Tuesday, March 30, 2004

bleedin obvious aye
franz ferdinand - who the heck are they?
indie rock! you're my most favourite type of
music... your music channels lots of emotion.
on the top it seems simple, but underneath
there's always a deep meaning... as your name
you're independent from most of music! stay
that way! good on you! there's so much
variation in your style...from deep and
thoughtful like the stills, to happy go lucky
like belle & sebastian, to dancy and catchy
franz ferdinand, and back to boogie down hot
hot heat
and the rapture...

what genre of rock are you?
brought to you by quizilla

the cathartic effect : 'course i am you twats, i'm bloody indie boy fer cryin' oot loud! just as morgan's the über, numero uno, master of all old indie farts.

coffee black to white
sometimes you wonder if coffee really works, or its because you psyche yourself into thinking that caffine keeps you awake when it's actually a placebo. but we all know that's untrue anyhow. so sometimes you just need a good dose of emo to bathe yourself in some sort of experience. you need to tell somebody the nothingness in your mind, and not be afraid to face it. stab it in the dark.

we're good like that
you know how it is when you're caught up in your own world. hedphones over your ears, humming your own tunes and oblivious to your surroundings. nothing else matters, and for that instant you shut everything else around you, and you're all alone. we need that sometimes, even though we're highly sociable creatures, acknowledgement attaches a value unto us, but that's not the price to fully pay. when you break it all down, you can't live for others all the time, and you can't live for yourself all the time as well. because, it is in others, that we find something more, something new, and yet it is within ourselves that we truely find retreat, solace and a host of other good things. and still, we havent arrived, not at a conclusion like this, it's either the begining or halfway there, but it makes no difference, we're not there yet. there are just some things that someone else must tell you, and you can't find out for yourself. can you find the faith in your doubt?

Sunday, March 28, 2004

yuen is a good friend of mine
i know some pictures have been circulating around of late. well, here's my version of it, especially after you've seen the infamous :yuen) smiley. anyone notice the resemblance? that same, awe-struck, guilt-stricken, beweildered gape.

confounded this! caught again! curses!!! with friends like this.. who needs superheros?

brought to you by indie boy, napkin man's fully independentsidekick. we're saving the world from social retardedness! *vamoooose*

the surprise for the housemate
jane-san organised a suprise party for her darls, adrian last night. it was a good party, and there were a good bunch of folk there. i thought it was a real sweet thing of jane to do, and we probably have a beeming birthday boy right now. i think i observed quite a few things yesterday, which i'll keep to myself. but i'm just somewhat glad that prior thinking thru things makes living somewhat easier. i'm still rushing the assignment. but the yan fei moments last night were priceless too. but in this one, he loses everything. oh well, wot goes up must come down y'know?

Saturday, March 27, 2004

milk and honey so intoxicating
to feel connected, amidst the silence, the solitude. yeah, i'm in assignment mode once again, when everyone else seems to be having fun but yourself. when your smiles seem forced, when your hope for the future seems unsubstantiated. there is however, a simple joy to all this. a nice metal mug of cold milk to the peace of nine-thirty-six in the morning. i'm the only one awake, and i could savour moments like these. where when it's between God and you, really somewhat, it feels like it's just the two of you. and you should talk, listen, and make somemore sense.

other things
let's worry about other things. hmmmm, say about things that don't really matter? no point thinking about such things aye? but you'd be suprised as to how much deviance our minds are capable of. makes you wonder sometimes if your brain is a totally different entity as compared to the rest of the body. i mean, its the only part of your body that's making a concious decision about things. and also, does the soul reside in the brain? this.. entity of conciousness, will it ever be explainable by sense? such strong human characteristics, just electrical impulses? while that may be all well and true, it may be so that it's something tangible, something we can measure, something we can understand. agree with me, that we are more than that, no for pride, but for our sakes. a reason for living.

and a 'lil fun brought to us via elastic plastic
i don't want a toaster.
furnulum pani nolo.
"i don't want a toaster."
generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. you have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.

