i'll make my home in your arms
i can't stand this heat.. it's making it unbearable to do anything except sit in front of the fan perhaps. i do want to jog later in the evening before dinner, but in this weather, i'm seriously re-considering it. anyhow, i have a class that beckons in about thirty minutes or so, but this heat seems to sap every ounce of strength from your body. plus i have my mind on so many other things. so many things to do, i'm actually very afraid that i'll just disappoint everybody. jeepers, how do i get stuck in these messes anyhow..? hahhaaha, i amuse myself sometimes. -)

sounds like a good thing from the likes of it
ok, i just got back from a bout of sand-boarding in a place called Lancelin, about an hour and a half away from perth city. all i can say is that i'm absolutely knackered because sand was blasting in my face, we had to climb sand dunes for 5 mins to go down in 30 seconds. it was rather fun, but it's also hard work. plus i had to video under those conditions. i'm not griping, just somewhat descriptive.

hmmmmm.. recently, well, maybe for the past week, i guess i haven't really been seeking the Lord in various matters. 'specially my academic and ministry areas. i suppose it's just the pace of doing things all over again, that the spiritual beurocracy of "seeking God" seems mild off-putting. i don't know if that's an accurate symptom, but.. it's rather dangerous when you're just doing things for the sake of doing things. i'd rather not of course, and i can sense a certain beacon of guidence lacking, but sometimes to our flesh-like bodies, the ways of God aren't always appealing. and yes, it does make me seem like a petulant brat not getting his way, but that's exactly how it is.

i wonder what the repercussions of surrendering that bit of inadequecy has on the spiritual being. experience always proves that God will sustain you and that his grace is sufficient, but i think it's a very human condition to want to go ahead and do things our way by simply not being obedient and disciplined in regards to spiritual growth.

very easy to do the church for the sake of doing things they've always been done, but let's not lose sight of the reason and purpose of why we want to please our Lord and saviour. and when the day grows weary, it's always good to find rest and comfort in him. "come to me all who are weary, and i will give you rest." i should let it ring true inside, but i feel as if i've lived lifetimes and am still at the begining. yes yes, tired tired, down but not out. -)

harajuku damsels in distress
ok, you might not find this a surprise, but apparently i do have a working internet. except that i can't browse on firefox, so i'm stuck with IE for now. probably has something to do with my uni's ISP settings.. bleh. i don't even wanna know.

anyhow, what this means is that you can start popping by here again and reading about my misadventures. which don't happen alot, but they are going to. tomorrow i go cover a sandboarding event courtesy of making a video for my church's university ministry. i've just come back to perth, and already i'm tasked to do a wide variety of death-defying work. or so i like to imagine. really welcoming the challenge, but i hope to find rest in the Lord as well. rather important for those of us that like to save the world without any tangible talent. -)

missing all in spore, love you loads.

absolutely nothing has become of..
it's rather strange typing this in the library in the middle of lunch hour. as it is, i'm not used to the surroundings of blogging when "people are looking". argh, i can't do this, so i'll type in a more private place if it ever happens.

those dreadful one-liners
hey everyone who's been dropping by, but there won't be much updates for this week, not till i get the internet connection up and running again. but in the meantime, everything is fine excpet the typing on unfamiliar keyboards.

those not so famous words
as the clock slowly ticks away, the minutes fall off and the hour draws nearer and nearer. i'm going to be leaving again. i'm just glad and grateful for everything that has transpired, i'm surrendered that i'm not leaving spore gasping for more, that everything is rounded off nicely, and the excitment of a new journey seems to be waiting in the horizon. final year in perth, indie boy power up!

this is what i wanna say to some of you, i wish it could have been all.

napkin man : bro, you've been a great friend to me all this while, and i'm really glad we can actually call each other god-brothers as well. thanks for being there for me, i wish i could be there physically for you as well, but know this, i will be praying for you every step of the way and one day all who pang-seh will be reunited.

