Saturday, November 12, 2005

i could sense it even before you said it
i had my parents come here to visit me and i was all excited. to play the filial son and show them around perth and make shure they enjoyed themselves. it seems perfect, to have your parents here, to have them show their love to you and you show their love to them. and once again, we prove to the world just how perfect life is, how without fault one's life can be.

the funny thing is that they had a little squabble. a mindless squabble that really didn't warrant any harsh words, but it happened. and for a brief moment, everything fell apart and i just wished that nobody was here to see this.

but then again, we have to learn that nothing stays perfect, that love exists beyondmindless petty squabbles, and that God overcomes all imperfect things. it was a grounding lesson today, to have it this real, to be broken down on the spot in this public place just how much we can't believe in the fairytales that society tells us to live. the hollywood marriages, the hollywood dreams.

at dinner today, we met up with one of my parents' old friends, and its so sudden how one changes their impression of you once they found out you're christian. the host immediately tried every chance to jack the faith, and while he was admittedly tipsy, i took a mild offence. not enough to hold it against him, but enough to be mad at myself abit.

y'see, lately God and i haven't really been talking much, and i've been feeling like a sunday christian of sorts for the past week, and when faced with a situation like that, it just angered me that when he asked me why i believed, i almost didn't know wot to say. i had all the head answers, 'specially after that article i wrote. but somehow, in my heart, because of my distance between God, there was no real convincing answer.

its so sad. but it shows me how much i need God more now, and so much more i need to learn.

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