i'm already somebody's baby
we all know how young love starts, we know how nothing will ever destroy those feelings of affections for each other. and yet, many of these feelings are doomed to confrontation, doomed to years of insummountable hatred. how much you love someone, is how much you hate that person, and how much you hate that person is how much you love that person. doesn't make sense? it couldn't, i'm not even in a relationship now, yet i seem to see it happening all around me.

y'know, everyone's really concerned about my youngest cousin who's just enlisted in the army. *sigh* he mopes abit about how things don't make sense, and it sickens me. and yet, i've done my fair share of moping about things that don't make sense, yet.. i only see it as i type these words out now. funny, how this sudden thought about my own victimisation pops in and changes the entire agenda i had intended to share about today. well, yeahh.. we do tend to victimise ourselves, make ourselves the lead characters in our autobiographical movies. yet, we don't know how silly we all look till we actually pay 8.50 SGD to watch the melodramatic trash that is our lives on the big screen. would you really want a movie made about you?

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

way out there
i can't swallow properly, is that a strange phenomena or does anybody know wot i'm talking about?

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

these are lovely days
a host of other things that i wanted to share with you today, but i didn't have a journal with me, so i can't remember. all the better, because all we have is now. sometimes, i think we write in journals because we want to constantly remind ourselves of who we are, because we're so afraid that one day we're gonna wake up and not remember just who we are. that we're not going to recognise ourselves one day. how much of your own identity have you surrendered to God today?

sometimes i wonder wot it would be like to fight in a war, wot kind of a soldier would i be? i probably wouldnt even have time to think though, mowed down by gunfire in the first wave probably. i suppose war novels just muck around with your mind, they're the next best thing to actually being there.

these are lovely days because of who we share our lives with, and who we say goodnight to.

Monday, January 24, 2005

way out there
sleep deprivation, sleep overdose. either way, you can't really move properly once your body decides to wake up. in fact, your brain doesn't really process simple subconcious functions like "breathe" half as fast. does time slow down? because of that, it does.. you survey wot you're gonna do for the day, and it doesn't excite you. but oh well, even heros take a break.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

the in betweens
you have to read in between the lines, look for the hidden meanings, the unsaid words or the simulcra of latent fantasies. not that i'm feeling jaded, but sometimes it's just so easy to take the world as it comes, to imagine you're the main actor in a movie and that everyone says wot he or she is meant to say, for your benefit of dismay. everything is black and white, everything happens for a reason, a reason to affect you. so yeah, sometimes we all need a good kick in the face to remember that everybody's the main characters in their own movies, so there are plenty of hidden meanings and experiences whenever a person crosses our paths. all 95% of the stuff that remains unsaid or even unthought when when go thru life.

anyhows, i caught my first and killer set by electrico last night at the prince of wales, which is also a great aussie pub by the way! i'm convinced that this band is super tight and just excellent at wot they do! super catchy and well written tunes meant for listeners of all alike, an excellent rhythm ssection and true mind-blowing guitar-work by daniel sassoon.

also, leeson will be playing its second gig on january 26 wednesday 7pm. we're set to rock the stage once again, so please come and show your support if you can, we're also selling cds on that night, so if you haven't got one.. now's the time! we've got a couple of changes to our set to keep things refreshing, and its an awesome stage, much bigger than the last one.. and we hope it's gonna be an intimate connection between you, our music and us.

peace and rocks!

Friday, January 21, 2005

love is the reason
i don't think today's post has anything to do with being sappy.. in the neverending saga of brian's battle against the malicious forces of software contamination, our hero has managed to isolate the problem but still victory is beyond his grasp. one wonders if our stalwart hero is actually just walking into his arch-nemesis's trap. while the innocent at home are finally able to surf the internet at a decent speed, they have to keep a pop up window open if not the browser will mysteriously implode in on itself. our weary hero finally decides that the mother of all battles will have to be waged another day as he lays his weary head on the soft pillow of his mediocre villan bashing skills and perhaps call in for reinforcements from good friends like napkin man who aren't only battlers of social retardedness, but perhaps virtual assailants.

