being there for one another
is it thursday already? wow, time seems to fly by so fast sometimes..

darker days and stronger love
there seems to be a growing black coming from the inside out. as the gathering storm mounts against the open heart, how should the air be breathed? so still, stillness before the storm, if it doesn't move, we don't breathe. we hold our breaths in eager anticipation, where is our emancipation?

when sometimes i feel so alone, but i'm not the only one.

expirey dates
"of us all, he understood most about the world. about people. about society and what's happening to it.

things everyone knows in the gut. things everyone too scared to face, too polite to talk about.

he understood.

understood man's capacity for horrors and never quit. saw the world's black underbelly and never surrendered.

once a man has seen, he can never turn his back on it. never pretend it doesn't exist.

no matter who orders him to look the other way.

we do not do this thing because it is permitted. we do it because we have to.

we do it because we are compelled."

- rorschach, watchmen issue vi

am constantly reading and re-reading this amazing graphic novel, and being bowled over by the magnitude of their commentries and uncompromising paint-it-as-it-is kind of quotes. if you find some way to get your hands on this read, you will only be doing yourself a favour.

the strangest groove through a looking glass
i am pretty much starved right now. i don't know why, its like lunch had almost no effect on me today, good as it may be. (beer + seafood combo). so, i havent exactly written about wot i've been doing in spore of late. well, just pumping up with the local delicacies, meeting up with friends, hit the clubs, jammed a bit, playing DotA, hanging with the family as well. all the things that i guess i do around here.

will be starting some part time work on monday, so i'm quite glad with those, feel less guilty bumming now.

also got myself the new jamiroquai album as well, pretty much grooving to that now. makes me wanna be a better bass player. and a better song arranger. the more i immerse myself in this medium, the more it seems to inspire me.

and so, there it goes, whenever im here, there seems to be closure, the familiar air of wot life could be. but then again, i am already missing the excitement of walking the untrodden path in perth, something which i feel is lacking in spore. down here, i just need something new and exciting.

we'll work it out.

from here who knows when?
I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel

pictures of you, the cure

ironic that the cure to it all is more gloom and doom. perhaps there isn't a cure at all, we are all just mindlessly spiraling down toward an infinte chasm that forever traps us.

or there is salvation, glory and righteousness in our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.

i've been re-reading the watchmen again, an amazing graphic novel by the way. there is both utter nihilism and belief in humanity all at once. it celebrates both the pure miracle of human existence, as well as the depths of a fallen being that knows no depth.

once you've seen the dark underbelly of the world, you cannot pretend it isn't there.

this world isn't a pretty place, and as christians, we're not living in some sort of lala land fantasy. this world probably couldn't become a better place to live in no matter how hard we try. if this place is to be a better place, it's up to God, not us. but y'see, the lifestyle of christianity and walking in salvation's loving embrace means that we are in the world but not of the world, because Jesus has already conqured the world. we do good and make it a better place, not because we have to, but because we are compelled to. which of you as a christian can say that because this world is headed toward the downward spiral, we can just walk past our neighbour who's been hurt, and pretend that it isn't there? but of course, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

a bit more revelation, a bit more freedom, a bit more surrender to the only force that is worth worshiping for.

retching my soul out
last night was ridiculous fun, but i'll hate vodka and redbull with a vengence.

sojurn of the stars
this is a great read on the great divide in the digital realm, starring two juggernauts: 35mm film and the digital camera. spelling aficianandos and all alike, please read if only for art's sake, or catharsis's beckoning. *shrug*

reminds me of why i'm drawn more to acoustic instruments and post-apocalyptic music. perhaps i shall comment on that soon.

fantastic wells of joy in the sky
our society doesn't particularly place good morals in high esteem, favouring success and its by-products more so. your family perhaps has a higher chance of seeing you, and appreciating you as a good person more than a successful high-flyer. but i suppose in the cooporate world, with the dog eat dog mentality, its harder to stand your ground.

of course we're being really flat out here, i've been told of bosses who still conduct morning prayer meetings, and christians who are uncompromising on their faith despite the pressures not to, who honour God before all else, and God rewards them for it.

i suppose the key is honouring God and not just being a christian. then your actions stem from a worship unto God, and not just seen as some mindless action your church has brainwashed you with.

was thinking of taking the easy way out by thinking of working for non-profit organisations. easy way out in the sense that, we are offering some sort of "morally upright" service. i'm defintely not saying that NGOs are an easy way out, just that perhaps relative to me, it might be. because i don't wanna be dis-enfranchised and so i take the more moral of the routes. i don't wanna constantly stand up for my beliefs , so i take that route.