thomas : though we've only hung out a couple of times, especially for the sake of jamming, i'm glad for all the fun we've had, the insights, and for a change, a chance to listen to you as well. -) it really has been my distinct honour, and that we can call each other brothers as well. (like black people do)

mark : dude, you've been more than a drummer to me. i thank God that you're in the band, and also in the same cell and that we can share the good times, the mad times and all times. i've learnt much from you, but i won't hesitate to call you a brokeback! haha, keep the faith alive.

adrian : dude, thank you so much for the times of cell and more. the wisdom God gives you is astounding and insightful, and i pray that he will also continue to guide you and lead you as you finish your final year, in your work, and also the craft and ministry that he has given you.



debz : thanks for all the hanging out, coming for so many of our gigs, taping the show down and just being a bundle of joy to be around! so many things have happened in two months as well, you moving out and with the thesis and all! all the best for that!

sue : thank you so much for the card and gifts! it really spoke much to me! thanks for the plenty of good times, laughs and genuinity! i pray that God continue to use you to speak into the lives of your family and friends! may you find the true joy that is in Him!

Clement : thank you for the books, and for having a coupla beers with us! o pray that you will see God move and work in your life regardless of the decisions you make.

electric cowboy : i'm not trying to be a brokeback, but really, i've learnt so much just by hanging around you, and i'm glad to be a friend of yours! thanks for the encouragement and of course, all the inane jokes that only we seem to laugh at!

jeannie : though we've only met a coupla times, i will not forget just how far back our friendship goes as well! i'm glad you've grown up and all, and really, talking to you is always one of the easiest things to do, because you always seem to ask the right questions. be well jeannie baby!

buffet-filter : we could have hung out more and all, but i realise we all have many of our own lives. but i do see that you're being faithful to the one and true God, and that he is well pleased with you. Angie, continue to shine for Him. Kai, take care of my bass, but more importantly develop the talent He's given you. Jeanette, talk more!! haha, and play more bass.. Joseph, study hard and you don't have to dress punk to be punk, Germ, hope that army does you more good than harm -) Meimei, be well in Adelaide and learn lots! don't go breaking young korean boys' hearts! Ian, keep it really in Canada, study hard and keep the music alive! Hua Huiiiiii, all the best in the states, i hope you find what you're looking for and Daniel, thank you for your wisdom, cheekiness and selfleeness! hold on to the good Lord!

and almost everyone else! my colleagues, the local scene, the friend of friends, the SMU goons!! it really has been a wonderful holiday, i've had such a blessed time, and yes, i'll see you all on the other side!

lost it and then i found it
it wasn't too long ago that i grew my hair out in perth, and also maintained a trim and healthy waistline. today, i've pudgified and my hair isn't so unkempt anymore. i'm leaving spore again to finish up my final year in the place i've called home for the past two years. pretty soon, the transient feelings are going to end, and another phase of life will come my way. what doors open in the distance? some doors have already closed for me, i don't really know what to expect, but i expect nonetheless. writing in this blog the past few years, i'm glad to say.. in the grand scheme of things portrays a growth of sorts. grateful, thankful and hopelessly indebted to the one who has seen me thru it all. my prayer is that you too will find out the great and wonderful plan that He has for you in your life.

a couple of things, i'm quitting my band in perth, i look forward to the new freedom and focus, really thankful for the awesome time that leeson had while we were all here, squeezing four gigs within two weeks is a pretty successful run i'd say. we wrote three new songs and made a few new fans i hope. -) a more technical and creative semester is what i hope for, to use these talents that God gave me for his work and his purpose. much to look forward to, much we don't know but sit patiently to find out. many new things to discover!!! i never thought i'd say it again, but you learn something new everyday.

therin lies the problem
empirejess brought up a very important point. this will be the first post i've ever done on valentine's day since the inception of this blog. it's rather interesting though, considering it was never meant to be a concious thing, but maybe somehow for some reason, ive always been busy on that day because for some strange reason, i do find something to do other than go out on some form of a re-hashed date. i ushered in this strange day by catching up and chatting with a friend and i think it's great. that therin lies a friendship even amidst all the other things swirling around us. i'm thankful, and grateful to the Lord for blessing everything thus far, despite the ups and downs, you have been the constant. and isn't it great when being friends was about openess and honesty and genuine care for one another? 'lest we forget.

