realise
one day all this is going to be obsolete.

the son of ra
guilt. ever noticed in our current society, it's about aleviating the guilt we face? like, we have so much grey areas, just because we dont wanna hurt, or get hurt. so it's kinda like, if we don't feel guilty, no one's getting hurt. a sort of delusion. no, i'm shure alot of you have noticed it. it's a placebo.. our world seems to be headed towards enlightenment and liberal freedom and release from the chains of religious law. but the cancer of of this downward spiral may be in later stages than we imagine. who knows?

stalker stalker quite contrary
fmss has asked me to join them on the friendster bandwagon. not that im not on the daymn website, its just that, i got invited to join the fmss group. dosen't it freak you out, that someone who owns the fmss account knows who you are, and knows your email address too? freaky to me.

sunday seems safe
it's been a gorgeous sunday. it didn't rain, even though they said it would. i'm glad it didn't, but it might later on. i've gotta two week break comin' up starting monday, i shure could use a break! heh~ anyhow, i went to this mega fair yesterday, as chris martin would say: mega! it was the perth royal show, and nic took lots of photos that day. so when she passes the loot to me, it'll go here. straight here! no questions asked! there's lots to be proud of. i took part in a colouring contest and dont know if i'll win yet, and then i managed to string hokkien expletives for an entire loop on the miniature roller-coaster. which if my cell members get to know, may not listen to anymore of my 'advice' and 'takes on the world'. haha.. but yeah.. it was an unwinding (albeit expensive) experience. oh, this post was supposed to be aboot sunday right? nothing happened today.

a sign of the times
spring fever is in the air. the weather finally decided to clear up for once, and wot a great day it's been. really great. one of the greatest days i've had since coming here. and well, mebbe it can only get better. jo's goin' off to the farm morrows, let's hope everything only goes well. *grin*

jest
hey! i'm just kidding! man, that stupid consent form.. bugger. why am i sucha procrastinator. i'm done with it, but why am i sleeping so late? and then there's the focus group morrows.. i'm not really gonna dig that. but hope we'll all do well.

update
i'm just feeling so displaced right now. but it's oh kay, i'm smiling on the outside, and somewhere on the inside. just tryna reach in and figure out where that joy is emancipating from. so that i can draw srength from it.

ecstacy
speak to me in riddles and
speak to me in rhyme
my body aches to feel your breath
your words keep me alive
- Sarah McLachlan, Posession

perfect
everything is absolutely perfect. we went to the city on saturday, i bought myself AUD63.85 worth of CDs. and i'm happy with every single one of them! it's a big pinch, considering i spent alot this month on various items. but i can't regret it forever.. so yeah, i'll really treasure these cds.

and yes, i did buy thirteenth step. loveitloveitloveit! there's nothing to regret from that saturday! it's not as heavy as mer der norms, reminds me a bit of a mellow nine inch nails. melody's a big mainstay for this album.. it seems to borrow very heavily from robert smith for the mellower bits. all in all, i love it. might i do an album review soon? heh~

and not just that, i bought zero7, coldplay's single "god put a smile on your face" and the door's "LA woman".

and now i must depart, to watch the "anabelle chong story" at nic's place. a life of debauchery i have gone slowly downward. pray for my soul friends..

dinner : some roasted steak with spuds and onions

winsome
i bumped into jo on my way to school today.
jo : you look different today
me : i do?

spawn broodlings
mak has set up her new site, and i highly reccomend checking her craft out! she's so insanely unique, it bleedin' hurts =)

check it my old jc pal jonpan's spot on the internet while you're at it too. lucky bastardo, hangs with chicks in spore, AND sweden. haha, big laughs.

thought
i don't seem to recognise myself in the pictures..

lighter moments
some snaps by nic on birthday eve:

emptying everything, how stands your faith?
yeah i found god and he was absolutely nothing like me
he showed me up like a dime store hooker
who was plain to see
i couldn't take it anymore
so i went back to the sea
because that's where fishes go
when fishes get the sense to flee

where're you going now?
what's your plan?

for the past two days, i had been following a friend to his church in perth. it's a presbrytarian church, and i knew it was more tradiotional and conservative. no harm, no biggie, it's all good. i went there wanting to learn something from God, what did he have to say about us, the human race, the church? the seminar was entititled "last day deceptions"

prior to this
i had a small discussion with sue about why we spoke in tongues. i said it was a gift of the Holy Spirit. but what is tongues? when studied in the bible, tongues were not random utterences as empowered by the Holy Spirit. it was always in a different language. when we speak in tongues at church and rallys, are they really a different language? i dont know, no one has ever translated it for me. but we're thought that it is an empowerment of the Holy Spirit, so it's gotta be good right? *shrug* anyhow, in 1 Corinthians 14, it does state pretty clearly how the gift of tongues should be used.