and in more exciting indie boy escapades, oneliner got cancelled by reknowned pub for today's 8.30 slot. the music coordinator cited reasons such as they won't be many people coming today since it's a public holiday, why don't you guys play next week? to further understand the undercurrents in this matter, oneliner has played there a couple of times not for money, but for food and beer. meaning, only the resident band gets paid in dosh. now, nothing wrong with that, because it's good exposure for us, and the oppurtunity of a lifetime.. but it's not too hard to see that the way the band is being treated, is a disposable and expendable asset to the establishment. getting cancelled one-day before with no real form of restitution because hey, we don't really matter. perhaps these sentiments should be spelled out early in the working relationship so that the band doesn't think you're gonna offer it any more real shots at a regular gig and think of their so-called shot at a paying gig. all this really shows is that, you the establishment are too good for anything else that comes your way. and if we're not treated as partners, then employees, and even employees get paid. if you're looking out for our interests, then tell us where we stand, if we suck that's why you're not paying us, let us know.

but if we're being treated like someone you can call to fill up space whenever, then it proves you don't have our best interests at heart.

so you're treating us like fill ins, then we're filling in for you for free.

but if you're sincere about helping us and as such are not paying us, then be more active about your sincerity and not just call us for random "we need someone to play at this time" whenever gigs. or if we're really not that good yet, let us know and put us in our place.. at least we can see where our band is headed.

the case is laid as such, and sometimes, all we wanna be treated as, is the same way you would wanna be treated yourself.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

get off my case
funny how life seems to be radiohead lyrics lately. gahhhh.. my sister was showing me some chao-bin or smelly face last night, and even now my mom is asking me wot i did to the computer. mannn.. i'm working on it, at least i'm trying to fix it. i'm trying as hard as i can, but everybody just wants results, or it just feels that way. pffffft.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

a heart that's filled like a landfill
don't be too suprised if you find me convulsing on the floor with the laptop flashing brightly and angrily at me. i've more or less been staring at either the desktop or laptop this entire day, trying to figure out wot's wrong with the browser on my desktops. it just takes forever to load a page, but runs fine when i don't open it! i mean.. wot the heck?!? i scanned for viruses, spyware and everything i could ever think of (not much), but still.. i'm resorting to my laptop at last. and then i checked out grand theft auto walkthroughs because i'm stuck. in fact i'm always stuck, i can't even play a game right! my brain hurts, too much electronic information, and distressed. will my laptop betray me one fine day, will my faithful companion turn heels on me? i think so, nothing lasts forever...

ever been afraid to step into a lift, or wait for it to open.. or enter a darkened room of sorts? i mean, all those childhood fears from bad b-grade horror movies, or aliens bursting thru the door, dripping from ceilings, psycho axe/hook/chainsaw weilding emotional disfigured loonies barging into your house, as you're watching tv. or better yet, in this scene from white noise, this ghostly phantom just thumps itself onto your telly from WITHIN. ok, sometimes you're just a scaredy cat..

i've been afraid to log onto the internet because my desktop has been hit by some kinda stubong virus, this is the laptop speaking..

Sunday, January 16, 2005

mothership blues
my sis just came home to use the computer, and i can't help but feel slightly irritable. it's not her, it's me.. but as we all know, a line like that just doesn't work. but yeah, i mean, im fine with her using the computer and all, and while she took longer than expected, it shouldn't even bother me, but i think it did. gahhh, sometimes when your body has run out of endorphines, it's difficult to stay smiley all the time. but yeah, i probably had a more pissed look than i'd hope for.. *sigh* the guilt and joy of being a younger brother who's never home.

well yeah, then there was this small teeny weeeny bit about the proper way to use the house computer.. and yeah lah, when you're outta happy juice, it doesn't help the situation. but at least we weren't shouting at each other, so it's all cool. oh mothership blues, take me home..

