live it up live it up
how ironic that after my perfect day of beer and buds, that once the clock went slightly after midnight, i dropped water onto my laptop whilst watching futurama. i noticed the keyboard not responding, and the screen slowly fizzle out, whilst literally, my life and her spark just poofed into a cloud of grey smoke. i don't know if it's gonna work when i go home, i can only pray. just when i was about to start applying for a particular job, this happens. just when i freed up space on my laptop so i can run my usb midi controller, this happens. i'm not one for dramatic irony or melodramatics, so why can't my life be met with peace?

in the meantime, lookout for redsportsTV, it's what's been keeping me busy and not finding myself in tubfulls of buttery mischief. yes, this is what i do.

Beer

What could possibly go wrong today?

banks for robbers
it's a little under one o'clock, and though i know the time and date below won't reflect the actual entry of this blog, it doesn't stop me much. time and tide waits for no man, it just keeps going on and on, trudging through our lives like a wayward locomotive, or on the rails depending on your own little take with life.

initially, i wanted to post something long, something nice.. but now i think it will suffice by telling you that i'm still alive but i'm rather sleepy, so that will be my priority for now. hope to type about some stuff soon, it's been a while, too long awhile. pen to paper, words to screen.

conversations and bright ideas
yuanheng on obese businessmen:

"clearly, success doesn't always go to their heads."

you should be so proud of yourself..

napkin man and his new hairstyle

relics

remember this? just had to remember what it was like before the mobile age and even moblogging..

Goodbye cruel world

On a trip to KL right now. See you kitty kats on saturday

polkda dot blood
i hate shaving accidents.

doing the things we love
life and all her swords could never cut thru this heart made of steel. isn't it mortifyingly horrifying when you cannot feel anymore? then you cannot use such bombastic words. being apathetic means you have the vocabulary of a garden slug.

wheee.. it's been awhile since i've had a hit of silly banter like that. you're right, i haven't been feeling much lately. i am a terribly emotional being, some would say it's both my strength and weakness at the same time, and everytime i retreat into bouts of insecurity, i choose not to feel, i cancel out everything and everyone around me and i super-calculate the distance i keep with people, because one inch closer and i could implode, or explode.. which ever is more volatile in that instant.

did something make me feel this way? maybe, but its usually an amalgation of dissatisfaction. am i feeling dissatisfied? somewhat, i started some part time work, but i feel like a loser because most of my friends have full time jobs and are making more money. i don't make that much, but i have more free time. but i don't exactly have very productive free time, but i really hope that changes soon. i want to write, i want to dance, i want to play music, i want to take photographs, i want to lose weight, i want to read, i want to catch up with friends.. but all i'm doing here is blogging incessantly to a nineteen or thirty a day readership. it really depends. it would be nice to have a larger audience, but then again i don't want this celebrity status thing. i can only try to be as real as hypertext on a white background.

there i've said it, and it's a struggle to live each day to the fullest, but maybe the trick is not trying too hard. anyhow, i thought i was rather funny yesterday:

"men and women are wired differently. men are wired the right way."

-p. anyone should know i'm not sexist, or at least not terribly sexist. but i do love the women in my life, and this is really just a tongue in cheek joke. no need to be uptight! why am i explaining myself? well, maybe there are first time visitors to this blog.

no cars go
this song is called no cars go by the arcade fire and i abso-fucken-lutely love it and this very bril video.

family ducks
i never realised. it's quite a beautiful picture, and so i choose my words carefully. i never realised just how much. do i start to put a value to these things now, then? sometimes the words just flow out, but today it's all measured. one millimeter to deep and it all falls apart. learning to live without you, learning to live. this blog is my space, and as black fills white, and activities fill time. i'm not alone and yet i feel alone. if only we didn't feel so much, perhaps we'd function slightly more, slightly better.

i've started some part time work, i'm wondering right now if this opens up the door to some other part time work. because i don't think i'm using my free time very productively, or maybe i'm not a very productive person. but you'll never find a better chill-out buddy.

ipod love
Originally uploaded by folkstar.

love.joy
i'll let this picture speak for itself, and i offer little justification for it. all i know is that i love you, and that i will not be ashamed of our relationship. the only downside is that you threw out all my old music and i will only love you on a manual basis and not a synchronised one.

