hang on
happy new year everyone! drop by again like a halo.

i should've been born a fighter pilot
"With increased agility comes the problem of the force of gravity, or g-force, the stress applied to a pilot's body when the airplane maneuversat high speed. G-force causes blood to drain down from the brain temporarily, extingusihing vision or even conciousness. Several weeks after my virtual flight in the F/A-22, Maj. Beau "Ripple" Booth gives me a lesson in g-force during a real flight in the Air Force's F-16 Fighting Falcon when he yanks us into a turn at 500 knots. My gravity suit 's air bladders inflate against my legs to counteract the blood pushing downward. I also begin the prescribed training maneuver--holding a deep breath and flexing every muscle in my body. But he takes us to the brink of 9 g's, which crushes me in my seat as if i weighed three-quarters of a ton. I can't take it. Vision fades to darkness, and I begin to pass out. He eases off. I come back disorientated and nauseated, my sight returning as chatoic pinwheels and checkerboards."

wings of change - michael klesius, national geographic dec 2003

from the purple abyss
rises the strongest turtle of all!


instructions: this is a flash-mob, copy this picture and paste it on your blog/webbie thing.

ears ringing drowing out all the idle thoughts
i like plugging myself into music just so i can stop the banter in my brain. someones always got something better to say than me, even if its in japanese. drowns everything out, some things i just don't need to hear. fear? maybe. insecurity? maybe. useless? probably. uncertainty? you gottit. we're here now, and that's all that matters. some can't find a reason to push on, and even if you couldn't, you live on. is there a reason why our heart still pumps blood through our veins as our cells disintigrate? i'd like to think that if there were a resolution, then yes, there would be a reason. we're not too different you and i. we probably ask the same questions, heard the same answers, believe differently but ultimately write rubbish when asked upon. i leave you with this resolution.

everything before five minutes ago is forgettable
i'm losing my knack of blogging. i probably can't remember the 21 steps to brew coffee even if it could cure genital warts. so the family was watching hollow man on the telly, and i couldnt listen to my mp3s because of that. but i can't really complain much, because its not my house, or my computer. in fact nothing is mine, and i'm nothing. hell, someone should just strip me and hang me up a flag pole declaring wot a useless twip i am. so my mom was kinda baby-talking me just now too. sometimes i dont mind, tonight i did. i mean.. i didn't respond. do i have to? mebbe, i probably owe her and everyone else too much. our circles are just too overlapped. but i can't remember when i didnt think it mattered. it hurts as much then as it does now.

a walk thru the clouds
ooh kay, they were trees. i didn't know that there was an ariel walk in the fort canning area. a jog/walk with my dad yielded the expedition this morning. oh , it was amazing, it was like.. walking in another world. to be amongst the trees, and feel as if you're treading lightly on leaves. oh, and there was this tree nursury where the national park board grows sapplings. baby trees are pretty cute, i can imagine them being all envious of their elder brothers and asking all sorts of inane questions like : will i be as big and strong as you?

total eclipse of the gut
i'm bloody stuffed. a buffet lunch at coca's and a buffet dinner at the orient hotel. i didn't know i had this much capacity to eat one supply drop of food for the starving children in somalia. anyhow, i'm quite sore i got so many dates wrong, and in the process didn't attend nic's birthday party or mitty's dinner party. but i also guess you can only be at one place at one time.

on another note, the brian morgan 2003 2-disc compilation has been released. place orders if you didn't recieve.

quigly
popping an electric toothbrush into your mouth and staring at the computer yields interesting observations.

strange news from another star
we're at kunz's place now recording some songs.

none quite as beautiful
i think people have stopped coming by because i have no pictures. who would be interested in the writing style of a mediocre random yab who can't even spell right? oh, i beat myself up too much, but it gives me a sense of peace somewhat.

i will get pictures one day.
usually just lazy to scour eternity for them
with a scowl on my face

the band is recording again today. thomas tells me it's going well, and i really am grateful that they're waiting for me to finish my parts. it really means alot to me to be able to do this. part of the process of getting my act together.

undertow
i'm back from camp. i won't say it wasn't an elevator express to heaven, but rather grounding. and well, being in spore, going back to australia.. you know, you're back in the real world. you gotta live it. so you gotta take the lessons learnt, and apply it, live it. daymn, i'll talk later, i need dinner.

jilted lovers playing numbers - gt
i kinda realise you can't escape it all the time. i'm back, but thing's are kinda where i left them. and if i change them, i'm shaping the world. i don't want to be God in that sense. but i'd like to be like him in love. accepting.

i dídn't come back with answers. i read, and everyone seems to be growing, while i seem to be devolving. i'm breaking it down when it's being built up. and yet, there is courage to endure and love. to feel some semblance of peace.

i have some unifinished buisness. i don't wanna call up my uni office and check why i got an N for introduction to screen studies for. i don't wanna know the truth, that i might have mucked up my final paper after doing above average for my assignments. i don't wanna retake the unit, and i don't wanna not be able to do a double major. i don't wanna be a washout.

but tomorrow comes anyhow. this is how you've got to face it. there are other things to look forward to. a my dark star ep, brian morgan's top 13 deviant tracks of 2003, a christmas that makes sense and a step closer to the end. to completion.

but it's not my kinda scene, oh yeah... - powderfinger

long time, coming
oh man, i apologise. it has been so long. i checked the sitemeter and traffic to my blog has halved. come back everyone! return to me! well, i'm not gonna sound like a total insecure dickwat, just because i've been away since the ninth. i went to the philipines for a mission trip. man, i tell you, it was a great experience.. i guess it really opened my eyes to alotta things. i'm not gonna chit-a-chat about it, hopefully, i'll walk the talk. *grin*

anyhoos, i'm back. but ive gotta church camp from morrows till sunday. hope to post some pictures up soon once i recieve them all! in the meantime everyone, spread the cheer! because in the end, everything is harmless.

hiding in the darkness
gosh, i've really been stuffing myself on the local delicacies since coming back. and haha.. i havent had the spontaniality to go for one of those mega jogs. i just wake up not feeling it. i'm in ultra-slacker mode. and i'm not complaining about that. just that those love handles look kinda unsightly. 21 and love handles? shouldn't you be at your prime? well, no sense mucking around. just gonna have to try harder tomorrow morning.

i've forgotten the words
to the song. to the things i've wanted to say. to fractal bits and pieces of absolute truth. to the things you should hear. to the memories of our past. to a perfect synposium. to describing the immense bleakness of our universe. to making you feel alive. to warm your heart. to remind us we're still alive. that mean so much. to the language of our souls.



© Pete Stone 2002


i was watching three seasons last night, and yeah.. vietnam looks like a beautiful place. of course it was overly-romanticsed, but i think for a country to have survived the american occupation. i dunno, a part of me just wants to see and hear. taste, smell and touch. step out of my box. life's not just about music. and rockstar glamour. haha, i guess i just wanna see wot the rest of asia is like. its not about looking elsewhere for answers. its wanting to experience, not to boast, but to learn. you learn something new everyday.

but watching radiohead perform, makes you want to be rockstars.

a progression of instant beats
it looks like its going to rain. again. gahhh.. i come back and get this? rain? if every raindrop were a penny, it'd make sense. and hurt like hell. so yeah, i'm stupid. not stupid in the intelligence department. just stupid with a bad memory. i forgot to take my conference tag, and had to go all the way back home to collect it. yeah, and then i decided to take a nap (even though i slept early at 12). so i'll be headed to the conference at 3. i won't forget my tag this time. but i'll probably just forget something else. one thing has to lead to another. i had a wicked dream last night, it felt kinda real, and i think it was playing with my subconciious obsessions. and then even when i napped, i had another realistic dream. probably another obsession. jeepers creepers, i scare the shite out of myself even when i don't try.

on another note, i don't intend to stuff myself silly on local food as i did yesterday. but, that sin of indulgence, just seems so right.

