what would i gain?
we justify everything we do don't we? well, that's a grand presumption i've got to admit, but usually we like a reason behind why we do something. i suppose it defines who we are based on our principles and actions.
you know how in v for vendetta when Evey was told in the letter to her, that she must not surrender that last inch of herself to the powers that be. it's really touching, the one untouchable thing that the rest can't get, the last thing that you can hold on to and say that it were untainted. the last you, don't sell yourself, don't be a whore.
but to what gain? if i carried that last bit with me to a grave, of what purpose do any of such ideals hold if and when we believe it to be a cosmic joke? if we found we were given life by aliens in an experiment, or out of benovalence, would we get the meaning of life from them? wouldn't they tell us what our existence was all about?
i think it's true when people don't like the idea of God, they do so to make him non-existant and reject him in the process. i wonder if to the unsaved spirit, that's what it is, to reject the ways of the father, and do anything in the process to not have our sins brought to light so that we have to confess them. for such is the holiness.
and perhaps, i'm also interested in that last inch within myself. it seems like the hardest thing to give up. i struggle with it daily, just how much am i willing to give up for the father. afraid to turn into something that i'm not, afraid of his plan because my plan seems safer. but is it really? that last inch we're supposed to hold on to ourselves. i want to give it up, i want to know what it really means to be a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God [romans 12:1]. if he is God, doesn't he deserve all worship?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
what would i gain?