one more for the road
'lest i forget, have a good new year's celebration folks! i know i will -) cheers to whatever the world throws at us!

only time will tell

well.. sometimes i feel like i'm blogging just to make up for the times i didn't blog. which is something we usually do with our lives anyway.. we do things to make up for the things we didn't get to do before. in that sense, all we're doing is filling up the gaps we envision in our lives. so does that mean that life comes like a children's puzzle book?

kid, you're really starting to tick me off


so this gimp decides to run me over with his car.

i have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about. i've just come back from a session of paintballing, and this time it hurt less because the only place i was shot was on the side of my kneecap. interestingly enough, i was the last man standing in one of the games we played. nice!

also, i'm pretty tired right now, thinking of lying down on my bed for awhile before dinner, but i'm also thinking abit about the social dynamics of singapore and wondering why people do the things they do. i just don't want things to turn into an all out bitch-fest because then it wouldn't be harmless anymore.

tomorrow's the last day of 2006 and i don't feel particularly reflective yet.. it just feels rather passive for the moment. but maybe things will change in the coming days.

explaining string theory with beans and potatoes
perhaps my lack of entries can be explained by me not coming back home before 2 am for the past 4 days. or, the bad internet connection i've been having due to the taiwan earthquakes.

charitable organisations



this the season to be giving, but i suppose some people exploit the goodwill of people and ask for money for personal reasons under the guise of charitable ones. i'm just a bit disillusioned with the whole thing because when you start becoming cynical about whether your money is actually helping someone else, i just can't understand why this wouldn't be on your conscience or not. but if anything, i suppose for those of us with money that we can donate, this should serve as a challenge that we should actually be actively involved in volunteerism and not just giving some dollars away each year and pretending that the world is a better place.

ordinary lives, you want a better tomorrow

well, i think there's nothing better than watching an old gangster movie every now and then. yh and i both agree that a better tomorrow is one of the best out there, that its got emotion, heart and most importantly, lots of blood.

before you glorify this as ultra-violence, let me just say that the more blood on screen the better because for me it just celebrates the medium of film as an illusion. i liken this movie to a jack neo film with guns but that is also an insult to a craft. i don't know, sometimes i like mr neo, and sometimes i hate his stuff. and dammit, chow yun fatt is absolutely sick in this movie. the air, the fire in his eyes, that psychotic grin, the unrelenting spirit, and perhaps.. really, it's all just about the cool. hell, i wanna smoke and take shots like he does. while pulling out dual berettas just because.

so as i sit here in front of my computer once again, i'm starting to wonder, why exactly am i typing all this to tell you this? the truth is, i don't know.. i don't really know what i'm doing here.

my mission trip is over, my degree is done.. y'know, for once in a long while, this chapter actually does feel sort of closed. i don't really know what lies around the bend, but it sure feels that way. that feeling of expectation of not really knowing, sweat glistens across your brow as you slowly pace your way across that lonely corridor, each step a startling echo. and then you take a peak, and you still can't see the end in sight. don't know what sorta job i'll be getting, what sorta gear i'll be acquiring, what sorta music i'll be creating, what sorta friends i'll be keeping, everything seems like an open book right now. and i must say its a rather exciting albeit cautious feeling. well, one thing for sure, if i can drag a smoke like mr chow in the above picture, i can take on all things.

and its exactly with such pride that i'll fall flat on my face.

haha, as cool as a better tomorrow is, it really detracts one from life in that are we really the masters of our own fate? well, i don't really have an idea of what i'm typing anymore.. it's gotten a tad convulated. there are so many things that i want to say, but i don't want to make an academia, but i'm afraid that people only take academia seriously, or when you speak from a voice of authority. what happened to the voice of the people?

why didnt they create flying giraffes?
so i'm just sorta sitting in front of my computer screen wondering just what i should type this post-christmas entry. christmas kind of came and went for me, i didnt attend a christmas service because i was really tired, and i don't know if that's even a sort of excuse or not, but it does kind of make christmas sort of different.

i saw a coupla pictures my friends took on the christmas eve service, and it really does feel somewhat different that i wasn't there. but i chose to spend it with family instead, and i suppose that's commendable in its own right.

and now.. its come to randomly sifting thru the internet, looking for signs of life.

where have you been all this while?
i've just come back from hong kong, and i may or may not decide to post my thoughts on this space. but rest assured that it was a worthwhile and tremendous experience.

tales males and scales
pretty full on day, we had 4 performances and was pretty intense. but it's all good, because it's work for the Lord. really don't know what else to say except to ask anyone reading this to keep praying! we just need more of Jesus no matter what we do. this mission trip don't end here, it starts in whatever next phase of life God has in store for us -)

HK is a very interesting place, and i'm really glad i got to see a part of it that isn't so shiney on the surface, but that i have met the heart and soul of some of the people here in HK who have a heavy burden as God does for the people of HK. it's also gotten me thinking and inspired about what i should be doing for my own countrymen.

live from the field
i'm so tired, but still i find time to tell you that i'm tired from the activities we're doing on the mission trip. haha! well, keep us in your prayers, and pray for a zeal and fervor in the things we do, i think we're really being stretched, and also that the people of Hong Kong will be blessed by God's love.

biting the nape of your neck
well.. i'm finally in hong kong. today was the end of the second day and we have yet to do our first public performance. but today was good in that we really rehearsed and were allowed to consolidate all the equipment we'd need for our street and public performances. tomorrow is sunday, so we're visiting two churches and giving them slices of our items, but it's also gonna be good warm-ups to the what we're gonna do in public places.