journey to the center of the earth
so i'm attending the fever 100 conference for missions. everything has kinda been going into fast forward ever since i got back, but i reckon that this conference is helping put God into perspective. also feel as if, someone's been praying for my heart to be more mallable, because i could actually think "well, i may have thought about that before, but i guess i'm not exempted from wot this speaker is saying with regards to my life."

so anyhow, my missions team decided to attend the creative arts workshop. where the teacher challenged us to worship God out of the box. thru words, plastersine, paint, mosiac or crayons. i chose words, crayons and plastersine. well, the fella in charge of the words liked a lil something that i wrote. and when the teacher asked if any caught his fancy, i was one of the two he pointed out. he named the first girl whom he quoted from, but he didnt say my name. he did however tell me before that he found it creative. and him being a lit teacher before, he shared he used to write on the chalkboards "human being. being human". and yeah, score one for sjsm! ailing got picked twice for something that a station master liked! she scored in the crayons and plastersine. haha, good to know our church was creative (but then, we were probably the older ones in the workshop =p)

haha, anyhow. i forgot the excitement when someone actually acknowledges your craft. that's wot the station master ian did for me. and well he didnt say my name, or acknowledge me to the worshop, it was good.. because i think God knew that if that happened, my ego would just swell to no end. and i'd be more concerned with how my words can be special to God, then him being the simple pleasure to everything around me. but still, i was acknowledged in a humble way, and i guess.. that was God's lil present for me today.

for cherie
i'd just like cherie to know, even though she dosen't often read this, that still i'd like to be there for her first public performance tomorrow. but i can't. and i know you understand the other commitments that i have, but i just wanna dedicate a 'lil post to you. to let you know you already have a fan here in this heart as you share a lil part of yourself to a strange audience. mebbe i won't get to hear the first song you wrote in its glorious debut, but you've been singing a sweet song since we've been friends. so while i told you sad songs were good songs, i guess our happy songs are just as good. remember, close your eyes when you sing =)

cell
wouldn't it be something, if amongst your peers, with all our national service training, we worked as independent military cells rather than having to report to the higher-ups. wow, imagine your whole defence force was actually organised like that.

we're pieces of protoplasmic trash
i don't think i'm in a very contemplative mood. but neither am i feeling very narrative. don't feel bitchy either. so, i've got nothing to blog about? actually, i guess i do, i'm just not too bothered to really go into detail with anything that's been going on. i mean, i'm finally back in spore, most people are back in spore. not unless i have much of an international audience (i know there are a few select few, but you're probably sporean).

well, it felt good to play in the worship team again. guess i'm really out of touch, but then again you never really forget. haha, was skipping chord changes all over, and had to keep looking back at the song sheet.

and all the familiarity. which is kinda.. unfamiliar. all the cds i left behind, don't sound so familiar anymore. its like i bought a whole library of new music again. haha! well, i guess that's just good and dandy ain't it? *grin*

i dunno, i just got back, but it kinda feels like i've been here forever already.

sometimes you just know
wow, back in spore. lots to see and do. haha, yeah right. i saw my sister's trek snaps, and i so wanna follow her one day! she's the coolest and the best, and i'm glad she's free enough to chill with me for now.

harmless?bananas! revisited
aight. i've done my stint in perth. i'm going back to spore. well, i've learnt alot, and also learnt nothing. i don't know how i'm supposed to apply all this to my daily living, because my idiosynchrasies are not marketable. well, not unless im a rockstar, only then could i sell my flaws to earn a living (and an end year bonus).

do you remember when the blog first came up? it was all in good jest with morgan's nuvo music news and napkin man's crazy banter. we pioneered it didn't we guys? to get off our sorry asses and start blogging. *grin*

this namesake, came from an intense night of counter-strike gaming with my camp friends. and yeah, i still enjoy it. i don't think i could ever regret calling it what it is. and i'm still not taking off the subtitle, because one day, i believe i'll resurrect my website.

so yeah, wow. 5 months in perth. has it been that long already? army seems like eons away, and no way am i itching to go back. much has changed i spose. am i dreading it? to plunge hedfirst into all that change? but i guess its all in my head. roots run deep, change is the only constant. live and let be, i am not afraid.

so yeah, thanks everyone, back in spore and here in perth. i won't be absent from anything, but i just wanted to close a certain chapter.

resigned
well, i guess even as friends, we can't make you smile all the time. =) it's gotten to me, i guess paranoia has struck once more. *grin* i don't really know why i'm smiling to myself as i think about certain things. yeah, i know i can't always say the right things, or things you may wanna hear. i can't always do the right thing to make it any better. there're alotta things that i'd probably muck up. and yeah, good intentions may never be enough to save a friendship or make it grow. there are so many random ways you can react that make my efforts meaningless. and that's you alone. and infinite amount of random factors surrounding our lives, and the lives of others makes it even more of a lost cause to try.

but hope weighs you down and faith sustains you. i guess there's so much i can do to make it wrong, but i can still pray. for the best for you. this is my prayer for all in my life.

driving test #3
( ^_^)/U*U\(^_^ ) !!!KANPAI!!!

driving test #2
ippon! V (^_^) V victory!!!

driving test #1
yatade! i did it!!!

apathy
i always scored 100% on the ninja academy exams. i memorised over 100 shinobi sayings... i always wrote the correct answers. on one day's test, this question appeared: "write down shinobi saying #25". i wrote down the answer as usual... "no matter what situation, a shinobi must keep emotions on the inside. you must make the mission your top priority... and you must possess a heart that never shows tears..."
- haruno sakura, naruto

shoot to yield, hey man slow down
when your friend gets to check radiohead in about two hours, you can't help but feel envy sometimes.

but i''m happy for anyone who gets to watch radiohead. except people who say i'm like someone, or something i dislike.

this just in
one final thing:

i'd really hate it, but if someone tells me i'm behaving like something/someone i dislike, i'd really feel shattered. but i guess i really shouldn't be too suprised either.

forcing you off a cliff
certain things that may have gone thru my mind today:

patriot. i think it's a cool word. a patriot missile, intercepts scuds. national blackmail. patriotism is probably rubbish to me most of the time. i don't think my medisave's enough to support me if i sacrifice any limbs for home. if you even call that home, more like a house. sneer.

i am not my music. i'm not a rockstar yet. and i have'n't written that perfect song. i don't think there's one, but i wanna write it. the one where everything i can emotionally feel in a day, rewritten in beautiful poetry and vulnerability. and bad spelling too.

why does music need words init. it doesn't. i think not having words expands the vocabulary of 26 alphabets.

my heart still skips a beat sometimes. i guess i'm only human.

insecurities show. always. but i thought i'd say it again.

must not forget to buy sunsilk.

am i too harsh?

why am i not a rockstar yet?

you havent done anything vaguely related to achieveing anything.

don't be a washout.

i hope you're not patronising me, but then again i'm probably too lazy to care.

i should be more pro-active shouldn't i?

but i'll just get hurt.

so why choose sides?

i'm not supposed to be lukewarm.

i'm going back, i guess it beats staying here to a certain extent.

make something of yourself.

i really should stop right now, or i'm gonna sound really stupid.

naysayers
in a bid to aid everyone a step closer to grasp their personal truths, i will only tell the truth from now on.

useless useless useless
i really hope that by the time i'm 27, the music i/we make is gonna take over some part of the world. 27's figurative, because some great musicians passed away at 27. so its like a prime time. and then, when im thirty, life should truely have begun. so lemme live my rockstar fantasies before im 27, and make it good by the time i'm thirty.

i guess i'll live as long as i'm supposed to.

death and rebirth
happy 21st to two very special and important mates in my life!