but if i did take that route, i'd have to rely on God so much more perhaps, and to God be more glory perhaps. Hallelujiah. haha, thanks to a sister who always talks the flipside to you *grin*

of course, if say, i could use my talents in an NGO, it could also bring God glory, no questions asked. i guess he will use any of use in any situation so long as we rely on him. there's no hard and fast route to leading a morally satisfying life, and even leading a morally satisfying isn't the answer.

was just talking to my mom yesterday, and praise God for the revelations given to both of us over the course of life. transient life, rewards neither the morally upright or scum. this life is about the war between salvation and condemnation. for great justice.

if God is a god of love, why does he condemn those that don't believe in him? because he is also a God of justice, and in his infinte justice, he has to condemn those that don't believe in him, just because it is his nature. but the love has extended his offer of salvation, ever since man fell, the salvation has already been in the works, he already offered a way back to him. God has to have infinite justice, so that he will not be swayed by the corrupt persuassions of man, so that righteousness can only come thru him alone and not by our good works. and that is why he is God and we are men.

"I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

do your bid for science

but what does it all mean?
we all live somewhere along self-justification. we find meaning in validating ourselves, proving our self-worth, our uniqueness, our supremeness that we can all be God. but i guess not, strip away our accolades, success, failures, friends, family, religion, wot are you left with? probably nothing. don't take my word for it, deconstruct it and have a go. how much of your self-worth is constructed? if we're living for validation, who validates us? and when that person validates you, how much does it mean?

God's the one that validates me, and as a higher being, that's good enough validation for me, that i do not know the reasons of God. and that with this transient life, it doesn't matter whether i get thru life understanding how the detailed gears in life work, because doing God's work is more important than that.

and if we believe things in such a fervor that we appear fanatical and silly for it, all the more, all the better. because we are so shure, in the ways of God. there will be those from the outside who look in, and laugh at the 'imposed rules' and 'lack of freedom' from trying to lead a holy life. and to not be self-rightous, we are all still working our salvation out. but everybody goes thru life believing in something. whether we retreat into nothingness, back to the earth they say, or there is an afterlife, we believe in something. and we have faith in it, whether we can see it or not.

if energy cannot be created or destroyed, but must be transferred from one form to another, then how can we be birthed from nothing, and then go back into nothingness? but rather, if we were birthed from something, then our energies still exist somewhere. just another point to believe that perhaps there is an afterlife. and work out, just wot this current life is for.

coming back to spore has been good for me. i guess i do miss this place, if i were to start a new life somewhere else, i feel somewhat bad for turning my back on the folk here. but i also feel somewhat bad for turning my back on the folk in perth. ultimately, i don't really know wot i want, and i'm having to learn how to grow up now. live on folks, grow old long after i die. and if possible, die with a smile on your face. -)

finding out about heaven
hey folks, i'll be back in spore from tonight onwards for about three weeks. well, just so you know!

the surge of lightning and photochemicals
if i could paint you the days of the week, the pictures of our suns, something worth fighting for. just constructing out of this whiteness, some power of creation fills our void. we are nothing filling up with big talk, something to show for it, nothing to love by it.

one snapshot in an infinite frame, never-ending possibilities and it scares me. i fear our future as the mobs of our time lynch us for me, taking more from us than we can afford to give. save some for yourself, there's almost none left. learn to live out of nothing, and lose it all to gain it all.

poetry wasn't designed for anything but catharsis, and even that so has its limitations. i want to paint you pictures of words, but no one would know wot it meant. we'd tell the world but the world caves in around us. we're bound together more than we know it or would confess. no-one would want to bear our sins. isn't that all we ever wanted, some sort of redemption, who wouldn't hold it aganist us.

bless us from within, save us from this, my only prayer.

i don't know why my bin so suay
well, something incredibly retarded has happened to me today. was at garden city, and about to drive back with daryl when i stepped on my clutch and there was this snapping sound. immediately my foot followed thru all the way and the portion beneath my foot just fell thru. this wasn't good, and the alarm bells started ringing.

basically, my car snapped its clutch belt. i'm told it isn't serious, but that means i can't drive my car. daymn suay, also don't know wot to say these days. firstly im super low on funds with all the paying i did recently, and now this. good thing i'm still covered by roadside assistence.

i did get a tow from the shopping centre all the way back home, and that was pretty cool, seeing my car hoisted onto this medium sized trailer. it looked really neat, and i got to sit in the truck as well. very roomy and spacious. felt like the centre of attention.. hahaha -)