this whole year
is dedicated to my Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, for giving me all things from family and friends and all experiences that we might just grow even closer to him. Thank you for not giving up on me -)

and know that while everything falls, some things still stand
what can i say? trusting God's timings and God's perfect plans are so difficult when there are temptations all around to get what you want and desire right here and right now. for me, the test comes as to how much i push God away in the vain hope that perhaps if he does not invoke his plan on me, i can have my current desires right here and right now, or that i would have satisfied myself with my own peace. such foolishness! i would rather settle for my second rate plan and peace, than God's wonderous and all-encompassing peace? but its just so difficult when now seems so good, but is God saying later is better?

strange office attire and haunted attics
office space is really claustraphobic.. i'm just typing here as yhworks some magic with the editing program. there's a sharp pain in the side of my neck which i like to imagine is the build up of toxins, and i just want a needle to burst it and release it into the air, and dissipitate into the atmosphere. also, i have very long toenails, and they make me feel as if my left foot is very unbalanced. whta this results in, is an uncomfortable shift in my body weight as it tries to compensate itself, and finally it has made my big toe quite numb. and the toxins are still building up.

scene 75, pulp fiction

75. INT. JIMMIE'S KITCHEN - MORNING 75.

Three men are standing in Jimmie's kitchen, each with a mug of
coffee. Jules, Vincent and JIMMIE DIMMICK, a young man in his
late-20s dressed in a bathrobe.

JULES
Goddamn Jimmie, this is some
serious gourmet shit. Me an'
Vincent woulda been satisfied with
freeze-dried Tasters Choice. You
spring this gourmet fuckin' shit on
us. What flavor is this?

JIMMIE
Knock it off, Julie.

JULES
What?

JIMMIE
I'm not a cobb or corn, so you can
stop butterin' me up. I don't need
you to tell me how good my coffee
is. I'm the one who buys it, I
know how fuckin' good it is. When
Bonnie goes shoppin;, she buys
shit. I buy the gourmet expensive
stuff 'cause when I drink it, I
wanna taste it. But what's on my
mind at this moment isn't the
coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead
nigger in my garage.

JULES
Jimmie --

JIMMIE
-- I'm talkin'. Now let me ask you
a question, Jules. When you drove
in here, did you notice a sign out
front that said, "Dead nigger
storage?"

Jules starts to "Jimmie" him --

JIMMIE
-- answer to question. Did you see
a sign out in front of my house
that said, "Dead nigger storage?"

JULES
(playing along)
Naw man, I didn't.

JIMMIE
You know why you didn't see that
sign?
JULES
Why?

JIMMIE
'Cause storin' dead niggers ain't
my fuckin' business!

Jules starts to "Jimmie" him.

JIMMIE
-- I ain't through! Now don't you
understand that if Bonnie comes
home and finds a dead body in her
house, I'm gonna get divorced. No
marriage counselor, no trial
separation -- fuckin' divorced.
And I don't wanna get fuckin'
divorced. The last time me an'
Bonnie talked about this shit was
gonna be the last time me an'
Bonnie talked about this shit. Now
I wanna help ya out Julie, I really
do. But I ain't gonna lose my wife
doin' it.

JULES
Jimmie --

JIMMIE
-- don't fuckin' Jimmie me, man, I
can't be Jimmied. There's nothin'
you can say that's gonna make me
forget I love my wife. Now she's
workin' the graveyard shift at the
hospital. She'll be comin' home in
less than an hour and a half. Make
your phone calls, talk to your
people, than get the fuck out of my
house.

JULES
That's all we want. We don't wanna
fuck up your shit, We just need to
call our people to bring us in.

JIMMIE
Then I suggest you get to it.
Phone's in my bedroom.

As Jules crosses the room, exiting.

JULES
(calling behind him)
You're a friend, Jimmie, you're a
good fuckin' friend!

JIMMIE
(to himself)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm
a real good friend. Good friend,
bad husband, soon to be ex-husband.
(look up and sees
Vincent)
Who the fuck are you?

VINCENT
I'm Vincent. And Jimmie, thanks a
bunch,

The two men laugh.

JIMMIE
Don't mention it.

Brian Morgan

Brian Morgan


a fine snap by folkstar.

guess who's giving out presents on New Year's Eve?

