Tuesday, August 31, 2004

bright and early, before the sun rises, not so bright. but it dosen't matter, the sun is going to rise, as it has for the past thousand years. there are some things that don't change. when they do, then we'll start panicking. don't fix anything if it isn't broken. but i'd break something just to fix it again.

well, gotta test to study for, scoot! we're gonna catch screamfeeder on thursdays at the murdoch tav. can't believe they're doing a free gig here. they're touring with electrico in the Eastern States sometime in september. nobody ever comes to WA. bahhh.. anyhow, thankful for the free gig. never really knew much about screamfeeder's music, so now's a good time to find out.

and has anyone checked witch hunter robin out yet? i caught abit when i was still in the army, and i knew i was hooked. shure brings the x-files back somewhat. well, watching a lil bit more now, and it's a welcome change from the usual mechas i normally enjoy in anime. well, robin looks too cool as well. mebbe i've always wanted to date some sorta happy goth chick.

Monday, August 30, 2004

dark dosen't mean the absence of light
the soft glow from beside my bed, a warm yellow light. you see, my ceiling bulb blew and there's something wrong with my reading lamp. you can't always rely on this sort of artificial light. wot you want, is to see in the dark. with light, you play with shadows. perhaps shadows signify the reason, the reaction. that when you cast light on something, you see something past the physical object that actually still represents the object. shadows are magnificent metaphysical things. they don't really exist and yet they do. i was glad for today, think i did alot of wot i was supposed to do.

you're invited
we love house

drop me an rsvp if you're interested. yo.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

stack'em high, crumble beneath your feet
wotever you build up, can be destroyed. you can't spend your whole life protecting something that dosen't last forever. and if something lasted forever, why would you need to protect it in the first place?

did i mention i love driving to pearl jam's binaural? i'm really thankful i get to drive over here, really blessed.

reminding myself the moniker i used to hold as litford. i still wonder if it would be a good label to go under, like.. combining my creative work under that umbrella. if i had any creative work to begin with. hahaha, i amuse myself sometimes. sometimes i want to have my own installations, sometimes i wanna make music like joe henry, sometimes i wanna write a novette and just sometimes i'd like to hold someone's hand and have it mean something.

Friday, August 27, 2004

blog this!
i just woke up at eight twenty, walked to uni and returned some equipment. this mind's a total blank, but i figured, hey! might as well drop in a blog. i don't know wot to blog about.. life's been pretty good so far, i got some extra spending money thanks to someone. it isn't much, 50 bucks, but i'll try to make the most of it and spend it carefully. it was provided by God anyhow, really thankful. things seem to be slowing down a lil with filming taking a short break, i'm glad for that.. it seemed to be taking it's toll on me. but i thank God really for sustaining me thru it all. i mean, still gonna have intensity meeting today, practice on saturday and church on sunday. there's also been a few offers for me to join certain ministries. they're all cool, and i wanna do it all, but there's only one of me. it's so strange, because just a year ago, i prolly was unrecognised, and i was worried about why i should pick up a practical skill of film-making. even if it's just doing videos for church, it's still a good use of the talent (metaphorically) which God has given me. so i encourage you, to use your talents in the measure that God has given you. serve with a servant's heart and never think that wot you do dosen't matter. it matter's to God, and whether you get it right or wrong is not as important as whether you obey God and choose to glorify Him alone.

i want chinese tea at home. and i wonder how my folks are doing.. my prayer is that all of you my friends are doing well as well. lead your life to the fullest measure, not everything goes your way, but the world keeps spinning and day turns to night and back to day. so it's not resignation, but something to spur you on, each day we're drawing closer to the end. each day is one day less of knowing God on this earth and for bringing the community to Christ. each day is a second chance in that regard.

