Friday, August 25, 2006

that which has cost me nothing
wouldn't it be nice to just snap out of things? wouldn't it be just great to will things to happen, when you're dissatisfied you just go about the right steps to right all wrongs. and then you wonder, even if it weren't truely living, what would you give just to numb it all now?

i'm talking like a cop out, i'm tired, really i am.. i know i'm relying on my own strength, and yet, why am i not relying on him to lift me up? why is there something in me, some kind of lie or guilt, that it's not supposed to be that easy? and why does that something seek validation, validation and more validation? when we've been through the drill, and still it comes back to haunt you?

it's especially disheartening when you start comparing, or when you start being self-conscious. you just want someone to hold you and tell you that everything's gonna be alright.

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