which weird latin phrase are you?
brought to you by quizilla

Thursday, March 25, 2004

the sum of greater things
come add onto me, this sense of dreariness. could it be that there's a burden upon these shoulders, or that i'm not feeling a certain way. something missing or something too much to bear, these issues brought to light, fade away totalled clash. but i'm just glad it hasn't gone to the pits, not beyond my control, never beyond the control of the God most high. some ask me why i believe in something i can't see, can't prove, not real. why do people suffer, have innumerable pain afflicted by illness. blame all the good things on a devil, and giving all glory to a God. you can't compare the uncomprehendable. it's never gonna make sense or logic, because he is beyond those things. beyond the things you can attach a value to, and still.. there we are, chosen by him to be with him before we knew we would be born. it's true, none of us asked to be here, so how much more can you say this life is yours to live and do as you please? it's an inherited will, we're a product of something above than our own choice. and still there's a choice to be made. welcome to greater things.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

clearer than glass, a mirror to reflect
it's kinda funny when you have to think of wot you wanna say on this blog. lately, very little has been passing my way. it's as if life has slowed down, or i just want it to be less complicated. i guess a small part of this also stems from me wanting to not impress someone so much, so yeah.. life's a bit easier. it's funny the things you'd put yourself thru just to be noticed. but i guess it really is about letting nature take its course, 'specially if you're not cursed under a bad sign. God provides, so don't stress yourself over the things of this world. yeah, life's not really all that a joke. by no means is this the end, and knowing me.. i'll probably forget about this in due time, and find myself in a similar situation. this life's cyclical in that sense.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

he rocks!
i wanna start a garage band! i wanna start a garage band! i wanna start a garage band! just feeling so draw in by the clash again. like i just wanna find a small group of musos to put a drumset and 100W amplifiers into a garage and rock out. dont matter if we dont gig or record. its the cathertic effect.

am thinking of this mobile too. pay an extra AUD19 a month for the next too years on top of my optus plan. not too shabby.

and i didnt do too good in my japanese class test. *sigh* and i thought i had it. only thing i caught was thin air. must buck up, must focus! you reap wot you sow.

searing the epidermis, eating beneath the flesh
wot about the heatwave? flopping over my laptop like a dying fish. now i know why dogs stick their tongues out. this heat is unbearable, then i wanna sweat it out over you. with you. i think the song is finishing, i don't think it'll last thru the night. fall asleep and never face the dream. we don't need dreams, or anything untangible. only the things that skip a beat.

Monday, March 22, 2004

a list
dooming myself to a cliche, this is yet another list also found on napkin man's blog.

10 songs you love
10. fumbling towards ecstacy - sarah mclachlan
09. just a day - feeder
08. stay - dave matthews band
07. same deep water as you - the cure
06. riders of the storm - the doors
05. end of the world - karen carpenter
04. unto the throne of God above - sonicflood
03. punk jazz - jaco pastouris
02. mean flower - joe henry
01. no distance left to run - blur

09 things that make you smile
09. napkin man
08. a whisper from God
07. when someone smiles at me
06. a groove
05. good conversation
04. getting acknowledged
03. a revelation
02. moving on
01. hope for a new morning

08 things you wear daily
08. a pair of boxers
07. visual aids apparatus
06. a smile
05. portable music
04. a sense of humour
03. some emotional baggage
02. a tune to tide me thru
01. a prayer

07 things that annoy you
07. being so open till you're closed
06. constant bitching
05. patronising someone
04. myself in a rut
03. mental blocks in the creative process
02. not knowing wot she's thinking
01. shallow statements

06 things you look forward to
06. writing the perfect song
05. rockstardom
04. humble obedience to the maker's will
05. being with God
04. saving the world with naps
03. being there with my folks
02. meeting a wonderful companion
01. tomorrow

05 things you're scared of
05. being a washout
04. heights
03. caterpillars
02. falling away from the faith
01. not leading the people i love to the faith

04 people you'd like to spend more time with
04. someone whom i fancy
03. someone who fancies me
02. naps
01. new and old friends whom i cannot split myself into

