Monday, August 6, 2007

life. it's a story, and it's a blog

it's a warm night, the air is still and the fan isn't doing much good. i'm reading transmetropolitan and listening to thursday, while chatting to a few friends on msn.

it was a good sunday, i managed to squeeze in lunch and dinner with my folks while having band practice and meeting vinz for coffee after dinner.

yesterday, i hung out with yh, attended a client's birthday gathering and then adjourned to blue jazz for a good night with friends.

it's so hard to keep being inspired, inspiration is like a sort of drug, or the 'high' you get when you're obviously on something. when you know you've typed a good post, and there's that enormous satisfaction, or when you've had an awesome time jamming, when everything just works, when you've written that new lyric or riff, or perhaps the joy that comes from meeting people, when you feel validated and loved, or when you drive yourself to the ground, but you come out alive, that elation of life.

these activities that spawn inspiration, are the addiction, and inspiration is the drug. the stuff that lifts you out from the mundaneness of just living, just breathing.

blogging can, or has turned into a sort of discipline for me. i'm not as inspired as i was before, because life is really quite busy for me these days. outside of work and during work. as i was driving home with thomas after band practice, he pointed out how i was always rushing from place to place, person to person, commitment after commitment.

as he first told me that, i was put on the defensive, i internalised it within me that i wasn't like that, that if i didn't do these things, things would fall apart, move apart, extend beyond my reach, and i would lose them.

i never thought i'd say it, but i had become a bit of a control freak, if not, a control freak.

when things were beyond my reach, maybe i'd work extra hard to make it work. buy a new bass, listen to more music, practice a 'lil more, call a friend out, meet up with anybody and everybody, blog a little more, read a little more, process a little more. and in the end, i do everything in minute little pieces.

i had become a mirror of fractal shards.

and so.. i'm slowly learning, to.. slow down. again. i used to slow down, in a strangely quickened pace. i'd set aside my 'slow time' and after that, like being hit by a drug, i'd go out and expend all that new found energy. but literally, to do one thing a day.. it's gonna take a lot of courage, a lot of effort, to strangely enough, do less things in one day.

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