Saturday, August 11, 2007

things you learn while you're single

you listen, you take in the sights and the sounds, you communicate with a white space that doesn't talk back at you and sometimes, you become overly cryptic.

i wanted to give this much thought, i wanted to make this something readable, but i also realise that if i don't type this from my heart, if i do not spend myself on this space here, i will become like every other blogger i know, where we talk about topline headstuff, things that make us feel good about ourselves, that shed light on a topic, or a dark period in our lives. but i'm sorry, if i think with my brain too much, this blog starts becoming contrived, because my intellect isn't all there is to me, but the world and the spaces i move in, only seem concerned with that. i sell my brain for money, and it puts decent food on the table. but i don't spend my heart, and it festers like a pool of boiling garden slugs, not the most palatable catchphrase i've come up with i'll give it that.

so what did i mean when i started typing the title?

being single isn't a bad thing. even after all the hollywood narratives of finding love in the most unlikely places, or how many couples you see holding hands in vivo-city, being single isn't a bad thing. if anything, you also realise love isn't overrated. don't get me wrong, i'm not a bitter, cynical man (if i choose not to be), but if anything, you have that lousy feeling, because you're basing your emotions on what somebody else makes you feel. how somebody else validates you, and loves you back. and why is this important? because we are impossibly broken people, and we know the places where we can't love ourselves. the mistakes we've made, the flaws in our physical attributes, the times we've failed, the ones we've ignored. when someone showers their affection on you, maybe we aren't so messed up?

lies. and truths.

you have to accept these things, these shortcomings, and come back to the path, to the road only you can take. accept yourself, don't look for another broken person to fix you. is there a way to get fixed?

a savior's love. and this is how Christ demonstrated his love for us, while we were still sinners, Christ died for our sins - Romans 5:8

i'm still being fixed, because i keep breaking myself in new places.

love isn't just for those of us in relationships, if anything, individuals like ourselves are just as deserving of it. be it with God, our families, our friends, and in time, our spouses.

i leave you now with spider jerusalem:

two days in the whirlwind have left me shipwrecked and abandoned. even the stuff i've been shooting in order to, Holmes-like, keep my interest in the world alive is failing me now. i've played the game like a good little whore, snarled and cursed on cue, done the work and banged out the columns. i'll let myself sleep soon, and hope to hell the world doesn't seem so goddamn fractured when i wake up. Having said that, i also hope i wake to find half this city committed suicide in my honour -


Jeremy said...

I'll gladly hold your hand in Vivo City ;)

litford said...

jeremy : i may find that somewhat worrying. but you're a nice enough kid.