money where it matters
i sit here convinced, that pensionstate is one of spore's better bands. just better? not the best? i can't draw absolutes. but i take away most bad things i've said about emo. man, i think they're not just panzy whiners anymore, because i think that's wot has set pensionstate apart from alot of other bands. their stage presence is amazing, lead vox and bassplayer leaping into the sky every 2 seconds. and it just rocks so much when you have a charismatic frontman who isn't afraid to express himself. thank you guys from the band, for making yesternight a night to put a lil faith back in the sporean muse community. your EP is rocks too! egsilent production!

no random factor
i really don't understand it sometimes. a thought or two may pop into my head during the day, and then i can't recall it when i'm in front of the screen. and i don't write thoughts like those down, because i'm on the move. my brain kind of stops working when i'm online. or when i've just been kept busy throughout the day.

or especially when i get distracted by chat programs.

sometimes i wonder, when i talk or explain certain concepts or philosophies to someone, and i don't get any tangible response. i wonder if the person understands, is trying to formulate his own view, or just thinks i'm plain domineering. hmmmmm.

and i can't access my blogout system. someone tell me wot to do!!

songs preach
"a stranger"
a perfect circle

cast the calming apple
up and over satelites
to draw out the timid wild one
to convince you it's alright
and i listen for the whisper
of your sweet insanity while i formulate
denials of your affect on me

you're a stranger
so what do i care
you vanish today
not the first time i hear
all the lies

what am i to do with all this silence
shy away, shy away phantom
run away terrified child
won't you move away, you fucking tornado
i'm better off without you
tearing my will down

descent of the once glorious
even with spanking new artwork, nothing could save the autobots financial woes, resorting to ethics and moral value segments at the back of cereal boxes. it's tough being earth's sentinels without sponsoership. in three different languages too!

couldn't look you in the eye..

you, my friend are a true individual. you most
likely hate trends and are creative. by seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. i'm guessing you
are a lot like me. perhaps a good charlotte
hater? i hope so. an inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (if you like good charlotte, i'm sorry,
i am just expressing an opinion)

a deeper look inside yourself (with pics)
brought to you by quizilla

if i'm so special, why is this so much about you or hating good charlotte? ack!

and i asked someone
i asked jeannie wot the weather was saying to her, and she replied:

"so i said if it's so great and pompus why don't it show me some snow. and it said that it is snowing too. but only at this part of the globe we can't see it. it continues to say that there's nothing there that wasn't there before. and if you don't see something it dosen't mean to say it's not there."

if the fear grips
sometimes i'm afraid that without problems, harshness, depression and struggle, there is no depth or mantle and credibility in my sorrid life. whoever listens to a voice that has turned its back from the futility and farcenss of the futile darkness? we all want to be without our demons, and sometimes we think we need them. some evil to bring out the good. some test to avail the victory.

it's because i choose not to talk about it. a depth so shallow.

way too fast
hey all, the new year's about the family aint it? i dunno about you, but i'm really glad my relatives are alright with one another. i hope that the chinese new year is not a dying tradition in my clan, i like meeting up with my cousins and uncles and aunties, even if i have to constantly attend to their "how's perth?" sorta questions. i don't really mind repeating myself, and i think they don't mind listening to the stories all over again.

already, my cousin's in j2, that's really quite fast. i'll remember the days we'd hang at our grandma's pitting our lego warriors to the death, and every 'lil man had a special power of sorts of we'd construct the über-ultimo exoskeleton for our brick headed spartans.

so much so that i didn't manage to jam with thomas and gt. i hope there's still time. i hope there's still next week.

making sense of it all
are you confused? click here and click on "scensters". got this off my funk soul bro thomas. peace out.

inate

which evil villain bad habit are you?

back to the summer
stepping into an empty home for wot seems to be the first time, just breeds a sort of glimpse into the future. when will i have to face this strange scene of independence again in my life? my folks are coming back tomorrow. is there a strange empty sorrow in my heart? no there isn't. but i'd like to think that if this were a melodramatic movie, this would have been a powerfully clichéd scene. but that isn't so, and i'm just exploring the alternate sides to this familiar feeling.

day one o one
i was roused from slumber by a disconcerting ringing beside my bed. someone on the other end (my cousin) convinced me to make my way to granny's for lunch. which i did, oh, it's good to see everyone on an afternoon. 'specially my favourite dish, cabbage with dried scallop in brown starchy sauce. i'd love to know wot it is. haha, but it really is a swell dish. the chewiness of the scallop is wot makes it special. i think everything needs dried scallop.

i'm having a very chilled chinese new year. the folks are not in towne, and i hope they're having a good time. it's kinda nice to have some time alone too. couching on the potato watching the 1968 classic "planet of the apes" while switching between "once upon a time in china". heated up the boloneigse that mom made. it's a lil oiler today, i wonder why..

if you really must know, my guitar and bass are both not in standard tuning for the moment.