03 movies that you could watch over and over again
03. platoon
02. transformers
01. the doors

02 special moments
02. revaltions with God
01. fumbling over my words

01. Person you'd want to spend forever with
01. someone who's eternal

Sunday, March 21, 2004

tedious and tangible
lack of updates, my bad. just been so busy working the days away on my editing project. my first attempt, lets hope my tutor thinks its a good effort. i'm new to the whole thing, so it got kinda confusing after awhile, like there were so many meticulous decisions to make. it was hard work, but strangely, it felt rewarding being part of a creative process.

so yeah, i'm still alive, though right now i feel physically dead. dosen't help that there's a freaking heatwave happening right now and i just feel like plopping onto my bed like a dead fish. really, these things hit even the best of us.

pardon me if you've been stopping by since thursday, tryna get an update on the blog. wished there was more to share, but the grey matter is starting to disintegrate. tomorrow will be a better day.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

and i wished we never stopped learning
did you know we adopted a dog? (as of press time, we're still negotiating) he's only a 4 month old puppy, and already he's quite huge. well, i just didn't expect him to be able to reach my throat if he lunged. anyhow, we should be christening it mr browne. spiffy huh? i'd like to take some credit for it. he's a cross bull terrier and calpie (sp), which basically makes him look like an overgrown doofus jack russel. snappy as hell, but he has his shining moments.

just now, i took him for a lil walk down the neighbourhood. i guess he could barely contain his excitement. by this, he was sniffing any and everything that was created, evolved and mutated. so as one of his surrogate parents, i had to keep hustling him along. keep him on the straight path if you will. but then, there were times, where you did allow him to sniff around, and appreciate the nature around him. he met some nice folk, and it was a good walk. all this is really a metaphor for a parent releasing his strains on their child, but i know this is a lousy job, my mind's on other things.

disciplining a dog is also something im new too. i'm not much of a disciplinarian, and it breaks my heart to hear him whimper and bark everytime he gets the solitary room. he's just starving for attention, and here we have the tough love, teaching him a lesson for something naughty that he did. yeah, im too sold on the idea that if you're nice to someone, they'd feel guilty of ever taking you for granted. and besides, you don't want the dog to fear you.. but i guess that's why its a fine line between disciplining and disciplining out of love.

wheels on fire
just on monday, i think i saw this guy rollerblading around. i spose you don't see much of them around anymore too. but yeah, there was a period of time, where i had learnt how to rollerblade when i was mebbe twelve? but i didnt have anyone to really show me the ropes, or show me enthusiasm and inspiration . plus the passion bug didn't bite me.. so i didn't know how impressed i'd be with aggro-skaters now, and a lil part of me wishes that i'd be cool like that.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

the end of eternity
i don't say anything because i think i'm over it. when all you need is someone to ask you. slowly perhaps. listening to the same old tunes, because no new ones are birthed. and then some, you realise certain new things. not exciting things, and they make it easier to breathe. sometimes you think i've got nothing to say, or am unfeeling. but mebbe its because it's all been said and done, or nobody wants to listen. but i can't pin the blame on you all the time. i've lost that confidence in something other than my tangible self, or mebbe i'm just a fool when it comes to you. but in any case, this isn't about you or me, we're just two lost souls living in a fish bowl (credit: pink floyd). we're all looking for something, someone, even ourselves to blame. that isn't so bad, give credit where it's due. so yeah, another 24 hours, before the end of eternity.

meg white sings the blues on a cold cold night
take it from here, your hands wake up frosty. the only part of your body that you exposed to the elements, and nothing quite feels like running hot water thru those fingers to remind you there's blood flowing thru your veins. and nothing quite feels like a new pair of AUD5 socks.