"for this reason, anyone who speaks in a tongue (another language - see footnotes) should pray that he may interpret what he says" 1 Cor 14:13

i'll confess i have not attended any workshops regarding the gifts of the Holy Spirit. come to think of it, i should have if i had the time then.

yeah, well, so because of this discussion, it seemed to lead in with the whole seminar. from God? only he knows now i guess. but also prior to this, a week ago.. i knew i had prayed in a church i was attending that i wanted my heart to be scraped inside out, cuz there were things that even i didnt know about that might be preventing me from truely communing with God. and then, there were also the times whereby, if God required me to give up all my music, from playing the intsruments i love and stuff i listen to, to playing for worship, wotever the case, i would have to give it up.

well, it's really happening right now. is it from God? only he knows.. i can only pray and consult his word. or run back to the sea.

"last day deceptions" by Rev (Dr) Jeffefy Khoo. anybody heard of him? i didnt. he's the dean of the Far Easten Bible College. somewhere in spore. anyways, the outlook of this college, or church, is that of seperatism. to seperate themselves from the rest of the world by shining for God. which is kind of like wot our church preaches about isn't it? however, the seperation dosent just go into the seperation of the world, but from the false teachings of the current church. the wave of charismatism especially.

they don't see the charismatic movement as coming from God. they see it that in the last days of our time, there will the falling away of believers. there will be false prophets and teachers. that includes us, for a variety of reasons. the main underlying reason, is that the charismatic movement is seen as the middleman to reunite the protestant faith with the roman catholic faith. during the seminar, there was a brief history lesson about this reformation.

the reformation. at a time when the roman catholic was the official religion of rome, and quite a lot of europe. it was corrupt, and the doctrines of the Bible were falsified. our salvation would be through faith AND works. now we know this is not true. we are saved by the grace of God. however, during this time, the roman church was witholding the truth about God's word from his people. people did not know about the free salvation and were working their way to being saved. as expected, the roman church was living off the people and very corrupt. however, in the 16th century, a man called martin luther and a committee of others led the reformation, and we have the protestant faith as it stands now. how it was intended to be.

now.. how is the roman church different from the protestant faith as well? the romans believe in purgatory, the extra books, the apocapher (sp), they pray to the virgin Mary and other saints. as if they were idols. some may see this as blatant idolatry, some may not, but in the context of this post, it is.

and so, now we have charismatism as the middleman to unify the protestant faith with the roman catholic one? Dr Khoo goes on to explain how in the higher-ups of our church, they were saying that the reformation was a mistake and that they should never have left. if this is true, we have in issue at hand. is our church really seeking that reunificiation? i don't know, i have little knowledge of that. but with the occurances of the gay arch-bishop, i did wonder a little where the church as a whole was headed. there was no way i expect my own church, SJSM to advocate such a thing. we stand by the word, the doctrine of God. by the doctrine, we will be able to test the false prophets and teachers..

but then the seminar goes on. the debate about using the King Jame's Version as opposed to the New International Version. i was the only one at the seminar with an NIV bible. mebbe for once i knew wot a non-christian feels like in a congregation, and the sermon is somewhat judgemental. but i think i was there by God's grace, and i prayed, too see and hear things with his senses. there are evidences of differences between the NIV and the KJV.

let's take Psalms 12:7
O Lord you will keep US safe... (NIV)
Thou shalt keep Them... (KJV)

contextually different isn't it? us and them. although some of my defence would go in that, based on the context of the entire passage, using both us and them fit the context of the passage. but meanings change. in the KJV, it means God will protect his everlasting work from the evils of men. in the NIV, it means that God will protect us from the evils of men. another part of my defence would go as such. that over the course of time, when you're translating something to english, all your adjetives and syntaxes and verbs and nouns and pronouns.. they're alot more complicated. english is relatively simple, did something happen in the translation process? i believe that with regards to that, God has never compromised in his word, meaning, grammer, vocabulary. anything! that is my faith. thats why i never questioned the use of the NIV. Dr Khoo, and this seperatist move, seeks to question it.

