Wednesday, June 23, 2004

the trail of wisdom
i'm not a wise person. so i went for a jog this morning, and as always its good. somethings that i thought to myself while en route was that when you run, you have a destination, a goal or a finish line. and you run and push yourself, beat yourself up just so you can be one step closer to that goal. sometimes we run for release, or we talk on the trail, the goal isn't on our minds. but today while i was alone, no music, the air dry and my fitness failing. the goal was kind of wot kept me going, wot made me pray, something to spur the old horse. and there were obstacles of rain halfway there. obstacles are a part of life, im kind of learning that. a challenge is something that's natural somewhat, we're not exempt from it. after a summer of good jogging weather comes a winter of stunningly dry and cold air, coupled with passing to heavy showers. the obstacle made me run faster, made we want to reach the goal before it caught up with me. i didnt make it in time, but i finally got where i wanted. and it was a passing shower this time round, i could walk out into the open soon enough.. one day i might be caught in a storm, and have to sit the race out. sometimes i think obstacles help us slowdown in life to wait at certain checkpoints and restpoints. just sometimes. we get tired once in awhile, and it's tough running on empty.

today, while surfing friendster i noticed a girl i used to notice back in my first year of junior college. it wasn't even anything to begin with, but it was warm to see a somewhat familiar face again. and i my heart still wells up everytime i see something flying off into the distance, especially if they're instances of bravado. i can't help but feel a surge in myself when i see fighter planes flying off into unknown sunsets. a flood of still pictures enters my mind of families friends countrymen and flowers cities food life, all in a split second. and that's only a fraction of the surge i get when i see mobilisation of people. casting aside differences for a sort of unity. it happens in documentaries and movies, or in pictures, or even just thinking about it sometimes. as i look at a picture of a US marine on patrol in Iraq with his rifle slung at high alert, i wonder wot kind of soldier would i be if i were ever called back into reserve. it's strange, i know i dont like the 'neccesity' of war to fight evil, nor do i care much for its glorious bravado of honour and heroism. but im simply a soldier, and as long as i am sporean and in that sense have a piece of soil to step on as if i belonged there, then im also a soldier not by choice, even if it is by the country's law (pay to ceaser wot is ceaser's).. i am that soldier. and then there's no room for a glorious future or sentimental pasts. no more grand visions or hope for tomorrows. i think a soldier lives for that day, a man called out of duty, and lays aside his personal agenda to serve the occupation that binds him. professional in that sense, and im glorifing it somewhat. but im not really trying, just thinking to myself how tangible it could be. and how when i dont like national service, it's already a part of my life. i think there should be a day where there aren't armies, but can i predict a better future after that? no i can't, i just think it would be nice.

my sister and i have agreed that discension is the thing that keeps our world stable. so always have something to say, always question the norm and the trends, if not one day they are going to take over you. speak now in the fire while you may have a chance, and not regret later. for leonard once told me, life is too short for regrets. so true -)

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