Monday, November 7, 2005

who will call me home?
as i sit here typing and listening to the rough tracklisting for this year's compilation, waiting for hot water to boil so that i can have a pot of green tea to accompany me, it just begs the question of just what is important to me. not that i have not been asking that question a lot. i think about it from time to time, but i tend to take things as they come, because i don't want to live a life bound by the chains of the uncertain future. still, it is good and healthy to think about it every once in awhile. gives you focus i'd say.

ahhh.. the pot of tea is now in my room. i hope it helps, i seem to have a case of heartburn. i don't like heartburn, it makes me feel uncomfortable. i'm hoping that by losing some weight it'll ease the heartburn. you know how that belly of yours seems to push your internal organs upwards? don't know if you'll agree with me, maybe i have an eating disorder. not that i would joke about these things. no.

and back to what's important to me.
God's important to me, where would i be without him? a constant source of direction, support and comfort. and still i know i take all his grace for granted sometimes, how i even put various things above him. we're not perfect, i wish i were, but then i wouldn't be in need of salvation then.

family and friends are important to me. sometimes i think i strive for certain things just for their approval. i don't particularly buy into the make yourself happy scheme of doing things. i don't see how i can validate myself with my achievements, how that makes me a better person in anyway. i think God validates us, and people can sort of pseudo validate us. it may be a false sense of sercurity sometimes, but learning to live not for yourself is also one of the first steps.

and perhaps after that everything falls along behind. creativity, music, health, material posessions.. making your mark in society or community. the next phase in life is coming soon, and i never imagined that it would actually come so soon. so many years of growing up, wanting to be grown up, and now that you're here, you just wished you had more time to prepare yourself.

a little glimpse into the sort of romantic future i've envisioned for myself is to be an accomplished musician, in an accomplished band, constantly pushing the boundaries on good music and revisiting the grand nostalgia of good music. to be in the company of good family and friends, to have community and relationships with them under the umbrella of good music and food. we don't have to accomplish the world, just our lives.

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