Monday, March 15, 2004

across the night
wot makes you feel alive? i can ask this, because i'm feeling kind of sleepy, weeks behind some of my readings, bitten by an uncreative bug, confused as to how to best express myself, sometimes taken for granted, and unacknowledged, unconfidant when your outlooks are the unpopular one.

some live their lives for other people, because the acknowledgement makes them feel alive. some live for themselves because they're jaded and have lost the faith in things other than their own abilities. their success makes them feel alive. some can't find a reason to live, and end up giving in to the lost cause of death. i think life can be found in all these and more. it takes a certain realisations of these issues, and something in you has to want to dig deeper than you've ever dug before, and then you will / may realise digging deep isn't going to make you feel alive.

life is something given to you. feeling alive, is something given to you. who else has the power to turn a curse, into a blessing? think about it, you know the answer too.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

pray for rain
where is the drop in temperature that was promised to us by a certain weather station. it figures, you think these people control nature, but they don't. its kinda humid for a perth day, and i wished the air was cooler so that i could make more of an attempt to read my notes, formulate ideas and discussions, think creatively regarding an editting project and presentation. yes, life is catching up, and i musn't forget i'm only a student. ga-ku-se-des. only a student. funny how the day just flew by today.. its good and bad. you can do the math, heh~ well.. i'll hope the nights are colder for now.

and its days like this when the cure sound more alive. its like having a conversation with someone. yeah, i miss those, real conversations where people agree with wot you say, and make you think out of your box. it wouldn't make life complete, but it'd give some faith that the human race wasn't so caught up in itself.

pray for rain, clear the draught, bring life abundant and remember the world as not as cold as you are.

picture ripoffs
whoever thought transformers weren't ever cool should just contemplate deeper.

trust me to make the world a better place
stompin' grounds and pancakes!

and i got this off restingchair.com, who in turn got it from somewhere else. i think it's über cool, and it stretches your imagination a lil! live the lie sometimes..

blessed are those who keep fighting for their lost causes

Saturday, March 13, 2004

i don't think she feels the same
so let's just let it fade away

Friday, March 12, 2004

line out
sales at these websites:

alternative healing
it's lovely, the internet.. so much beautiful music to be found. if sharing mp3s is doing anything, its spreading the awareness of bands and good music. getting music to places where it's unattainable. but which i guess, should professional musicians be paid for sharing a part of their lives with us? or should they expect nothing in return from us, and that if we do buy cds, it's a bonus on top of touring, endorsments.. and perhaps working even harder. i guess i'd share it by any means possible, but in order to put out quality, more time for a creative birth and process.. i'd need funding to substantiate my existence, and the necessary equipment to keep the craft floating. but y'know, so many artists suffered in the past. was there such a thing as a superstar or band? once you're in a lifestyle can you ever get out of the comsumption? lets take a step back, all ye would be artists.

dead end stop
argh, i can not look at my blog in the same way again. mattchuder has scarred my perception of my own writing, and i will never have the same confidence again. or at least till someone else tells me so. but dont do it because i told you so, do it because you're impressed. i can't help but feel that not many folk are gonna be impressed with all this. heh~

so anyway, thank you if you're here night after night, checking the latest in brianland. all 30 or so of you imaginary people who make up my daily hit count. nothing of much importance has been happening late.ly, and if i had to paint a picture, it's a plateau of sorts. well, waiting for the next high, so i can plunge into an abyss and blog all about it. you know you love it when my life goes awry..

well, i feel more emotionally stable too. things that used to make my heart skip, are starting to slow down. blame it on realisations, revalations, and something just clicking and accepting. it may be good, or bad.. but i function once again. one more robot unlearns to feel.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

perceptions deconstruction
i just had the funniest analysis of my blog with matt chuder. she reads everything out in a silly chinaman-isque voice which totally discredits wotever value ive put into typing on this blog. it was refreshing to not be taken seriously and have something read out to you in a totally different perception and context.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

your soul is bound to the rose petals: the

"i've come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
can't you see? the only one who can put me
back together again is me."

the rose petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. they are governed by
the goddess persephone and their sign is the
teardrop, or broken love.

as a rose petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. you probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. you
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

what rose is your soul bound to?
brought to you by quizilla

you are wintergreen.
you are cool and collected. you are very
comfortable with yourself and what you do.
even if you have a lot of responsiblities, you
always manage to be in control. you are
sometimes laid-back and you are always the
voice of reason. however, others may see you
as lazy or detached sometimes, unable to act
most compatible with: lime

which tic-tac flavor are you?
brought to you by quizilla

personality wise, i could be having problems. any limers out there?