What Strange Friend You Have II

What Strange Friend You Have II


a fine snap by folkstar.

return of the naps.. (sung to the tune of return of the mack..)

something to look forward to
brian morgan present one half of this year's most anticipated mix-cds

nerves of steel
noticing her from across the room, her golden strands seemed to fill the surrounding space. like fireflies they darted around her table, seemingly oblivious to the stares of all those around her, like fireflies they danced and circled around her, painting a beautiful aura of flame and spectacle. as her deep blue knowing eyes examined the table prepared before her, her careful hand light cusped the side of the table as she slid herself into the cold wooden chair. i swear i saw the grains on the chair repsond to her touch, i swear that they reacted in such a way that knows no explaination. but i don't need an explaination, i just want to feel my arms around her waist, i want to guide her step by step through a waltzy two step. as she looks into my confident eyes, i want her to trust in me completely and know where we are headed.. into a future safe where no others can take us, and no others can hurt us. we'd dance through time itself, and find ourselves at the edge of it, and then we'd plunge straight down into the abyss, and still we would be safe. so i muster up everything within me, i go to where she is and there, our eyes meet. and then it burns, how she looks into me, and burns my insides out. i procliam loudly "you are a goddess..!" as just before darkness engulfs my eyes, i see wings covering her face.. slowly as she rises, wings wrap her holy white feet, and finally before i collapse to my knees, i see that with magnificent wings she lifts herself off from gravity. the force of it swirls around my aching ears and she whispers strongly throughout my being..

"yes.. and you are a mere man.."

mismatching details such that they leave you hanging
there are many nuances and details to life. it's all around you, just the right amount of oxygen in the air if not we'd burst into flame just inhaling this life-giving gas. it's funny how all things work out, it's funny how amdist all the destruction and decay (all things must pass away), that there are also such things that sustain life or rather just prolongs it. this proves that there is a time and place for everything, this proves that we are subject to a greater power and authority, and yet.. we are also masters of our own fate. no fate save for what we make of ourselves. but even so, we cannot control the weather, we cannot control the random occurances in the molecules when they go throough radioactive decay. in that regard we are as random as the simple things of this existence, and we are also just as complex and specific as everything that was ever created, or happened to be here by blind chance. you decide, you have to, or you simply just exist, and then cease to exist.

detail, a trait that pays when you want to leave you mark on something, anything. i will write until you read the detail of messages conveyed.

singing songs in a heavenly host
it was an activity filled day as i woke up at 1100 after staying up the night to watch movies at aud's home. later, i met jack and my perth mentor in the afternoon, followed by watching Narnia with mark where out of the blue sue and tiff asked us out to Dempsy's for wine. all pleasant surprises in their own right. i really enjoyed Narnia, and i came close to tears very often when there were scenes of family, brotherhood, imagery of holding your sword out and battles.. because all these things hold great importance in my life. i love those close and around me, especially my own flesh and blood. i love my God, and everytime that was an image of how he helped my overcome, or is still helping me overcome that was portrayed in the movie, it just moved me. to hold my sword with conviction and my shield with steadfastness, and to know that there were people around me, and more importanly, the lion of Judah is my strength and my shield.

Sometimes Its Not Like The Movies

Sometimes Its Not Like The Movies


a fine snap by folkstar.

and so we had a christmas eve service which brought it all back to perspective. something's changing in my life, something that i need total surrender to understand. all i can say, is that with God, if there is no element of fear of the future, no doubt about how things will turn out, things that affect one's life gravely, then there is no use living a life of faith. so Lord, i believe that your plans are to prosper me, to advance your kingdom, and that all things work for the good of those who love you.

in other news, jerm's a spiffy rockstar here. oh yeahhhhhhhhhhh..

a saviour was born
let's not forget the reason for the season. amidst all the gift wrappings, the cards that we write, that special people that we hang out with and the loved ones which we hold dear to us in this festive season.. let's not forget the reason why we have Christmas, that it's all about Jesus, that for every single one of us in the human race, two thousand and five years ago, a child was born, and he grew up to save the entire human race. he did not come with a sword, but he came to redeem our souls from eternal damnation and the evils our eyes have been veiled to see. he endures the scorn now of unrepentance, unbelief and ungratefullness, but God demonstrates his own love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) and this was the first step, on this day, a child was born, who would grow up to be a king, and he will come again to redeem the lost. -) Merry CHRISTmas everyone!

