Monday, May 1, 2006

is there colour in the small things of the world?
i just have to get this out. whilst i was waiting for my take-away just now, there was this guy after me who had a certain confidence about the way he carried himself, and when i noticed his shirt it was actually a uniform for a pharmacy. i guess he was a pharmacist, and he was there was his family, a wife and a fairly newborn kid.

and it just got to me. i got this anxiety that i'll never amount to anything, i'll never have what he has. i never studied the 'important' career path setting courses and there's no one in my immediate vincinity going to be my girlfriend, much less wife. you could say i had an attack of the 'pressures of society'.

not that they are bad things to have mind you. it's just that i've usually tried to look at things in an alternative manner, and when you guard is let down, these things do rock your foundation.

the thing is, how deep does your foundation go? this rocking has made me realise just where my foundations were, and the things that make me who i am. these principals and beliefs and not teh validation that comes from outside pressures. but i must stress, they are not bad things, i am in full respect of people who do pursue their goals and attain them, who've set out to better their lives. in fact, that is where i stand ashamed for sometimes my 'alternative ramblings' are merely an easy way out to certain pressures, and i must tell you, that one does reap what one does sow.

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