vinz aka napkin man. we've just about done everything together haven't we? thanks for sticking by me and being the fantastic chill out mate. i guess every superhero needs a sidekick, and that's the special bond that we share aye? hope you're gonna have the best birthday, that'll only get better each year! take care loads, and i hope you find wot you're lookin' for. or mebbe it'll find you *grin*


thoms "jack" funk soul longay. you are my number one music aficianado. everything musically, you have thought me. and more than that, we're not just bandmates, it's all just a cover for wot goes deeper. you have and will always be the funk soul brother that reminds me to put my rockstar feet back on earth. not saying that you're afraid to soar, but you just don't like seeing your friends go *splat*. and i thank you from the bottem of my heart for all that you are. live out your unlimited potential, just like all our favourite anime heros.

truly truly truthfully
day three of ultima-über bum fest. i'm getting used to this, if i keep my training up, i'll hopefully be able to take part in the state wide championship.

so i've been getting a visitor in the form of wen who drops by my house to play three corridors. can't say i'm complaining, at least im not bored out of my skull. and we had ipoh hor fun at applecross. that's always good enough! ipoh hor fun's the best. it's a light, fragrant prawn stock filled with two of the freshest prawns and sliced chicken. with hor fun of course. it really is a taste of heaven.

i wish i could post tastes on the internet.

apocolypse now
if you have free time, you absolutely have to check this out! thanks to timothy for sending me the link. oh man, i think this shite is really the epitome of "too much time on one's hands, but wot the hell?" its a flash animation about how this world ends.

chekkit!

bad assed bass balls
i caught a gig with jon, mitts and mardy last night at mojo's. jon's new band imprint was slated to play, and they're a mean funk/aggro-metal band that boasts two bass players with some trippy hopps and good melodies to boot. i like. next up was munky punch, these guys are just sweeeeeeet. navarro-ish guitars and hybrid funk/rock bass lines that were all over the place. drummer always held a steady beat, with many a good suprise in his pockets.

so i don't know that many bands, but i found two i'd love to check out on a regular bassis.

kill me again, with love
aight, so i havent been uploading of late. i would if i could, but lately blogger's been very tempremental. and i don't know why. wot soured in the relationship? did it find more hopeful junkies to milk of their thoughts?

but i'm gonna quit wondering the unwonderable. the unavoidable. oh well, lately i've just been bumming around, watching zoids and reading naruto. really thankful for the break i'm getting, and will probably start my revision starting next monday. 7 days, a driving test on the 24th, my paper on the 25th and i'm back in spore on the 26th.

so in the meantime, you just gotta live it. oh yeah, my new glasses came in.

byugen eyes!


which naruto character are you?
quiz by orangeday.net

hey, if you like the manga and anime, give it a whirl. if you not, you wont know how spiffy your character traits are.

finally
at long last, it does seem like i can finally post on blogger. argh!! *shakes fist at ceiling* i pledge allegiance to this hunk of php and java codes? (i'm probably wrong.)

anyhows, wots been happening is that monday was a scorcher! even in the evening, it was still 31 degrees. wot's wrong with this daymn country!? whoops, don't wanna offend my youth pastor. =p but seriously, is it because spore and perth share the same timezone, that's why both weathers are equally screwed? hey, it may look dumb now, but i'm shure it plays a part.

so yeah, i'm just bumming till my paper on the 25th. again, wot's wrong with this country!? actually, apart from these two reasons, there are a myriad of reasons to like it here, which i shall not go into because my fingers are stiff.

yesterday and this morning were much better, it wasn't so hot. yeah, i'm a weather-man, it turns me on or off.

hunter
oh yay. back to my neandethral (sp) days. neandethrals probably can't spell neandethral, like me. oh yeah, so this is wot happened. i woke up at 0455 (insane!!!), only to start catching abalones at some inane hour of seven i think. i was broken apart by waves as the banged me against coral, how i struggled to keep a grip on things. and getting abalones off rocks is a mean feat! these suckers literally suck onto the rocks for dear life as you jam a screwdriver thru their suction cups hoping to pry them free off the rocks. that's brutal. its like someone pulling you apart as you're snoggin' a girl by jamming a crowbar between your lips.

kinda like hunting for your own food, its agonising stuff. humbled by nature once again. nature is also having myopia. see how much control we have over the things in life? its the little things that kill us.

but i made new glasses, they should arrive shortly.

thinking about it
y'know.. i've just got this break till the 25th. i have no idea how im gonna pass my time really. i mean, apart from studying, some other folk have exams to study for, or they can make their own fun. me? i can't seem to make my own fun at times. but that's not depending on people for your happiness.

dependency. you really can't depend on people too much. i mean, you and i have the capacity to let one another down. yet strangely, we all need someone, something, some God. me? i realise how dependent i am on my glasses. it really sucks to not see clearly. im borrowing my housemate's pair for now, but its not gonna be forever. and then i gotta spend more money on a new frame and lenses. im thinking red tints. it'd be spiffy.

and then, when there dosen't seem to be anything to do, wot then? how alone do you feel? i'm only glad i can pray, play guitar, write in a journal, mebbe call some friends up, mebbe just sulk. oh yeah, i intend to read alot to pass time. the magic word is "intend". we all know from experiences, good intentions just aren't enough.

and so, when i finally go back to spore on the 26th. and see long unseen friends, spending more time in church, especially the mission trips and christmas, and festivities.. you know, it sounds like im gonna have a blast when i go back. but if its all a state of mind, everything else could just be a farce. i dont want that to happen.

i guess i'll admit, it seems everybody in perth has some chill out buddy except me. yeah, someone you can depend on. you shouldnt be depending, but it really gets to you at times. i guess thats one reason why i seek solace in the online community. namely friends i know that are somehow connected via the internet. this blog? i dinnae, sometimes it feels like its updates of my life, sometimes.. just fun things ive come across. but alotta times, i dunno, mebbe its a longing to just seem more real. i know im real to my folks, and some really good friends. its not about keeping up with appearances, its about being real. insecurities and all. secrets and lies. dreams that dont come true, jadedness, and yes.. when i feel it, happiness and joy. security, comfort, confidence.

*grin* i guess, yeah.. maybe this blog truely has the capacity to be a soap opera. and i've got a rockin' soundtrack.

you know it's left you
when you wake up the next day half blind and a terrible neck ache. i'm too old for mosh pits. i can't bang the hed like i used to. and then i lost my glasses. haha, its funny how it all doesnt matter there and then. but it does now. all in all, triple crown saved itself because of good company. i'm still trying to see the logic in that by squinting through my eyes.

striking a pose that paralyses
now this is a rockstar pose:


for the uninitiated (i'm guessing a vast majority of this audience), above we have tony levin of king crimson, his namesake band, peter gabriel's band and the new sarah record fame. wot's that he's playing? a chapman stick. and this is how you work it. warning, it is so uber cool! (plus that chicks dig me pose too).

we had sushi for dinner. jon, han and me. starting to feel hungry again.

bless me with righteous groove
yay! i managed to get that pair of bermudas that i had my eye set on. but those are just material posessions. still, it made me somewhat glad. it was also a 25% discount. so i gottit for 60AUD. not too shabby.

been blessed with a massive download of shoegaze music. bathing myself in melancholy now. i wonder if i should start a shoegaze band here in perth. but then, the other dreampop band gentlyfall has disappeared from perth. my shoegaze project should not fade into nothingness.

i realise i havent been letting my mind wander alot. no wait, i take that back. is it, that the older you get, it just dosen't matter to you anymore? or mebbe it is still in me, i just dont see why this blog needs to have that sorta info. =) yeah, so wot if the world knows who you are. you don't know yourself sometimes. guess i'm just as clueless about me, as you are about, well.. me.

oh kay, screw this identity crap, its really the farthest thing from my mind. im just counting the days till i go back to spore. mainly becaus its gonna get terribly broing here, waiting 18 days for ONE exam paper. i guess i have only the best reasons to get a High Distinction for this paper. crap. i think i'll make it thru my first semester, and then.. work at being more hardworking again. well, we all have certain wishes.

