childish pranks
i think i'm such a tantrum thrower. it's easy when you live on your own, because you plan your own timetable and you waste your own time. being single means you don't have a significant other to plan your life around. this i'm just wondering, because when i'm at home i gotta choose between family and friend. and if i don't get wot i want, i could get prissy or just go along with it and just sulk through it. not exactly the most mature of persons, but i think it's been happening ever since i got back.

and for all the self-righteous sharing with thomas about how as musicians we ought to take one for the band, lay off our ego-trips and wank fests on our instruments, i could throw a tantrum here and there too. i'd deliberately play a line that you suggested over and over again just to spite whoever suggested the idea in the hopes that it won't work out, thus proving i was right all along. *sigh* longay, you're prolly gonna read this anyhow.. but yeah lah, i'm dealing in my own way the contributions i'm making to music. but no worries! it's not as serious as it sounds -) i still thank the Lord everyday that we're all friends first before the music.. and that inspires me to play better and to be open to each and everyone of you. and of course my folks *grin*

if i needed psychiatric help
i'd be the last to know. denial is usually the first stage, how do we even know if we're classified clinically insane? someone has to tell us right? if i know i'm mad, i have a firm grasp on reality no matter how mucked up it is, and that doesn't really cut it as me being insane. no, we don't know we're mad. we're all frothing mad!

so today i met jo-lyn for lunch, and also had band practice in the evening.

the gig's at the esplanade on the 8th of january, 10pm.

9 more days to leeson's debut gig!

shame the world
many a times, my email address gets mistaken for today's title, but it's no where as depressing, and more akin to being everlastingly random.

i've just gotten back from a family trip to Malacca, and it had it's moments. one thing's for shure, nothing's perfect, or perfection is a flawed concept. put a family in the same room, or put them together for three days is something like a social experiment. we've more or less been living together for the past twenty two to twenty three years, and still we're not used to each others habits, how we express ourselves, we still can't read the inherent meanings we try to get across, we still get misunderstood. it's a fragile thing these relationships, and i thought it was a dynamic time to know my family again, where somewhere in between at about the age of twenty, i've never really stayed at home due to NS commitments and overseas studies. i'm still the same and i'm not the same. just ask my mother -)

a strange number of events happened whilst overseas, watching the malay news in the hotel room as they showed us repeated footage of the tsunami disasters, the worst earthquake in our present history.. a sign of our generation perhaps. one final event to rock 2004 out of balance. it's a tragedy, the day after Christmas, so strange, so sudden, so close yet so far. it's hard to feel when you're not really there, yet it makes all your current problems miniscule in the grand scheme of things, and yet sometimes we still choose to entertain our current predicaments with a vengence by shutting all else out of our lives. no we can't carry the weight of the world on our shoulders though we'd like to, to show that we're in control. but we're not.

downside
earthside
geosynchronous orbit
it looks like we're moving
but we're not

show me what happens now
so i can't say everything, but that's alright. it's not like i could change your mind or anything. this really isn't about anything in particular, it's kinda wot happens when your mind just starts talking with itself, or the other residents that live in the same apartment in our subconcious. you might think it's actually crazy to type like this, you may not understand. i don't understand myself, and i'm not seeing to be understood, or even to understand, i just want to get it out and entertain it. it helps me cope, it's catharsis, it's just the way i feel. funny the things we do, letting it all come out, freely hammering away at the keyboard, responsibilities shrinking as you don't bother with how your text will bother other people. free of responsible blogging, know that i've always cared about your well-being that i tried to make things understand. for a moment now, just understand when i say i need a break. it's really catharsis, notice the amount of "i"s i'm using in this post, it's not exactly the most outwardly looking. so when one looks inward, does one face all the strangest linear conversations with oneself. remember, we're not seeking to be understood, we're just trying to get it out of our system, and there's nothing wrong with that. well, verily verily i say unto you now, there is nothing wrong with that. there might be something wrong tomorrow, but today, we're just harnessing all that we have now. and we're just looking for some sorta release. peace and rocks.

what christmas means to me
no riddles, no metaphors. i thought i'd just share what the season means to me because it's a special season. not at first glance, but after a continued existence of twenty-two years.

frankly, i don't even know where to begin. the words are coming out all weird

at the risk of being cast as self-righteous, Christmas to me is about Jesus Christ God, Saviour Of The World and Friend. it's a time to reflect on God's greatest gift to mankind, the infinite love that God has for us (humanity) that he presented us with Jesus God incarnate

two thousand and four years ago (it's easy to count *grin*), a very important person was born in a manger. many of us know the story, but do we know the storyteller? is it so hard to believe, that two thousand and four years ago, a baby Jesus was born to a carpenter and his wife who was still a virgin at the time. that's how miraculous that birth was. is it hard to believe that the birth of Jesus was prophecised extensively in the old testament, and it met every single one of those requirements, and still many jews don't recognise that Jesus was more than just another man, but the Messiah himself who fulfiled every prophecy written about him from his birth, death and ressurection.