flat tyre

flat tyre
Originally uploaded by folkstar.

sulk all you want
well, this picture pretty much sums up what i did the entire afternoon from about two forty five till four thirty. the nuts were bolted on so tightly that i was at a loss for a good half hour. i was moving the jack around, because i didnt know where i should set up, and everytime i wind it up or down, it takes me about fifteen minutes to get anything then.

finally i drove home, and with a little help, managed to get the nuts out. i drove home with a flat tire, good thing i was nearby.. because it's a very painful driving experience. well, the good thing is i've changed my first tire singapore, i shall not be helpless again, and i managed to get a decent photo out of it!

the river

recorded this at the acoustic set, one point brilliance ending off with "the river". i especially like the bits of vocal harmony nearing the end.

one point of brilliance

one point of brilliance
Originally uploaded by folkstar.

one point of brilliance
over the weekend, one point brilliance played an acoustic set as you can see above. i liken the music to good'ol rock and roll with a tasteful american indie twist. the lyrics are honest and hopeful, they spin a yarn and the music brings it altogether as a coherent entity that bellies their namesake.. where for the moment you are listening to them, they let you forget about your surroundings and draw you into their brilliance.

okay, i have to admit they are my friends as well, and that it is difficult to stay objective when raving about good music. but take my word for it, the music is exciting! i think english music in singapore can learn from my three friends, i think it should set a bar, and i think they're just gonna shine on. for all our sakes -)

unleash your inner geek

i love the music of steely dan, but i don't think i'd like myself to be working under them. these guys are purists and they put out some of the best pop albums of the late seventies and early eighties. they were also very hard taskmasters as evident in the section on vocal harmonies.


and the very famous "josie" now behind the scenes. hell, i love this one!

the universe can wait!
i have to live tomorrow...

while the city sleeps

while the city sleeps
another fine snap by folkstar!

the cold cold night
it's actually been a rather warm night, but as i took a short stroll around my estate, i could still feel the slight breeze caressing the stillness of the night. i watched three movies tonight, and they did make me feel accomplished because i got out of it feeling somewhat fulfiled. maybe it took my mind off things, maybe it was the need to take my mind off things. it always helps, when you have a lot of paranoia.

well, my body is finally starting to shut down, i can feel it leaving my system as i prepare to retire for the night. where i'll dream dreams only to forget them in the morning, and all that was past stays in the past. i don't mean to talk in codes, and no.. my life is not spiralling into depression. i had a rather good day, ate brekke with yh and attended a wedding of one of my church friends from perth and met up with a few of the returned singaporeans whom i haven't seen in awhile. namely peivn, wm and angie. i proceeded to come home at five and slept till seven thirty, whereby began my movie marathon of scooby doo, the royal tenunbums and the bride with white hair. usually, i might be bitten by a bug of lonliness, but today it was solitude my heart desired perhaps. to not be bound by social obligations and just enjoy some alone time.

i hope you enjoy the photo, it may not look like the bloc party album cover, but it was inspired by it. remembered i was atop a roof and didn't wanna let the chance slip. oh what i would have given for a long shutter and a tripod to chronicle the magical night. find yourself. or be found.

maybe there are nights that don't feel so alone
as i look upon the sleepless void, past a point of no return.. i wonder: what remains? what is lost forever? all we have is now, and yet.. we live like tomorrow will always come. is it wrong to hope in this vain promise? is it wrong to take it for granted? when will the heavens come crashing down on us to show us the err of our ways? some days, my soul screams for justice. but my spirit would all but be consumed by a holy fire, lest thou bless me with his grace. only by his grace alone.

it's funny, i have many things in my life which i'm not proud of. things i'm not entitled to say, but know that they are such personal sins that i struggle with, and still struggle on a daily basis. know that i'm not the christian you know me to be, lest the secrets of my heart scare you away. and yet, in all that i think i can do, how i want or desire to right those wrongs, to prove to my saviour that he did the right thing in dying for my sins, that i would make myself worthy of his grace.

alas, in my twisted fallen nature, i find no respite. i will never be worthy of the grace, not by my own might or my own power. perhaps we are never worthy of such grace, and when it hits.. nothing we ever do will be right. only by grace alone that we stand, i think i'm slowly understanding what it means.