he goes on a little more into some history of how our respective bibles came about. apparently the NIV has been corrupted over the years, namely by two blokes Wescott and Hort. they didn't believe in certain fundamental truths, and actually left out many verses. if you look at your NIVs for example John 7:53 - 8:11, you'll have a heading note saying that earlier more accurate manuscripts did not have this section of text. apparently Wescott and Hort took them out, but revised versions of the NIV put them back. why? Dr Khoo did not say. or if it did, he didnt go in depth into it, mentioning that people wanted it in anyhow.. look at more verses in the NIV, a lot of footnotes, regarding "earlier maunscripts say 'blabla'." well, it seems to me, that to the seperatist, these measures aren't enough to make the NIV God breathed, but evil.

yeah.. so now comes the scary part. friends back in SJSM, is our doctrine sound? we base our teachings from the NIV. we refer to the NIV for sermons and bible study. our fundamental truth of salvation, who God is, what his will is for us, all came from the NIV. how God SPOKE to us, was through the NIV. why then, are we so different from these mroe tradiotional churches who use the KJV? if our doctrine is unsound, we have an issue at hand don't we? are we so comfortable in our church, that this is wot Christianity is about, that when perhaps we have been misled? oh, i pray for my soul that i am being decieved NOW rather than being decieved in the past.

and its not just me, everyone back home. almost every other Christian i know. i can deal with men calling us names. but God turning is eye from us? in our fervor, even though we say, we proclaim, its all for God's glory, he has saved us, and everything else we have ripped our fabric of existence so that we could taste that grace. and then we can never do anything to make him save us, EXCEPT to accept his grace and mercy.

and how can i discount the way God speaks to me, back when im using the NIV, or worshipping in SJSM? our leaders especially, i mean.. they're honest. i believd God was in control of my life, of our church, the direction, the will he wanted from us. that surrender to him. all this, from yesterday, in a flash.. not of God? we're the false ones?

my current stand is.. yeah, i'm glad, thankful that God allowed this to happen in my life. i'm pretty convicted that God islways watching over me, my family, friends and church. i believe that God loves us all, and will do al he/we can to save the souls, regardless right now, whether we sing hymns or contemporary songs, we were saved by God's grace. where he leads us, i don't know. but i guess, God truely spoke to me in the past, and if i am to find scripture to back even those experiences up, its time to start looking. while the one world may be headed to destruction. the one church.. reunification? i don't know all that, do i want to? the weight of the world? mebbe for now it's between God and me.

yeah I found god
and he was absolutely just like me
he opened my mouth, looked down my throat
told me I was thirsty
he said, I been, I been, I been
been in this water all my life
never took the time to breathe, breathe

whatcha doin' in this darkness baby?
when you know that love will set you free
will you stay in the sea forever?
drownin' there for all eternity
whatcha doin' in this darkness baby?
livin' down where the sun don't shine
come on out into the light of love
don't spend another day
livin' in the sea
livin' in the sea
"where fishes go" - LiVE

i wanna be really really strong!
no seriously. my housemate gave me this regime to follow. hahaha.. i might as well go kill myself. but still, it does sound somewhat inspirational.

international day
hop by jeannie's and see wot a sweetie muffin she is. *smiles*

you stole the sun from my heart
haha, i don't know why.. but mogwai does an interesting cover of the now defunct manic street preacher's classic. says alot don't it? i really love that line, even if it sounds bleak.

but i had a wonderful time today. after school, i hit the gym again with my house blokes, felix and adrian. wen tagged along too. haha, i embarked on more circuit training, not daring to go to the free weights where all the big guys were. yeap, i cowered in the corners of assisted machines where lean trim ladies were at it instead. i'd rather be lean and trim then bulked though. but that's another tale for a less-embarressing time. *grin*

so yeah, went home, and this time cherylin, peivn, jessie and jonathan took me out to fish and co. for dinner. thanks guys, i had a swell time, from the wine, swordfish collarbones, the laughs and the inane three slices of cake. i won't forget this evening easily. *grin* our my word for today is : spunk

and so, let me savour the last five mins of my birth anniversary. heh~

i've been to pretty buildings, all in search of you
man, i am a happy bunny today, yesterday, however you wanna look at it. i've finally turned 21. that coming of age whereby, i dunno.. you first step into adulthood? haha, i did it with the help of friends. *grin* my friends and audience in spore, this is wot the Lord has provided for me:

really, i thank the good Lord for each and everyone of you. how from my humble beginings from stepping onto perth soil july17, i have new friends to spend my birthday with. we went for dinner at a fish and chips joint called kaili's. thanks for being there, every single one of you. felix, adrian, jane, mitts, charmaine, sylvia, nic and jo! haha, it was good good fun to just chat around, fumble mumble whilst we made toasts in front of the camera, and stuffing ourselves silly with friend seafood. big hugs to all of you! shout outs to syl for baking me brownies, nic and jo for gettin' me those prezzies, in pink and purple wrappings no less! (that says alot aboot how attentive to detail you girls are!). haha, and bg shouts to felix for the rides, and just bringin' me around and being a friend and housemate. adrian and jane for all the times you buy bubble tea back for us, and haha.. company! mitts, charmaine. your awesome company is ALWAYS welcomed. haha.. thanks, thanks and thanks! haha, wot else can i say? *grin*

friends back in spore : thanks for you too! for being there the past 20 years! heh~ still love you guys loads!