this year i break the tradition, i don't think it particularly means much, but it doesn't hurt to indulge a quirk like this right? hahaha, who knows? who knew? *grin*

damn this loveheart of mine
you'll know that i don't like dreams, because they just stay that way. if you want something, you go out and get it, you don't dream about it. it's a practical way of thinking, abit of a knee-jerk response to all that airy-fairy ness, have a dream, live your life for that dream! be inspired. yeah right.

but then, it probably is important to have some sort of a plan, something you want to achieve, just to give you a direction of sorts so that you're not caught up in incessant living and kind of find yourself somewhat off the way.

if i keep quiet, does that mean i have nothing to say?
enjoy the silence.

reaching outwards for that familiar sigh once again
working the past two months has made me consider more seriously the choices i have to make within this year. the units that will best benefit me in terms of either technical skill or writing skills, or why can't i just do both?!? haha.. and then it also begs the question of the coming career path, or rather lack of it. i think the future will be somewhat uncertain, fairly fluid without any real career prospects because that's not how i think the industry is. should i sell out first and then cash in my checks for the creative field, or be creative first, and then cash in my creative chips? somehow, i think that's more me.. my good young years being creative. well man.. this is all really quite intoxicating. thinking about the future is really not quite my style.. worrying about the coming semester with overloads and possibly unfinished assignments scares the bejeezus out of me. i hope i make it, i really really do. oh will the heavens open up and make a way for me?

things to look forward to this year
woodshedding. video ministry. learning photoshop. record music on my laptop. writing better essays. reading more books. watching more movies. jogging. winter. driving. learning more recipes. revamping a website. drawing closer to God. some things you just have to put in typing.

stealing time from the universe
a rare moment, where i can actually do nothing for an extended period of time. read, mindlessly surf the internet, play guitar with all my new efx, gonna cut my nails later. whoo hoo! can pamper myself and all.. i love day offs.

have i said it before? so much has happened this past two months, that i can't believe it's two months. it feels like two years. but growing two years in two months is a good thing, if you don't let the jadedness get to you.

today is Sue's birthday, so happy birthday to you! (even though you don't particularly read this blog) but thanks for being the friend you are! i hope we can be there for each other when there is the need -)

a symphony marches on as the clouds burst into flames
i think it takes a fair amount of courage to live through this life. especially so when things don't go our way, when we fall and have to pick ourselves up, when you've planned everything to the dot but calamity still strikes. and all for what? the best years of our lives of existence that we're here for? everyone's dying of cancer, i don't even know how many more years i will live, will it be a life where i'm successful in a buisness, or where perhaps it was a life that made a difference in somebody elses?

i'm glad i finally got a chance to record in the legendary snakeweed studios.. finally feel like i'm a part of something -) maybe we all just need to belong.

these empty words
came home after one again, and then my parents are asleep, my sister is sleeping in my room because its got air-conditioning. sooo.. i stay outside for awhile to collect some of my thoughts, gather new strength and release holdups. now i feel sleepy enough to sleep.

by the early light.
oooooh.. i just felt like dropping by and saying hi because, i'm leaving spore in a week! it works both ways, hello to the sporeans because i may not be able to say hello to all of you, and hello to the aussies waaaaaaaaaay in advance. man.. this is a truly bo liao post. don't really know what i should be updating about.. so we'll just leave it as it is. -)

post-mortem
i've just been listening to music and talking to people over msn ever since i got back more than an hour ago. it's 2:42 in the morning now, though the post won't register as that, but trust me, it is. its great, finding the time out of the busy day to do this. how long more do i have till i go back to perth. man.. everytime i come back, there are still so many things i wanna do, but i can't because i always seem to have to return to perth. and when things get built up in perth, i can't hold on to them because i might come back to spore. it's a great experience, but the transient feeling is more prevalent than ever.