and just a side note. i'm really trying to find reason to update. i think i should finally get my ass cracking on coming up with a real website.

death by durian
wow, two deaths reported on the ST interactive. in spore wots more. two deaths.. i mean, things are happening in spore! but it all just sounds wrong.. i mean, its not something you hear very often. mebbe sporeans are really comin' outta the closet by smacking each other.

triple crown morrows. the uni bash apparently. haha, wot a fine time to frolick in the grass and spew over the bush court. i heard it gets rowdy. i'll chekkit. its been awhile.

cheap
words are cheap
wot can i say that you haven't already heard
wot can i do, that hasn't already been done
wot's new when you're better than me
wot's true when it's all been copied

you know the drill. everything moves in circles dosen't it? well, it feels like that sometimes, or alotta times. our lives, sometimes just following our heros of past. truely unique? it's a rut, learning from everybody's mistakes.

lo-fi
playing my tracklist just thru my laptop's speakers is such a refreshing change from listening to it over good speakers.

spiffy!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking along the candy store, attacking with gilded boxing gloves, cometh Gideon's Ephod! And he gives a low roar: "In the name of malice, I look forward to hearing the lamentations of thy women!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

comments: i don't know about you, but that dosent sound very scary in a real battle.

sound bleached bed linen
SLOWDIVE. quiet, pensive. you don't like to cause a
scene and you've been known to even drone
people to sleep.


what shoegazer band are you?
brought to you by quizilla

delight
she didn't disappear after taking my heart to speak to it personally. she has returned, as i always knew she would. like a thief in the night, the day and hour was unknown. of course i don't expect to still be typing this if i was 19 days late for the rapture. yes, a sweet surrender as we fumble towards ecstacy. the wait is over.

i only hope, for those who didn't know better and want to comment that she sounds like Dido, keep their vile comments to themselves.

Sarah McLachlan's new studio album in six years: afterglow.

bold
i didn't know wot else to type for a title, so i had the unimagniative choice of stating the obvious, that yes, the title is highlighted in bold. a brief rundown of things that happened on monday. uni, test (sucked), home, well-deserved bumming around. dinner at nando's, home, caught australian idol, it was a suprise of sorts. this sunday's the grand finals. or is it next week? napped at nine. woken up at eleven thirty. thankfully, i should be studying for a test in roughly 13 hours time. resolve.

aye yeah, can't really find anything interesting to happen. hmmmm. im shure if i looked hard enough, something should have happened. i got my media research paper back. it was good. the test wasnt. i think i'll get a pretty average average for my units this semester.

=) life isn't all that exciting, even for a rockstar.

we are standing on the edge
the sun rose at 0530 this morning.
i had a dream, that was good in a dream
but i knew it wasn't real
and it did not sit too well with me
when i finally woke up.

"it's gonna be, a glorious day
i feel my luck could change"
- lucky, radiohead

hmph
arghhh! test morrows!! and tuesday!! and draft in on wednesday!! don't need to sleep anymore beautiful people.

perception stoked.
another eventful day of bumming. i have found musique concrete, which is kinda likle tape manipulation. you can actually make music out of this! one of the first blokes who did this was francois bayle, and its early incarnations are kinda spiffy landscapish sound efx. it's music but it isn't music. really sounds just like background noise, but it works, as in.. it seems to weave a tale of sorts. i think this in turn set the stage for brian eno's strange atmospheric albums that were to come.

sound "midnight in the" garden "of good and evil"
oh yeah, chekkit out over here!!!

he's really gottit groovin' in his panties.

screw you Gordon!
this is the only driving instructor i need. here
enjoy kiddos, and thanks felix for the link. now i know why you drive the way you do. especially thru' village country.

conceded pass
no, that's not some inane touch rugby rule. that's my grade for my media writing exercise. it's official, i can't write a newspaper article, a radio script or analyse my own work. or at least my tutor thinks so. but waitaminute, if all you're gonna do is shorten my daymned scripts, shurely the other stuff must be alright! why then did you give me 6/12 for that section?!? of course i can only give you the minimum in terms of info, that's all the info we're fed with! oh, you smile pretty when i ask you how i can improve, and you say "yeahhh.. its just tying up lots of loose ends.." *sweet sanguine smile* oh, i've had enough of your type! bugger!!! i want more marks!! marks!!! i don't wanna fail anymore!!! *gasp*

this coming from me?
did i beat morgan to muso-related news?

joe henry's tiny voices out now!
GOGOGO

kings
i usually don't have much to say in mornings. and i remember secondary school, where i'd waltz in thru the school gates, see friends and mumble my hi's. i wonder if i didnt have friends. but a lot of music. a tragic genius? because the farther you dig in, the more beautiful your craft becomes. i think. ive been listening to a lot of beautiful music of late. the kind which isn't harmless, and you wonder: where do they come from?

i should be studying, knowledge is new artillery of globalisation.

the only thing i'm good at
i made another one!
here

the other one i made is
here

enjoy!

finishing last
locky says it best in his new blog about nice guys. massive !kanpai! party at nap's blog to celebrate the birth of locky's blog.

and i just realised you can make your own movie clips at fanta shokata. this fine piece of cinema art is dedicated to locky's blog.

falling in love with a puppet
we watched toy story 2 during screen class. it's been awhile since i've laughed hard. it's been awhile since sarah sang closely to my heart. like she loved me. it's been awhile since animated women made me feel good. rei ayanami from neon genesis evangelion. two motokos from ghost in the shell and love hina. and now, from american indian-blood-soaked soil, jesse of toy story 2. she's a redhed, feisty, wears a cowgirl hat, dances and big kawaii eyes.

yes. i have a sorrid life that's gratiffied by imaginary women. but at least they don't bite.

and now, we are one
in

got this piccy off seanbaby.com.
it reminded me that my first attempt at webpage building was also entitiled everlasting peace. a website filled with bad poetry and lost ideals.

big muff
before i forget, i shared an embarressing moment with jonathan during lunch. i asked the vendor at the lunchbox:"how much is your pie?" of course it didnt help when the funky chicken guffawed in laughter. but i don't think the vendor caught on. she was asian.

pedal to the metal
in a bid to make my money's worth with respect to my drving lessons, i burned enough rubber to turn capatain planet in his grave. along some inane australian street, i waited at the "give way" line. uphill. perfectly lined up, i observed the cars as the zoomed by. caught my oppurtunity. i proceeded into the necessary protocols, found the balance point and let loose the handbreak. this would be beautiful. until the wheels revved, but the car wouldnt budge. i floored the accelerator, only to be met with violent resistence and the smell of something burning. casually, the master took control and popped my gear into first. yeah, something was burning, and it was my master's pocket after he splurges on a new clutch.

on
so we have to get on with our lives somehow. we can sleep. sleep's an easy way to forget you have a life to live. if you sleep long hours, the day just passes by so much faster. i'll admit, im starting to forget wot its like to blog. i cannot remember the purpose of everything's harmless in the end. am i supposed to tell you about my day, or wots been going on? i think ive been shaped and i only know so little of it.

i can only safely say now, that i wanna grab my bass and play again. i wanna piss myself. and then again, i wanna not be dependent on my activities. yeah, i could go drown myself, it'd fill the hours. but just living alone drains the life out of you. ive got a case of the rut. i think.

rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. 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rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. rut. release.

wrrrrr
i vaccumed the house today because i was supposed to. it feeks good to not have dirt stick to your feet. i'll change my sheets some time soon.

keep your head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums
pay no mind to what other voices tell you
they don't care about you
like i do.
safe from pain
and truth
and choice
and other poisoned devils
- pet, a perfect circle

gorgeous. today, i realised wot my favourite song off thirteenth step was. the band has been working on two new songs the past two days, i'm itching to know how they turned out. and i wished i was there.