i did learn something from bible study yesterday. if you read Daniel 2, there whole interpretation of King Neb's dream of the gold head, silver body and arms, bronze torso and iron feet and iron mixed with clay. the prophecy which God gave to Daniel, was that it was a sign of kingdoms to come. gold for babylon, silver for the persians (they were big on silver), the bronze age of greece, then came iron for the romans, and mixed with clay because rome get's divided but is still strong. the only thing left is the big rock that will be the kingdom that never ends. so we're only waiting for the big rock, because God hasn't lied to Daniel, and it says right there in the Word. when a pastor says we're living in the end-times, i guess they mean it. stay sharp!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

universe city
hmmmm.. i amuse myself sometimes. but maybe that's wot it means, learning about the universe and all its intricate mysteries. nahhh.. that would be pushing it. we all know that universities don't reveal the great mystery in the skies because when objective truth resides on this earth, there's no need to keep discussing. which is wot universe cities do best.

i had the rudest shock with my mobile phone bill. it's not funny that's why im not laughing. 176AUD. and it destroyed my plans of paying for electricity and rent and still being able to live comfortably for the next week. i've been spending so much on mobile expenses lately.. i'm starting to wonder if i really need to do all that. i am so not endowed with a thrifty heart. just ask napkin man when we went to melbourne together. napkin man, save me! rescue me from the jaws of unthinkable spending!! i should eat home more.

we're going cliff jumping tomorrow, that should be interesting enough. i think i need to amuse myself more with sketches and music. i have yet to clear out my laptop of music and videos. all i want left on it are: dvd player, browsers, officeworks, anti-virus, music production, graphic manipulation and if i can push it, moving pictures. its time to stay focused. very focused. but.. i am generally unfocused. you could call me a blur sometimes.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

the end is nigh
a quote from the movie hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and once again in 28 days later. just thought it was something to get the cogs turning. wot do the last days mean in a realm outside time? time's the fouth dimension.. is there something that lies outside time? a worm-hole, an alternate reality? a hyperspace reality? well, these are things we can't know, or even begin to touch. theory theory and more theory. speculation and spining tales. i've told wild tales. does God exist also in the hyperreal? perhaps, but he's here too. a drop in infinity we are, can a drop exist in infinity even? would the never ending, make one point even be worth something of value. perhpas that's the difference between the analog and the digital. but then this one guy mentioned to me before the extra binaries even in the so-called contained digital. the excess, the ghost in the machine. AI developing souls? wot makes us alive and can we define it ourselves? oh how we need a superior authority.. questions anyone?

and so, do we exist in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual? the aspects of the human being, that sets us apart from animals? God breathed? yeah, i think so, i may not know much, but i think we can know God because God first knew us. and it's a journey we all still take.

sometimes, i think academics talk round and round in circles, because if there really was an objective truth, they would go out of buisness. because there wouldn't be anything left to debate, and academia would have lost it's foothold as the "elite" authority on higher-education. even people in the "lower" echelons of society would be able to find out this so-called secret to life. so it's a self preservation of sorts for social order huh?

well, i just got back my second batch of prints for the holga, and i couldnt get any out because the film was "fogged", wotever that means. that is sucks, it means i don't have any pretty pictures in my room. well, more pretty pictures. i wonder how my room's gonna end up lookin' like.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

i've been around long enough
did you know? yeah, i just hate it. especially when i think of something, but i don't blog it, and then i come online in the evening and i forget wot it was in the first place. how do i live with myself?

well, been busy the whole week, it's good.. just check back here once in awhile. sorry if you expected this place to be more updated, or something hooky. lets just say you can't blog while tired, it shows that you don't exactly wanna do it. but you still do it anyhow. it's like, i havent been connecting with the internet realm for the past six days.

must keep eyes open.. but for wot? close'em when they tire out.. because the world stops spinning. is the world spinng out of control? i think it is sometimes. pray!

Friday, August 20, 2004

better than you
i'm not. forgive me.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

soup ramen and bok choy
i've been lost, because i don't exist anymore in the online. it's cool, not being online 24/7. i think ever since i started going online in 1997, it's taken its toll on me somewhat because i actually got sick of it. like i didn't make use of the internet properly, and basically i didn't balance my virtual and online lives very well. moving into a more lo-tech environment has allowed me more time to find myself hopefully. in His grace.

so there i was, 3am in the morning outside the media arts centre. we had just finished a rough edit in the suites, and it was a glorious sight to behold. mist everywhere, surrounding the street lamps and the sillouettes of eerie trees. you couldn't really hear a thing, except for the chatter of your own voices. i don't know if we'll ever experience that again, we probably will if our lives are filled with nothing but editing, editing and even more editing. i like editing, it gives you power over the moving images. but that power is given to the computer when it decides to muck up on you. so which end of the stick are you on?

my stereo rocks, driving rocks, i want a bass rig and a clean hard-drive.