anyhow, i love to fill my ears with music at this time now, because.. i havent had the chance to.. and now.. it's mine, all MINE!

in other news, we had a great set last night. was great fun, many friends came by, and we even got interviewed and covered by straits times interactive. so if you happen to have access to that website (because you need to pay), then do have a look at the article and all.. there might even be some videos! i can't be shure..

finally filling blank spaces
hey all, havent had the time to update in this little white space because i've just been so busy with work, practice and just meeting all my good friends. but from tomorrow onwards, i see good things coming up. for once, its going to be vacation once again. i really need this.. and it'll be good to kick my official vacation off with the killer set at the Bar None. Leeson is playing the first gig of the Monday Night Sessions! really excited, doing this for the friends, and my band members, and i hope to have a few new fans in the crowd -) there are so many things i wanna say, but i think doing it over a beer instead of this blog is what i'm better at sometimes -)

when there's nothing left to say (but there actually is)
hello everybody. i'm finally finishing my internship tomorrow. i can't believe its already been two months since coming back to singapore worked everyday and still met all of you in between. it seems like a lifetime! but i'm glad i was given the chance and oppurtunity to do everything i did, everything that presented itself to me, to allow me to grow in the usual areas of my life. in the space of two months, i feel like i've grown two years. to everyone who's been there for me when i needed you the most, my gratefulness is paramount, to a God who never gave up on me, i surrender my life to you, though i may even fear actually forsaking you, you said you would never leave your nor forsake me. and for all of us, give us more faith.

i drink water for hydration
met up with napkin man and cherie this morning for breakfast. cherie posed a pretty harmless question, but it's a worrying trend because this is the second time a girl has asked me if i would be content should i not get married.

oh crap. so now i die alone?

and do i actually have a certain 'look' whereby.. that man's got the makings of single-dom all over his face?

well, it did get me further thinking on this topic of marriage, and more importantly, romance. i wonder if romance is basically a western construct. because in many parts of the world before the so-called western world started spreading its ideas thru whatever means of conquest or imperialism, many cultures were content with arranged marriages. thus it leads me to wonder, if marriage was down out of practicality and social standing more than it was done about emotions and grandeurs of love.

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be sour plums about this, but with our 21st century condition, romance seems to be the biggest factor of starting a relationship with anyone.

if marriage or courtship isn't on the agenda, why can't two people get awfully close without actually developing confusing romantic feelings. because, if romance is based on emotion, then yes, it does screw up with a lot of things, because the intimacy might be coming at a pre-mature stage.

do you see what i'm driving at? partly is that the things that a couple does today, i believe is something friends used to do, but because of the 21st century condition, such close-friendship has been relegated, and lost to the pre-mature coupledom. i might be wrong, but if you give it some thought, we may just be on to something here.

love isn't just about being close to someone, and being allowed to do a things a boyfriend is allowed to do, but perhaps for any girl, irregardless of whether i've romantic feelings attached (because emotions just make things awry), there are just certain things a brother in christ just should be doing. chivalry, protection, concern, care, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-sacrifice. and these things don't just pertain to the opposite sex, the love i talk about is meant for family and brothers in christ as well, to our fellow neighbours.

i don't know if this is a conclusion i'm driving at, but i think that a 21st century western styled romance has really skewered the finer, and perhaps truer meaning of what love is. romance has made it convenient to have intimacy with someone perhaps purely out of companionship and is missing the point on something greater, like perhaps true friendship, where someone is there to cover my back when i fall, when marriage wasn't just about romance (or the biggest part), but its for a man to leave his family and start his own family, carry on a next generation of God's soldiers who will also bring our Lord glory and not just because it would be cute. (not meant to be trivialising or seen as a militarising force, but i think certain things have been lost with this whole kids-having thing)

its something to think about, well, if its ever bothered you like its bothered me. plus i got asked the question twice, and at 23.. you don't really wanna have the backthought of die-ing old and alone plaguing you. even though we all die alone.