bleeding oranges into a bloody pulp
it's the reunion dinner tonight. for those not too familiar with chinese culture (as i am), it's kinda like new year's eve where a bunch of relatives, get together and comment about how much their children have grown. i think the irritating families will then start comparing the hallmarks of their periodically bratty kids with their briefs stuck up their arses. or you have the goth kid who dresses in black just to piss everyone off. but hey, it's cool and i don't understand the crap you're going thru. well, if i lived with pompus goons who compare the neighbour's dog to being marginally smarter than me, i'd start rebelling too.

but i like this time. because that's not wot it's been for my family. and i hope it isn't for you. really, i don't. i wish this were a time of reunion, between the strong family ties and everyone's just in the spirit of graciousness.

i guess the only thing i don't like is having bite sized bieces of bah kua (chinese barbequed pork) stored in tupperware. i mean, it just makes me eat more, because i think i'm eating less than one slice, but i'm shure ive devoured more than one.

only the strong survive
i watched veronica guerin today. a true story of an irish journalist who gave up her life for the story. stupid? you watch and decide for myself. i guess PR is a safer bet for pompus media students like me.

perception is relative

'complete psycho'
what type of lunatic are you?
brought to you by quizilla

haha, i loved doing ths quiz, it was so imaginiative. stole it off melvin's lj.

i collected my new spectacles and checked out in flught at the substation. pretty eventful day with the friends. look out for the new links! and wot do you think of this?

men of power
real men. men whom i'd humbly bow out to should my non-existent imaginary japanese girlfriend fall for instead of me.

lance henriksen




tony leung






anthony wong


seriously, why can't women gush about males like these? they're not gruntal jock-strapping alpha males, or irritating snaggy boners, or i-learn-how-to-look-and-smell-good-from-men's magazines-metrosexuals. heck, they're just doing wot they normally do. posing for the camera! (and other assorted delights, like pottery. read: lance henriksen). so enjoy my lil visual tribute to male splendour!

the mighty mighty jayhawks

mediaworks has shown the best movie of 04 so far. 1981's nighthawks! i really loved it! magnum pi always reeks of coolness and sensibility. seriously, deke de silva (sylvester stallone) is über cool in this movie. aviator shades, leather jackets, magnum45's. give it a shot sometime. you can be shure i'll rent the dvd if you wanna watch it at my place.

famous quote from the movie
fox: you know he's gonna waste you once you drive that bus to the airport
de silva: why you always gotta try to cheer me up?

in fact, the next ultra cheesy but looks pretty cool movie to watch is the adventures of hercules

kick me again
thank you. i am caffine enabled. intel caffine inside. if you really must know, i am not an coffee drinker or conessieur. neither can i spell very well. i'm not hyper-active or prazac ridden, just that i'm now enabled to carry on the rest of my day without an eyelid inspection. (oh crass! im making dumb ex-oc jokes!!)

either way, i skipped serve today. haha. oh kay, that's not so funny. it's funny how when everything else shuts down when every waking hour is spent trying not to shut down. and then i had this mystery sms who asked me where i was. and then he broght up accountability. i'm not too used to this accountability stuff. i'll admit its something i'll probably have to learn from scratch. but in the meantime, it's "the look of love" by doris day. it's strangely sanguine when she's filling the air with her siren song. the raspy air between her vocal chords and my fragile ear drums.

and so it came to pass..
that i caught my first astreal gig since coming back to spore. i've never been a fan of the live sound at the zouk stage. and honest to goodness, truth be told, i thought the mix was quite bad. the guitars were too low (hey man! it's about the guitars!) and so was the vocal mix. and they played too 'lil songs. i wished the organisers could've given the band more time, instead of having to sound like they were rushing thru, or just warming up. i've seen astreal gigs with more energy.

but it was good to finally be able to meet ginettle even if for a brief moment. you know, to put a face behind the blog. so if you're reading this, thanks a lot! hope you enjoy the compilation too! freebies are hard to come by these days. =ppp

in other news, my dark star has been working in kunz's home studio to hopefully release it's 5-track EP by end jan. we're currently in the final stages of the last two songs, except that we're being plagued by a ghost in the machine. man, but innovation has been good, and we're quite shure the new material is gonna blow anybody's socks off.

my double digest
y'know? the folk at archie comics would make such moral and upright people! they don't do drugs, play good'ol pop and roll, don't get wasted, don't sleep around or cheat on their partners (with the exception of midge), and they're always perpetuating good moral and upright values! (whether socially constructed or not, that is not the basis of the thesis). i guess that only thing that's missing from their righteous morally perfect lifestyle is turning to religion.

revealing the cold succulent wound and world
yay, i took my band aid off. i'm glad timely first aid made this less than a disaster than wot it could be. always look at the brigther side of life. but that's because you're not on the dark side of the moon.

glad to have a whole day to myself. self gratification and amusement was top on the list, but at least i managed to scout around for some tickets back to perth, and brought my bowazon to level 20 and into the arcane sanctuary. daymn, i wish reality was this excting. stuffing demonic quails with poison tipped arrows. also fruitful because my mate in perth sent me one of their imprint tracks.