Monday, August 16, 2004

i've forgotten your face, the breath next to my ear
it buzzes inside my head, searching for something, anything for rest, germinate and spawn. eating something which isn't there, and it hurts. the creature stings a numbling cold incision past my brain and i feel sickly fluid leak for a brief instant. i thought i felt it rush out of my ear, but i think it was just my imagination. i could lean to my side, so i did, and started staring at the legs of my table. i could make out the creaking of chairs in my topsy turvy world.. she pulled the old oak seat past the table. she didn't see me, and i couldn't set the dinner table for her. and as i watch, the pillars of light begin to crumble around her perfect face,

i happened to meet this japanese dude nori-san, whose english was really good. anyhows, elle bumped into him before we went for groccery shopping. nori actually needs a wheelchair to get around, and i was actually suprised that my small 'lil car, blinky, was able to be of help. anyhow, i've always wanted to talk to nori cuz he dressed well, and he actually managed to catch radiohead in tokyo when they played the just rock festival. gahhhhh! cool dude, mebbe i can brush my japanese up with him, hehehehe.

and blinky's stereo arrives today. we're gonna install it tomorrow!! woot! no more inane and musicless drives.

in other news, i saw a poster of gogo from kill-bill.. but it was quite expensive. though it was mounted.. but yeahh.. doubt i could afford such luxuries for now. for now.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

she lies in ruin and chaos
is our world headed toward a better tomorrow and is it getting better? the liberation of rights and minority groups coming up, becoming a part of our everyday lives. i think that conservative thoughts are wots slowly becoming the minority.

it's interesting to see the reactions of the gay community regarding the resignation of the NJ governer and his public admission for being gay and having a consentual extra marital affair with another man. i think they claim that he quit because he was worried that he might get slammed for being gay, but i think its more so because he had an affair.

i don't think there's anything wrong with a gay man on the stands because the people voted him in, and he was instated there by merit (but i still think that homosexuality goes against the bible's standards - but it does not make christians homophobes.)

and that's where some of my concern lies. i think i come from a very liberal uni, and it fights for equity and justice for all races, cultures, sexes and sexualities. and y'see, right now if you're of "higher education", you should have opened your mind and accepted that there are homosexuals around, and that people are more bold and free with their sexuality including pre-marital sex or multiple partners. in fact, the common perception of anyone who thinks that these actions are morally wrong, is deemed fuddy duddy, close-minded and phobic.

and so, more and more, those with such moral standards will become marginalised as the reneissince spreads and more and more folk are enlightened by post-modern society. in essence, is obeying God more important than your outlook of the world? i got thinking yesterday when we were discussing:

i was kinda saying that, we're not a hundred percent all the time, and even when we dont feel like worshipping God, we should still, because He is God, and somewhat, it is our duty to worship him. but jimmy was just saying that it shouldnt be about duty, and it should come from our hearts. i mean, that's ideal, but i thought i was getting it correct in terms of attitude because i was in this paradigm where, God deserves all of us no matter wot our state. it's only when we talked abit deeper, and from the genuinity of jimmy's voice did i catch it when he said, "but when your relationship is so tangible, even when you're not feeling up to scratch, you're feeling lousy, but you're still close and you're just telling it like it is."

i dunno, i just felt as if challenged that i was trying to justify the times that i wasn't close to God. and yeahhh, so its kinda like, facing up to it.. knowing where you're lacking, duty or not, i think when you face up and examine how much of a relationship you have with God. i was just touched because jimmy was talking from a point of that close communion with God. me? it comes and goes mainly because i'm a straggler, a strayer, someone who dosen't have enough stamina to finish the good race. -) i'm kinda glad i'm not perfect though.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

a fraction of peace in our decaying world pie

we could marry science and art to co-exist (actually they already do), by applying the first law of thermodynamics to the creative energy of art.

