Saturday, March 26, 2005

everything gets struck down the list
im in need of a list, or a secretary, or a dictionary. whichever is more pressing. y'know, i think about the new movie that's coming out, and i can't help but think i'm not so funny anymore. not so spontaneous. i feel as if i'm mellowing out, signs of aging. the things i once held dear, i don't hold dear anymore. the people i used to fancy, the songs in my head, the embracing of the uncertain future, they all seem to have lost its mark on me. i know its selfish, but i wouldn't mind dying to go to heaven now, but it's not my call is it? as long as i'm here, there's still time to fulfil one last mission, one last adventure, one last hurrah. and just wot is it sometimes? i know i haven't seen a fifth of the world, yet i feel like i've seen it all. you know it's true, i've thought about certain things more than any of you, that's why i've surrendered to the dead end and not make a ruckus about most things. perhaps that's why im sipping a bottle of beer not fretting about it. yet, everyone's catching up. where i was at 16, there you are at 23. no i won't rest on my laurels, i'm gonna stay one step ahead, because i never understood why i'm my age. i've always wanted to be someone i was not. and that's who i am. your paradoxicals are my logic boards and i will stay one step ahead by being just where i am. but perhaps that's my problem, i just need a new list of things to do, or rather, i need to write a new list because my old list has been used up. and torn in three pieces.

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