the exciting conclusion to: thirsty but there's only a salt shaker
it's a tuesday afternoon. joss stone is crooning in the foreground. a skinny pale man is crouching in the corner of the frame facing a white wall. as the wide angle lens closes zooms in and tilts to stare down at the character, he stares longingly at his imaginary audience. 4 seconds. a quiver. cut.

he's sleeping on the couch now. the forty degree heat form globes of blood soaked sweat on his grimy face. during the close up, a clear drop of sweat dislodges itself from the imaginary hinges that attach it to the man's beard. like an animal that's alive, it falls and the camera tracks it, slow motion as the living creature scrambles to reach for the face again at the realisation that it cannot fly. cut.

the living water crashes violently onto the hard ground, shattering itself into a million pieces. a bright red dye stains the ground where the remnants of our creature lay. cut.

our pale hero jerks himself up, and stares blankly into the distance. cut to a POV of the man. a steady shot, followed by frantic panning left and right with slight jerking motions. cuts back to the man as he collapses back onto the couch and covers his face with a pillow. heavy breathing eschews. cut and roll credits.

Monday, March 8, 2004

crabs and high school never ends
high school never ends is an incubus song by the way, just for the record.

aye so, this is an account of wot happened on the special two hour episode of brian land. saturday. we woke up early, way early in the morning. five thirty if i remember correctly. i stumbled out of bed, switched my light on, thought to myself: wot the heck am i doing? switched the lights back off and proceeded to continue drooling over my bed, and wotever strange perverse nightmares that permeate my dreamstate. mebbe adrian will wake me up at six. which of course he did, and there was no turning back now.. we were going crabbing!

now, crabbing's not just for crabby people. fun, jolly and chemical abusing individuals like myself also make it a point to wake up at the crack of dawn to hunt for nature's ten limbed pincered fiends. the idea is to catch as many as you can in the shortest amount of time possible. but i lie, you'll catch more if you stay in the water longer. so off we went to mandurah, sleepy shotgun buddies and even sleepier drivers as we risked our lives for an hour drifting between the first and third lanes, trying to catch crabs in a more physical adept form (ie. uncrushed, unscathed and head firmly attached to neck.) too bad crabbing isn't as safe as driving.

got in the water, saw a FB stingray as felix and kenny so aptly put. i caught a coupla myself. some i baited with my uncovered feet. i think the crabbing awards have to go for those who caught mating crabs (lance and ryan). jo deserves special mention for having a fag in one hand and crab in the other. (i do this because my huge mouth said we'd build a shrine and worship her crab prowse deity if she could pull that stunt off. this is the next best thing, a blog mention.)

and then we ate all of them. every single one.

//cut to sunday//

after church, i met an old high school friend who studies in sydney. wot started out as an awkward meeting of her cousin turned out to be the muchest fun between reunions of old friends in quite awhile! yeah, sue and jo - lyn came down to perth for their cousin's birthday party. and well, we took the oppurtunity to meet up this afternoon, and then evening, and then night. iits mad, i have school in about 6.5 hours time. but i just had to do it, for old time's sake =) for today, it kinda felt like i was being invited into the family, awkward as it may be, i guess we more or less all warmed up to each other, and it was all good fun, even if it was on the surface. but that kinda stuff don't bother me so much no more.

so we had dim sum, checked a harbour out, walked around the city, had gelato, enjoyed the scenary of the park and skyline, the casino and the rnb joint in the casino. but i think most importantly, was that we all managed to catch up with one another's lives and how we were all doing. it makes the distance between friends seem real, and it brought to my attention, there's nothing like having friends physically around. it also reminded me of wot a great girl sue really is. she's probably the kinda girl whereby if you marry, you defintely marry the whole family because they're all so tight. you easily take to jo who's like the best younger sister, and yeah.. hahaha, it just really was all good fun! it's such a privillage to be friends with wonderful people like that. their uncle, aunt and cousins and boyfriends were all great folk.

i miss my folks! but i know it's all good.

so sue and jo, have a great flight back and a super semester! hopefully we'll see each other soon!


