Monday, September 6, 2004

borne out of necessity
into a dream
i took a turn
and promised to return
the way we were
the way we met
the way i lit your cigerette
the way it trails
into a stream
and lay down between

- tonight it shows, mercury rev

been following a little on the tragedy in Beslan, and its a really sad story. the spirit of violence that is sweeping through the world. how perhaps when one voice wants to be heard, it screams to be heard over the sea of people. how some people physically act out their ideals, and look down on those around them, but herding them as sheep.

pray for them before you rest tonight

i wonder if my heart has grown up somewhat, and i hope it doesn't grow apathetic just to protect myself from hurt. it's happened before, and it was easy to not weigh the world on my shoulders. but now, i've been learning for awhile now, i was not meant to live alone like that. i may not always have friends, but i'm not meant to be alone. and i thank God for family and friends alike, who're God-send angels in their own right. i know i'm not always there, but my prayers go out to you. we try to be our best, sometimes it's tiring, sometimes its invigorating. i mourn the loss of friends, or the disappointment vice-versa. so now, i try to care, not in my own strength, because my own strength fails me. i can't or won't be who you want me to be, i can only give you this much, sometimes i give more, sometimes i give less. i will fail you even if i tried not to. such is the way of the human phileo love. i've learnt not to long for a person who isn't there, i dunno if i've lost heart, i can't discern right now. only now, i am glad, because it's not a priority. but maybe i still do need someone, to help in the work. when it happens, it'll happen. but don't mistake the lack-lustre attitude for that of someone who is unable to love.

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