art cannot be created or destroyed, art can only be transformed into another form of art

speaking in terms of, have you ever, when you're on to something, there's just something that just takes over and your entire being goes into overdrive because you just have to get that message out. your body exudes a sort of energy as it's inspired by the things transient in you and those that are shaping you, guiding your senses, you are the medium of a greater thing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

i don't know any self-defence, and there's this feeling on inadequecy that i could not solve a problem with my fists. sometimes, you argue, sometimes you punch people's teeth in. it makes them look better sometimes too. i like girls in braces, figured there's a sorta cheeky charm and flawed beauty because the world likes straight teeth. i adore jewel with her crooked teeth and cowgirl hat.

on the subject of not being with it, i'm just starting to feel some of the effects of my non-broadband life. there's all this cool music out there that i cannot listen to, and it does make me feel somewhat left out. but perhaps it's time to look back on the analog.

and it sickens me when people equate downloading to stealing. these forms of downloadable media, are in the end one's and zero's. why is it wrong to transfer information with one another? that is after all wot the internet was created for. you sample something, but at the end of the day, it's not really the product. tell me your thoughts.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

ndp! it's finally over!
these immortal words were given to me yesterday by my ex-camp friend eugene. so refreshing to hear something different from the usual "happy national day!" from sporeans here or those back home alike. i barely remembered that it was national day, and it never really meant much to me.

perhaps im one of those people who just take life as it is, and because i never experienced that hardship of independence, it just isn't close to my heart i guess. i'm thankful for it (somewhat), but i couldnt be ungenuine and put myself in those shoes. as in, i will never truely experience or make it my own unique experience, not unless it happens to me.

this afternoon, i happened to watch wot i think is a masterpiece. jack arnold's tarantula 1955 was a great effort for its time, and it deals with some really cool issues that are being discussed now. i mean, mainly ethics of research and development, and i guess ultimately playing god and taking things out of the 'natural'. some of it was in your face, some of it was subtle. also, one scene served to anchor my outlook on film as being false. false in the sense that, they amplify certain sounds and have certain emotive soundtracks. this deals some sort of influence on the way you percieve things. in real life, everything is heard, and you can't selectively choose wot you want to happen (or sound off) around you. and you don't have music playing. so wot this means is that films are SCRIPTED in a certain way, to make you feel a certain way (conventional films at least). so don't get on my case when i'm not too hot about films somewhat, being life-changing and all that. i've stated some of my reasons. the other 99% is locked up somewhere in the recesses of my mind which i have yet to sort out and will probably never sort out even right before i die.

in other news, brian is still alive, and probably well. -)

Monday, August 9, 2004

one more with some strange psychotic dude who's probably some insane clowne posse with a gazillion photos of her. get your wretched hands off her!

the belle of my mundane life, chanel cole has made it through to the next round of australian idol. seriously, with such a unique and weird dress sense plus unorthodox song choice (portishead's glory box), i hope she goes far. not to win idol, but to get the chance to share with an audience the craft she's crafted. and don't you think there's such a simple natural beauty to her? yesssss, i am gushing. alot come to think of it.

Saturday, August 7, 2004

massive grey and tall smoke all piling together to compress into sub-combustion

there's metal and there's metal. wot did i do today? no, i don't want this to be one of those inane dear journal things. it's not funny, stop laughing. no really, stop laughing. today i had band practice after almost two weeks. i didn't drive to rockingham but paul did, and whilst on our way there, admist the neverending roads of vast blue sky and flat horizons, i did wonder where i was going with all this. did i really believe in our music?