junkie bliss
it's official, my new favourite band is jane's addiction.
perry ferrell - vox
dave navarro - 6 strings
chris chaney - 4 strings
stephen perkins - drums

consumption
i finished downloading the new a perfect circle video weak and powerless two nights ago from aperfectcircle.org. oh, it's a great video. unlike the previous three: judith; 3 libras and oresetes(which i have yet to see) you don't see the band members, much less the new line-up. but in true tool fashion, it's artsy and provocative. th editting is lovely, reminds me of schism and there there (radiohead). mix of stop motion and rhythmic juxtaposition.

"... ... so weak and powerless, over you"
- a perfect circle

special
must see! freakazoid who escaped from the discovery channal's episode on mating rituals. daymned bloody sad this man's story. bloody bloody sad.

step off the train
because the next stop is living it. i'm in love, i'm in love, i'm in love with this strict machine. well, spring's kinda finally here, would it safe to say the flowers have started to bloom? haha, it wouldn't. though it is getting warmer on some days. i played touch rugby last evening, and it was good fun. haha, its the first competitive sport i've played whilst comin' to perth. and well, it's a great game if i could just purge over 10 years of soccer conditioning. cuz these two games, have totally different strats.

Everybody smile and say hi...

porno for pyros
i reckon that's one of the best band name's ive heard really. never really gotta chance to listen to perry ferrel, but i reckon i could start somewhere. anyhow, this isnt about them, i just needed an excuse for a title. so with that out of the way.. where do i really start? i'm thinking of taking a short break from blogging for awhile. strangely livejournal seems to be so much easier to update on. or mebbe there's nothing i especially feel like updating aboot. oh kay, i'm really swaying now. i do feel very distracted. like i need time away from the internet. if i don't type in here, don't be mad kay? i just don't feel very public of late. oh there's so much you don't see. i'm finally starting to feel a little in perth now. i think my life got messed with abit. dammit, don't you know there's a sphere of influence around all of us, and everything overlaps. so that sometimes that mess becomes my mess. i have no idea wot im talkin' about. not in exactly the best of moods. 'specially with livejournal. crazy thing's impacting me like it shouldnt. i dont know why im bothering so much about a stupid blog. screw this blog, there's nothing funny about it tonight. i have good mind to post this, but im not in a good mind. so i am. i really think i'll be laying off the blog for awhile. not to sort things out. i dont know wots there left to update about. i feel so sick tonight. with the way things have turned out. i just want to run away and never go home. dont wanna see your faces, dont wanna seek solace. i dont wanna know wots happening out there. why the heck should i be so bothered right? wot right do i have to be bothered? i never bothered about it in the first place right? you want me to wear a mask so that you can be happy? all i ever wanted to give to this stupid planet, is my stupid self. i'm typing from a point of rage. this dosent have to be here.. why is it here? so that everyone can see? why? i dont know my audience anymore. that knowledge faded me when my counter stopped working ever since i put up the enetation blogout. am i supposed to be addressing audience? don't be affected by wot i type tonight. wot am i saying, we all react. well, my disclaimer is that, im typing at the top of my hed. i have censored a few expletives that should have come out, but im not living for myself. i try not to. mebbe. so yeah, that's about all i censored. but in anycase, i feel volatile and unstable. there's too much noise these days.. (^_^)

you can't love the same man twice
so here i am. been so distracted lately, first with friendster, and now livejournal. oh wait, wot about my books? they're in the equation somehow.. haha. so yeah, it does feel weird having two public blogs. i mean, does one have to take precedence over the other? i hope not, but the one good thing aboot livejournal, is that because i downloaded this client, i can upload posts without having to open a browser. that is way neat if you asked me. i mean, i guess it puts the journal in livejournal. will i be ranting more on livejournal that it puts my provate life in jeopardy? i'm not that dumb, but neither am i that intelligent either. anyhow, i kept the scheme of this blog on the journal, if anyone's interested : the pink ranger kicks major ass.