comatose
i thought i'd nap for 45 mins, but i woke up the next morning instead. close to 11 hours worth of sleep. guess there was nothing to do last night. which makes me wonder whether my social needs will be met when i go back to spore. haha, i guess im trying not to get my expectations too high up. but yeah, when you think about it, it gets you down somewhat. like you can't control it all. haha, am i a control freak? one look in my room, you probably wont think so.

the only thing i can remember about my 11 hour stasis is i had to brush my teeth along orchard road, and then i was looking for a sink to spit, but i couldnt find any.

stasis, yeah, that's wot it felt like. the traffic passing us by as i stood watching.

gotta let the light in sometimes
haven't really been ranting of late. as such, this isn't such a soap opera. well, you're not gonna get any juicy bits. hmmm, i'm at one of those blog existentialism stages again. i just saw one blog kill itself, and while i believe its kinda healthy over here, i am contemplating the mortality of the blog. don't wanna owe it or anyone anything.

but don't worry, well, i'm not worrying. why should you?

godzilla sperm
random radiation fearing conversation with leodi has led to the new increasingly mindless and obligatory string of two words: godzilla sperm.
it's amazing how your mind conjures when it's late. but early enough for the new day to start.

they said, let go of the past
but i can't resist a good laugh. and it says polyfonik!

in the buisness of your best interests
even if it costs a dollar only, the guy who owns armitage shanks must be a fookin' billionaire aye?

handicap points
try not using your thumb when you do everyday things. you'll notice some interesting results.

failsafe
so they say it hurts

always glad to be of service
i'm so glad i have a blog sometimes. i can take it out here and blast it into oblivion. oblivion! yes, i still wont be sleeping tonight. prayers for my soul and arrangements for my body should be made with my secretary, miss evan hokinoyma

when i'm dead, i'll let you know
i can be such a procrastinator at times. who's with me to stay up the night, the next day and fall asleep 24 hours later? i prophesise sleep 24 hours from now.

take this cup from me
is it fear that stops us from functioning? lost causes that prevent us to keep fighting? if you want a journal, i'll be home soon. i'll be back in spore soon. can't it wait? what lies for me back home. home. home. so distant, so near.

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one."
John 17:15 NIV

we want the world and we want it now.
mighty fine words by the lizard king.

was chatting with jeannie quite a bit on msn messenger 6.0. it's uber cool, allowing webcam live feeds, and display pictures! awesome stuff! i reckon the whole world should say screw friendster and start getting connected with those friends of yours in a more pro-active way.

download it here. and add me using shamutheworld@yahoo.com

this hour is ours
did you ever think, that if your life were a cliché, it just might be happier relatively?

mix-master zero
mindless ninja! fun

worthwhile
this bloke died during training. i know it's gonna sound harsh, but shite happens. and it's the double standards that tick me off sometimes.

I am determined to establish the full facts of how such an unauthorised act occurred and to identify the persons responsible for it.

yeah, believe or not, NSFs and Regulars put their asses on the line everyday. i dunno, i don't usually sympathise with Regulars, but i mean, these blokes believed in defending the nation (i'd ideally like to think so), and they're not gonna paint pretty pictures during Combat Survival Training. So you want your son of the nation to be an effective killing machine, but he's not allowed to train under the harshest and riskiest conditions? and now he's a victim, not a hero? i dunno, it all looks the same to me. someone's gotta be the scapegoat, and it's not gonna be me.

neo print!
more mindless fun with the webcam.
snaps of my two housemates.

messin' with my head
snapped by me. finally!
thanks nic for the webcam

it only rains in summer
if you do a search for media, violence and children in the murdoch library database, you'll come across this book:
don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.

arguably
no one knows wot they're talking about these days.

spam guard
i just decided to bring this up. those of you who're yahoo users, when you report spam, they give you two checkboxes. one to report spam to yahoo (more effective) and one to block the address that sent it (less effective). but they're checkboxes, not choices, so if i click both its verry effective right? or i might be wrong. still, very strange user interface. oh, an i'm terribly bored.

embrace
into the fold :
pep's the mind is a dangerous place
kai's fat people, make me some pie!
leonard's gormless's deviant art

also, the new band page has been wonderfully revamped by the ever talented gt.

mutter mutter
all over the world, people talk shite about nothing

a long necked tortoise
i saw a long necked tortoise crossing the road at welshpool during my driving lesson this morning. apparently they're endangered. i thought it would scuttle away if i drove near it, but it didn't, so i had to brake for it.

sushi!!
this was yoshi's reply after i emailed him back, man you gotta love these jap dudes. *grin* :

Oh, Brian....
Ah,Brian....

You are excellent!
You are intelligent!
You are clever!
You are smart!
You are good-looking!
You are cool!
You are my angel!
you are....my hero!!!!L(>v<)v

I really really appreciate your kindness.(T_T)

I do hope you have fantastic weekend,
and complete speechless wonderful essay!!

Again, THANK YOU, Brian!!!!

sashimi!
an email from my japanese research mate, yoshi. i love this guy:

Hello, again.

Sorry, Brian.
I have more questions about our presentation.
Do you remember how many participants we had?
I suppose...6 or 7??
and, do you know their age?

I am sorry, I give you many questions.

I am waiting for your answers.

thank you.

lacking
i know we've been lacking of late. it's strange playing so many thoughts in your head, and when you're praying so desperately, you also make so much noise you can't hear a thing. hey, it happens.

couldn't type in here, because in the end, everything wasn't harmless. oh brian, you've been living in a safe 'lil circle for so long, did you forget the world outside? no, i retreated from the world, because i thought i wasn't a part of it. apparently in the grand scheme of things, ive been in the pit stop for too long. have i? i thought i was crew. i was always the shotgun buddy wanting the driver's seat. but not everyone handles a race well, and i'm kind of learning to drive. well, maybe and something like that.

loosed un-bridled
paranoia. i have a problem eating my microwave reheated breakfast this morning. i keep thinking that the water molecules that vibrated to boiling point, somehow still contain in them harmful radiation. while we all have to die anyways, do you wanna leave eating radioactive food? well, i guess this teaches us we can't choose how we wanna go. so don't be too disappointed. =)

chanced upon a chance
all is well and pretty in brian-land. just thought the general public would have liked to know.

bar italia
snapped by nic on 011003 at TGIMambo


now if you can stand
i would like to take you by the hand
yeah, and go for a walk
past people as they, go to work
... ...
let's get out of this place
before, they tell us that
we've just died
... ...
oh now, move move quick you gotta move
come on it's time, come on it's true
oh now move move quick you gotta move
come on it's time, oh wot did you lose?
... ...
that's wot you get for holding it
you can't go home and go to bed
and now it's morning
there's only one place you can go
it's round the corner is soho
where other broken people go!
let's go..
- pulp, bar italia

time to ask for a car
cherylin :
ask for 6k
he'll give 5k
you say ok.

land of the lost

one of the better things to do at the royal show.

realise
one day all this is going to be obsolete.

the son of ra
guilt. ever noticed in our current society, it's about aleviating the guilt we face? like, we have so much grey areas, just because we dont wanna hurt, or get hurt. so it's kinda like, if we don't feel guilty, no one's getting hurt. a sort of delusion. no, i'm shure alot of you have noticed it. it's a placebo.. our world seems to be headed towards enlightenment and liberal freedom and release from the chains of religious law. but the cancer of of this downward spiral may be in later stages than we imagine. who knows?

stalker stalker quite contrary
fmss has asked me to join them on the friendster bandwagon. not that im not on the daymn website, its just that, i got invited to join the fmss group. dosen't it freak you out, that someone who owns the fmss account knows who you are, and knows your email address too? freaky to me.

