Wednesday, January 25, 2006

we talk about flow and we talk about rhyme
i've been staring at this blank page for hours and i don't know how to make it mean something. i feel a season of change coming, as if a blank canvas were being put out before me, and i have no idea how i'm going to fill it. am i going to paint around the boarders, or am i going to start from the middle? perhaps i'll just pick up a brush and start in some harmless little corner. will that be all, or will it spread like a cancerous disease?

maybe i should stop being cryptic and really say what's on my mind. i'm frustrated, with alot of things. i want to get out of singapore because it feels kinda constrained in here. maybe i'm too familiar with things here, maybe i keep second guessing things and nothing ever phases me anymore. perhaps that's what i'm afraid of, finally going numb, and not acknowledging that this life is worth living. maybe that's why i need to get out, or escape. i hate escaping, it's a shure sign of living, but its also a shure sign of survival.

look, i'm just saying the first things that come to mind, so don't take my word for it. this might be a brian talking to you that even i don't know about. something that's slowly finding its way to the surface that you might either like or hate. i can't feel it, i feel numb, i feel empathatically numb.

and then i just want to immerse myself into a craft these next two semesters. like, i want to be good at something, i want to write the songs that are in my head, i want to get them out so that i can look at them as if they were vomit. the tunes and muses that have been plaguing my system, where what once gave me joy and strength are now intoxicating my system, they have outlived their purpose and i have to get them out of my head, out of my heart, out of the system, i want them exorcised so that i can be reborn.

so please come down for a gig on the 6th of febuary at the bar none. maybe we'll talk, and you can see the spectacle of brian exorcising certain spirits that aren't sitting too well with him. let's try to make it out of this alive. yes, you know that he will find you.

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