Sunday, April 2, 2006

shafts of light bleeding in thru the crevices of our minds' eyes
i wish i never saw the sun
the maybe i wouldn't mind the rain
oh this pain
- beth orton

the lyrics were especially poignant as i drove home today. it's not that i've been having emotions acting up on me, but it's one of those clearer than crystal moments just where you are in your life with regards to your relationships with people. as i drove home, maybe i finally knew where i stood with everybody, or everything. this grounding, where with our two feet on the ground, we actually know where we are. that knowledge of place, time and space, and the course that needs to be directed. can't fully describe it, but it allowed me to stop being paranoid about most things.

the thought of nationality has been on my mind of late. i really love it here, the pace and standard of living, the church, the friends. the food could be improved, but i would much rather bring a family up here and retire here than in singapore. but could i ever call myself australian? i don't know, if i married one, maybe, i don't really know what it'll take, but for now... singapore is where i draw my roots from. my identity is still as that as singaporean.

a few years ago, these things wouldn't have mattered, because i was young, and ill-informed. is a geographical location really important? is nationality important? isn't it just government propaganda. it's all that, but there's more to it now that i'm growing up.

i believe that having a nationality is akin to that bearing i was talking about earlier. it questions your place in this world, and allows you to participate in a manner that is more interactive in that, it draws something else more latent within you. it's important because it gives you a set of values, and purpose, what you strive for. if not for king and country, than for family and friends. it's not patriotic gibberish, but really something humanistic. what makes us human? when we are perhaps threatened by extra terrestrials, then we'll see our human race calling ourselves the human race.

so.. i'll probably be home in spore for awhile before doing what next for my life.

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