sunday seems safe
it's been a gorgeous sunday. it didn't rain, even though they said it would. i'm glad it didn't, but it might later on. i've gotta two week break comin' up starting monday, i shure could use a break! heh~ anyhow, i went to this mega fair yesterday, as chris martin would say: mega! it was the perth royal show, and nic took lots of photos that day. so when she passes the loot to me, it'll go here. straight here! no questions asked! there's lots to be proud of. i took part in a colouring contest and dont know if i'll win yet, and then i managed to string hokkien expletives for an entire loop on the miniature roller-coaster. which if my cell members get to know, may not listen to anymore of my 'advice' and 'takes on the world'. haha.. but yeah.. it was an unwinding (albeit expensive) experience. oh, this post was supposed to be aboot sunday right? nothing happened today.

a sign of the times
spring fever is in the air. the weather finally decided to clear up for once, and wot a great day it's been. really great. one of the greatest days i've had since coming here. and well, mebbe it can only get better. jo's goin' off to the farm morrows, let's hope everything only goes well. *grin*

jest
hey! i'm just kidding! man, that stupid consent form.. bugger. why am i sucha procrastinator. i'm done with it, but why am i sleeping so late? and then there's the focus group morrows.. i'm not really gonna dig that. but hope we'll all do well.

update
i'm just feeling so displaced right now. but it's oh kay, i'm smiling on the outside, and somewhere on the inside. just tryna reach in and figure out where that joy is emancipating from. so that i can draw srength from it.

ecstacy
speak to me in riddles and
speak to me in rhyme
my body aches to feel your breath
your words keep me alive
- Sarah McLachlan, Posession

perfect
everything is absolutely perfect. we went to the city on saturday, i bought myself AUD63.85 worth of CDs. and i'm happy with every single one of them! it's a big pinch, considering i spent alot this month on various items. but i can't regret it forever.. so yeah, i'll really treasure these cds.

and yes, i did buy thirteenth step. loveitloveitloveit! there's nothing to regret from that saturday! it's not as heavy as mer der norms, reminds me a bit of a mellow nine inch nails. melody's a big mainstay for this album.. it seems to borrow very heavily from robert smith for the mellower bits. all in all, i love it. might i do an album review soon? heh~

and not just that, i bought zero7, coldplay's single "god put a smile on your face" and the door's "LA woman".

and now i must depart, to watch the "anabelle chong story" at nic's place. a life of debauchery i have gone slowly downward. pray for my soul friends..

dinner : some roasted steak with spuds and onions

winsome
i bumped into jo on my way to school today.
jo : you look different today
me : i do?

spawn broodlings
mak has set up her new site, and i highly reccomend checking her craft out! she's so insanely unique, it bleedin' hurts =)

check it my old jc pal jonpan's spot on the internet while you're at it too. lucky bastardo, hangs with chicks in spore, AND sweden. haha, big laughs.

thought
i don't seem to recognise myself in the pictures..

lighter moments
some snaps by nic on birthday eve:

emptying everything, how stands your faith?
yeah i found god and he was absolutely nothing like me
he showed me up like a dime store hooker
who was plain to see
i couldn't take it anymore
so i went back to the sea
because that's where fishes go
when fishes get the sense to flee

where're you going now?
what's your plan?

for the past two days, i had been following a friend to his church in perth. it's a presbrytarian church, and i knew it was more tradiotional and conservative. no harm, no biggie, it's all good. i went there wanting to learn something from God, what did he have to say about us, the human race, the church? the seminar was entititled "last day deceptions"

prior to this
i had a small discussion with sue about why we spoke in tongues. i said it was a gift of the Holy Spirit. but what is tongues? when studied in the bible, tongues were not random utterences as empowered by the Holy Spirit. it was always in a different language. when we speak in tongues at church and rallys, are they really a different language? i dont know, no one has ever translated it for me. but we're thought that it is an empowerment of the Holy Spirit, so it's gotta be good right? *shrug* anyhow, in 1 Corinthians 14, it does state pretty clearly how the gift of tongues should be used.

"for this reason, anyone who speaks in a tongue (another language - see footnotes) should pray that he may interpret what he says" 1 Cor 14:13

i'll confess i have not attended any workshops regarding the gifts of the Holy Spirit. come to think of it, i should have if i had the time then.

yeah, well, so because of this discussion, it seemed to lead in with the whole seminar. from God? only he knows now i guess. but also prior to this, a week ago.. i knew i had prayed in a church i was attending that i wanted my heart to be scraped inside out, cuz there were things that even i didnt know about that might be preventing me from truely communing with God. and then, there were also the times whereby, if God required me to give up all my music, from playing the intsruments i love and stuff i listen to, to playing for worship, wotever the case, i would have to give it up.

well, it's really happening right now. is it from God? only he knows.. i can only pray and consult his word. or run back to the sea.

"last day deceptions" by Rev (Dr) Jeffefy Khoo. anybody heard of him? i didnt. he's the dean of the Far Easten Bible College. somewhere in spore. anyways, the outlook of this college, or church, is that of seperatism. to seperate themselves from the rest of the world by shining for God. which is kind of like wot our church preaches about isn't it? however, the seperation dosent just go into the seperation of the world, but from the false teachings of the current church. the wave of charismatism especially.

they don't see the charismatic movement as coming from God. they see it that in the last days of our time, there will the falling away of believers. there will be false prophets and teachers. that includes us, for a variety of reasons. the main underlying reason, is that the charismatic movement is seen as the middleman to reunite the protestant faith with the roman catholic faith. during the seminar, there was a brief history lesson about this reformation.

the reformation. at a time when the roman catholic was the official religion of rome, and quite a lot of europe. it was corrupt, and the doctrines of the Bible were falsified. our salvation would be through faith AND works. now we know this is not true. we are saved by the grace of God. however, during this time, the roman church was witholding the truth about God's word from his people. people did not know about the free salvation and were working their way to being saved. as expected, the roman church was living off the people and very corrupt. however, in the 16th century, a man called martin luther and a committee of others led the reformation, and we have the protestant faith as it stands now. how it was intended to be.

now.. how is the roman church different from the protestant faith as well? the romans believe in purgatory, the extra books, the apocapher (sp), they pray to the virgin Mary and other saints. as if they were idols. some may see this as blatant idolatry, some may not, but in the context of this post, it is.

and so, now we have charismatism as the middleman to unify the protestant faith with the roman catholic one? Dr Khoo goes on to explain how in the higher-ups of our church, they were saying that the reformation was a mistake and that they should never have left. if this is true, we have in issue at hand. is our church really seeking that reunificiation? i don't know, i have little knowledge of that. but with the occurances of the gay arch-bishop, i did wonder a little where the church as a whole was headed. there was no way i expect my own church, SJSM to advocate such a thing. we stand by the word, the doctrine of God. by the doctrine, we will be able to test the false prophets and teachers..

but then the seminar goes on. the debate about using the King Jame's Version as opposed to the New International Version. i was the only one at the seminar with an NIV bible. mebbe for once i knew wot a non-christian feels like in a congregation, and the sermon is somewhat judgemental. but i think i was there by God's grace, and i prayed, too see and hear things with his senses. there are evidences of differences between the NIV and the KJV.

let's take Psalms 12:7
O Lord you will keep US safe... (NIV)
Thou shalt keep Them... (KJV)

contextually different isn't it? us and them. although some of my defence would go in that, based on the context of the entire passage, using both us and them fit the context of the passage. but meanings change. in the KJV, it means God will protect his everlasting work from the evils of men. in the NIV, it means that God will protect us from the evils of men. another part of my defence would go as such. that over the course of time, when you're translating something to english, all your adjetives and syntaxes and verbs and nouns and pronouns.. they're alot more complicated. english is relatively simple, did something happen in the translation process? i believe that with regards to that, God has never compromised in his word, meaning, grammer, vocabulary. anything! that is my faith. thats why i never questioned the use of the NIV. Dr Khoo, and this seperatist move, seeks to question it.