continue to keep us in prayer.. finding an internet connection is bittersweet, because now i can check my results online, which come out on monday. my faith is saying one thing, but my fear is saying another. gahhh! why so double minded. forgive me, this should not be..

tragic careless times with no end in sight
maybe when i write, the words don't really come out..?

let's see what i've done with my time today. i woke up, had brekkie with my mom at 11. then i dropped her by church and then i came home to settle a bit of administration. I wrote emails to my university and my cell group explaining what was happening, and i also made sure they i was cleared to leave singapore for hong kong because my mission trip is tomorrow. after that, i've been staring at my computer screen from three to four pm because i have absolutely no idea what to do now.

and so now, none of my friends are around, they're either working, studying, at a camp or i dont know what else. guess its just one of them days when i just wanna get stoned at watch the hours fly. but it's not really happening..

anyhows, HK missions tomorrow! gonna be away from then till dec24th! so keep us in your prayers -)

its so heavy from the weight of the world
i wish someone could explain to me this weariness that i feel on a daily basis. perhaps it has something to do with coming home at 3am the past two nights.

singapore's always like that, land of the never sleeping. well, or something.. haha. glad i could be with a few of my friends before the mission trip, visited the australia high commission to settle my visa status. still kinda pretty much at square one, and now they want me to apply for a student visa all over again. *sigh* paperwork upon paperwork.. it really got me thinking about the importance of being a citizen somewhere, your rights of a citizen and how no matter how you try, sometimes you never really belong in a place that doesn't see you as one of them. i was breaking the law by being in australia the past 4 months, but i can never be breaking the law with merely existing in singapore. i'm not saying one's more special than the other, but just stressing how important it is that a sense of belonging extends to more than just an emotional attachment, but also rather political.

also, i watched concave scream perform again. awesome as always, with a tremendous cover of radiohead's climbing up the walls. sweeeeeeeeet.. blew my mind away.

run that by me again?
hmmmmm.. apparently when i applied for a visa extension, i was supposed to have been the one to go get my visa application done at the immigration office in my own time. but nobody told me! GAHHHHHHHH. this sucks on so many levels because it was my fault and i can't start to blame anyone else. so about 75% of what i said in the prior post is negated, and i'll be doing a lot more negotiating and passing the blame.

okay guys, if you're reading this and you think brian deserves to go back to australia between february and march 2007, then pray that immigration grants him the request to attend his graduation ceremony. or better yet, have more faith and pray that despite his mistake, that the embargo will be lifted so that he can freely travel to australia anytime he wants for the next three years and beyond.

this is a rather humbling experience.

smitten bitten
did i hold out long enough?

i'm back in singapore! man, everytime i come back, there are so many changes. there's a new shopping centre near home and it's considered the biggest shopping centre in singapore right now.. and man, is it huge! i could probably spend a whole day there and not even walk the entire complex.

well, i think singapore's really great at the moment, i mean, i think i did miss it somewhat, and plus.. for the moment, a door has been closed to australia. let me elaborate:

if you didn't know, i had to do one more semester in murdoch, and so my original student visa would have expired on july 31st 2006. so i applied for a visa extension somewhere in the middle of july, extending it till february 28th 2007 at the international students department of my university, and they in turn would be in contact with Australia immigration to grant me a new visa status. electronically of course, i was meant to exist as a student till february next year in the electronic realm.

however, shock shock, horrors upon horrors, as i went through perth customs, the officer told me that my visa had expired in july and that i had overstayed my welcome for 4 months, and they had no choice but to put me on a THREE YEAR EMBARGO from entering Australia again, with the exception of attending a graduation ceremony if my university writes a letter explaining that i am merely attending the ceremony.

obviously i am going to fight this to the bitter end, because i absolutely do not deserve a three year embargo for anything. in fact, ive contributed heaps to the australian economy and culture, and this is how immigration plays me out? well, immigration may have betted high, but i'm not folding, i'm going ALL IN! so yeap, gonna get in touch with my university pretty soon and see what's going on.. i'm pretty sure and trusting God that my name will be cleared, and it gives me an oppurtunity to fight a little private way with beareaucracy again.

i also kind of see this as a confirmation that God wants me in singapore for the next phase of my life. good for some, sad for others (i hope)

the chemistry
i've done a fair bit of cleaning today, and if you think that means clean things.. it really means inhaling vast amounts of noxious abrasive fumes from aerosol cans. it also means scrubbing your hands with cleaning chemicals of the strong sort, so that the palms feel a bit tender as opposed to 'clean'. such is the way with all these chemicals, that i don't know if i can even make myself any 'cleaner' with regular bath soaps. if i put any more soap on me, i'm afraid my skin will begin to burn and then fall off the bone.

it's funny, the soapier something is, the cleaner we think it is. but how clean is clean? really?

fare thee well
just in case i don't have time to tell anyone. i'm leaving perth in about 24hours time and won't be back here till february 3rd 2007. see you on the other side.

no rest for the weary
i never thought i was doing a lot till this last week in perth. i guess i latch on to activity after a whole bout of doing nothing, thinking one can compensate for something, but maybe you just can't.

anyway, yesterday went pretty well, had a few hiccups but God showed up and had his way. it's always good like that.. i guess i learnt a few lessons, realigning my priorities and also, being inspired working with the fervor and zeal of young people. i can only so it was my pleasure indeed.

another rather crazy day today, but i guess we'll be trusting God with the time on all that as well..