Sunday, July 3, 2005

but what does it all mean?
we all live somewhere along self-justification. we find meaning in validating ourselves, proving our self-worth, our uniqueness, our supremeness that we can all be God. but i guess not, strip away our accolades, success, failures, friends, family, religion, wot are you left with? probably nothing. don't take my word for it, deconstruct it and have a go. how much of your self-worth is constructed? if we're living for validation, who validates us? and when that person validates you, how much does it mean?

God's the one that validates me, and as a higher being, that's good enough validation for me, that i do not know the reasons of God. and that with this transient life, it doesn't matter whether i get thru life understanding how the detailed gears in life work, because doing God's work is more important than that.

and if we believe things in such a fervor that we appear fanatical and silly for it, all the more, all the better. because we are so shure, in the ways of God. there will be those from the outside who look in, and laugh at the 'imposed rules' and 'lack of freedom' from trying to lead a holy life. and to not be self-rightous, we are all still working our salvation out. but everybody goes thru life believing in something. whether we retreat into nothingness, back to the earth they say, or there is an afterlife, we believe in something. and we have faith in it, whether we can see it or not.

if energy cannot be created or destroyed, but must be transferred from one form to another, then how can we be birthed from nothing, and then go back into nothingness? but rather, if we were birthed from something, then our energies still exist somewhere. just another point to believe that perhaps there is an afterlife. and work out, just wot this current life is for.

coming back to spore has been good for me. i guess i do miss this place, if i were to start a new life somewhere else, i feel somewhat bad for turning my back on the folk here. but i also feel somewhat bad for turning my back on the folk in perth. ultimately, i don't really know wot i want, and i'm having to learn how to grow up now. live on folks, grow old long after i die. and if possible, die with a smile on your face. -)

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