Saturday, January 15, 2005

crowd control
quite a massive day, it may not seem like much but i think it's taken its toll on me. it's nice to come back before twelve, soak in the twilight, take a leisurely shower and just bask in the night's moonshine.

my mind's a bit of a blank right now, reckon it's just spent too long awake or perhaps being around too many people over the past week. sometimes it really drains you, i've spent two straight days walking around far east plaza.. and it's somehow lost it's appeal. probably due to the fact that my flip flops have been knawing away at the soles of my feet. however, i kinda made aquaintences with the dude from afterlife whose shop is opposite the incredibly famous ambush. he's a nice chap, i bought a t-shirt from him and he bought an EP from us. perhaps now more people will hear of both our products? hahaha, perhaps.

so i just finished drinking a tiny cup of milk. some nights, milk just does wonders to your system. like a rich creamy texture coating the insides of your throat, strangely therapeutic, don't know if there's any real way of explaining the epiphany. so my room's still pretty much a mess, but i kinda like it that way, because i wanna feel messy, as if i were terribly busy. however, my wardrobe is abit too messy for my liking, perhaps i will clean that one up first. perhaps. i'm sorry im taking you thru this, sometimes i wonder if anyone really bothers to read thru all this stuff, or rather, why would anyone bother to read thru all this stuff. it's not frightfully amusing, and it scares me.. my so-called mediocrity.

however, mediocre lives don't eat "la mian" and "xiao long bau" from crystal jade, or so i'd like to think. i think i found a new favourite place to eat!

Friday, January 14, 2005

only in spore can one person chuckle to oneself over a stupid inane brand known as otafuku. incase you haven't realised, i otafuku. geddit? hurhurhur, nevermind if you don't, let me just wallow in this moment, the same way pork wallows in mud.

so today gt, thomas and i began distroing the new leeson to the shops. it's a new experience, very DIY and as usual, the bigger shops aren't as willing to take our stuff onboard as much as the smaller shops. well, i'm not sulking, it's purely buisness i guess, and i suppose when you've come this far, buisness plays a part. it's a lot of work to just make enough to break even and then gig and record the next evolution. some people should be glad they can do this for a living.

i really think the new material is inaccesible. it was a violent contrast to the radio-friendly vibe of wot one of the shop uncles was playing in his shop earlier. the moment he put our cd on and the as the first few notes to travels with lizbeth chime over the speakers.. you're imediately thrown into the deep end. however, as off-putting as our initial stuff sounds, i do feel there are a lot of common sense pop sensibilities in the record. shure it sounds weird, but more often than not, the sense of melody is really just done in a weirder way. i think with the leeson EP, you're thrown in the deep end, but you end up swimming to shore, and more importantly: you learn how to swim.

i don't know about the rest of the band, but i don't want reviews of our EP to be mind-blowing and exploding in the stars. the last time i read a review that did that, i ended up buying a vARnish record. no, i'd hope that whoever reviews our stuff contain that excitement, and put it as it is. if you're reaching a massive audience, great really should just be written as mediocre. because while we know its great, you can't deny it, there's a reason why accesible things aren't extreme things. don't get me wrong, i'm not going on some "emporer's new clothes" fiasco here, but we didn't set out to make a pop record, so our perspectives differ. however, those pop sensibilities show, we do enjoy accesibility, we still want to get heard as well.

and was just talking to gt about regional plans, because lets face it, singapore is small. how many venues can you play, how many times can you play the same setlist over and over again and the same fans come gig after gig and the setlist remains the same? and having said that, how often can we as a band write new material? do you understand tghe mathematics of this? singapore is small. we playing jurong, bishan, marina and changi and that's it.. you've covered singapore. now, say your loyal fans go for three of those gigs, you play the same set, they're not gonna keep coming, you're gonna lose your appeal really really fast. shure we can write new material, but new material does not get written well if you're writing it for the sake of writing it. no, we wanna play our set to a bigger and wider audience. that's why bands tour, to keep it fresh. we may play the same set, but we're reaching out to different audiences, that's wot keeps it refreshing. so yeah, globally might be too massive an outlook, though most dream of plans like that. but having regional plans, tours to malaysia, indonesia, thailand.. more collaborations between the asian/asean artistes/artists can be encouraged. well, mainly for singapore.. because our creative pool is too darned small. i'm not saying it's bad, i'm saying it's small. and that's just my rough analysis of rockstardom in spore.

well, the EPs are out, please get them! and we're also playing another gig on the 26th of January. tell all your friends, it might be our last gig for the next four to five months with me going back to perth and gerald studying in melbourne. but yeahhh, hopefully new material is in the works, jamie's solo project should begin to take flight, and leeson will be back before you know it!