i know this is going to sound twisted, but as i fall into sin again.. as i give in to my temptations and fall into deep deep unforgiving sin.. and doom myself for all eternity, i see a glimmer of hope, that in spite of everything i have done, and will do.. he died nonetheless. as i consciously fall deeper into my depravity, i still see the goodness he has reserved for the likes of me.. and in this i find my saving grace.

favourite t-shirts


i have two basses in singapore now. on the left is oren iishi because of her japanese heritage being a crafted in japan fender jazz bass. i've strung her with flatwounds and she plays smooth like butter. she's old skool and has a smokey voice when she speaks. vintage goodness in a modern setting. i like that, classy and fun all at once.

the bass on the right is tentatively dubbed BB because that's her model name, the BB1500A. i first saw her when i was a young bass player, and sometime last year after years of maturity i allowed myself to woo the bass that first caught my eye. she's a deep wine red and petitie jazz style body, but the electronics she packs sends an uppercut to my jaw. she's a feisty little thing that sounds big in a small package. a modern spunk to her spark.

i really should stop talking about my basses like they were real people.

a happyslip production

dunno how many of you may have heard of happyslip, but it's about time you did. it might remind you of people you know, your own parents or even yourself. this vlogging thing is rather fun for people who know how to do it. me? i'm just content with being a hack and posting other peoples' glories up on this side of the internet.

be good y'all!

do femnazis dream of lesbian porn?
i ask because i want to know, because i have a fictional bone to pick with philip k. dick, because i was wacthing le tigre all morning on youtube.

i never knew much about them. but now i know that they are three girls who champion feminist causes, and on televised appearances, i've never seen so many girls who dressed like boys within the moshpit. they also make wonderful electro music with cheesy 80s beats and samples and spew lyrics like the beat poetry of past. it is an extrapolation of the past where cultures clashed and sexualities blurred. hmmmmm.. i wonder?

so most feminist would be against the concept of pornography because of the sheer objectification of women. but what about the bra-burning femnazis who embrace girl-liking sexuality and cannot curb their sexual desires? does pornography become empowerment or disempowerment to them?

i'm not exactly sure, nor do i really want to know. but it would make remarkable coffee table conversation. because i've had one too many caffine shots.

i regret...
i'd just like to say, we all do at some point in time. maybe it leaves us with a guilty feeling, maybe it leaves us feeling apathetic, perhaps there's grief, what if we find out we're less human than we thought we were?

let's regret together, and find some comfort in respite.

we're fantastic
i hope to death, for life. really should quit talking in paradoxes. sometimes it sounds intelligent, but usually it finally gets found out as a pseudo intellectual cop out that means absolute bollocks.

as if you didn't hear it from me, myself.

sometimes you want a new life, but then lets ask ourselves, what's wrong with the old one? i'm somewhat tired of living up to expectations, but then again, i never really lived up to mine as well, and i don't know where all this is headed.

hmmmm.. i guess i don't know where my life is headed, and it scares the bejeezus outta me. i'm sort of excited and terrified all at the same time. i wish someone could just tell me how it'll all be alright, but then, i don't just want to hear answers. we gotta live questions sometimes, if not, we'll never experience an epiphany.

so to you all, just hang in there. i know i am.

hiding all our flaws
i have no right to tell you how to live your life. but this is how i've been living mine.

very safely. hiding at home till the weekend hits, listening to music and watching videos. i read sometimes, dreams of owning this, a lakland signature bob glaub bass with darkstar pickups. will it make me play better? i don't know, but it would sure be nice to have one.

do i wish for something more in my life? i don't know, i'm afraid it'll upset the balance i've achieved, or rather lulled myself into. do you know how difficult it was for me to start typing the first few words in this space? it was rather difficult, because everytime i do, i feel as if i'll never be able to take those words back, forever losing a part of me to the net. will i ever be me again?

heaven knows, but there are times where i'm too lazy to find out. too distant. and lord only knows.

i never intended for it to end this way
this computer
is just a figment of my imagination
and all the words we say
lost in the net
savage and wild
salvaged what we found
i'm just not real
and neither were you