Saturday, March 6, 2004

nothing's quite right as rain
a decent day, i managed to sort out my accounts and to my horror, things are not as they seem. for starters, i have an extra 40AUD on hand and missing 100AUD from my bank account. i hate this, it means i'll have to look thru all my receipts and purchases, on top of my readings and hiragana homework over the weekend.

i'm looking for a car now. i told myself it'd be under 3000AUD, but from the looks of it, i'll be more spoiled for choice if i set it at under 4000AUD. you see, there's an 80s porche going for that price. but it might have been snapped up, good things don't last long.

and then there's the amplifiers and recording gear. the work permit, the job. psyches! daymn, i hate it when money is the talk of the towne! you should see my table, its strewn with receipts. but i think i shall turn in now.

goodnight everyone, i'm sorry this was a griping one.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

strange days stranger nights
i'm listening to SSION's who's your favourite, baby. and there's this sample that keeps going: take out the trash, take out the trash. i could be taking a shower, doing my accounts, catching up on my readings. but no, i'm here, mentioning to you how strange this all feels. i don't feel like doing these things, becauses it's gonna bring about a certain unintelligeble closure to the day. you could call that strange. i don't know, mebbe it stems from something like.. an unaccomplishedness, and if i finish the day and go to sleep, i'd have wasted the day away. but we all have to sleep sometime. it would be nice if someone kind of knows wot im talking about and could offer some fresh insight to this behaviour.

her mythical ways
you are form 0, phoenix: the eternal.

"and the phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. he
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever

some examples of the phoenix form are quetzalcoatl
(aztec), shiva (indian), and ra-atum
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
his sign is the eclipsed sun.

as a member of form 0, you are a determined
individual. you tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. you have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

which mythological form are you?
brought to you by quizilla

haha, i dunno. it's just spiffy to be known as a phoenix. the descriptions are neat too. haha, serves my ego. well, it's interesting these mythological creatures. reminds me of when i posted incubus's pardon me lyrics:

pardon me, while i burst into flames

i had a lovely day just chilling out and napping today. and i'm glad everybody enjoyed U.N.K.L.E back in spore!

the motor skills test
TRY this test everyone! it's a hand-eye coordination test that tells you just how well wired your brain is with the rest of your physically inept body!

don't bitch me about the future
tell optus to stop sending me horoscopic crap every morning, because i might just start to believe it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

why is everyone i know in spore at the UNKLE gig now?!? but still, i had a good time unwinding with a jog and session of touch rugby. while it dosen't make up for everything, at least i was left occupied and got to know a lil more people.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

someone kick me in the nuts
we had a 'lil gathering in our house last saturday. this is one of my favourite pictures because theres me, happy and with good friends. well, i don't really know gemma. and plus my spiffy t-shirt that vinz couldn't wear.
who could contain the excitement of jim picking mushrooms off our garden?

l-r: han, me, jon, gemma

Monday, March 1, 2004

school and school again. the days in life when you don't feel like waking up
im finally settling into school again. i can't seem to get out of bed. this semester, i am cursed with early classes every single day. except wednesday. but its still everyday. argh. but still, i guess im feeling that way because today is my longest day. so i didn't get back home till almost four in the afternoon. i didn't eat breakfast or lunch, i had a late night. i had no friends to eat lunch with, so i caught a few winks in the library. looking very studious of course with my books sprawled out underneath my glamourous drool.

so i had to come home and cook myself some overly salty instant pasta. it's idiot proof, tastes pretty decent.. but yeah, im in no mood to try new recipies out from scratch anymore.

so then i went for a jog with adrian and did my laundry at the student village.

my, wot an activity filled day. and my new project mates for editing project are rathe. a mother from sri lanka with 5 children and louis, a lady from china. thank goodness she speaks english. mebbe she can get me a place in the chinese network stations when they start to open up. yeah, when it picks up.