he goes on a little more into some history of how our respective bibles came about. apparently the NIV has been corrupted over the years, namely by two blokes Wescott and Hort. they didn't believe in certain fundamental truths, and actually left out many verses. if you look at your NIVs for example John 7:53 - 8:11, you'll have a heading note saying that earlier more accurate manuscripts did not have this section of text. apparently Wescott and Hort took them out, but revised versions of the NIV put them back. why? Dr Khoo did not say. or if it did, he didnt go in depth into it, mentioning that people wanted it in anyhow.. look at more verses in the NIV, a lot of footnotes, regarding "earlier maunscripts say 'blabla'." well, it seems to me, that to the seperatist, these measures aren't enough to make the NIV God breathed, but evil.

yeah.. so now comes the scary part. friends back in SJSM, is our doctrine sound? we base our teachings from the NIV. we refer to the NIV for sermons and bible study. our fundamental truth of salvation, who God is, what his will is for us, all came from the NIV. how God SPOKE to us, was through the NIV. why then, are we so different from these mroe tradiotional churches who use the KJV? if our doctrine is unsound, we have an issue at hand don't we? are we so comfortable in our church, that this is wot Christianity is about, that when perhaps we have been misled? oh, i pray for my soul that i am being decieved NOW rather than being decieved in the past.

and its not just me, everyone back home. almost every other Christian i know. i can deal with men calling us names. but God turning is eye from us? in our fervor, even though we say, we proclaim, its all for God's glory, he has saved us, and everything else we have ripped our fabric of existence so that we could taste that grace. and then we can never do anything to make him save us, EXCEPT to accept his grace and mercy.

and how can i discount the way God speaks to me, back when im using the NIV, or worshipping in SJSM? our leaders especially, i mean.. they're honest. i believd God was in control of my life, of our church, the direction, the will he wanted from us. that surrender to him. all this, from yesterday, in a flash.. not of God? we're the false ones?

my current stand is.. yeah, i'm glad, thankful that God allowed this to happen in my life. i'm pretty convicted that God islways watching over me, my family, friends and church. i believe that God loves us all, and will do al he/we can to save the souls, regardless right now, whether we sing hymns or contemporary songs, we were saved by God's grace. where he leads us, i don't know. but i guess, God truely spoke to me in the past, and if i am to find scripture to back even those experiences up, its time to start looking. while the one world may be headed to destruction. the one church.. reunification? i don't know all that, do i want to? the weight of the world? mebbe for now it's between God and me.

yeah I found god
and he was absolutely just like me
he opened my mouth, looked down my throat
told me I was thirsty
he said, I been, I been, I been
been in this water all my life
never took the time to breathe, breathe

whatcha doin' in this darkness baby?
when you know that love will set you free
will you stay in the sea forever?
drownin' there for all eternity
whatcha doin' in this darkness baby?
livin' down where the sun don't shine
come on out into the light of love
don't spend another day
livin' in the sea
livin' in the sea
"where fishes go" - LiVE

i wanna be really really strong!
no seriously. my housemate gave me this regime to follow. hahaha.. i might as well go kill myself. but still, it does sound somewhat inspirational.

international day
hop by jeannie's and see wot a sweetie muffin she is. *smiles*

you stole the sun from my heart
haha, i don't know why.. but mogwai does an interesting cover of the now defunct manic street preacher's classic. says alot don't it? i really love that line, even if it sounds bleak.

but i had a wonderful time today. after school, i hit the gym again with my house blokes, felix and adrian. wen tagged along too. haha, i embarked on more circuit training, not daring to go to the free weights where all the big guys were. yeap, i cowered in the corners of assisted machines where lean trim ladies were at it instead. i'd rather be lean and trim then bulked though. but that's another tale for a less-embarressing time. *grin*

so yeah, went home, and this time cherylin, peivn, jessie and jonathan took me out to fish and co. for dinner. thanks guys, i had a swell time, from the wine, swordfish collarbones, the laughs and the inane three slices of cake. i won't forget this evening easily. *grin* our my word for today is : spunk

and so, let me savour the last five mins of my birth anniversary. heh~

i've been to pretty buildings, all in search of you
man, i am a happy bunny today, yesterday, however you wanna look at it. i've finally turned 21. that coming of age whereby, i dunno.. you first step into adulthood? haha, i did it with the help of friends. *grin* my friends and audience in spore, this is wot the Lord has provided for me:

really, i thank the good Lord for each and everyone of you. how from my humble beginings from stepping onto perth soil july17, i have new friends to spend my birthday with. we went for dinner at a fish and chips joint called kaili's. thanks for being there, every single one of you. felix, adrian, jane, mitts, charmaine, sylvia, nic and jo! haha, it was good good fun to just chat around, fumble mumble whilst we made toasts in front of the camera, and stuffing ourselves silly with friend seafood. big hugs to all of you! shout outs to syl for baking me brownies, nic and jo for gettin' me those prezzies, in pink and purple wrappings no less! (that says alot aboot how attentive to detail you girls are!). haha, and bg shouts to felix for the rides, and just bringin' me around and being a friend and housemate. adrian and jane for all the times you buy bubble tea back for us, and haha.. company! mitts, charmaine. your awesome company is ALWAYS welcomed. haha.. thanks, thanks and thanks! haha, wot else can i say? *grin*

friends back in spore : thanks for you too! for being there the past 20 years! heh~ still love you guys loads!

junkie bliss
it's official, my new favourite band is jane's addiction.
perry ferrell - vox
dave navarro - 6 strings
chris chaney - 4 strings
stephen perkins - drums

consumption
i finished downloading the new a perfect circle video weak and powerless two nights ago from aperfectcircle.org. oh, it's a great video. unlike the previous three: judith; 3 libras and oresetes(which i have yet to see) you don't see the band members, much less the new line-up. but in true tool fashion, it's artsy and provocative. th editting is lovely, reminds me of schism and there there (radiohead). mix of stop motion and rhythmic juxtaposition.

"... ... so weak and powerless, over you"
- a perfect circle

special
must see! freakazoid who escaped from the discovery channal's episode on mating rituals. daymned bloody sad this man's story. bloody bloody sad.

step off the train
because the next stop is living it. i'm in love, i'm in love, i'm in love with this strict machine. well, spring's kinda finally here, would it safe to say the flowers have started to bloom? haha, it wouldn't. though it is getting warmer on some days. i played touch rugby last evening, and it was good fun. haha, its the first competitive sport i've played whilst comin' to perth. and well, it's a great game if i could just purge over 10 years of soccer conditioning. cuz these two games, have totally different strats.

Everybody smile and say hi...

porno for pyros
i reckon that's one of the best band name's ive heard really. never really gotta chance to listen to perry ferrel, but i reckon i could start somewhere. anyhow, this isnt about them, i just needed an excuse for a title. so with that out of the way.. where do i really start? i'm thinking of taking a short break from blogging for awhile. strangely livejournal seems to be so much easier to update on. or mebbe there's nothing i especially feel like updating aboot. oh kay, i'm really swaying now. i do feel very distracted. like i need time away from the internet. if i don't type in here, don't be mad kay? i just don't feel very public of late. oh there's so much you don't see. i'm finally starting to feel a little in perth now. i think my life got messed with abit. dammit, don't you know there's a sphere of influence around all of us, and everything overlaps. so that sometimes that mess becomes my mess. i have no idea wot im talkin' about. not in exactly the best of moods. 'specially with livejournal. crazy thing's impacting me like it shouldnt. i dont know why im bothering so much about a stupid blog. screw this blog, there's nothing funny about it tonight. i have good mind to post this, but im not in a good mind. so i am. i really think i'll be laying off the blog for awhile. not to sort things out. i dont know wots there left to update about. i feel so sick tonight. with the way things have turned out. i just want to run away and never go home. dont wanna see your faces, dont wanna seek solace. i dont wanna know wots happening out there. why the heck should i be so bothered right? wot right do i have to be bothered? i never bothered about it in the first place right? you want me to wear a mask so that you can be happy? all i ever wanted to give to this stupid planet, is my stupid self. i'm typing from a point of rage. this dosent have to be here.. why is it here? so that everyone can see? why? i dont know my audience anymore. that knowledge faded me when my counter stopped working ever since i put up the enetation blogout. am i supposed to be addressing audience? don't be affected by wot i type tonight. wot am i saying, we all react. well, my disclaimer is that, im typing at the top of my hed. i have censored a few expletives that should have come out, but im not living for myself. i try not to. mebbe. so yeah, that's about all i censored. but in anycase, i feel volatile and unstable. there's too much noise these days.. (^_^)

you can't love the same man twice
so here i am. been so distracted lately, first with friendster, and now livejournal. oh wait, wot about my books? they're in the equation somehow.. haha. so yeah, it does feel weird having two public blogs. i mean, does one have to take precedence over the other? i hope not, but the one good thing aboot livejournal, is that because i downloaded this client, i can upload posts without having to open a browser. that is way neat if you asked me. i mean, i guess it puts the journal in livejournal. will i be ranting more on livejournal that it puts my provate life in jeopardy? i'm not that dumb, but neither am i that intelligent either. anyhow, i kept the scheme of this blog on the journal, if anyone's interested : the pink ranger kicks major ass.