Yes, I See What You Mean

Yes, I See What You Mean


a fine snap by folkstar.

my name is brian, and i play bass in a sporean rock band called leeson. currently, i'm on my summer vacation and next year i will return to perth to finish up my degree. i intern now at a small production house, and though i am busy, and the work is tiring and menial at times, i am happy. i have been blogging here since two thousand and three, and i was just wondering if any of you knew the short story of a long life. right now, i'm listening to wolf parade and it makes me very contented, and restores my faith in independent music. i like music that is fragile, like a house of cards, so glorious to look at but might fall apart at any moment. i like that moment when there is a fissure, and everything begins to crumble. you may say i'm self destructive, i say i have a very acute sense of reality.

i believe in God and that his son Jesus, died for my sins, that he is risen from the dead and lives forever, and that one day he will return.

Are You Harbouring Any Ill Intent?

Are You Harbouring Any Ill Intent?


a fine snap by folkstar.

i was just looking for something to blog about thru my pictures.. and well, this title just grabbed my attention. i dunno, we all harbour some ill intent to someone we know, or wouldn't like to know. such is life and we're not perfect. my batteries are running low.. i'll see you guys soon

All Things Have Led To This

All Things Have Led To This


a fine snap by folkstar.

ever feel that way sometimes? when you just can't see past a certain situation, and everything looks like its going to end up the same way. where everything you've ever felt before, experienced before all seem to be leading up to a singular event that might change your life.

well, that's kind of how i feel right now.

World's A Part

World's A Part


a fine snap by folkstar.

it's something like a push and a pull, there's so much time and there's so little time. there's a light from within, and from the lattices they form the shadows that tell us of our fractured spirits. but inside, our light is pure, our light is bright, it shines for all to see, and it lights the surrounding darkness. world's apart, gravitational forces drawing us closer and closer together.

something rolls by but it wasn't anything in particular
two thousand and five. i feel as if i've grown so much this year.. i'm always saying that no one teaches you how to grow up, you kind of find yourself filling out the shoes that you're supposed to fill. however, thru it all.. i do suppose God has been with me every step of the way, and i'm really glad, blessed and proud to say that he is my God, and that i look to him for guidence as how to exist in this world, in this country, in this society. i'm glad that i have a God that has overcome the world, take heart! for I have overcome the world! such great encouragement, it humbles me and makes me grin from ear to ear. from academics, family, friendships, music, emotions and responsibilities alike, i just want to give God all the glory because he deserves it and so much more. maybe no one teaches you how to grow up, maybe we just find ourselves at that age, where whether we're prepared or not.. God's always there waiting for us, gone thru it before and will show us so much more. knowing not what lies ahead tomorrow, so i look to you.

bite down hard and don't think about the pain
funny how there are so many things to say, but there's no sense saying them when no one wants to listen. i like stifling creativity.. it breeds and festers more demented forms of thinking. yummmmmy..

it's always safe in the past
i suppose that's why we're afraid to move on, especially because of what the future holds in store for us. or doesn't hold in store for us.

i had a really good time with my mom just talking and hanging out in the hawker centre, walking there and back. she told me many things, especially stuff from her younger days. it's funny, a few years ago i would not have appreciated such things, but i think as we grow up.. we should start to respect our parents as more than just our parents, that they are people just like us, and they too.. shure could use a friend. i mean, we've all been there haven't we? the times when our friends all start having their own lives.. and sometimes we're so caught up in it, we forget our family around us. well, i'm glad God reminded me early enough that he's been so faithful to my family, and has made us all family as well as friends all in one. i know this makes me want a family of my own, despite all the heartache and the grief children and spouses give each other.. the ones closest to you hurt you and love you the most all at once.

remember, God's little punk rocker. -)

shells and waves tear us apart
it's funny how time flies.. it's been two weeks already, and i feel like as if my entire time here has been stretched to the max. i feel like time has gone by really quickly as well as slowly all at the same time. i wonder if this is a glimpse into my future as a career person. work days, play nights. work nights. play days.. or sleep. sleep somehow comes in when it needs to. but if anything, i'm really glad that God has been faithful to me all this while. i thank him for providing me with this experience, the family and friends i hang out with and just to also remember him while all this is going on. sometimes, my biggest fear is the day i turn away from God, the one i love. i suppose it's a valid fear that i feel toward the people that i love as well, that someday i might just stop loving them. it scares me, and crumbles me. all i have to offer is a continued a renewing humility that my heart is not big enough to love unconditionally, buut by grace.. my God will show me how, and to live by faith that he will keep me close, and i will not turn away. that we will not turn us away.

details to a content life
look what came in thru the mail!

a christmas card

After The DV Fest

After The DV Fest


a fine snap by folkstar.