Christmas is a day when we reflect our status in the grand scheme of things, the great love of our Heavenly Father, the greatest story that is still being written. i'm excited for Christmas, i'm glad many of us still remember what Christmas really means, it's more than a holiday, it's more than religious, it somewhere more akin to God's majesty over all the things of this world and more.

Merry Christmas everybody, God loves all of you!

rant raving
one more day to christmas, one more day to christmas! sometimes i can't feel it, sometime's i can. but it's not about a feeling, it's not just a feeling. if we felt, we'd feel our way to destructions. our emotions can be destructive things, our logic can be destructive things, we can be destructive people. some of us think we can change the world, can we? or have we already inherently failed thinking we can succeed. living is tricky buisness, and it could also be deceptively easy. you make it harder than it has to be.

God changes all

the everlong reason
searching for something to keep us alive. are we already dying? i'm not trying to scare you with death wishes, just a friendly reminder from life's final friend. but there's no sense being grim, i like the unseen hope, the visible faith. as christmas draws near, lets set our sights on the glorious eternal, not on the perishible gifts that pass us by.

listening to that skanky liquid bassline
sometimes, when you can't think of anything to write, you feel dead. then you just need to think of a word, or the first thing that pops into your head. like me typing in here that i can't exactly think of something to write, and voila! i've got something to write, something to tell you, that there isn't anything to tell. that's wot i wanna tell you.

but i also wanna share a bit about the beauty of the bassline. the bassline is like a spinal chord that walks, its the unseen backbone that usually holds a song together, communicates between the percussion rhythem and the melodic harmonies. its like stuck in between, for a special time such as this. it's not exclusive, its not more special than any other instrument, but its just an instrument that found its way into my arms. and like you, i've learnt to wield it the best way i can, the best way i can express myself, to make sense of the world, the art and the craft. there are so many things i wanna tell you, whisper in your ear so that you could see it the way we did, that's why we strive to communicate. like vampires feeding off each other, the band is a perfectly self-sustaining entity. the bassline is just a voice like any other, sometimes louder, sometimes softer, sometimes meaning something, sometimes meaning nothing.

if you know wot i mean
just a fun game i learnt from the youth group in my perthie church. basically, end everything off you say with this statement: if you know wot i mean

rapid deployment
well, i'm back in spore, and it's hitting me like i don't really know where i belong. a part of me likes it, and a part of me doesn't, but then again, i guess i'll never be happy. it's somewhat strange to not be on the mission field, like i'm on holiday or something, complacency setting in? scary thought. i have a new chorus pedal for me bass, the arion sch-z which i kinda bought on impulse in japan, but apparently it's got great reviews.. might just have a gem on my hands. basically, just gonna concentrate on music whilst here, might be getting a sweet deal on a bass over here, see if it works out, then i could earn some extra dosh by selling it in perth. also, the leeson website was updated on december the fourth, and we got some gigs lined up for next year. also, there're streaming samples of our ep, so if you're itching to hear wot we sound like, scratch it now.

met up with a couple of my good mates yesterday, and that was all good.

tales
hey folks! i know its been awhile since this blog has been updated, but bear with us as we find time to talk about the things that have been happening in Japan.

im greatly encouraged by the japanese christians over here! the faith is simple and string, and the love that they reflect and share with others is the same deep love of God. God has just done amazing things with the people of Japan, and helping to sustain even just a small fractional population of the christians. how the numbers dont dwindle to zero has been the faithfullness of God.

we are gonna be here for about nine more days, and ill only return after next sunday the nineteenth, so our team would really appreciate if you would remember us in your prayers as we continue to work together with the church in japan, as well as to continue to share the gospel with the others.

japan is rocks
hey guys, day five of the mission trip, its great! thanks for all your prayers and keep praying! God]s doing great and awesome things here, and im just learning so much from the man Himself!

happy birthday to lau pok as well, and that napkin man have a fun time at zoukout!