but despite all this, i really should have been somewhere else. haha, but t hat's for me to know. no wait, i told you already. ah heck.

scalding brain
bugger, i burned my index finger. its on my left hand, so i can't play the guitar properly, nor can i type properly. but i still am. you know when they say "pain lets you know you're still alive." well, you know. i dont really wanna argue with that. cds i have listened to today:
system of a down - steal this album
graham coxon - the golden d
a perfect circle - thirteenth step
tool - lateralus
concave scream - three (as this is being processed)
dave matthews band - busted stuff (in the queue)
im disgusted that even at 12, we have such condescending children who scold each other names, and insult parent's occupations. i have no idea where such behaviour was influenced or learnt. it does sound distressing.

drive by shootings
ass-nine comic strips can be found here.

larynx
it's frustrating when you can't seem to put the notes together. when you can't construct the building blocks in your mind and soul. when you see beauty, or when you experience armagaddon.. it's all fleeting. and maybe that's where the allure of creating something comes in, to comemorate a certain feeling, random as it is to just be a symbol of the times. and yeah, we wear our influences on our sleeves.

beautiful things:
hitomi
the word "soul"
t shirts
dj shadow's entroducing
fiestiness
armani plastic

ugly things:
giving up
peace thru war
analuptightness
dependency
packaged music
beeping noises

strength and honour
i really enjoy the japanese lore of samurais and shinobis

complete sincerity: you believe in being
straightforward with others, and you expect the
same from them. people would consider you a
good listener, and one who is calm and mostly
serious.

which characteristic from the samurai code matches you best? (you may find out your best trait)
brought to you by quizilla

say something
if you don't voice out, you'll fade into oblivion. fine, that's where it ends. i'll be in the neighbourhood, but you won't know i'm here. i'm not even gonna look out the window. sit here quietly in my chair and contemplate residual waste.

pardon me - incubus
pardon me while I burst
pardon me while I burst

a decade ago, i never thought i would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
woe-is-me.
but i guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
i need you to hear, i need you to see that i have had all i can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
so pardon me while I burst into flames.
i've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
so pardon me while i burn and rise above the flame.
pardon me, pardon me, i'll never be the same.
not two days ago, i was having a look in a book
and i saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
i said, "i can relate," because lately i've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
but thinking so much differently.
so pardon me while I burst into flames.
i've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
so pardon me while i burn and rise above the flame.
pardon me, pardon me, i'll never be the same.
never be the same
pardon me while i burts into flames
pardon me, pardon me
so pardon me while i burst into flames.
i've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
so pardon me while i burn and rise above the flame.
pardon me, pardon me, i'll never be the same.
pardon me, i'll never be the same.

nice to know you - incubus
better than watching gellar bending silver spoons
better than witnessing newborn nebulas in bloom.
she who see's from 'up high' smiles and surely sings.
prospective pries her once weighty eyes and it
gives you wings.

i haven't felt the way I feel today
in so long it's hard for me to specify.
i'm beginning to notice how much this feels
like a waking limb...pins and needles,
nice to know you,
good-bye, nice to Know You

deeper than the deepest cousteau would ever go.
higher than the heights of what we often
think we know.
blessed she who clearly sees the wood for the trees.
to obtain a birds eye is to turn a
blizzard to a breeze.

i haven't felt the way I feel today
in so long it's hard for me to specify.
i'm beginning to notice how much this
feels like a waking limb... pins and needles,
nice to know you
good-bye, nice to know you

could it be that it had been there all along

i haven't felt the way i feel today
in so long it's hard for me to specify.
i'm beginning to notice how much this
feels like a waking limb... pins and needles,
nice to know you,
goodbye, nice to Know you
to know you

aspects of retrospect
so because i'm terrible with dates:

physical
i grew taller! no i'm lying. but i grew my hair out. its just something i wanted to do, mebbe because i had been keeping a short spikey crop for most of my youth. yeah, so i'm quite pleased with it. may not be very neat, but thats because its not necesary yet. i wrecked my old nerd glasses, and i got myself red tints too. ive been told i look like a pimp. heavens, and to think it was supposed to be about rockstars. also been jogging and playing touch rugby in perth. thats more than i do in the army save the least.

emotions
still the same more or less. i dont wanna feel too much, because its usually blood on the tracks. so ive had a few ups and downs, and ive learnt some in the process. but in the end, its all good.

soul
i've sinned, am a sinner, and still sinning but saved. i guess as i try to comprehend all that, i'm learning day by day about the glory of God. i guess i'd like more mantle to really live by faith rather than fluctuate so much. perth was a tough spiritual time for me as i was so distanced. the familarity of SJSM helped, but i'd like to know God's still in the center of it all. still learning, never stopping.

mind
knowledge is power. im quite pleased with my first semester results, but i wanna do better. and read more, learn more. you can learn from everything. even if i were a washout, i'd still wanna be filled with crap.

music
i'm not hating it yet, but i still like absolute silence. the band helped with an OST, finally gigged and we're doing an EP now. everything will come to pass.

... i think ive said enough, i'm terribly bored of blogging now.