... The Canon DV Fest has made a mockery out of a form.

spawning a revolution
when i get my own kid, im gonna print a t-shirt for the little tyke that goes, "God's little punk rocker."

the wonderful sound of raking leaves
i'm going to sleep now, but i just thought you'd like to know that you still matter enough to me that i type a post just for you whenever it is physically possible. because in the end, everything is harmless.

but for now, i need you
just wondering what to blog about, but i'm just enjoying the night air and the sound of some construction going on outside my place. life's very surreal these few days, just pop into work, finish it, meet some friends in the evening.. really wonder when God will show me what it all means.

sometimes its easy to be close to God when things are fine and dandy, the test is, do you know your God when the shite hits the fan? but regardless of whether you know him or not, he is the one that always knows you. he knew you while you were still in your mother's womb. it blows my mind everytime he is concerned with us and our salvation, that it is in his heart that none may perish.

trusting God has been the easiest and most difficult thing in my life all at once. i hope that makes it real, first to him and then to me.

we were walking
holding hands
with our feet
in the sand
and the seagulls
up above
that's when i broke the spell and said
"i could never divorce you,
but its always good to have options"
- pedro the lion

as cities burn
am i a monster when i
sink my teeth into her
when i don't love her
when i don't love you
forgive me darling
but love has nothing to do with it
it has nothing to do with
i can't stop
till i get what want from you.

singing the things we're too afraid to say.

fellow revellers of mud soaked bagels
push and pull, that's how i feel sometimes. sometimes i feel as if i'm trying to pull closer, sometimes i feel as if i'm trying to push you away. and why? why why why? there must be an inherent fear within, and who can set me free? the internship is going well, but it saps you and makes you dry.. day in day out, you're sapped of the creativity, but i suppose its good discipline to try and produce something everyday. hang on to the mothership folks.. hang on.. hang on and live on. my prayer for all of you..

sending out an sms
and so yesterday while musing to myself waiting for an SMS reply, God drops this thought in my head. why don't you expect a reply from me the same way you expect a reply from your friends when you sms them? and the truth in that! jeremiah 33:3 says that "call to me and i will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." so yes, let's start expecting God to reply us whenever we ask something of him, and make that relationship with him more real than real life itself.

loveheart
i'm actually trying to write a new song..

damn this loveheart of mine,
it's so closed and defined
damn this loveheart of mine,
it gets close and denied

the come down
geee.. blogging always feels different in singapore because i'm finally here, where i've always assumed where most of my audience was. i miss napkin man loads, and that missing link was really felt at zoukout last night.

anyway, i was really high last night, really happy, as usual i did a lotta stupid things, said alotta stupid things all in the name of good fun. my only regret of sorts was being high to the point where i wasn't appreciating the music, but rather just prancing around like a hippie in the sixties. i attribute this to too much time in a hippy university like murdoch, and i assure you, the images of a giant bonfire and people dancing around it were flashing in my mind, and my dance moves were totally influenced by that sort of imagery.

all in all, i feel a tad strange missing church, but the fun last night was good healthy and clean. (to the best of my knowledge), i hope its not justification of sorts, but if anything, the come down is that, after being surrounded by so many people, we always have to deal with alone-ness. for tonight my parents are going out for a dinner, and i'll be alone, and it should be a good chance to reflect..

and then there were none
hey all, still trudging along at my new work place. forgive the lack of frequented updates, because as it would seem, i have a more socially approved place in society now. which means less time, or rather, less space to blog. people are looking, company time is money, and my image to my boss is a paycheck as well as future reccomendations.

it's just scary somewhat that we just somehow find our way around this constructed reality, i pray we don't get lost in it, because once you become swamped in it, its difficult to tell your right hand from your left. it makes me wonder that when a society becomes advanced enough, that's what happens, a tower of babel phenomena whereby we make our own rules. and what fallen rules they are! we're told in the bible, that we're given over to our own depravedness, because right and wrong become subjective, and that leads to everything that isn't of God.

instead of looking at things in terms of good and evil, look at it in terms of God and not of God. for language's sake. in today's subjective world, good and evil bear different meanings for so many of us just need to bear our attention back on the cross and the fear of God as the yardstick for our behaviour. if we serve ourselves, we are our own masters, if we serve our God, then he is our master. i've chosen God, because i didn't create everything around me, from a DNA strain to the outermost galaxies, i think for that reason, i owe my existence to something greater than me.