i'm just thankful i gotta band to play with. we looked at footage from our first gig from becca's birthday party, and it was inspiring to actually view yourself. like, i may like playing the stuff, but do i like listening and watching ourselves as a band. and i must say that the effect is good, i did kinda like it. we're raw, brash, uncontrollable and i think the more we get into it, the more we don't bother and become less inhibited as a collective. i mean, even if we suck, to ourselves we're our greatest rockstars, and its something that people can't get. two million people may not be wrong, but four idiots could be right as well. and we're just gonna keep doing it, as long as it releases something in us, something pure and unbridled. tap into that energy and release it, communicate and fine-tune that craft.

but it was a good jam, we had some interesting improvs and i guess just hanging out together and talking shite just bonds musicians on a personal level. something i treasure being in a band. its not just the music, its the life somewhat. and im glad i wasn't just a band member in my dark star. anyhoos, alysium is officially going thru a name change. paul suggested mayfled, becca suggested a night in july, mine's still dreamlights and scott, well.. scott's the drummer. hahahahahaha, sick dumbarsed drummer jokes.

and oh so sweet, scott proposed to his girlfriend while on vacation in brisbane! the sly bastard!

Friday, August 6, 2004

winter chills
at this time of the night, the cold starts to nip at your toes. the night air then begins to display its wide array of teeth, nibbling softly at first, tearing away at your pink succulent flesh. its head pulls away, fangs sinking in as it slowly rips the blood soaked epidermis off the bone. chase it away, chase it away, chase it away with life-giving, life re-birthing heat.

your senses flood back, and you answer with a heated shower.

quite an insane day, been out most of it. i sent my housemate peivn to uni, then we had to grab finger food for agape's intensity meeting tomorrow night. later after that, i managed to fix myself a snappy lunch of a sandwich, crackers and hastily bought brie cheese. off to uni to meet mitty and the rest of her production team for her advanced screen project.

i guess the highlight for me was finally meeting kiat who is an amazing cinematographer. he showed me a piece of his work, which concept wise was avant, it's so exciting to actually see something at this level of intimacy. to have the artist right there, explaining certain details to you, certain reservations, and basically being open enough to discuss the messages and interpretations derived from the viewing experience. i dont think i could fully describe that piece of work, but it was truely engaging and open-ended, with stunning, greyish microscopic visuals to the soundtrack of strange random but calculated electronic beeps and ding dangs.

Thursday, August 5, 2004

it happens when you didnt know it would happen
i've always wanted to bring this up, when i take a shower in the mornings, its like walking in the clouds when you see a mist form in the bathroom. such a surreal feeling, kinda makes you wonder the wonders if physics, hot and cold. such extremes, such magic. hey, its just mist.

so yeah, its funny how God has a reason for somethings.. like i didnt exactly know if i wanted to turn up for prayer meet tonight, but then i thought, hey man.. better go, might as well go.. so i kinda prepped myself last minute for it. i know it sounds shallow, but seriously speaking, you are in a better position to hear wot God says when you're somewhat ready and prepared, like you've 'consecrated' yourself somewhat.

i guess it sounds like, you mean i have to be somewhat holy and stuff before God will talk to me? it helps, it connects you to the Holy Spirit and even from teh superficial, feel good feeling, it just makes it conducive in that sense. anyhow, if you read Galations, it does talk about alligning your spirit to His Spirit, and how the actions of filth are still detestable and we shouldnt make use of our freedom to keep sinning.

so yeah, out of the blue during prayer meet, i was asked to fill in for a bass player, and it was cool. if i had decided not to go, i may not have gotten this chance. and that other bass player would have been in an unfavourable position somewhat. i dunno, im just encouraged that there's a reason for all of us. and never feel too guilty to come to the Lord, in fact if guilt is keeping you from coming back to the church, that's a lie. we all are guilty, we have all sinned and fallen short the glory of God. that is why we cannot save ourselves, and why our salvation makes so much sense. that we were justified by grace. that if we lived under the law, we would fail ultimately. sin festers in the law because no man can keep it. that is why, the blameless faultless lamb who was without sin was the perfect sacrfice, and in his death and ressurection, ultimately lies our inheritence.

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

i may not like saying this, but i'm gonna watch australian idol because of her because she just takes my breath away. yes, allay your fears, this is my downward spiral. as much as listening to emo is too.