six degrees of turbulance
find me on http://www.friendster.com/user.jsp?id=1858276. am so bleedin' ashamed of myself, that i have to resort to social enhancing tools such as this. haha, but then, why don't all of you get in with the fun? you'll be amazed at the six degrees of inner seperation. spent the day downloading jamiroquai and the beatles. other interesting things would be making garlic cheese melts for lunch and going to a steakhouse for dinner with my housemates and neighbours. tomorrow is rent day. crappers.

tip the pitcher
aye folks.
here's the order of events.
reawaken.
jog with adrian
entertain folk on internet.
laundry
fix sandwich
car lesson
dry laundry
go to garden city with jon and han
bought a polo tee and tee shirt for AUD55
come home
help felix reattach the roof of his 4WD with adrian
fix dinner. veal with garlic butter sauce and roast tayta chips.
entertain folk on internet again.

morrow will be better.

and they were all yellow
aye, i'll tell you how it all went! how wot went? oh man, dont be thick! this is how it went. yes, you do know wot i'm talkin aboot. yeah, so anyhows, like i was saying. ermm.. we got into the car, and he said, adjust the seat, and the mirrors. then he had these nifty foot pedals that could accelerate the vehicle while all i did was steer. so we went round the neighbourhood, terrorising the experienced ones and having a blast drifting from left to right. alas, he said it was over after an hour. and as i bade him goodbye, he adjusted the seat and mirrors, and zoomed off just like mad max, leaving me to open the front door.

so while that was done, i waited an hour, and fixed myself an omelette and french toast. my omelette had cherry tomatos, bacon, onions and cheese init. and i poured myself a cup of browne's mocha chill, which has a familiar test of the frappacino. it was a good lunch, and now.. off to the starlight express.

gotta keep moving to stay warm
cuz i'm freezing in this room
- love your way, powderfinger

cry me a river
alright! after comin' back from kardynia shopping centre, i am now the proud owner of not one, but two bottle pourers! all those years of tipping too much olive oil into the pan, or lousily mixed drinks are over. because, this house now has bottle pourers.

the 'lil babies. not actual model


let a man call his house a home
and let the man call his home, his castle

foolish games
oh wot a way to brighten the day! adrian brought over his girlfriend, jane's house dog, milo over. he's half maltese and schitzo (sp). and well, our house dog, roxie is half maltese and bishon. oh man, i guess when you do put two and two together, you do get five. they're playing, squaring off, barking, yelping, jumping and tearing thru' the house. it really is a cute sight, roxie's excitment would make any catholic high boy's enthusiasm seem chivalrous.

strange news from another star
i think i see it, mars on this cloudy night.

romantic thought of the day
because of a power nap between 2130-2230, i am still feeling active in the head (its all a facade, i know). so i just took my shower and brushed my teeth, and due to inane brain activity even at 1am in the morning, this thought popped in. whilst scrubbing my teeth after my shower, i noticed thru the foggy mirror, the flouride dribble down my chin (admit it!!). admist that, was also the unkempt mop i call hair. it was all over the shop, and you could say that i'd seen better glambo days. so then, with my brainwave patterns began wondering in all sorts of directions, this one stood out. when love begets love, we will be suchness for each other. and so out of the bathrooms with flouride dribbles and unmade hair, we will meet.

now you're a man (excerpt) - dvda
wot makes a man, is it the woman in his arms?
just because she has big the titties
wot makes a man, is it the way he fights everyday?
no, it's probably the tities..

am now that proud owner of the revolutionary comedy / porn / bad props and acting parody, orgazmo! perthlites who wanna borrow, just leave a note and it shall be shared. i laugh at my own jokes. *grin*

don't move
i've been up since 8:10, managed to go for a jog with my housemate adrian in the morn. after that, we zipped off to school, where we educated ourselves with our parents' money. school as usual, watched fargo for screen studies class. when i got home, i had finally completed my download and then went off to get money and groceries. i just withdrew AUD500 from the bank, but ive been reduced to AUD350 in a blink. groceries = AUD27. bottle of wine and southern comfort = AUD 46. fridge, television and electricity = AUD75.50

so while i sulked on my financial predicament, i made a good dinner to delude my current state of mind. firstly, i made baked french fries, and some chicken recipie i learnt from jamie oliver. i'm not shure if it was meant to turn out thataway, but i quite liked it. think i could modify it a lil for my liking. the butter-wine sauce was a breeze.. and really adds a distinct flavour to the dish. might try more herbs if i get the chance.

my housemates are making fun of me and my fascination with the naked chef, they're always callin' me jamie even though i don't cook or am anything like him. *sigh* i'm just tryna be an independant man who can cook. is everything a joke? *feigns sobbing* so oh well, more misadventures to come!

you want some?
nothing particularly exciting happened today. sips on bailey's. learnt how to make burgers from jamie oliver though.

my dark star pictures are up. kudos to gt for bothering to upload them.

there's a gap in between, there's a gap where we meet. where i end and you begin. i'm sorry for the dinosaurs that rome the earth. the sky turns grey, where i end and you begin. i am up there in the clouds, i am up there in the clouds. and i can't, i can't come down. i can watch but not take part, where i end and where you start, where you , you left me alone, you left me alone. - radiohead, where i end and you begin

movie pictures
yeah, i know i can be too harsh at times. but i really don't wanna see you beating yourself up so much. and i'm not much for cajoling either. can't stand here justifying my actions, it's cowardly. i don't know everything, and probably never will anymore. so pick up your pieces the way you wanna do it, my words weigh less so much more.

stop sending letters, letters always get burned
why isit that when dad calls, he must always talk shop? how's the money? we'll bank in some this week, thru bankwest.. hope you're eating and doing your laundry. i don't know, it all sounds so trivial. then when mom comes on, she tells me she loves and misses me, and i do too. but it's like they're hesitating to say more. i mean, it sounds like they wanna say so much more, but then in my own limited capacity to love and appreciate, i don't know how to cajole them into saying more.

it's funny, it wasn't like that when we were talking back home, its like.. even thru the telephone, you just know they're so far away, and they sound so distant. oh man, if only the message of love could just reach my folk back home in all it's glory. love you guys loads!

sounds good sounds right
something to be proud of?

well then, i napped during the sermon today, i must be really sleep deprived i spose.. cuz i had six hours sleep. not enough for me apparently. and then, i had to tahan my group members to discuss our research proposal. we're almost there, but i seem to be doing it, mustnt let them down! (oh you gullible 'lil boy..) i had to nap after that. yeah, so now im kinda waiting for dinner. haha, cherylin and jessie are both cooking, im being pampered till i start doing the dishes. but yeah, i barely did any cooking this week, seemed to have gone out quite often, or getting cooked a meal for at home. the good Lord provides for us in our times of need. AUD20 till next sunday.. must control funds!