Monday, January 10, 2005

a bundle of irritable nerves
another day that's just come and gone. can we live like this forever, because life will ultimately catch up with us. wot is this life i speak of that chases me like the karma police? actually, at any point in our lives, the past might catch up with us, things we're ashamed of, things we wished never happened, the older we get, the more our mistakes are.

but no, i'm not particularly thinking of any one event, not now anyways. wot's been on mind recently has been the constant lack of nothing. an idle mind is prone to attack, i think that's true to a certain degree. i started on two books and i still haven't completed them, sometimes i just mull around the house waiting for something to happen. and hauntingly i don't want to make my life end up life radiohead lyrics.

a couple of things that have been on my mind though, is trying to understand the way my parents think. if you've been here before, i mentioned that they like to nag, ask me where im going, who i'm going out with, even last sunday, my mom was telling me not to play soccer with my mates because i wasn't getting enough sleep. c'mon.. i'm twenty two already, i'll play soccer if i want to. and i guess they're also trying to understand that, that we've grown up as well.. but at least there's still a mutual respect. i mean, i could've slammed a door on them or shouted or something, but even i had to remind myself that i was twenty two.

but see here.. i guess i'll never really understand until i have kids of my own. kids who will one day find me uncool, backdated for listening to silly old bands like radiohead or playing in a band like leeson. already i had a rough taste of it when i was caught breathless playing with the younger ones and tempted to save my unfit pride by railing off a "when i was your age..."

the thing is, we're all trying to save the validity of our pasts, that we weren't washouts, that right now we aren't washouts. i may be middle-aged as it is, i may or may not have had my glory years, my kids may or may not be interested, but we have to stop living in the past. like i said, i may not understand my parents till i have kids of my own, till one day they're forever seven in my eyes and will never know better. my parents could well have been like me when they were my age, and i will grow up to be like them as well. the glory of the past? all we have is now, and all we'll ever have is now.

when i start my own family, will i still be friends with all of you? will i have time away from my own family to meet with all of you every weekend for a coffee? i can't tell the future, i don't want to tell the future. i wanna live life as it is right now, that the next second is a gift, another time to savour the richness of being alive in a time like this. in our generation we have our portion of suffering, we have our portion of joy, and we make the most of wot we have as set aside by God. in trying to understand my parents a little better, it would serve to reflect just how human they are, just how much feelings they have, no matter how much they nag or they scold or do silly things, we are so much alike because we were all created to behave like human beings, not something holier than thou.

this is how your son turned out in the end
buck toothed beer advocate to be enjoyed responsibly
as snapped by amazing amelia

peace and rocks! tell your folks you appreciate them!

Sunday, January 9, 2005

gaping mouth and background girl
once again leonard can come up with some of the best one liners. these words i believe can be used for a movie title, superhero/villan alteregos or perhaps just a pretentious post-core song title. either way, it's our title for today.

so wot can i say besides : thank you everyone who came down for the gig last night! for all those who stayed to say hi, and all who didn't get a chance to say hi! really really, thank you from the bottem of my heart for making the time to come down and catch an amateur band play their first gig! thanks for sharing and being a part of the stage experience and there's no such thing as a performance art if there's no audience to perform to. in some way or another, each of you that came down plays a deeper meaning in art then you might not even know *grin*

thanks to the organisers and stage crew who made such a night happen and most of all

thanks to the good Lord for clearing the weather, feeding the band's energy, and basically being the inspiration behind everything and the provider of everything. a little lesson of faith that i learnt yesterday was from haiks. i had been praying for the weather to be clear, and the thought just kept popping into nmy head, alright, i'd better pray again. then haiks texted me, and i texted him back to help pray that God would clear the weather. and he said something like "it won't rain". and y'know wot? that's faith.. faith that God heard you right the first time, faith that He's a good God and the author and finisher of our race, faith that it will not rain, something as simple as that. to not question further, to not dig deeper and intellectualise the way God could work. it will not rain. faith. it did not rain. *smile*

the set went smoothly, and the sound was great! enough space to move and such a magnificent crowd! i didn't know if i was jumping around too much.. hahaha! once the media comes in, we'll post pictures to remember the night. plus the EPs should be coming in soon, check this space for more details.

