Sunday, August 7, 2005

so maybe i'm just going to sit here and mope. or maybe i'm actually going to go and figure it all out again. but there's no end to figuring stuff out. and in the end, if you find it, do you think you'll actually like wot you see?

Who shut up the sea behind the doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and and wrapped it in thick darkness, when i fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud ways halt'?

Job 38:8-11

the core of the earth is probably the blackest hell, we might be afraid of our own so-called humanity. the heart of darkness, and all that lies in between our appearences and that.

sometimes it feels as though we have so many layers, so many layers of 'honesty' that we use to protect our 'selves'. because once our core gets sussed out, we become vulnerable. and it hurts as hell to be in a vulnerable position. it goes against our flesh, we want stability, we want things perfect and just right. we want things our way and we want it now.

which is why the concept of the 'transformed' life in the christian context really stands out to me now. is it really possible to live that core within each of us, underneath all those layers out in the open? in that position of utter vulnerability. that instead of your life as an open secret, it becomes an open book? the cliched, perfect christian life. where we have all our morals sussed out. haha.. how farther from the truth we are. oh kay, before we get confused, i'm not here to talk about how christian lives are not perfect. i'm just on to talking about, whether it is possible to really lead that life where our core is on the outside and not the inside. the concept of 'transformation'.

sometimes, you can't worship God unless your spirit is in tune with the Spirit of God. and then sings my soul. it's true somewhat, the spirit within us knows the ways of God, and our flesh, our old selves, they don't know these ways, they resist these ways and thus, with our flesh.. we are always tempted. our flesh is tempted day and night, but it is our spirit that ultimately gives in and sins against the Father.

so with this relationship in mind, then it is with our spirits that connect with the nature of God. it is with our spirits that actually sings, and acknowledges that he is the one seated upon the throne, reigns supreme over all. it is with our spiritual eyes that we get a glimpse into the infinte, where our finite selves have limits over, barriers we will never break. limits set in place by the divine, where perhaps our spirits trancend, God-willing of course.

and so, when your spirit starts become a reality of your faith, then the spirit in you grows, and supercedes the self of flesh. in fact, the flesh ultimate dies a natural physical death, but the spirit endures.

and so i don't know how i got started on this, because all i wanted to whinge about was the supposed spate of boredom that hits us every once in awhile. more on that another time perhaps. -)

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