Tuesday, October 5, 2004

remembering tomorrow, blaming it on a black star
aiyah.. my mind's not exactly in the right frame now lah.. kinda phasing inbetween pissed off and laughing it off

even now.. mannn.. i can't seem to tell if my friend's joking or serious

electric cowboy:
nah you'll be alright tomorrow morning

electric cowboy:
ur not the sort who harps on things...

hahhahaaha.. gee man, i dunno
it seems very fashionable to be a brooder

and people get all concerned and go,, heyyy.. are you oh kay??? need a cookie??

electric cowboy:
hahaah brooder

electric cowboy:

this is me now i guess, phasing in and out. caught between the past and present. seeing just how a friend now, sees me against a friend who's from the past. he's right, i don't exactly harp on things anymore. usually, i think harping gets us no where, and we wallow in self pity thinking about why the world still goes round and round and round.

because of silly thinking like that, i stopped musing openly.. weighing other people down with my own burdens. and slowly also, i took on the persona of someone who laughed at the folk knocking themselves against the dead end. slowly, everything is harmless came into play, and the more i thought of that, the more it made sense. in the end everything is harmless. wot can touch you? wot can phase you? if God is for you, who can be against you?

it's not that i'm against brooders, sometimes i get jealous of brooders. at the ripe age of twenty two and beyond, people like to write nice comments, philosophise with each other about these things, it's celebrated somewhat. and then, my insecurity is that i get treated as some kind of simpleton (but no way did electric cowboy mean that, he kinda knows where i come from). but it's just an insecurity, its silly too. but it's just kinda sian sometimes, where was that support back in the hey days?

but in the end, everything is harmless.. and i just had to get it out somewhat. and mebbe the more i type, the more i want to solidify that, the more i hope to get over that silly insecurity. that people will misunderstand me. it also gets in the way, because then i start building up all this pride about my own identity, which shouldn't be happening, we all gotta learn to surrender and let go. free ourselves from our own self-inflicted shackles.

for my hope is not in the things of flesh, but in the Lord.

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