once again, a big thank you to all who made it happened, to all who share in this life of mine. tell us how we can make catching leeson more worthwhile of your time!

the setlist
travels with lizbeth
killing spree
the fast
there is a light that never goes out (the smiths)
great giver
master of ceremonies
heroes (bowie)

Saturday, January 8, 2005

the frail state of mind
today is gig night! has it already come to this? i can barely contain my excitement as it is, and yes, there are fears of mucking some songs up, or forgetting certain things, the weather, the general atmopsphere. just generally anything that can go wrong, probably will go wrong.

gigging is about preperation. well, it's a part of it. but yeah, if you wanna rock, it's a mixture of spontanianity and preperation. rockstar 101? this is just the begining! *grin* as thomas would say: all those years of preperation, of jamming, being friends, appreciating music, all those ups and downs, your spiritual highs and lows, the good and terrible songs you've written before, those girls that warmed your ice cold heart, those nights when you were terribly alone, those nights when your best mates were by your side, especially those nights when you were alone with your maker, frankly just the past twenty two years of existence.. all culminated in just one set for one rocked out night. that's a taste of wot we're offering tonight, life on a platter, everything that we have learnt into one performance art, everything that meant something or nothing will be drawn upon and exhibited out on one stage in one place in one time. and then the world will start spinning again.

debut gigs are a strange thing.. have fun before it all catches up with you. as i sip my teh tarik, i replay the future that is going to become past. all we have is now. i wanna thank each and everyone of you in advance.

Friday, January 7, 2005

the twenty-first century is breathing down my neck
Frankly, Mr. Shankly by The Smiths

Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position Ive held
it pays my way, but it corrodes my soul
I want to leave you will not miss me
I want to go down in musical history

Frankly, Mr Shankly, Im a sickening wreck
Ive got the 21st Century breathing down my neck
I must move fast, you understand me
I want to go down in celluloid history

Fame, Fame, fatal Fame
it can play hideous tricks on the brain
but still I rather be Famous
than righteous or holy, any day

but sometimes Id feel more fulfilled
making Christmas cards with the mentally ill
I want to Live and I want to Love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of

Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position I've held
it pays my way and it corrodes my soul
oh, I didnt realise that you wrote poetry
(I didnt realise you wrote such bloody awful poetry)

Frankly, Mr Shankly, since you ask
you are a flatulent pain the arse
I do not mean to be so rude
but still, I must speak frankly, Mr Shankly

could you ask for better lyrics? thanks to yuanheng who loaned me his cd, i'm a new convert to the smiths's the queen is dead album. sometimes simple, usually funny, very honest songwriting.. at it's best.

and we're gonna give you a taste of all that tomorrow at the esplanade gig.

don't think there's anything exceptional that i wanna share about, but you'll know if something pops out.

1 more day till tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 5, 2005

why does it always oon me?
travis are just such a great band to watch. thomas lent me their live at the castle dvd, and i'm having such a ball just being immersed in their performance. they're witty, showy and just write some of the most memorable tunes of our times. rockstars don't get made, they're born.

well, i think i've got some sort of attention deficit disorder, but it seems that everytime i come online, i start yakking away with my friends (you), and then i forgot to do all the chores i planned to do. right now, i'm contemplating going out to getting my holga snaps printed and just bumming. but i think the moral thing to do is to actually go out.

sorry for the lack of updates, not really finding a mood to write. like, there's nothing really worth commenting on. most people have something to say about the tsunamis, i guess i do too, but i haven't thought it out properly yet. meet me on the streets and i'll go stark raving mad on you.

leeson has been practicing hard the last three nights in the studios to give all of you a quality performance. if you're reading this, please try to make it down, give spore music a shot, but not just to support local, but really something that's worth your time. this band was not birthed on alcohol and rockstardom, though we roleplay that at times.