you are a dirty momma
very tired now, long day at work. but i met the technical gurus, and all i can say is that it shure was fun talking to them. they've been really gracious to me and willing to teach and explain things to me. its so uplifting to have this sort of encouragement as opposed to bullying the noob.

recovery
well, i'm back in spore, and the most stubongz thing ive done so far is to not bring back my usb transfer cable. so that means no pictures for you guys until i solve that problem! anyhow, today was a truly fun-filled activity soaked day, and i managed to secure an internship starting tomorrow, so that's all pretty spiffy. i won't name the company for privacy reasons, or i'm assuming there are, but it's really God's blessings that he helped me find one so soon (and thanks to tham as well). just this morning i was praying to God about how i should go about this holiday, and the internship just found itself to me.. truly a blessing. pretty tired now, hopefully i'll find some issue or topic to blog about, but in the meanwhile, this is it!

misadventures in returning home
oh, the irony of it all. just as i was risking life and limb to reach the toolshed where my bags were stowed away, and like any good platform game, water sprinklers were going off everywhere and i was trying my darndest to be nimble and not get hit by any stray jets of water (physically impossible mind you), just as i recovered my posessions and was about to retreat into the safety of my house, the sprinklers switch themselves off. wot can i say? my God has a sense of humour.

did she mean..?
isn't it funny when girls twist wot us guys say all the time when they go "so you mean to say that... yada yada yada??!!??" it's funny how we always loose in arguments but win in arm wrestling. not unless you're chyna.

burn it all to...
i hate machines and i hate everything about computers when they go "error recording not enough memory". i just spent the entire night, that's 2145 till now 630 and still counting trying to burn dvds for my band, a wedding and my housemate's farewell video. i'm just wanting to kill computers right now because everytime i spent 1.5 hours encoding something to dvd, it ends up with that stupid message. i try different ways to go about the memory problem, but still the same problem. in the end, i really think its computer's fault, not mine.

so now i'm taking a compromise and burning a data cd instead of dvds. sorry guys, ive just been spending too long on this already. i need sleep, brekkie, shower and church. if i can get up.. *yikes*

they don't love the sun
is it easy to fall in love? in a certain way, i feel so cold, heartless even. i think these past years have been one of caution instead of unbridled passion, i fear that this is the plague of adulthood. the closer it closes in, the less chances we take. the older we get, the less faith and more fear we have. fear is so dehabilitating, its so distracting, it so makes me not love. theresa mentioned before that women want to be pursued, and feel wanted. my reply today is that, i'm trying to remember wot it was like to fall madly in love with someone, wot it was like to have infatuation so strong you could burn the sun out, but alas when i think of that, i think of wasted years.

and some battles, they just leave a wound that heals not. i think foro a change, its been alright to be a bit more cautious, monitor your own motives first before pursuing a passion, but still, at the end of it all, everything is still a risk. and in hapless romanticism, she will make me vulnerable again, just as God has.

and if i feel a rage i won't deny it
i won't fear love
- sarah mclachlan

the last days
wot? is it saturday already? after the slew on updates on thursday, my friday was spent.. well, like any other friday ought to be spent. no, i lie, i don't know how its supposed to work on friday, but i went to give out flyers in the city for this one-time job i had. quite a depressing job, but so much so that it helps mirror life. you get rejected so often, but you have to keep going on, irritating people and hoping they smile at you or reject you kindly. the ones that cut deep, were those that pretended you were invisible, as if you didn't exist. i suppose it just goes to show how some of us can actually feel we're so much better than someone else.

but after that was metal gear solid 3 and halo 2 and daryl and shaun's houses. its been awhile since i hung with the guys in my cell.. but yay! it was fun!

Hot Green Sauce

Hot Green Sauce


a fine snap by folkstar.

i reccomend that you don't read or watch the news anymore. apart from the feel-good bit at the end of every news programme, every other segment is fraught with bad news. we're so sadistic that we wanna know when bad things happen. it plays with my mind, it causes me to panic over something that isn't always there. there is a fear and it grips us, i can't take you there. when was the last time you heard some good news, when was the last time you truely smiled and felt glad you were alive? alas, its something i want to feel again so bad.

Is That It?

Is That It?


a fine snap by folkstar.

i'm going back on monday, and for some strange reason, instead of relaxing and taking things easy i am awfully swamped with errands. this is not a good thing, unnecessary stress before a vacation, i'm not enjoying myself very much, still playing a gig tonight. i guess life is no walk in the park afterall..