i don't apprecitate it when it's so calculating. nobody notices the good you do, but the moment you stop, its noticed. like for the past 3 weeks, the household has a chore checklist. so everytime you do the chores, you sign on the sheet next to the chore you performed. so i've only been doing the small stuff like taking the trash out, not mopping the kitchen or vaccuming the house. blabla, i dont really have an excuse, just that ive had to look after myself for quite a bit, and i make it a point not to leave my dishes in the sink still. and it sickens me, when you have to ask me if i'm willing to mop the kitchen floor this saturday because according to the checklist, I (mofo), have not been fucken doing anything. FUCK. twice, when i cleaned out the toilet, before this stupid piece of paper was ever put up, and i never even counted it against anyone. i never expected anyone to do his or her chores because i did mine. but now, its all become one big disgusting statistic.
i'm taking this out here, because i might break something if i don't. i just can't stand it when it feels like the military all over again. when there's no more goodwill anymore.
and it happens right before my folks call me to check up on my health. i mean, when concern becomes misinterpretated as nagging.. you just get a highly irritable brian. nag nag nag. i should be a better son, and i was polite.. just.. disinterested over the phone. and i was honest, i told mom i was feeling irritated with certain things, but thanked her for her concern. and im not justifying myself, because if im a dickwat, i know when im one. and you'll know too. am i worried my household will stumble upon this post and know my feelings? somewhat yes. but hey, im willing to take it down in flames.. when you get me in a mood, sometimes my eyes just dont see so clearly anymore. hellbent on destruction.
Monday, May 24, 2004