tokyo bicycle parking lots

so i guess right now i'm in post-landing mood. when life's starting to settle down, and the dust is clearing. i still haven't made an effort to look for a job, so i won't whinge on that. right now, i guess i'm just concentrating on preparing for the next semester, prepping my laptop for music recording and design and do something about my interests. of course i could always pack my room.

kids being kids at tokyo disneyland

so these are just a few snapshots i snapped whilst i was in japan, i've got a few more that can probably only be posted in febuary because the pictures aren't with me. it's just a tiny glimpse of life in claustrophobic japan, the cuteness of the kids to the eventual compact lives they will live when they grow up.

elementary school where some action songs were going on

the magnitude of the cities probably reflect the emptiness in the hearts of many people living in japan. as the cities enlarge to feed the hungry souls of the starving hearts, it's a grim reflection at the state of human condition. in fact, none of us are exempt. we all try to find ways to fill our lives up, we're never content, we keep going for the next big thing, or the next alternative thing, we try to be different by being alike. we want to be accepted by rebelling. even we don't know the true state of our heart, sometimes we don't even know the true extent of damage we have inflicted on ourselves. where we think we have been healed, the undercurrents are much more turbulant. Jesus said he was the water of life, and that whoever drinks of His well will never go thirsty, He is the bread of life, whoever eats of him will never grow hungry. and it's true, the most peace i have ever felt, always comes from Him alone. not from good friends or music, but something which comes from heaven, and heaven alone.

a vast sea of people in shibuya

3 more days till your magic carpet ride

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

new text document
it's early in the day, and i'm not sleeping yet because we're just waiting to digest food. i may feel my senses slowly fading, numbing my brain to the surrounding conciousness, but at least tomorrow i'll feel better, no more constant burping.

so then, morgan c.hoax and i met up today to purchase our materials to bring you the annual brian morgan compilation, this one hastily entitled white noise. offering you another two shee-dees of unbridled mind-blowing sonic displeasure that will get your toes tapping, lips humming and your brain asking itself wot the heck was that? this is music not to be trifled with, and we're glad, always glad to share it with you.

another rich busy rehearsal with the band, this time reunited with jamie who has been missing in action the past two weeks, but making up for lost time, he really rocked out on the vocal takes. he's got a great voice, and is really an integral piece of the leeson identity. we're practicing hard to put up a quality show, something to inject some hope back into our decaying lives. to have not just our music speak to you, but our relationships with you. on and off the stage, we're just like you.. we just rock harder *grin*

peace and rocks folks!

5 before we rock your socks!

Monday, January 3, 2005

just to feel
2005! these wheels keep on turning and the world keeps spinning. nothing has waited for me to get it all right before everything else carried on. nope, it's not about me and everything about me.

looking back
as i sit here musing, or panicking about finding something intelligent, something tangible to report about the year that has past us to preach to the world, self-recognition only gets us this far.

you in spore might have noticed that i've been away for almost an entire year, i almost wanted to see how long i could spend away from my/a comfort zone. it was a tremendous experience, and it's easy to see how this is such a comfort zone when i so easily lapse back into the things of singapore that irk me and put a smile on my face. perhaps this is home, shurely?

whilst in perth, where i spent a big part of my life.. God's thought me so much with church, cell group, dumb mistakes (purely behavioural), the worship ministry and band that i joined, old friends from faraway sydney stopping for a visit, making two video projects with some of the most amazing people i could have worked with, having a great house to stay in, a chance to zip around in an easily identifiable car, catching sarah mclachlan!

and then i had a immense life-saving adventure with napkin man in melbourne

the mission trip to Japan to just spend time with God and His people.

and just being back for the holidays to spend with my folks and friends, to just have leeson come this far thru the sheer persevearance of my friends/bandmates and the divine grace of God.

i know it's been a blessed year, yet almost everytime when i looked at myself on a single day, i never felt lucky, almost joyous from self-moping and mistakes which could have been avoided. lift your eyes of the ground! and see the cross that has saved you! not by your own efforts! Amen, thanks for everyone who has and still is a part of my life to this point. thank you Lord for just even bothering about me -)

6 more days to the esplanade gig!